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13

ACT I.

Scene First.

—Grand Ball-room in the Palace of the King and Queen of Pharitale—Enter the King, Queen Princess Bellotta, Prince Prettiphello, Count Merecho, and Court—After dance, grand flourish.
King.
Was ever king so full of joy as we?

Queen.
Was ever queen so blest as happy me?

Prince.
Had ever prince a bride so wondrous fair?

Bel.
Had ever princess spouse so debonair?

Count.
Your loyal subjects being asked if ever,
Unanimously answer—no, they never!

King.
Such unanimity is quite enchanting!

Queen.
What to complete our happiness is wanting?

Enter Usher (announcing).
Ush.
The Princess Laidronetta!

King.
How!

Queen.
Who?

Bel.
What?

King.
Ye Gods! our other daughter, is she not?

Queen.
Too true, of sweet Bellotta the twin-sister!

Prince.
How was it that till now you never missed her?

King.
Absent so long—residing at a distance,
I'd really quite forgotten her existence.

Queen.
And so had I!

Bel.
And I!

Count.
And I completely!

King.
She's heard about the wedding, and discreetly
Sends, as befits her, to congratulate.

Ush.
Her Royal Highness, sire, is at the gate.

King.
At the gate!


14

Queen.
What gate?

Bel.
Our gate?

Count.
That gate?

King.
Zounds!

Queen.
Shall we admit her?

King.
Not for fifty pounds!
Was she not packed off, ere she was thirteen,
Because she was too ugly to be seen?

Prince.
She mayn't be now, although she was before so,

King.
(to Usher)
Humph! What say you?

Usher.
My liege, she's rather more so.

King.
You hear! she'd scare us all out of our senses.

Bel.
I wouldn't answer for the consequences!

Queen.
She's very amiable, or used to be.

King.
Well, let her shew her amiability
By taking herself off, without delay!

Queen.
Give her our love, and beg she'll go away.

Bel.
I couldn't bear to see her, that I couldn't!

King.
I'd see her further first, and then I wouldn't.

(Exit Usher)
Prince.
And I should be inclined to doubt my sight,
For how could child of yours be such a fright?

(to Queen)
Queen.
She was so like her father!

King.
Madam!

Queen.
Ere
The Fairy changed her!

King.
That's another affair!

Prince.
My curiosity your language stirs,
I doat on fairy stories—tell me hers.

King.
The task is painful, as you may suppose,
But at your Highness's request, here goes!
Once on a time—

Prince.
Of course it so begins.

King.
Our royal spouse presented us with twins;
Two beauteous girls. Their mother, quite delighted,
A dozen fairies instantly invited,
To give the little darlings all the graces.

Prince.
According to the custom, in such cases.

King.
But when the day arrived—


15

Queen.
Alack the day!

Prince.
I know exactly what you're going to say—
You had forgotten one.

King.
The most cantankerous!

Queen.
The Fairy, Magotne, with malice rancorous,

King.
Came down the chimney—

Queen.
At the fatal minute.

King.
Flew to the cradle—

Queen.
One sweet babe was in it!

King.
And shrieked out, overturning nurse and flunkey,
“To mortal eyes seem uglier than a monkey!”

Queen.
The other fairies all cried “Shame, perfidious!”

King.
But all in vain, the child appeared quite hideous.
While Magotine whisked laughing through the casement,
Leaving us dumb with horror and amazement!

Prince.
And could your fairy friends no gifts bestow,
On the poor victim, to console you?

King.
No!
They did their best, kind creatures, I admit,
One gave her common sense, another wit;
Good-nature—love of truth—respect for duty—
But nothing to atone for want of beauty!

Bel.
To give a princess only common sense!

Prince.
Wit's well enough.

Bel.
At other folks' expense

King.
But then, good nature robs it of its sting,

Bel.
And love of truth's a very dangerous thing!

Queen.
Duty is not so bad, you will agree.

Re-enter Usher.
King.
Particularly when 'tis paid to me!
And apropos of duty, what reply
Made Laidronetta?

Usher.
But a heavy sigh,
And turned her from the palace gate with speed

Queen.
Alas! poor wench!

Prince.
That's dutiful indeed!

