University of Virginia Library

SCENE, A Chamber.
Gomez, Elvira.
Gom.

Henceforth I banish Flesh and Wine: I'll have none stirring
within these walls these twelve months.

Elvira.

I care not; the sooner I am starv'd the sooner I am rid
of Wedlock. I shall learn the knack to fast a days; you have us'd
me to fasting nights already.

Gom.

How the Gipsey answers me! Oh, 'tis a most notorious
Hilding!

Elvira
, (crying.)

But was ever poor innocent Creature so hardly
dealt with, for a little harmless Chat?

Gom.

Oh, the Impudence of this wicked Sex! Lascivious Dialogues
are innocent with you!

Elvi.

Was it such a Crime to enquire how the Battle pass'd?

Gom.

But that was not the business, Gentlewoman; you were
not asking News of a Battle past; you were engaging for a Skirmish
that was to come.

Elvi.

An honest Woman wou'd be glad to hear, that her Honour
was safe, and her Enemies were slain.

Gom.
in her tone.

And to ask if he were wounded in your defence;
and, in case he were, to offer your self to be his Chirurgeon:
—then, you did not describe your Husband to him, for
a covetous, jealous, rich old Huncks.

Elvi.

No, I need not: he describes himself sufficiently: but,
in what Dream did I doe this?

Gom.

You walk'd in your Sleep, with your Eyes broad open,
at noon of day; and dreamt you were talking to the foresaid purpose
with one Colonel Hernando.—

Elvi.

Who, Dear Husband, who?

Gom.

What the Devil have I said? You wou'd have farther Information,
wou'd you?

Elvi.

No, but, my dear little old man, tell me now; that I
may avoid him for your sake.

Gom.

Get you up into your Chamber, Cockatrice; and there
immure your self: be confin'd, I say, during our Royal Pleasure:
But, first, down on your marrow-bones, upon your Allegeance;
and make an Acknowledgment of your Offences; for I will have
ample Satisfaction.

[Pulls her down.
Elvi.

I have done you no Injury, and therefore I'll make you
no Submission: But I'll complain to my Ghostly Father.

Gom.

Ay; There's your Remedy: When you receive condign
Punishment, you run with open Mouth to your Confessor; that
parcel of holy Guts and Garbidge; he must chucle you and moan
you: but I'll rid my hands of his Ghostly Authority
one day, [Enter Dominic.]
and make him know he's
the Son of a— (sees him.)
So;—no
sooner conjure, but the Devil's in the Circle.—

Dom.

Son of a what, Don Gomez?

Gom.

Why, A Son of a Church, I hope there's no harm in
that, Father.

Dom.

I will lay up your words for you till time shall serve:
and to morrow I enjoyn you to Fast for Penance.

Gom.
(Aside.)

There's no harm in that; she shall fast too: Fasting
saves Money.

Dom.
to Elvira,

What was the reason that I found you upon
your Knees, in that unseemly posture?

Gom.
(Aside.)

O horrible! to find a woman upon her Knees,
he says, is an unseemly posture; there's a Priest for you.

Elvi.
to Dom.

I wish, Father, you wou'd give me an opportunity
of entertaining you in private: I have somewhat upon my
Spirits that presses me exceedingly.

Dom.
(Aside.)

This goes well: Gomez, stand you at distance,
—farther yet,—stand out of ear-shot—I have somewhat
to say to your Wife in private.

Gomez
, (Aside.)

Was ever man thus Priest-ridden? wou'd

the Steeple of his Church were in his Belly: I am sure there's room
for it.

Elvi.

I am asham'd to acknowledg my Infirmities; but you
have been alwaies an indulgent Father; and therefore I will venture,
to—and yet I dare not.—

Dom.

Nay, if you are bashfull;—if you keep your wound
from the knowledge of your Surgeon;—

Elvi.

You know my Husband is a man in years; but he's my
Husband; and therefore I shall be silent: but his Humours are
more intolerable then his Age: he's grown so froward, so covetous,
and so jealous, that he has turn'd my heart quite from him;
and, if I durst confess it, has forc'd me to cast my Affections on
another man.

Dom.

Good:—hold, hold; I meant abominable:—
pray Heaven this be my Colonel.

[Aside.
Elvi.

I have seen this man, Father; and have incourag'd his
Addresses: he's a young Gentleman, a Souldier, of a most winning
Carriage; and what his Courtship may produce at last I know
not; but I am afraid of my own frailty.

Dom.
(aside.)

'Tis he for certain:—she has sav'd the Credit of
my Function, by speaking first; now must I take Gravity upon
me.

Gom.
(aside.)

