University of Virginia Library

ACT I.

SCENE I.

Enter PYRGOPOLINICES, ARTOTROGUS, and Soldiers.
PYRGOPOLINICES.
See that the splendour of my shield outshine
The sun's bright radiance, when the heav'ns are fair;
That, when we join in battle, it may dazzle
The enemies eyes throughout their thickest ranks.
Fain would I comfort this good sword of mine,
Lest he despond in spirit, or lament,
For that I wear him unemploy'd, who longs
To make a carbonado of the foes.—
But where is Artotrogus?

Art.
He is here,
Close by an hero brave and fortunate,
And of a princely form,—a warrior! such
As Mars himself would not have dar'd to bring
His prowess in compare with your's.

Pyrg.
Who was it
In the Gurgustidonian plains I spar'd,
Where Bombomachides Cluninstaridysarchides,
Great Neptune's grandson, bore the chief command?

Art.
Oh, I remember—doubtless it is he
You mean to speak of, with the golden armour;—
Whose legions with your breath you puff'd away
Like the light leaves, or chaff before the wind.

Pyrg.
Oh! that indeed! that on my troth was nothing.

Art.
Nothing, 'tis true, compar'd with other feats,
That I could mention, (aside)
which you ne'er perform'd.—
Shew me whoever can a greater lyar,
One fuller of vain boasting than this fellow,
And he shall have me, I'll resign me up
To be his slave, though, when I'm mad with hunger,
He should allow me nothing else to eat
But whey and butter-milk.

Pyrg.
Where art thou?

Art.
Here.—
How, in the name of wonder, was't you broke
In India with your fist an elephant's arm?

Pyrg.
How! arm?

Art.
His thigh, I meant.

Pyrg.
I was but playing.

Art.
Had you put forth your strength, you would have driv'n
Your arm quite through his hide, bones, guts, and all.

Pyrg.
I would not talk of these things now.

Art.
Indeed
You would but spend your breath in vain to tell
Your valorous feats to me, who know your prowess.
(Aside)
My appetite creats me all this plague;
My ears must hear him, or my teeth want work;
And I must swear to every lie he utters.

Pyrg.
Hold,—what was I about to say?

Art.
I know
What you design'd to say;—a gallant action!—
I well remember—

Pyrg.
What?

Art.
Whate'er it be.

Pyrg.
Hast thou got tablets?

Art.
Yes, I have—d'ye want them?—
A pencil too.

Pyrg.
How rarely thou dost suit
Thy mind to mine!

Art.
'Tis fit that I should study
Your inclinations, and my care should be
Ev'n to forerun your wishes.

Pyrg.
What remember'st?

Art.
I do remember—let me see—an hundred
Sycolatronidans—and thirty Sardians,—
And threescore Macedonians,—that's the number
Of persons, whom you slaughter'd in one day.

Pyrg.
What's the sum total of these men?

Art.
Sev'n thousand.

Pyrg.
So much it should be—thou'rt a right accomptant.

Art.
I have it not in writing, but remember.

Pyrg.
Thou hast an admirable memory.

Art.
'Tis sharpen'd by my stomach.

Pyrg.
Bear thyself
As thou hast hitherto, and thou shalt eat
Eternally,—for ever shalt thou be
Partaker of my table.

Art.
Then again
What feats did you perform in Cappadocia!
Where at one single stroke you had cut off
Five hundred men together, if your sword
Had not been blunt, and these but the remains
Of th'infantry, which you before had routed,—
(Aside)
If ever there were any such in being.
Why should I tell you, what all mortals know?
That Pyrgopolinices stands alone,
The only one on earth fam'd above men
For beauty, valour, and renown'd exploits.
The ladies are enamour'd of you all,
Nor without reason,—since you are so handsome;
Witness the gay young damsels yesterday,
That pluck'd me by the cloak.—

Pyrg.
(Smiling)
What said they to you?

Art.
They question'd me about you.—Is not that,
Says one of them, Achilles?—Troth, said I,
It is his brother.—Why indeed forsooth
He's wondrous handsome, quoth another:—how
His hair becomes him!—O what happiness
Those ladies do enjoy, who share his favours!

Pyrg.
Did she indeed say so?

Art.
Two in particular
Beg'd of me I would you bring by their way,
That they might see you march.

Pyrg.
What plague it is
To be too handsome!

Art.
They are so importunate,
They're ever begging for a sight of you;
They send for me so often to come to them,
I scarce have leisure to attend your business.

Pyrg.
'Tis time methinks to go unto the Forum,
And pay those soldiers I enlisted yesterday:
For king Seleucus pray'd me with much suit
To raise him some recruits.—I have resolv'd
To dedicate this day unto his service.

Art.
Come, let's be going then.

Pyrg.
Guards, follow me.

[Exeunt.