King.
Send her a slice of cake, with wedding cards,
And of white penny-ribbon twenty yards,
For wedding favours.


16

Bel.
Well, papa, I vow
It's her fault if she's not well favoured now.

King.
Plague on the wench, she's given us all the vapours.
Let's dance them off! Play up, you cat-gut scrapers!

Solo and Chorus—King and Court—Air, “Drin, Drin,” the Row Polka.
Come dance and sing—
Play up, you cat-gut scrapers!
Sound wind and string,
It don't much matter how,
Strike everything to which we can cut capers!
Let the walls ring
With the glorious row!
Din! din! a thund'ring din,
Dancing the new Row Polka in!
Din! din! a thund'ring din,
Is “stunning,” you'll allow!

At the finish of Solo and Chorus, King, Queen, and Court polk off, when is performed a grand “Row Polka,” by the Corps de Ballet—The Ball-room changing to

Scene Second.

—A Lonely Tower on the Sea-shore—On one side a large Tree—A Bank on the other.
Enter Princess Laidronetta, Fidelia, and Attendants in travelling dresses.
Fid.
At home once more, and thank the stars, I say.
(Attendants exeunt)
How fares your Highness? Speak, dear madam, pray!
You haven't said a word the whole way back,
But sighed as though your heart was fit to crack.

Lai.
Fidelia, am I really such a fright
That my own mother cannot bear my sight?

Fid.
Oh! I've no patience, madam, with them all;
How can they have the impudence to call
Your Highness ugly!

Lai.
Nay, I don't pretend
To be a beauty,—I will not defend

17

The colour of my hair, which, though to me
It looks like brown—

Fid.
Is red as red can be!
But what of that? I think red hair quite charming.

Lai.
Then, I am told, I have a squint—alarming!

Fid.
Alarming! Stuff! I don't see the objection
To having eyes which look in each direction
At the same time,—such power of observation
Is requisite to persons in your station.
Princesses who would know of things the facts,
Should have an eye to see behind their backs.

Lai.
Have I a mouth so wide, and teeth so black?
A bottle nose—a hump upon my back?
Ears like an elephant's? It seems absurd!
But I cannot perceive them on my word!

Fid.
Madam, to speak the truth, I see them all,
But still your Highness cannot ugly call;
There's such a sweet expression in your features.
To me you seem the loveliest of creatures!

Lai.
Ah! dear Fidelia, it is your affection,
That makes you tolerate each imperfection;
And I admit, ourselves we're prone to see
Not as we are, but as we wish to be.
Therefore, no doubt I'm hideous—every other
Creature might fly from me, but my own mother!

Fid.
It's infamous—she ought to be ashamed!

Lai.
Alas! she's to be pitied more than blamed.
It was a spiteful fairy, I've been told,
Cast this spell on me, scarcely a month old.
Air—“My Mother Dear.”
I heard it in my childhood,
That I remember well,
For often in the nursery
They fairy tales would tell.
As how the wicked Magotine
Had cast a spell on me,
When I was in my cradle,
Or on my nurse's knee.
My nursey dear it turned quite queer,
My good old nursey dear!

18

The fairy was offended,
I think I heard it said,
Because my mother asked some other
Fairy friend instead.
Some magic words she mumbled,
That made me plain to see,
In other's eyes, although I own
It's not so plain to me!
My nursey dear it turned quite queer,
My good old nursey dear!
Your mother, my good nurse, it quite upset her,
Of that sad shock she never got the better;
And but for you, my foster-sister kind,
No friend on earth should I have left behind.
No one to love me!

(a large Serpent is seen coiled about a tree)
Ser.
Yes, dear Princess, me!

Lai.
Who spoke? (turns)
Oh! horrible! round yonder tree

A serpent!

Fid.
Fly!

Lai.
Fear roots me to the spot!

Ser.
Sweet, gentle Laidronetta, tremble not,
Nor fancy yours a solitary case.
Time was when I possessed a handsome face;
And may again, if you compassion take,
On your devoted, but unhappy snake.

Fid.
Help! murder!

Enter Attendants—Serpent disappears.
Att.
What's the matter?

Fid.
Oh! look there!
A serpent!

Att.
I can't see one anywhere!

