Brand-New Ballads :: :: University of Virginia Library

Who asks an ape to throw a cocoa-nut
Should take it not amiss if it be thrown
On his own head, as echo answers song.

There was a man named Jesse, who was called
The greatest liar in Connecticut.
For there are giants among the Brobdignags.

It was a burning day, and William Hoop
Sat in the shade, when Jess came riding by.
When wolves run past your door-step let them run.

But William cried, “Stop for a moment, Jess,
And tell us a big lie.” Jesse liked it not.
Ne'er ask a hangman how to tie a noose.

But hastily and sadly he replied,
“This is no time for lying now; oh, woe!”
A wanton widow may wear darkest weeds.

“Your Uncle Sol died very suddenly
An hour ago, and you would have me lie!”
Who weaveth nets is often caught in them.

“And I am riding for the coroner,
And for a coffin. William, learn from this
Never while living ask a man to lie.”

Then William ran in and told his wife,
And he and she and all the family
Burst into tears. The thistle soon bears thorns.

And in his waggon, leaving everything,
They posted off and on, four miles away.
The eagle hastens at the eaglet's cry.

And when arrived they found the family
In the large kitchen, but in ne'er a grief.
It pains a man at times to miss his pain.

There Uncle Sol was buried—to the eyes,
In a great water-melon, lush and red.
Life's sweetest things are water, after all:

Which rises in a mist, and comes again
As rainy tears. And William almost wept
For rage, because he had no cause to cry.

But after this he never did entreat
Another man to tell a lie to him.
Burnt child seeks not a second time the fire.