University of Virginia Library

ACT V.

SCENE I.

Enter PLEUSIDIPPUS and TRACHALIO.
PLEUSIDIPPUS.
Tell it me o'er and o'er, repeat it all
Again, Trachalio, and again;—my life!
My friend! my patron! nay, my father rather!—
Tell me, oh tell me,—has Palæstra found
Her parents?

Trach.
She has found them.

Pleu.
And is she
My countrywoman?

Trach.
I think so.

Pleu.
And am I
To marry her?

Trach.
I suspect so.

Pleu.
And d'ye think,
That he'll betroth her to me?

Trach.
So I reckon.

Pleu.
And shall I then congratulate her father,
That she is found?

Trach.
I count so.

Pleu.
And her mother?

Trach.
I reckon so.

Pleu.
You reckon? what's your reckoning?

Trach.
I reckon, 'tis exactly as you say.

Pleu.
Then tell me what's th'amount?

Trach.
Th'amount? I reckon—

Pleu.
Don't be for ever reckoning: what's the total?

Trach.
I reckon—

Pleu.
Should I not walk fast?

Trach.
I count so.

Pleu.
Or rather gently in this pace?

Trach.
I count so.

Pleu.
Should I address her, when I come?

Trach.
I count so.

Pleu.
Her father too?

Trach.
I count so.

Pleu.
Then her mother?

Trach.
I count so.

Pleu.
What besides? Should I embrace
Her father, on my coming?—

Trach.
I count not.

Pleu.
Her mother?—

Trach.
I count not.

Pleu.
The maid herself?

Trach.
I count not.

Pleu.
Woe is me! his 'count is clos'd:
He counts not, when I'd have him count.

Trach.
You're mad:
Follow me.

Pleu.
Lead, my patron, where you will.

[They go into Dæmones's House.

SCENE II.

Enter LABRAX at a Distance.
Was ever man so wretched? Pleusidippus
Has cast me 'fore the judges, and Palæstra
Is taken from me by award.—I'm ruin'd!—
Sure men of my profession are created
For sport alone, since all men are rejoic'd
When any evil does betide a pimp.—
Well,—to the Temple I'll now go, and find
That other damsel, which is mine:—at least
I'll bear off Ampelisca:—she is all
That's left me of my property.

SCENE III.

Enter GRIPUS with a Spit, from DÆMONES's House.
(Entering.)
By heav'ns
Ye shall not see Gripus alive to-night,
Unless the wallet be restor'd to me.

Lab.
(Over-hearing)
Oh! at the very mention of a wallet
I'm ready to drop down, just as if somebody
Had struck me with a large stake o'er the breast.

Grip.
That rascal there has got his freedom by it;
But I, who caught this wallet with my net,
I,—ye refuse to give him any thing.

Lab.
O ye immortal Gods! this fellow makes me
Prick up my ears at what he says.

Grip.
'Fore heav'n
I'll have it posted up all round about
In letters a yard long, “If any one
“Has lost a wallet full of gold and silver,
“Let him repair to Gripus.”—Ye sha'n't carry it,
As ye imagine.

Lab.
Verily this fellow
Knows who has got My wallet.—I'll accost him.

(Dæmones, or some one else, calls Gripus from within.)
Grip.
Why do you call me in again? I'd scour
This spit without doors where I am.— (Scouring the spit)
In troth
It's made of rust, not iron; and the more
I rub it, still more red it grows, and slenderer.
This spit has spit itself in a consumption,
It falls away, it wasts so in my hands.

Lab.
(Advancing.)
Save you, young man.

Grip.
Heav'ns bless you, Goodman Baldpate.

Lab.
What are you at?

Grip.
Scouring this spit.

Lab.
How do you?

Grip.
Why do you ask? Are you a doctor pray,
A medicant?

Lab.
I'm more, more by one letter.

Grip.
I understand you; you're a mendicant,
A beggar?

Lab.
You have hit it.

Grip.
So I thought
By your appearance.—What's the matter with you?

Lab.
I was involv'd o'er head and ears, deep in for't
Last night at sea; my ship was cast away,
And I lost all that I was worth.

Grip.
What lost you?

Lab.
I lost a wallet full of gold and silver.

Grip.
Do you remember what was in the wallet?

Lab.
What signifies it, when 'tis lost?

Grip.
Well, well! then,—
If not of this, let's talk of something else.—
What if I know who found it?—Prithee now
Tell me the marks, inform me what was in it.