Fid.
Coiled round that tree!

Att.
I hear the coil you make,
But cannot see the coil of any snake!

Fid.
As I stand here I saw him!

Att.
Fancy surely!

Fid.
My lady's fainted, and I'm very poorly.

19

Hunt for the serpent, near us there must be one;
See it you must, unless it be the sea one!
(Exeunt Attendants separately)
Madam, come to yourself, and with your friend.

Lai.
(reviving)
Oh, my Fidelia, what may this portend!
I never knew that serpents talked like men!

Fid.
Men talk like serpents, madam, now and then,
With double tongues, to match their double faces,
More venomous than serpents in some cases.

Lai.
What did the horrid creature say? My fears
Closer than cotton filled up both my ears.

Fid.
So mine did mine; like mistress, ma'am, like maid.
I never heard a syllable it said.

Lai.
Why then perhaps it never spoke at all!
And yet methinks on me I heard it call.

Fid.
Whether it did or not I can't refrain
From hoping it may never call again!

(a fairy boat appears)
Lai.
Ah! What gay bark is this that heaves in sight?

Fid.
A bark! Ugh, lud! I thought it was a bite!

Lai.
With gold and colours all bedizen'd o'er.
Fidelia! See, it's running right ashore!
(the boat approaches landing-place)
And nobody on board it!

Fid.
Not a soul,
Not e'en a hand to bear a hand!

Lai.
How droll!

Fid.
So droll it must be what they call a Funny.

Lai.
Let's get into it!

Fid.
Not for any money!

Lai.
Why not? The sea is calm, quite clear the sky!

Fid.
It's not quite clear 'twill be so by-and-bye.
Suppose a storm springs up all in a minute.

Lai.
We can spring out as quick as we spring in it!

Fid.
What! in the water?

Lai.
No, upon the land!

Fid.
You can't suppose I wish to quit the strand!

Lai.
I'll not put off to sea in any weather!

Fid.
Put off your purpose, madam, altogether;
In that craft there is witchcraft, I suspect.


20

Lai.
Of which I'm reckless, so I can't be wrecked.
If you're afraid, the boat you needn't nigh go!

Fid.
No, madam! wheresoever you go, I go.

Lai.
Come, then, we go to see the boat you know,
Not in the boat to go to sea—ah! no!

Duo—Laidronetta and Fidelia—“Love Launched a Fairy Boat.”
Give me a pleasure boat,
On a fine day up the river;
But on the sea to float,
I the pleasure can't diskiver.
Though glorious gales,
Might fill the sails,
And speed our transit merrily,
I know with me
The song would be,
Sic transit gloria,” verily.
Then, if the sea grew dark,
And the waves all in a lather,
I beg leave to remark
That on shore I would be—rather.
When stormy gales,
Rend all the sails,
And pumps are working wearily,
I've always found,
To be on ground,
Was more agreeable, verily.
Give me a pleasure boat, &c.

They enter the boat, the sails instantly fill, and carry the boat out to sea—The stage darkens—violent storm—the scene begins to move and gradually changes to a wild rocky coast—The boat is seen in the distance tossed by the waves—it is driven on a rock, strikes, and goes to pieces—Presently the Serpent appears approaching the rocks, and returns bearing the insensible form of Laidronetta, with whom he reaches the shore, and enters a cavern.

21

Fidelia appears among rocks.
Fid.
(advancing)
Hung be the heavens with black of deepest dye,
And one great mourning warehouse make the sky!
Comets, at whom the bumpkin trembling gazes,
Pluck from your fiery tails a bunch of blazes,
And whip the naughty little stars like winking,
Who, in the briny ocean, caused our sinking!
My mistress! my poor mistress! drown'd no doubt,
I saw her by the billows tossed about—
Whilst on a reef of barren rock hard by,
They left me, literally, high and dry!
No one, to see my clothes, would have a notion,
That I've been twenty minutes in the ocean!
I scarcely can persuade myself it's true.
But what the dickens am I now to do?
A female Alexander Selkirk, thrown
Out of a situation—left alone;
Where, of a family, there's not a trace,
In which a lady's maid could get a place.
Servant of all work, to myself I'm bound,
Where there's no tea and sugar to be found,
No wages to receive, however small,
No followers, no Sunday out at all.
Air—“In Questo Semplice.”
O! cruel destiny, how could you do so?
In single blessedness here I'm doomed to stay,
Worse off, a great deal, than Robinson Crusoe.
He'd a man Friday, to whom he could say,
Ri, tol, fol, lol de rol, &c.
Bad Mr. Boreas, how could you blow so,
Putting the pipe out of Neptune and Co. so?
Sending our smack ashore,
Where not a blackamoor
On his own bones can a serenade play,
Ri, tol, fol, lol de rol, &c.


