University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

Scene.—Ko-Ko's Garden. Yum-Yum discovered seated at her bridal toilet, surrounded by Maidens, who are dressing her hair and painting her face and lips, as she judges of the effect in a mirror.
Yum.
(looking at herself in glass).

Yes, I am indeed
beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese
way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody
else in the whole world? Can this be vanity? No! Nature
is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature,
and take after my mother.

Song.—Yum-Yum.

Yum.

Yes, everything seems to smile upon me. I am to be
married to-day to the man I love best, and I believe I am the
very happiest girl in Japan!

Peep.

The happiest girl indeed, for she is indeed to be envied
who has attained happiness in all but perfection.

Yum.

In “all but” perfection?

Peep.

Well, dear, it can't be denied that the fact that your
husband is to be beheaded in a month is, in its way, a
drawback.

Pitti.

I don't know about that. It all depends!

Peep.

At all events, he will find it a drawback.

Pitti.

Not necessarily. Bless you, it all depends!

Yum.
(in tears).

I think it very indelicate of you to refer
to such a subject on such a day. If my married happiness is
to be—to be—

Peep.

Cut short.

Yum.

Well, cut short—in a month, can't you let me forget
it? (Weeping.)

Enter Nanki-Poo followed by Pish-Tush.
Nank.

Yum-Yum in tears—and on her wedding morn!

Yum.
(sobbing).

They've been reminding me that in a
month you're to be beheaded! (Bursts into tears.)

Pitti.

Yes, we've been reminding her that you're to be
beheaded. (Bursts into tears.)

Peep.

It's quite true, you know, you are to be beheaded! (Bursts into tears.)

Nank.
(aside).

Humph! How some bridegrooms would
be depressed by this sort of thing! (Aloud.)
A month?
Well, what's a month? Bah! These divisions of time are
purely arbitrary. Who says twenty-four hours make a day?

Pitti.

There's a popular impression to that effect.

Nank.

Then we'll efface it. We'll call each second a minute
—each minute an hour—each hour a day—and each day a
year. At that rate we've about thirty years of married happiness
before us!

Peep.

And at that rate, this interview has already lasted
four hours and three-quarters!

[Exit Peep-Bo.

Yum.
(still sobbing).

Yes. How time flies when one is
thoroughly enjoying one's self!

Nank.

That's the way to look at it! Don't let's be down-hearted!
There's a silver lining to every cloud.

Yum.

Certainly. Let's—let's be perfectly happy! (Almost in tears.)

Pish.

By all means. Let's—let's thoroughly enjoy ourselves.

Pitti.

It's—it's absurd to cry! (Trying to force a laugh.)

Yum.

Quite ridiculous! (Trying to laugh.)

[All break into a forced and melancholy laugh.
Quartette.
Yum-Yum, Pitti-Sing, Nanki-Poo, and Pish-Tush.

[Exeunt Pitti-Sing and Pish-Tush.
Nanki-Poo embraces Yum-Yum. Enter Ko-Ko. Nanki-Poo releases Yum-Yum.
Ko.

Go on—don't mind me.

Nank.

I'm afraid we're distressing you.

Ko.

Never mind, I must get used to it. Only please do it
by degrees. Begin by putting your arm round her waist.
(Nanki-Poo does so.)
There; let me get used to that first.

Yum.

Oh, wouldn't you like to retire? It must pain you
to see us so affectionate together!

Ko.

No, I must learn to bear it! Now oblige me by allowing
her head to rest on your shoulder. (He does so—Ko-Ko much affected.)

I am much obliged to you. Now—kiss her!
(He does so—Ko-Ko writhes with anguish.)
Thank you—it's
simple torture!

Yum.

Come, come, bear up. After all, it's only for a month.

Ko.

No. It's no use deluding one's self with false hopes.

Nank. and Yum.
(together).

What do you mean?

Ko.
(to Yum-Yum).

My child—my poor child. (Aside.)

How shall I break it to her? (Aloud.)
My little bride that
was to have been.

Yum.
(delighted).

Was to have been!

Ko.

Yes; you never can be mine!

Yum.
(in ecstasy).

What!!!

Ko.

I've just ascertained that, by the Mikado's law, when a
married man is beheaded his wife is buried alive.

Nank. and Yum.
(together).

Buried alive!

Ko.

