University of Virginia Library

Scene First.

—Gallery in the Royal Castle of Allaquiz.
Enter Count Palava, and Ladies and Gentlemen of the Court in great confusion.

Chorus—Air—“I'd rather have a Guinea than a One Pound Note.”
'Tis a shame I declare,
And I'd tell him to his face,
He's brute and a bear,
If it wasn't for my place.
Had he not been a prince,
And the heir to a throne,
Such an ugly baboon
Sure had never been known.
But his person we must flatter,
And his sayings we must quote,
Or we shouldn't get a guinea
Or a one pound note!

Enter Leander, followed by the Marquis of Anysidos.
Lean.
What is the matter? Murder, fire, or robbery?
Who is it making this tremendous bobbery?

1st Lady.
Only Prince Furibond, at his old sport,
Kicking the courtiers all about the court,
Pinching the maids-of-honour black and blue—

2nd Lady.
He's nearly broken poor Gold-stick in two;
Given the grooms-in-waiting monkey's wages,
And pitched down the back stairs a dozen pages.

Count.
He's knocked my teeth almost out of their sockets,
But I must put my feelings in my pockets.

Lean.
It is the place they're kept in, sir, by many,
Touch them elsewhere, you wouldn't think they'd any.

Mar.
Ah! Don Leander, were you on the throne—
As you would be, had every one his own—

Lean.
My lord, for me ambition has no lures,
And more on that head may endanger yours.

Mar.
You'll not betray me?

Lean.
Sir, I am no traitor.

1st Lady.
You are Hyperion, and he a Satyr!

Count.
As ugly in his mind as in his mein,
His eyes two gooseberries—

2nd Lady.
One red, one green;

Mar.
His nose between a bottle and a snub,

Count.
His legs, two ninepins,

Mar.
Stuck into a tub.

1st Lady.
He'd make, without the aid of paint or lacker,
A street-door knocker,

2nd Lady.
Or a Dutch nut-cracker!

Count.
How can the Queen on such a monster doat?

Lean.
He's coming! you had better change your note.

Count.
The devil! that's indeed another story.

Enter Furibond.
All.
(except Leander)
Long live Prince Furibond! the nation's glory!

Song Furibond—“Bonny Laddie.”
Bow, ye venal servile train!—Tooral loodle!
Hint, who dare, I'm even plain—Tooral, &c.
As their friend, I'd them advise,
Just to mind their precious eyes!
Whilst I live I'll have my way;
When I'm gone have yours you may.
But till then you'd best obey,
Or with you all the deuce I'll play!

Count.
Most gracious sir, you are a model prince!
Greater than e'er was seen before—

Mar.
Or since.

1st Lady.
A prince whose beauty takes all hearts by storm,

2nd Lady.
The glass of fashion, and the mould of form!

Furi.
Oh! am I so? Leander, what say you?

Lean.
Nothing, your Royal Highness—

Furi.
Nothing! Poo!
Nothing can come of nothing—speak—encore!

Lean.
Sir, I am nothing, so can say no more!

Furi.
You're good for nothing, that's the fact, young dandy.
How dare you venture words with me to bandy?

Lean.
If I've offended, sir, I make my bow.

Furi.
Stay, I command you!
Flourish—Enter Don Moustachez.
Now, sir, what's the row?

Mous.
The Cat's-Paw Indians, sir, have come to pay
Their tribute to the Queen.

Furi.
What tribute, pray?

Mous.
Ten thousand roasted chestnuts, which they've got
Out of a neighbour's fire—for us too hot.

Furi.
And what do they get by this friendly feat?

Lean.
Burnt fingers, and the empty skins to eat!

Furi.
Ha! ha! and serve 'em right, the stupid elves,
Why don't they keep the chestnuts for themselves?
Leander, stand aside and see them come.

Lean.
Round—“The Indian Drum.”

Enter the Cat's-Paw Ambassadors, with their Suite, and Sambo, the Interpreter.
Furi.
Really, a very curious looking band!
Tell them they may salute our royal hand.

Count.
Where's the Interpreter?

Sambo.
Dis child, sah. Here.

Count.
Tell the Ambassadors they may draw near
His Royal Highness the Crown Prince—

Sam.
O golly!
Dis buckra man—de Prince.

(bows to Leander)
Furi.
How now! what folly!
You stupid nigger! you should bow to me!
I am the Prince, fool!

Sam.
De Prince Fool, me see!
Ha, ha! (pointing him out to Ambassadors)
Him great fool! Berry ugly, too!
Ha, ha! what nose him got!

(pulls it)
Furi.
You rascal! you!

Catch—“'Twas you that kissed the pretty girl.”
Count.
How now, sir?
I vow, sir,
I cannot this allow, sir,
His Highness is the real Prince
He, sir, he.

Furi.
Yes, me, sir, me!

Sam.
Who you, sah?
Poo, poo, sah!
Dat story nebber do, sah.
O golly! what a pretty prince!
You, sah, you?

Lean.
Yes, he, sir,
You see, sir,
Indeed, it isn't me, sir,
His Highness is the real Prince—
He, sir, he.

Furi.
Yes, me, sir, me!

Sam.
No, no, sah,
No go, sah,
You tom-fool, dress'd for show, sah!
But Sambo know him real prince,
So, sah, so!

Furi.
You lie, sir,
'Tis I, sir,
How dare you thus stand by, sir,
(to Leander)
And see your Prince insulted so?
For you, sir, you!

Furi.
(furiously)
Treason!

Enter Queen and Guards.
All.
Her Majesty!

Queen.
What ails my ducky!

Sam.
O dibble! dat de Prince! me cut my lucky!

(Exit)
Furi.
This traitor!

(seizes Leander)
Lean.
I!

Furi.
Deny it if you dare!
'Twas to insult me, a deep-planned affair!
Banish him, mother! Or before your eyes,
On his own sword, your lovely darling dies!

Queen.
Oh! hold, my chickabiddy! my sweet poppet,
Come to mamma! and you, the twig, sir, hop it!
(to Leander)
Venture again within our house or gardens,
And for your life I wouldn't give five fardens.

Trio—Queen, Furibond, and Leander—“Poor Soldier.”
Queen.
Out of my sight, or I'll box your ears.

Furi.
I'll fit you, rogue, for your jibes and jeers!

Lean.
Upon my word, you're a nice young man.

Furi.
I'll cut off his head to-night, if I can!

Lean.
'Tis really funny.

Queen.
My pet, my honey!
(to Furibond)
Begone!

(to Leander)
Lean.
Thus low on my humble knee—

Queen.
Go dance your dogs to your fiddle-de-dee;
I'll teach you to talk to a Queen like me.

Lean.
(aside)
From court I turn to the scenes I love.

Furi.
(aside)
A sword through his gizzard I yet may shove.

Queen.
My dear, would you anything else propose?

Furi.
Yes, hang the nigger that pulled my nose!

Lean.
'Twas vastly funny!

Queen.
I will, my honey!
Begone!

(to Leander)
Lean.
Still, ma'am, I'll your humble be.

Queen.
Go dance your dogs, &c.

(Exeunt Leander, Queen, Furibond, and all the Court in opposite directions)