22

Laidronetta appears at the entrance of the cavern.
Lai.
Fidelia!

Fid.
Ah! my mistress, safe and sound!
Oh! madam, are you certain you're not drowned?

Lai.
By no means certain, in a maze am I!
And if not drown'd can only wonder why!

Fid.
Believe you are not, gentle mistress mine.
And I'll believe so too.

Lai.
Well, I incline,
To that opinion. But suppose we say
We are alive, how shall we keep so, eh?
There's nothing grows upon this rocky shelf,
And we can't live upon the rock itself.

Fid.
'Twould be hard living, that I must confess.

Lai.
And hardly worth our living for, I guess.
Better at once the cruel sea had swallowed us,
Or the Green Serpent which has hither followed us.

Fid.
Hither! you don't say so!

Lai.
Into yon cave.
Washed by some friendly or unfriendly wave!
When to myself I came, before me lay,
The same Green Serpent we beheld to-day!
Coiled in a corner with its fiery eyes,
Fixed upon me, as on its lawful prize!

Fid.
Oh! horrible! and you?

Lai.
I scream'd a scream!

Fid.
Like Molly Brown, and found 'twas all a dream
As she did.

Lai.
No, but off the horrid snake
Glided, with all the speed that it could make.

Fid.
All fancy, dearest madam, I maintain,
Proceeding from the heat oppressèd brain.
I doubt our having been upon the deep,
Or in it,—only walking in our sleep;
And wouldn't undertake to swear, I vow,
That these are rocks which frown around us now.
(the scene changes to a magnificent Palace, composed entirely of the precious stones and metals)
Why, there! even as I am speaking, ma'am, behold

23

They change to walls of silver and of gold!
Gardens and fountains all with jewels bright.

Lai.
They must belong to some Arabian Knight!

Fid.
Have we been wrecked upon Tom Tittler's Ground?

Lai.
Or have we some new California found?
Or are we still asleep, as sure you would be?

Fid.
At all events don't scream, in case we should be.
I wouldn't wake from such a pleasant nap!

Lai.
We must have fallen asleep in Fortune's lap!
My fears are gone, my heart may here at ease be!

Fid.
There's something moving. Mercy! what can these be?

Enter a company of Guards, all composed of jewels, and followed by a train of Courtiers, &c., of similar materials, led by Lord Carbuncle.
Lord C.
Hail! to the lovely Princess, whom kind fate
Has brought at length into this precious state!

Lai.
Lovely! Your speech is meant, sure, in derision,
Or you enjoy but an imperfect vision.
I'm thought a scarecrow in my father's Court.

Lord C.
Nay, madam, now you make of us your sport,
Or, in your land they are no judge of beauty,
To whose fair Queen we come to pay our duty.

Lai.
Pray drop of flattery this fulsome tone!

Lord C.
Upon the honour of a precious stone!

Fid.
That should be honour bright!

Lord C.
I do not flatter!
Be witness for me all!

Lai.
Well, well, no matter.
Venus or Gorgon I would fain be told
Who owns the gorgeous palace we behold?

Lord C.
King Emerald.

Lai.
And the isle beneath his sway?

Lord C.
We call the Isle of Jewels.

Fid.
Well you may!

Lai.
I would be to his Majesty presented.

Lord C.
Alas! At present we're the bliss prevented
Of seeing our belovèd Sovereign's face.

Fid.
Is he a jewel kept then in a case
'Neath lock and key?


24

Lai.
As sovereign, I presume,
He now and then must hold a drawing-room!

Fid.
At least a levée?

Lai.
Don't he take the air?