Buried alive. It's a most unpleasant death.

Nank.

But whom did you get that from?

Ko.

Oh, from Pooh-Bah. He's my solicitor.

Yum.

But he may be mistaken!

Ko.

So I thought, so I consulted the Attorney-General, the

Lord Chief Justice, the Master of the Rolls, the Judge Ordinary,
and the Lord Chancellor. They're all of the same opinion.
Never knew such unanimity on a point of law in my life!

Nank.

But, stop a bit! This law has never been put in
force?

Ko.

Not yet. You see, flirting is the only crime punishable
with decapitation, and married men never flirt.

Nank.

Of course they don't. I quite forgot that! Well,
I suppose I may take it that my dream of happiness is at
an end!

Yum.

Darling, I don't want to appear selfish, and I love
you with all my heart—I don't suppose I shall ever love
anybody else half as much—but when I agreed to marry you,
my own, I had no idea, pet, that I should have to be buried
alive in a month!

Nank.

Nor I! It's the very first I've heard of it!

Yum.

It—it makes a difference, doesn't it?

Nank.

It does make a difference, of course!

Yum.

You see—burial alive—it's such a stuffy death! You
see my difficulty, don't you?

Nank.

Yes; and I see my own. If I insist on your carrying
out your promise, I doom you to a hideous death; if I release
you, you marry Ko-Ko at once!

Trio.—Yum-Yum, Nanki-Poo, and Ko-Ko.
Yum.
Here's a how-de-do!
If I marry you,
When your time has come to perish,
Then the maiden whom you cherish
Must be slaughtered too!
Here's a how-de-do!

Nank.
Here's a pretty mess!
In a month, or less,
I must die without a wedding!
Let the bitter tears I'm shedding
Witness my distress,
Here's a pretty mess!

Ko.
Here's a state of things!
To her life she clings!
Matrimonial devotion
Doesn't seem to suit her notion—
Burial it brings!
Here's a state of things!

Ensemble.
Yum-Yum and Nanki-Poo.
With a passion that's intense
I worship and adore,
But the laws of common sense
We oughtn't to ignore.
If what he says is true,
It is death to marry you!
Here's a pretty state of things!
Here's a pretty how-de-do!

Ko-Ko.
With a passion that's intense
You worship and adore,
But the laws of common sense
You oughtn't to ignore.
If what I say is true,
It is death to marry you!
Here's a pretty state of things!
Here's a pretty how-de-do!

[Exit Yum-Yum.
Ko.
(going up to Nanki-Poo).

My poor boy, I'm really
very sorry for you.

Nank.

Thanks, old fellow. I'm sure you are.

Ko.

You see I'm quite helpless.

Nank.

I quite see that.

Ko.

I can't conceive anything more distressing than to have
one's marriage broken off at the last moment. But you shan't
be disappointed of a wedding—you shall come to mine.

Nank.

It's awfully kind of you, but that's impossible.

Ko.

Why so?

Nank.

To-day I die.

Ko.

What do you mean?

Nank.

I can't live without Yum-Yum. This afternoon I
perform the Happy Despatch.

Ko.

No, no—pardon me—I can't allow that.

Nank.

Why not?

Ko.

Why, hang it all, you're under contract to die by the
hand of the Public Executioner in a month's time! If you
kill yourself, what's to become of me? Why, I shall have to
be executed in your place!

Nank.

It would certainly seem so!

Enter Pooh-Bah.
Ko.

Now then, Lord Mayor, what is it?

Pooh.

The Mikado and his suite are approaching the city,
and will be here in ten minutes.

Ko.

The Mikado! He's coming to see whether his orders
have been carried out! (To Nanki-Poo.)
Now, look here,
you know—this is getting serious—a bargain's a bargain, and
you really mustn't frustrate the ends of justice by committing
suicide. As a man of honour and a gentleman, you are bound
to die ignominiously by the hands of the Public Executioner.

Nank.

Very well, then—behead me.

Ko.

What, now?

Nank.

Certainly; at once.

Ko.

My good sir, I don't go about prepared to execute
gentlemen at a moment's notice. Why, I never even killed a
blue-bottle!

Pooh.

Still, as Lord High Executioner—

Ko.