Lab.
There were eight hundred pieces in a bag,
All gold, besides an hundred Philippeans
In a small scrip of leather by itself.

Grip.
(Aside.)
'Fore heav'n a noble prize, and I shall get
A large reward for finding it.—The Gods
Respect poor mortals.—I shall go from hence
Laden with spoil.—'Tis certainly his wallet.—
(To Lab.)
Proceed.

Lab.
A silver talent in a purse,
A bowl, a boat, an ewer, and a goblet.

Grip.
Most wonderful!—You had a world of riches.

Lab.
O 'tis a sad word and a vile one, Had,—
T'have had and not to have.

Grip.
What will you give
The party, that shall find and tell you of it?
Speak quick.

Lab.
Three hundred pieces.

Grip.
A mere feather.

Lab.
Four hundred.

Grip.
Rotten thread.

Lab.
Five hundred.

Grip.
Nutshells.

Lab.
Six hundred.

Grip.
Mites.

Lab.
I'll give sev'n hundred.

Grip.
Why
D'ye keep your mouth so close? are you afraid
To open it for fear of catching cold?

Lab.
I'll give a thousand pieces.

Grip.
You are dreaming.

Lab.
I'll give no more: begone.

Grip.
But hearkye me,
If I once go, I come not here again.

Lab.
What if I add an hundred to the thousand.

Grip.
Poh! you're asleep.

Lab.
Speak, how much would you have?

Grip.
Well then,—to make but one word,—a great talent;
That is the price; I will not bate a doit:
Therefore say ay or no.

Lab.
(Aside.)
I see I'm forc'd to't.—
(To Gripus.)
A talent shall be giv'n.

Grip.
(Going to the altar.)
Come hither then.
Venus shall be a party to th'agreement.

Lab.
Command me what you will.

Grip.
Here,—touch the altar.

Lab.
I touch it.

Grip.
By this Goddess you must swear—

Lab.
What must I swear?

Grip.
What I shall order you.

Lab.
Well—dictate what you will. (Aside.)
I need not borrow
Of any one what I've at home in plenty.

Grip.
Take hold here of the altar.

Lab.
I have hold on't.

Grip.
Swear, you will pay me what we have agreed on,
As soon as you've possession of the wallet.

Lab.
I will.

Gripus
speaks, and Labrax repeats after him.
Cyrenian Venus, bear me witness,
If I shall find this wallet, which I lost,
With all the gold and silver, and it come
Safe into my possession,—

Grip.
“Then, I promise
“This present Gripus,”— (To Lab.)
Say so after me,
And lay your hand upon me.

Lab.
Then, I promise
This present Gripus,—

Grip. and Lab.
Venus be my witness,—
That I will give him a great silver talent.

Grip.
Say,—If you cozen me, let Venus then
Destroy you root and branch in your profession.
(Aside.)
And be it so, the moment you have sworn!

Lab.
O Venus, if I falsify my oath,
May curses light on me and all Procurers.

Grip.
(Aside.)
And so they will, though you should keep your oath.—
(To Labrax,)
Stay here:—I'll bring the old man out:—Be sure
You challenge him directly with the wallet.

[Gripus goes in.
Lab.
So—though he help me to my wallet, yet
I owe him not a doit. Myself am judge
Of what my tongue does swear.—Hush,—here he comes,
And the old gentleman along with him.

SCENE IV.

Enter GRIPUS, and DÆMONES, with the Wallet.
GRIPUS,
to Dæmones in entering.
Follow me this way.—Where is this Procurer?—
(Calling.)
Ho!—Hearkye!—Ho there!—
(To Labrax.)
He has got your wallet.

Dæm.
I have it; I confess, that I have got it:
If it be your's, e'en take it.—All that's in it
Shall be return'd you safe and whole.—Then take it,
If it be your's.

Lab.
O ye immortal Powers!
'Tis mine.—Welcome, dear wallet!

Dæm.
Is it your's?

Lab.
Mine, do you ask?—By heav'ns, if Jove himself
Had got it, it were mine.

Dæm.
There's nothing touch'd,
Except one little casket, that contain'd
Some trinkets, which I found my daughter by.

Lab.
Daughter? what daughter?

Dæm.
She that was your property,
Palæstra;—she is found to be my daughter.

Lab.
'Tis a rare chance by heav'ns; and I am glad,
That things have happen'd to your wish so luckily.

Dæm.
I hardly can believe you.

Lab.
To convince you
That I am glad, you shall not pay one doit;
I'll give her to you.