Fid.
Or go in state to dine with the Lord Mayor?

Lai.
Or open Parliament in person?

Lord C.
No!
Not now, but very soon we hope that—

Lai.
Oh!
He's absent on some secret expedition?

Fid.
Or sick, or sulky?

Lord C.
Ladies, with permission,
We'll change the conversation. I'm commanded
To thank you on our coast for having landed.

Lai.
No thanks on that account can be our due.

Fid.
It was the waves obliged us, not we you.

Lord C.
Next to request you'll condescend to make
This house your home, for its poor master's sake.

Fid.
Poor master! Oh, then, now I see the thing!
This monarch, madam, is some railway king,
With other people's gold who ran these walls up,
And left whoever pleased to pay the calls up!

Lai.
Could such a company as this deceive me?

Fid.
They'll let you in for all they can, believe me!

Lai.
You should be all rich jewels that I view!
If you are false?

Lord C.
Then never gem was true!
Allow me to present the Lady Pearl—
Lord Ruby—Lord Chief Baron Onyx—Earl
Topaz—Miss Turquoise—and Miss Sapphire—two
Ladies who pride themselves on being blue—
Miss Amethyst—Miss Garnet—ladies both
In waiting.

Fid.
(aside)
For some time I'll take my oath?

Lai.
Ladies in waiting! You've a Queen then here?

Lord C.
Only since your arrival, madam.

Lai.
Dear!
You don't insinuate—

Lord C.
Mere fact I'm stating,
I leave my King to be insinuating.
(flourish)
That flourish speaks him nigh!


25

Lai.
I thought you said
He was not to be seen, alive or dead?

Lord C.
Nor is he, but unseen, he'll gaze on you,
And enter into conversation too.

Lai.
With me! Where? When?

Enter Slaves carrying a closed litter, which they place in centre of stage.
Lord C.
Now, from this throne of amber
He has an audience, but no presence chamber.
In private he your Highness would receive,
And so respectfully we take our leave.

Lai.
Fidelia may remain?

Fid.
She means to do so,
Whether she may or not!

Lord C.
If it please you so.

(Exeunt all but Laidronetta and Fidelia)
Lai.
Fidelia, I'm getting rather nervous!
To think the King is there and can observe us.
I suppose he'll speak first?

Fid.
He ought, no doubt.

Lai.
What think you will the King's speech be about?

Fid.
About the same, ma'am, that kings' speeches are
In general—nothing in particular.

(music)
Lai.
Hark! from that symphony, I guess the King
Has had it set to music, and will sing
His speech!

Fid.
Ingenious that I call,
For then the words can't signify at all.

Air—King Emerald (unseen)—“Will you love me then as now?”
Do you think that you could love me,
Without knowing what I'm like?
Will you undertake to wed me,
And a bargain blindly strike?
May I hope that you will pardon,
This proposal blunt and strange?
That you'll not refuse a sovereign,
Nor that sovereign wish to change?

26

Will you marry me to-morrow,
And if not, why not? And when?
Will you love then as now, or,
Will you love me now and then?

Lai.
As I'm alive a downright declaration.

Fid.
He's popped the question, without hesitation!

Lai.
How can I him address?

Fid.
Reporters teach
The address is but the echo of the speech.

Lai.
But in this case he pays me his addresses.

King Em.
Excuse me, sweetest Princess, but time presses,
And I can on no ceremony stand
Except the one which gives to me your hand.
If that rare gift on me you will bestow,
The power of Magotine, our mutual foe,
Expires; but if I sue in vain, to-morrow
I shall be doomed to seven more years of sorrow,
And you will lose the only chance remaining,
Of all your charms in the world's eyes regaining.

Lai.
Good gracious! I don't know, sir, what to say.

Fid.
She really can't be hurried in this way!

Lai.
Fancy I'll marry one I've never seen!

Fid.
Although an Emerald, you can't be so green.

Lai.
Prudence commands me look before I leap.

Fid.
Permit us but to have the slightest peep!

King Em.
Impossible! To break the spell, I must
Be taken for a husband upon trust.
If you've a heart to lead, you win a double,
If not, you lose your King, and mark but trouble!