My good sir, as Lord High Executioner I've got to
behead him in a month. I'm not ready yet. I don't know
how it's done. I'm going to take lessons. I mean to begin
with a guinea-pig, and work my way through the animal
kingdom till I come to a second trombone. Why, you don't
suppose that, as a humane man, I'd have accepted the post of
Lord High Executioner if I hadn't thought the duties were
purely nominal? I can't kill you—I can't kill anything!

(Weeps.)
Nank.

Come, my poor fellow, your feelings do you credit;
but you must nerve yourself to this—you must, indeed. We
all have unpleasant duties to discharge at times; and when
these duties present themselves we must nerve ourselves to an
effort. Come, now—after all, what is it? If I don't mind,
why should you? Remember, sooner or later it must be
done.

Ko.
(springing up suddenly).

Must it? I'm not so sure
about that!

Nank.

What do you mean?

Ko.

Why should I kill you when making an affidavit that
you've been executed will do just as well? Here are plenty of
witnesses—the Lord Chief Justice, and Lord High Admiral,
Commander-in-Chief, Secretary of State for the Home Department,
First Lord of the Treasury, and Chief Commissioner of
Police. They'll all swear to it—won't you? (To Pooh-Bah.)

Pooh.

Am I to understand that all of us high Officers of
State are required to perjure ourselves to ensure your safety?

Ko.

Why not? You'll be grossly insulted as usual.

Pooh.

Will the insult be cash down, or at a date?

Ko.

It will be a ready-money transaction.

Pooh.
(aside).

Well, it will be a useful discipline. (Aloud.)

Very good. Choose your fiction, and I'll endorse it! (Aside.)

Ha! ha! Family Pride, how do you like that, my buck?

Nank.

But I tell you that life without Yum-Yum—

Ko.

Oh, Yum-Yum, Yum-Yum! Bother Yum-Yum! Here,
Commissionaire (to Pooh-Bah)
, go and fetch Yum-Yum. (Exit Pooh-Bah.)

Take Yum-Yum and marry Yum-Yum, only go
away and never come back again.

Enter Pooh-Bah with Yum-Yum and Pitti-Sing.

Here she is. Yum-Yum, are you particularly busy?

Yum.

Not particularly.

Ko.

You've five minutes to spare?

Yum.

Yes.

Ko.

Then go along with his Grace the Archbishop of Titipu;
he'll marry you at once.

Yum.

But if I'm to be buried alive?

Ko.

Now don't ask any questions, but do as I tell you, and
Nanki-Poo will explain all.

Nank.

But one moment—

Ko.

Not for worlds. Here comes the Mikado, no doubt to
ascertain whether I've obeyed his decree, and if he finds you
alive, I shall have the greatest difficulty in persuading him
that I've beheaded you. (Exeunt Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum, followed by Pooh-Bah.)

Close thing that, for here he comes!

March. Enter procession, heralding Mikado, with Katisha.
Chorus.
“March of the Mikado's troops.”
Miya sama, miya sama,
On ma no mayé ni
Pira-Pira suru no wa
Nan gia na
Toko tonyaré tonyaré na!

Duet.—Mikado and Katisha.
Mikado.
From every kind of man
Obedience I expect;
I'm the Emperor of Japan.

Kat.
And I'm his daughter-in-law elect!
He'll marry his son
(He has only got one)
To his daughter-in-law elect.

Mik.
My morals have been declared
Particularly correct;

Kat.
But they're nothing at all, compared
With those of his daughter-in-law elect!
Bow! Bow!
To his daughter-in-law elect!

All.
Bow! Bow!
To his daughter-in-law elect.

Mik.
In a fatherly kind of way
I govern each tribe and sect,
All cheerfully own my sway—

Kat.
Except his daughter-in-law elect!
As tough as a bone,
With a will of her own,
Is his daughter-in-law elect!

Mik.
My nature is love and light—
My freedom from all defect—

Kat.
Is insignificant quite,
Compared with his daughter-in-law elect!
Bow! Bow!
To his daughter-in-law elect!

All.
Bow! Bow!
To his daughter-in-law elect.

Song.—Mikado.

Enter Pooh-Bah, who hands a paper to Ko-Ko.
Ko.

I am honoured in being permitted to welcome your
Majesty. I guess the object of your Majesty's visit—your
wishes have been attended to. The execution has taken place.

Mik.

Oh, you've had an execution, have you?

Ko.

Yes. The Coroner has just handed me his certificate.

