University of Virginia Library

SCENE I.

—QUEEN MAB'S STUDY—STALACTITE GROTTO, BY MOONLIGHT.
Fairy Court discovered at their revelry.
[Jack O'Lantern passes across the stage.
Hobg.
Friend Jack O'Lantern, sent by Mab, attends,
I give you one toast more, come! ‘Mabsent friends.’

Enter Queen Mab, in her chariot, drawn by Glowworms.
Mab.
Of this unseemly clamour, what's the reason?
Which of you here thus dared to utter treason?
Who would usurp Queen Mab's established throne?
Who wished that he could bear the name I own?
I needn't ask, it's that great clumsy elf,
Hobgoblin, who thus far forgot himself.

Hobg.
I didn't mean it, really, I declare—
It's catching, there is something in the air.
Doomed, for a certain time, to walk the night
In London streets, for doing things not right,
Where'er I went, that negro serenade
Was hummed, drummed, strummed, or on the organ played,
Until my past offences have, most clearly,
Been, by this torture, punished most severely.

Mab.
It should have taught yer better.

Hobg.
Yes, be sure,
Through change of air, I got the ‘Perfect Cure.’

Mab.
Attend, and learn why, breaking up your sport,
I here have summoned all my fairy court.
Our empire's threatened [Sensation.]
—not by feeble foes,
That may be vanquished soon as we oppose;
Nor does rebellion sow our land with weeds,
We are in that happy state where none see seeds.
But mortals set our influence at defiance:
They have learned our secret, and they call it science.
All that was once the work of fairy elves,
Putting the steam on, they perform themselves.
Science does everything on earth now, drat it!

Hobg.
I know, I've been in town and seen them at it.
Through earth, sea, air, alike they take their trips;
Underground railways—iron-plated ships!
They make the sun take pictures, ten a minute,
Drain the New River, and see nothing in it;
Spread a vast net-work over all the houses,
That cits may talk with their suburban spouses;
Provide a Thames Embankment, and, what's more,
A great high level for a great eye-sore,
Through which, I may be pardoned for remarking,
Dead dogs, how strange so e'er, will get to Barking.

Mab.
Enough! my object is to shew, this hour,
That Fairy Land does yet retain its power.

Puck.
‘I'll put a girdle round about the earth
In forty minutes’—

Mab.
What would that be worth?
Mortals would beat you hollow, sweet simplicity,—
It's done in half the time, by electricity.
I have it, I'll encounter them with one
Of their own weapons—soon as said 'tis done.
Appear, thou sprite, that can the public seize,
That canst assume the form best shaped to please;
That can secure, in every variety,
That one thing needful known as notoriety!
To catch the eye and year both day and night meant,
Come, Spirit of the Age, in Great Excitement—

Appearance of the Great Excitement.
Gt Ex.
Behold the thing you've summoned to appear!
I am the Great Excitement of the year!
I'm popularity—the sort of thing
That never fails the money in to bring.
Sometimes I am a song, some simple theme;
Sometimes a sort of ‘Colleen Bawn’ I seem;
Sometimes on ‘Change I am a likely spec’,
Or on tight ropes appear, to risk my neck;
Sometimes I leap from what, in former days,
Was called a swing—now christened the trapeze,
Sometimes, to spur John Bull, I give my views,
Of great gorillas, or get shrewd on shrews;—
Or, as a racing Indian, have my fun,
For racy novelties will always run.
Sometimes I make even Shakespeare's self give place,
Giving French polish to Othello's face,
And turn those wondrous works he gave the stage,
Into ‘Sensation’ dramas for the age.
In short, as acrobat, play, sermon, song,
I'm everything by turns, and nothing long.

Mab.
The very thing! For me this elf shall skip.
Now, mortals, I shall ‘have ye on the hip!’
But tell me that which lasts, despite all times?

Gt Ex.
Nothing so long as Christmas Pantomimes!
The old remember what they liked as boys;
The young folks always relish fun and noise.
Plenty of mirth, that's all you need look after;
Their great excitement is no end of laughter.
Search for a subject in your fairy tales,
That is a source, we know, that never fails.

Mab.
I like the notion—then they can't resist us:
And you, of course, will in this scheme assist us.

Gt Ex.
At Sadler's Wells I'll meet you, honour bright!
There great excitement's found on Boxing Night.
‘Cherry and Fair Star’ for your theme retain,
And all shall own your fairy power again.

SONG, Great Excitement.—Air, ‘Lillibulero.’
Little things hate of science the law—
Law! pshaw! don't care a straw;
But never too many of fairies they saw.
Send for your hero, make him appear, O!—
Never you fear, O! I will be near, O!
Doing the best that we can.
Can, can, I am your man;
Oh! we have hit on a capital plan!

Chorus.
Send for our hero—let him appear, O!
We never fear, O! he will be near, O!
Doing the best that he can.

Gt Ex.
Little boys like, or I'm mistaken,
Taken, waken, or get shaken,
To have their sides with laughter achin',
Clown or Pierrot, we'll have here, O!
Shouts when near, O! hear, O! dear, O!
Harlequin's wonderful man—
Man, plan, do all you can;
Oh! we've hit on a wonderful plan.

[Chorus as before, and exeunt Omnes.—The Scene changes to