Lai.
I have a heart—you touch it to the quick—
And when in doubt, Hoyle tells us win the trick.
So I am yours, but mind, on one condition,
That you obtain my pa and ma's permission.
Without their sanction, I will never marry.

King Em.
My Diamond cutter the dispatch shall carry,
And bring them hither both, without delay!
To-morrow, sweet, shall be our wedding-day!

Re-enter Lord Carbuncle and Four Slaves, who exeunt with litter, leaving Fidelia and Laidronetta.
Lai.
Engaged! I'm actually engaged, I vow!


27

Fid.
Well! you have been and gone and done it now.

Lai.
He flung himself upon my generosity,
To have refused would have been an atrocity!

Fid.
Before you're generous though, you should be just.

Lai.
The proverb's musty, and what must be must.
(shouts without)
Re-enter Lord Carbuncle, Attendants, Guards, &c.
What caused that shout?

Lord C.
The news of your election.
They're all enraptured with their King's selection.
Each jewel sparkles with excess of joy,
In our gold's happiness there's no alloy.
Balls, banquets, and all sorts of festal doings,
Are to commemorate these happy wooings;
And, in the first place, if it wouldn't bore you,
There is a ballet to be played before you,
By some rare gems of art, slaves of the King.

Lai.
The ballet by all means!

Fid.
“The play's the thing!”

Lai.
What is the argument—there's no offence in't?

Lord C.
I hope you'll find a great deal of good sense in't.

Lai.
Sense in a ballet!

Lord C.
Aye! and moral too!

Fid.
A moral ballet will be something new!

Lord C.
It is the tale of Cupid and of Psyche,
And how she paid for peeping.

Lai.
(starting)
Eh!

Fid.
(aside)
Oh! crikey!
I take the hint—as Queen, engaged this morning,
How not to lose her place he gives her warning.

They take their seats.

BALLET OF CUPID AND PSYCHE.

Venus appears upon her neglected altar, and invokes
the vengeance of Cupid upon Psyche, to whom the
Nymphs have transferred the homage due to the Queen
of Beauty. Cupid promises to destroy Psyche, and prepares
his most deadly shaft for her destruction. Psyche enters,
surrounded by the Nymphs, who place her on the pedestal


28

of Venus, and pay her the same adoration they formerly
paid to the Goddess. Cupid advances to avenge his
mother, but is struck by the beauty of Psyche, becomes
enamoured of her, and breaks his arrow. The Nymphs
depart with Psyche in triumph. Cupid summons Zephyr,
and commands him to bear off Psyche from her companions.
He then hastens the approach of Night—Zephyr returns,
bearing Psyche, asleep. She wakes, and wonders whither
she has been transported. Starts at the whispered words of
Cupid—listens timidly to the declarations of his passion,
and gradually acknowledges the influence of Love.
Tableau—The well-known group of Cupid and Psyche.
Psyche expresses a wish to behold her lover, but Cupid
intimates that it would cause her destruction, and
warns her not to attempt it. He departs, and it becomes
light. Psyche deplores the absence of her lover.
Her sisters enter, to whom she narrates her adventure.
They question her as to the person who has obtained
her affection. She declares her ignorance of his
name or features. They insinuate that he is a monster,
who will devour her; one brings her a lamp, the other a
dagger, and counsel her to watch till he sleeps, and then
kill him. Night returns, and with it Cupid. Awaiting
Psyche, he reclines on a couch of roses, and slumber steals
upon him. Psyche enters cautiously, shading the lamp with
her hand; she approaches the couch, and draws her dagger
to strike the monster. The vessel reveals to her the God of
Love. Astonished and enraptured, she holds the lamp over
him, gazing on his features, when a drop of oil is supposed
to fall on the shoulder of Cupid, and he awakes and discovers
Psyche with a dagger in her grasp. He upbraids her
with the neglect of his warning. She implores his forgiveness.
He is obdurate and flies from her. Thunder and
lightning. Psyche, abandoned by Cupid, falls prostrate in
despair. Venus enters with her repentant votaries, and
ascends her pedestal. The Nymphs kneel awe-stricken
around her. Cupid appears deprecating the anger of Venus,
who triumphantly points to the insensible form of Psyche.

Tableau.
END OF ACT FIRST.