Pooh.

I am the Coroner. (Ko-Ko hands certificate to Mikado.)

Mik.
(reads).

“At Titipu, in the presence of the Lord
Chancellor, Lord Chief Justice, Attorney-General, Secretary of
State for the Home Department, Lord Mayor, and Groom of the
Second Floor Front.”

Pooh.

They were all present, your Majesty. I counted them
myself.

Mik.

Very good house. I wish I'd been in time for the
performance.

Ko.

A tough fellow he was, too—a man of gigantic strength.
His struggles were terrific. It was really a remarkable
scene.

Trio.—Ko-Ko, Pitti-Sing, and Pooh-Bah.
Ko.
The criminal cried, as he dropped him down,
In a state of wild alarm—
With a frightful, frantic, fearful frown
I bared my big right arm.
I seized him by his little pig-tail,
And on his knees fell he,
As he squirmed and struggled
And gurgled and guggled,
I drew my snickersnee!
Oh, never shall I
Forget the cry,
Or the shriek that shriekèd he,
As I gnashed my teeth,
When from its sheath
I drew my snickersnee!

Chorus.
We know him well,
He cannot tell
Untrue or groundless tales—
He always tries
To utter lies,
And every time he fails.

Pitti-Sing.
He shivered and shook as he gave the sign
For the stroke he didn't deserve;
When all of a sudden his eye met mine,
And it seemed to brace his nerve,
For he nodded his head and kissed his hand,
And he whistled an air, did he,
As the sabre true
Cut cleanly through
His cervical vertebræ!
When a man's afraid,
A beautiful maid
Is a cheering sight to see,
And it's oh, I'm glad
That moment sad
Was soothed by sight of me!

Chorus.
Her terrible tale
You can't assail,
With truth it quite agrees;
Her taste exact
For faultless fact
Amounts to a disease.

Pooh.

Chorus.
This haughty youth
He speaks the truth
Whenever he finds it pays,
And in this case
It all took place
Exactly as he says!
[Exeunt Chorus.

Mik.

All this is very interesting, and I should like to have
seen it. But we came about a totally different matter. A
year ago my son, the heir to the throne of Japan, bolted from
our imperial court.

Ko.

Indeed? Had he any reason to be dissatisfied with his
position?

Kat.

None whatever. On the contrary, I was going to marry
him—yet he fled!

Pooh.

I am surprised that he should have fled from one so
lovely!

Kat.

That's not true. You hold that I am not beautiful
because my face is plain. But you know nothing; you are still
unenlightened. Learn, then, that it is not in the face alone
that beauty is to be sought. But I have a left shoulder-blade
that is a miracle of loveliness. People come miles to see it.
My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist. It is on
view Tuesdays and Fridays, on presentation of visiting-card.
As for my circulation, it is the largest in the world. Observe
this ear.

Ko.

Large.

Kat.

Large? Enormous! But think of its delicate internal
mechanism. It is fraught with beauty! As for this tooth,
it almost stands alone. Many have tried to draw it, but in
vain.

Ko.

And yet he fled!

Mik.

And is now masquerading in this town, disguised as a
second trombone.

Ko., Pooh., and Pitti.
(together).

A second trombone!

Mik.

Yes; would it be troubling you too much if I asked
you to produce him? He goes by the name of Nanki-Poo.

Ko.

Oh no; not at all—only—

Mik.

Yes?

Ko.

It's rather awkward; but, in point of fact, he's gone
abroad!

Mik.

Gone abroad? His address!

Ko.

Knightsbridge!

Kat.
(who is reading certificate of death).

Ha!

Mik.

What's the matter?

Kat.

See here—his name—Nanki-Poo—beheaded this morning!

Oh, where shall I find another! Where shall I find
another! [Ko-ko, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing fall on their knees.

Mik.
(looking at paper).

Dear, dear, dear; this is very
tiresome. (To Ko-ko.)
My poor fellow, in your anxiety to
carry out my wishes, you have beheaded the heir to the throne
of Japan!

Together. Ko.

But I assure you we had no idea—

Together. Pooh.

But, indeed, we didn't know—

Together. Pitti.

We really hadn't the least notion—

Mik.