This Whispering bodes me no good for certain;
but he has me so plaguily under the lash, that I dare not interrupt
him.

Dom.

Daughter, Daughter, do you remember your matrimonial
Vow?

Elvi.

Yes, to my sorrow Father, I do remember it: a miserable
woman it has made me: but you know, Father, a Marriage-vow
is but a thing of course, which all women take when they
wou'd get a Husband.

Dom.

A Vow is a very solemn thing: and 'tis good to keep it:
—but, notwithstanding, it may be broken, upon some occasions.
—Have you striven with all your might against this
frailty?

Elvi.

Yes, I have striven; but I found it was against the
stream. Love, you know, Father, is a great Vow-maker; but
he's a greater Vow-breaker.

Dom.

'Tis your Duty to strive alwaies: but, notwithstanding,
when we have done our utmost, it extenuates the Sin.

Gom.

I can hold no longer.—Now, Gentlewoman, you
are confessing your Enormities; I know it by that hypocritical,
down cast Look: enjoin her to sit bare upon a Bed of Nettles,
Father; you can doe no less in Conscience.

Dom.

Hold your peace; are you growing malapert? will you
force me to make use of my Authority? your Wife's a well dispos'd
and a vertuous Lady; I say it, In verbo Sacerdotis.

Elvi.

I know not what to doe, Father; I find my self in a most
desperate Condition; and so is the Colonel for Love of me.

Dom.

The Colonel, say you! I wish it be not the same young
Gentleman I know: 'Tis a gallant young man, I must confess,
worthy of any Lady's love in Christendom; in a lawfull way I
mean; of such a charming behaviour, so bewitching to a Woman's
eye; and furthermore, so charitably given; by all good tokens,
this must be my Colonel Hernando.

Elvi.

Ay, and my Colonel too, Father: I am overjoy'd; and
are you then acquainted with him?

Dom.

Acquainted with him! why, he haunts me up and down:
and, I am afraid, it is for love of you: for he press'd a Letter upon
me, within this hour, to deliver to you: I confess, I receiv'd it,
lest he should send it by some other; but with full resolution never
to put it into your hands.

Elvi.

Oh, dear Father, let me have it, or I shall dye.

Gom.
(Whispering still.)

A Pox of your close Committee! I'll
listen I'm resolv'd:

(steales nearer.)
Dom.

Nay, If you are obstinately bent to see it,—use your discretion;
but for my part, I wash my hands on't.—what make you
listning there? get farther off; I preach not to thee, thou wicked
Eves dropper.

Elvi.

I'll kneel down, Father, as if I were taking Absolution,
if you'll but please to stand before me.

Dom.

At your peril be it then. I have told you the ill Consequences;
& liberavi animam meam.—Your Reputation is in
danger, to say nothing of your Soul. Notwithstanding, when
the Spiritual means have been apply'd, and fails: in that case, the
Carnal may be us'd.—You are a tender Child, you are; and
must not be put into Despair: your Heart is as soft and melting
as your Hand.

He strokes her face; takes her by the hand; and gives the Letter.
Gom.

Hold, hold, Father; you goe beyond your Commission:
Palming is alwaies held foul play amongst Gamesters.

Dom.

Thus, good Intentions are misconstrued by wicked men:
you will never be warn'd till you are excommunicate.

Gom.
(Aside.)

Ah, Devil on him; there's his hold! If there
were no more in Excommunication then the Churche's Censure,
a Wise man wou'd lick his Conscience whole with a wet finger:
but, if I am excommunicate, I am outlaw'd; and then there's no
calling in my Money.

Elvira
, (rising,)

I have read the Note, Father, and will send
him an Answer immediately; for I know his Lodgings by his
Letter.

Dom.

I understand it not, for my part; but I wish your Intentions
be honest. Remember, that Adultery, though it be a silent
Sin, yet it is a crying Sin also. Nevertheless, If you believe absolutely
he will dye, unless you pity him: to save a man's Life is
a point of Charity; and actions of Charity do alleviate, as I may
say, and take off from the Mortality of the Sin. Farwell, Daughter.
—Gomez, cherish your vertuous Wife; and thereupon
I give you my Benediction:

(going.)
Gom.

Stay; I'll conduct you to the door,—that I may be
sure you steal nothing by the way.—Fryars wear not their
long Sleeves for nothing.—Oh, 'tis a Judas Iscariot.

[Exit, after the Fryar.
Elvi.

This Fryar is a comfortable man! He will understand
nothing of the Business; and yet does it all.

Pray Wives and Virgins, at your time of need,
For a True Guide, of my Good Father's breed.
[Exit Elvira.