 | Tricks Upon Travellers |  |
SCENE I.
An Inn at Seville.Enter Don Ramirez and Hostess.
HOSTESS.
This way an't please your honour. You are welcome
To Seville, sir. Would'st please to take refreshment?
RAMIREZ.
All in good time. I would repose a little.
HOSTESS.
No doubt your honour must be much fatigued.
Shall I prepare a posset for your honour,
Something that's warm and comfortable?
RAMIREZ.
Pshaw!
342
HOSTESS.
Whom dost your honour please to want?
RAMIREZ.
My rascal whom I left in charge o'th' baggage—
HOSTESS.
Diego! Signor Diego!
Enter Diego, with a Cloakbag, &c.
RAMIREZ.
So, you're come.
DIEGO.
Aye, I am come, and all the things are safe—
But I was forc'd to have my eyes about me.
There were some sparks there standing in the yard,
That look'd as if their fingers itch'd to have 'em.
HOSTESS.
What's that you say, signor?—I'd have you know
None but the best of quality come here.
DIEGO.
They may be quality for ought I know;
But they look'd plaguily like pickpockets.
HOSTESS.
Like pickpockets indeed! A pretty story!
I, who have liv'd here fifteen years, and more,
And held my head up with the best in Seville,
343
DIEGO.
Nay, I taunt you not—
But if I ever saw a pickpocket—
RAMIREZ.
Have done.
HOSTESS.
Nay let him, an he will, go on.
I'll bring him up.
DIEGO.
You'll be brought down yourself.
HOSTESS.
I be brought down!—By whom, I pray? by you?—
I tell thee, saucy knave—
RAMIREZ.
Ne'er heed him, madam,
He is untaught.—But I would be alone.
HOSTESS.
Your worship speaks like a good gentleman.
What would your honour please to have for dinner?
There's butcher's meat of all sorts, fish and poultry;
Shall I conduct your worship to the larder?
RAMIREZ.
I'd rather be excus'd: let him go with you.
DIEGO.
Aye, let me see what store you have on board.
344
Shew me good fare, and we'll be friends anon.
[Exeunt Diego and landlady.
RAMIREZ.
So! here am I at length arriv'd in Seville,
Where, thanks to my kind kinsman, Don Alonzo,
I am invited to receive the hand
Of the fair Laura, only child and heir
Of rich Don Guzman. Let me see—in lands,
Of solid rents, some threescore thousand crowns;
In ready cash, pistoles some fourscore thousand.
Why this, so far as money goes, is well.
And yet, I know not—I've but half a heart
To undertake this business.—Clara! Clara!
Thou hast a claim upon me, which my heart,
And honour too, convince me can't be cancell'd.
My evil star was surely in ascendance,
When, in the moment of a peevish quarrel,
Brought on by mine own petulance, I open'd
That letter from Alonzo. Riches, honours,
Flash'd in my view, and with a magnet's force
Seduc'd me hither.
Enter Diego.
DIEGO.
I have got a trifle
345
I've order'd you a delicate young capon,
Some nice red trouts, a pretty leg of lamb,
An omelette, with a vermicelli soup,
A partridge and some other little kickshaws—
RAMIREZ.
'Slife, do you mean to feed an army, sirrah?
DIEGO.
I always like to do the thing genteely,
(Aside)
—And 'specially when I am not to pay for't.
RAMIREZ.
Hark you me, sir! Let's have no more of this.
Enquire the way to Don Alonzo's house;
Tell him I'm here, impatient to embrace him.
And hasten to the tailor, whom he order'd
To make for me a suit, in the same fashion
As those now worn by noblemen at court.
Then find where lives Don Guzman de Pacheco;
Make my respectful compliments to him
And his fair daughter—
DIEGO.
She you come to wed?
RAMIREZ.
Ay, sir, the same; my golden fleece, such as
Jason ne'er saw, my East and Western Indies—
My argosie, freighted with gold and jewels—
346
Heav'n help me, I shall ne'er remember half—
Let's see—to compliment your honour's tailor—
To tell the rich young lady you're impatient
T'embrace her—
RAMIREZ.
Silence, sir, no jesting now—
See you perform my orders punctually.
DIEGO.
Then you're resolv'd to marry this same lady?
RAMIREZ.
Else wherefore came I from Toledo hither?
DIEGO.
An I might do it without risk, I'd ask
Your honour one plain question.
RAMIREZ.
Ask it freely.
DIEGO.
There's something tempting, I must own, i' th' thought
Of gaining at a hit a vast estate,
With no incumbrance on it but a wife,
And she too, as 'tis said, handsome and young—
I must confess 'tis tempting.
RAMIREZ.
Well, wise sir,
Say on.
347
I'm coming to the point—Now, mark me.
There is a certain lady lives at Elvas—
One Donna Clara—do you know her, sir?
RAMIREZ.
Aye, marry, sir—better than she knows me.
DIEGO.
That may well be; for, as I think, you chose,
Without a godfather, to call yourself
Don Juan Velasco, you may now conceive
That you, as Don Ramirez, are not bound
To stand to what Don Juan strictly promis'd.
RAMIREZ.
Perhaps I may not.
DIEGO.
Nay, sir, as you please,
I'm not your confessor; yet, if I err not,
There was a time, and that not long ago,
When you profess'd yourself her humble servant,
Seem'd never happy but when you was with her,
And, if I don't mistake, your marriage day
Was fix'd; when, on a sudden, why or wherefore
I know not, you decamp'd.
RAMIREZ.
Have you ought else?
348
Nay, that's enough.
RAMIREZ.
Then thus I answer you.
When I declar'd my love to Donna Clara,
I was sincere, heav'n knows my heart, I was!—
But wherefore do I talk of this to you?
I thought I had a cause—but what of that?
'Tis past—I would forget it if I could.
DIEGO.
And so poor Donna Clara's left to sigh.
RAMIREZ.
Name her no more!
DIEGO.
I wo'n't—
I'll hold my tongue, and set my teeth in motion.
Enter Hostess.
HOSTESS.
An't please your honour, dinner is serv'd up.
RAMIREZ.
I'll wait upon you madam.
[Exit Hostess.
Hark, Diego,
Do what I order'd you. Make no mistakes.
[Exit.
349
Plague on this state of servitude, I say!
I've appetites and feelings like my master;
Can be fatigued too after a hot journey,
And can enjoy the luxury of dinner,
With a cool glass of sparkling Malvoisie,
To lead me gently on to my siesta.
But I'm forsooth his lackey, a poor drudge,
Hungry and tir'd to run upon his errands,
While he indulges in his easy chair,
And takes his pleasure. Fortune! thou'rt a jade
To leave me thus, when, had it been thy will,
I could have made so fine a gentleman.
[Exit.
| Tricks Upon Travellers | |