Of course you hadn't. How could you? Come, come,
my good fellow, don't distress yourself—it was no fault of yours.
If a man of exalted rank chooses to disguise himself as a second
trombone, he must take the consequences. It really distresses
me to see you take on so. I've no doubt he thoroughly deserved
all he got. (They rise.)

Ko.

We are infinitely obliged to your Majesty.

Mik.

Obliged? Not a bit. Don't mention it. How could
you tell?

Pooh.

No, of course we couldn't know that he was the Heir
Apparent.

Pitti.

It wasn't written on his forehead, you know.

Ko.

It might have been on his pocket-handkerchief, but
Japanese don't use pocket-handkerchiefs! Ha! ha! ha!

Mik.

Ha! ha! ha! (To Kat.)
I forget the punishment
for compassing the death of the Heir Apparent.

Ko., Pooh., and Pitti.
(together).

Punishment! (They drop down on their knees again.)

Mik.

Yes. Something lingering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy.
Something of that sort. I think boiling oil occurs in it, but
I'm not sure. I know it's something humorous, but lingering,
with either boiling oil or melted lead. Come, come, don't fret
—I'm not a bit angry.

Ko.
(in abject terror).

If your Majesty will accept our
assurance, we had no idea—

Mik.

Of course you hadn't. That's the pathetic part of it.
Unfortunately the fool of an Act says “compassing the death of
the Heir Apparent.” There's not a word about a mistake, or
not knowing, or having no notion. There should be, of course,
but there isn't. That's the slovenly way in which these Acts
are drawn. However, cheer up, it'll be all right. I'll have it
altered next session.

Ko.

What's the good of that?

Mik.

Now, let's see—will after luncheon suit you? Can you
wait till then?

Ko., Pitti. and Pooh.

Oh yes—we can wait till then!

Mik.

Then we'll make it after luncheon. I'm really very
sorry for you all, but it's an unjust world, and virtue is
triumphant only in theatrical performances.

Glee.
Mikado, Katisha, Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing.
Mik. and Kat.
See how the Fates their gifts allot,
For A is happy—B is not.
Yet B is worthy, I dare say,
Of more prosperity than A!

Ko., Pooh., and Pitti.
Is B more worthy?

Mik. and Kat.
I should say
He's worth a great deal more than A.
Ensemble.
Yet A is happy!
Oh, so happy!
Laughing, Ha! ha!
Chaffing, Ha! ha!
Nectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha! ha!
Ever joyous ever gay,
Happy, undeserving A!

Ko., Pooh., and Pitti.
If I were fortune—which I'm not—
B should enjoy A's happy lot,
And A should die in miserie,
That is, assuming I am B.

Mik. and Kat.
But should A perish?

Ko., Pooh., and Pitti.

[Exeunt Mikado and Katisha.
Ko.

Well! a nice mess you've got us into, with your nodding
head and the deference due to a man of pedigree!

Pooh.

Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic
verisimilitude to a bald and unconvincing narrative.

Pitti.

Corroborative detail indeed! Corroborative fiddlestick!

Ko.

And you're just as bad as he is, with your cock-and-a-bull
stories about catching his eye, and his whistling an air.
But that's so like you! You must put in your oar!

Pooh.

But how about your big right arm?

Pitti.

Yes, and your snickersnee!

Ko.

Well, well, never mind that now. There's only one
thing to be done. Nanki-Poo hasn't started yet—he must come
to life again at once.

Enter Nanki-Po and Yum-Yum prepare for journey.

Here he comes. Here, Nanki-Poo, I've good news for you—
you're reprieved.

Nank.

Oh, but it's too late. I'm a dead man, and I'm off for
my honeymoon.

Ko.

Nonsense. A terrible thing has just happened. It seems
you're the son of the Mikado.

Nank.

Yes; but that happened some time ago.

Ko.

Is this a time for airy persiflage? Your father is here,
and with Katisha.

Nank.

My father! And with Katisha!

Ko.

Yes; he wants you particularly.

Pooh.

So does she.

Yum.

Oh, but he's married now.

Ko.

But, bless my heart, what has that to do with it?

Nank.

Katisha claims me in marriage, but I can't marry her
because I'm married already—consequently she will insist on
my execution, and if I'm executed, my wife will have to be
buried alive.

Yum.

You see our difficulty.

Ko.

Yes. I don't know what's to be done.

Nank.