Dæm.
You oblige me.

Lab.
Nay
The obligation's on my side, good Sir. (Takes the wallet.)


Grip.
Hearkye! you've got the wallet now.

Lab.
I have it.

Grip.
Come, quick then.

Lab.
Quick then? what?

Grip.
Give me the money.

Lab.
I'll neither give, nor do I owe you aught.

Grip.
What dealing's this? Not owe me?

Lab.
No indeed.

Grip.
Did you not swear?

Lab.
I swore; and I will swear
Whate'er I please. Oaths were contriv'd to guard,
Not to destroy our property.

Grip.
Come pay me
The silver talent, thou most perjur'd knave!

Dæm.
Gripus, what talent?

Grip.
Which he swore to give me.

Lab.
I chose to swear: what then?—Are you a Pontiff,
That you can fine me for my perjury?

Dæm.
On what occasion promis'd he this money?

Grip.
He swore, if I would help him to his wallet,
That he would give me a great silver talent.

Lab.
Get one to go with me before a judge,
Where I will prove you trick'd me in the bargain:
Besides, I'm under age.

Grip.
Here,—go with Him.

(Pointing to Dæmones.)
Lab.
No, I must have some other: he's your master.

Dæm.
You shall not carry off this wallet from him,
Till I have found him guilty.—Did you promise him
The money?

Lab.
I confess it.

Dæm.
What you promis'd
My servant, of a right belongs to me.—
Don't think your pimp's tricks will avail you here:
They will not do.

Grip.
You thought, that you had got
A fool to deal with, one that you could cozen.
Come, pay the money down: and I will give it
Directly to my master for my freedom.

Dæm.
Since I have been so courteous, and through me
These things were sav'd,—

Grip.
Through me, say not through you.

Dæm.
(To Grip.)
Don't be a fool, but hold your tongue: (To Labrax.)
You ought
On your part to return the obligation.

Lab.
Yes truly! you defend my right so well!

Dæm.
'Twere strange indeed, should I defend your right
To my own disadvantage.

Grip.
So,—all's well:
The pimp grows softer: I foresee my freedom.

Dæm.
This fellow found your wallet, he's my slave,
And I have sav'd it for you with it's treasure.

Lab.
I thank you for't; and now I see no reason
But you should have the talent which I promis'd.

Grip.
Hearkye me! come then,—if you're wise, come give it me.

Dæm.
Won't you be quiet?

Grip.
You pretend forsooth
You're taking of my part, when all the while
'Tis for yourself you're acting.—Though I've lost
One prize, you shall not chouse me out of this.

Dæm.
Speak but another word, I'll have you drub'd.

Grip.
Nay, you may even kill me, but I'll not
Be silent, till my mouth's stopt with a talent.

Lab.
'Tis for your interest he's concern'd: be quiet.

Dæm.
(To Labrax.)
Come hither, step aside here.

Lab.
If you please.

(Dæmones and Labrax walk on one side.)
Grip.
Do all above board; I will have no whisperings.

Dæm.
What was the price you gave for Ampelisca,
That other girl?

Lab.
I paid a thousand pieces.

Dæm.
Say, shall I make a fair and good proposal?

Lab.
I am content, Sir.

Dæm.
I'll divide the talent.

Lab.
'Tis well.

Dæm.
Yourself take one half for her freedom;
The other give to Gripus.

Lab.
Very well.

Dæm.
And for that half I'll set the fellow free,
Through whom you found your wallet, I my daughter.

Lab.
I thank you heartily: 'tis rightly done.

Grip.
Well, shall I have the money out of hand?

Dæm.
Th'affair is settled, Gripus: I have got it.

Grip.
Faith I had rather though, that I had got it.

Dæm.
There's nothing for you, therefore don't expect it.—
You must release him of his oath.

Grip.
I'm ruin'd!
I shall be dead, if I don't han0g myself.—
You shall not cozen me a second time.

Dæm.
Labrax, you'll sup with me.

Lab.
Agreed, with pleasure.

Dæm.
Come with me in now both of you.—
(He addresses himself to the Spectators.)
—Spectators,
I would invite You too, but I have nought
To give you, I have no good chear within;
Besides, I fancy you're bid forth to supper.
If it shall please you to applaud our play,
I do invite you all to a collation
Sixteen years hence.—
(To Labrax and Gripus.)
You two will sup with me
To-night.

Lab.
With pleasure.

Dæm.
(To the Spectators.)
Give us your applause.

[Exeunt.