There's one chance for you. If you could persuade
Katisha to marry you, she would have no further claim on me,
and in that case I could come to life without any fear of being
put to death.

Ko.

I marry Katisha!

Yum.

I really think it's the only course.

Ko.

But, my good girl, have you seen her? She's something
appalling!

Pitti.

Ah, that's only her face. She has a left elbow which
people come miles to see!

Pooh.

I am told that her right heel is much admired by
connoisseurs.

Ko.

My good sir, I decline to pin my heart upon any lady's
right heel.

Nank.

It comes to this: while Katisha is single, I prefer to
be a disembodied spirit. When Katisha is married, existence
will be as welcome as the flowers in spring.

Duet.—Nanki-Poo and Ko-Ko.
Nank.
The flowers that bloom in the spring,
Tra la,
Breathe promise of merry sunshine—
As we merrily dance and we sing,
Tra la,
We welcome the hope that they bring,
Tra la,
Of a summer of roses and wine;
And that's what we mean when we say that a thing
Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring.
Tra la la la la la, etc.

All.
And that's what we mean, etc.

Ko.
The flowers that bloom in the spring,
Tra la,
Have nothing to do with the case.
I've got to take under my wing,
Tra la,
A most unattractive old thing,
Tra la,
With a caricature of a face;
And that's what I mean when I say, or I sing,
“Oh bother the flowers that bloom in the spring!
Tra la la la la la, etc.

All.
And that's what he means when he ventures to sing, etc.

[Dance and exeunt Nanki-Poo, Yum-Yum, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing.
Enter Katisha.
Recitative.
Alone, and yet alive! Oh sepulchre!
My soul is still my body's prisoner!
Remote the peace that Death alone can give—
My doom to wait! my punishment to live!
Song.
Hearts do not break!
They sting and ache
For old sake's sake,
But do not die!
Though with each breath
They long for death,
As witnesseth
The living I!
Oh living I!
Come, tell me why,
When hope is gone
Dost thou stay on?
Why linger here,
Where all is drear?
May not a cheated maiden die?

Ko.
(approaching her timidly).

Katisha!

Kat.

The miscreant who robbed me of my love! But
vengeance pursues—they are heating the cauldron!

Ko.

Katisha—behold a suppliant at your feet! Katisha—
mercy!

Kat.

Mercy? Had you mercy on him? See here, you!
You have slain my love. He did not love me, but he would
have loved me in time. I am an acquired taste—only the
educated palate can appreciate me. I was educating his palate
when he left me. Well, he is dead, and where shall I find
another? It takes years to train a man to love me—am I to go
through the weary round again, and, at the same time, implore
mercy for you who robbed me of my prey—I mean my pupil—
just as his education was on the point of completion? Oh,
where shall I find another!

Ko.
(suddenly, and with great vehemence).

Here!—Here!

Kat.

What!!!

Ko.
(with intense passion).

Katisha, for years I have loved
you with a white-hot passion that is slowly but surely consuming
my very vitals! Ah, shrink not from me! If there
is aught of woman's mercy in your heart, turn not away from
a love-sick suppliant whose every fibre thrills at your tiniest
touch! True it is that, under a poor mask of disgust, I have
endeavoured to conceal a passion whose inner fires are broiling
the soul within me. But the fire will not be smothered—it
defies all attempts at extinction, and, breaking forth, all the
more eagerly for its long restraint, it declares itself in words
that will not be weighed—that cannot be schooled—that should
not be too severely criticized. Katisha, I dare not hope for
your love—but I will not live without it!

Kat.

You, whose hands still reek with the blood of my
betrothed, dare to address words of passion to the woman you
have so foully wronged!

Ko.

I do—accept my love, or I perish on the spot!

Kat.

Go to! Who knows so well as I that no one ever yet
died of a broken heart!

Ko.

You know not what you say. Listen!

Song.—Ko-Ko.

[During this song Katisha has been greatly affected, and at the end is almost in tears.
Kat.
(whimpering).

Did he really die of love?

Ko.

He really did.

Kat.

All on account of a cruel little hen?

Ko.

Yes.

Kat.

Poor little chap!

Ko.

It's an affecting tale, and quite true. I knew the bird
intimately.

Kat.

Did you? He must have been very fond of her!

Ko.

His devotion was something extraordinary.

Kat.
(still whimpering).

Poor little chap! And—and if I
refuse you, will you go and do the same?

Ko.

At once.

Kat.

No, no—you mustn't! Anything but that! (Falls on his breast.)

Oh, I'm a silly little goose!

Ko.
(making a wry face).

You are!

Kat.

And you won't hate me because I'm just a little teeny
weeny wee bit blood-thirsty, will you?

Ko.

Hate you? Oh, Katisha! is there not beauty even in
blood-thirstiness?

Kat.

My idea exactly!

Duet.—Ko-Ko and Katisha.
Kat.
There is beauty in the bellow of the blast,
There is grandeur in the growing of the gale,
There is eloquent out-pouring
When the lion is a-roaring,
And the tiger is a-lashing of his tale!

Ko.
Yes, I like to see a tiger
From the Congo or the Niger,
And especially when lashing of his tail!

Kat.
Volcanoes have a splendour that is grim,
And earthquakes only terrify the dolts,
But to him who's scientific
There's nothing that's terrific
In the falling of a flight of thunderbolts!

Ko.
Yes, in spite of all my meekness,
If I have a little weakness,
It's a passion for a flight of thunderbolts.

Both.
If that is so,
Sing derry down derry!
It's evident, very,
Our tastes are one.
Away we'll go,
And merrily marry,
Nor tardily tarry
'Till day is done!

Ko.
There is beauty in extreme old age—
Do you fancy you are elderly enough?
Information I'm requesting
On a subject interesting:
Is a maiden all the better when she's tough

Kat.
Throughout this wide dominion
It's the general opinion
That she'll last a good deal longer when she's tough.

Ko.
Are you old enough to marry do you think?
Won't you wait 'till you are “eighty in the shade”?
There's a fascination frantic
In a ruin that's romantic;
Do you think you are sufficiently decayed?

Kat.
To the matter that you mention
I have given some attention,
And I think I am sufficiently decayed.

Both.
If that is so,
Sing derry down derry!
It's evident, very,
Our tastes are one!
Away we'll go,
And merrily marry,
Not tardily tarry
Till day is done!

[Exeunt together.
Flourish. Enter the Mikado, attended by Pish-Tush, and Court.
Mik.

Now then, we've had a capital lunch, and we're quite
ready. Have all the painful preparations been made?

Pish.

Your Majesty, all is prepared.

Mik.

Then produce the unfortunate gentleman and his two
well-meaning but misguided accomplices.

Enter Ko-Ko, Katisha, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing. They throw themselves at the Mikado's feet.
Kat.

Mercy! Mercy for Ko-Ko! Mercy for Pitti-Sing!
Mercy even for Pooh-Bah!

Mik.

I beg your pardon, I don't think I quite caught that
remark.

Kat.

Mercy! My husband that was to have been is dead,
and I have just married this miserable object.

Mik.

Oh! You've not been long about it!

Ko.

We were married before the Registrar.

Pooh.

I am the Registrar.

Mik.

I see. But my difficulty is that, as you have slain the
Heir-Apparent—

Enter Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum. They kneel.
Nank.

The Heir-Apparent is not slain.

Mik.

Bless my heart, my son!

Yum.

And your daughter-in-law elected!

Kat.
(seizing Ko-Ko).

Traitor, you have deceived me!

Mik.

Yes, you are entitled to a little explanation, but I
think he will give it better whole than in pieces.

Ko.

Your Majesty, it's like this. It is true that I stated
that I had killed Nanki-Poo—

Mik.

Yes, with most affecting particulars.

Pooh.

Merely corroborative detail intended to give verisimilitude
to a bald and—

Ko.

Will you refrain from putting in your oar? (To Mik.)

It's like this: when your Majesty says, “Let a thing be done,”
it's as good as done—practically, it is done—because your
Majesty's will is law. Your Majesty says, “Kill a gentleman,”
and a gentleman is told off to be killed. Consequently that
gentleman is as good as dead—practically he is dead—and if he
is dead, why not say so?

Mik.

I see. Nothing could possibly be more satisfactory.

Finale.
Yum and Nank.
The threatened cloud has passed away,
And brightly shines the dawning day;
What though the night may come too soon,
We've years and years of afternoon!

Pli.
Then let the throng
Our joy advance,
With laughing song
And merry dance,
With joyous shout and ringing cheer,
Inaugurate our new carrer!
Then let the throng, etc.