University of Virginia Library

ACT V.

SCENE I.

EUGENIUS's Castle.
Enter SOPHIA, CORISCA, and HILLARIO.
SOPHIA.
Are they then so humble?

CORISCA.
Hunger and hard labour
Have tamed 'em, Madam;—at first they bellow'd
Like stags ta'en in a toil, and would not work
For sullenness.

HILLARIO.
I do remember that they stopp'd their noses
At the sight of beef and mutton, as coarse feeding
For their fine palates; but now, their work being ended,
They leap at a barley crust, and hold cheese-parings,
With a spoonful of pall'd wine pour'd in their water,
For festival dainties.

CORISCA.
When I examine
My spinster's work, he trembles like a 'prentice,
And takes a box on the ear, when I spy faults
And botches in his labour, as a favour
From an angry mistress.

HILLARIO.
The other too reels well
For his time; and if your Ladyship would please
To see 'em, they'd much delight you
With their hungry dialogues—

SOPHIA.
But should they grow rebellious in their prison
When we enter?

HILLARIO.
Ne'er fear't: I'll undertake
To lead them out by th' nose, with a coarse thread
Of the one's spinning, and make the other
Reel after, without grumbling.

CORISCA.
Dear Madam,
'Twill help to drive away your melancholy.

SOPHIA.
And so they've voluntarily confess'd,
That by the Queen they're sent to taint me, in
My loyalty to my Lord?

CORISCA.
'Twas the main cause
That brought 'em hither.—

SOPHIA.
I'm glad I know it,
For at the height I'll therefore be reveng'd.

Enter SERVANT.
SERVANT.
This instant, Madam,
Signior Baptista 'lighting from his horse,
Has brought assurance of my Lord's return.

SOPHIA.
How! and do I stand trifling here? away!
—See that those pamper'd lordlings are secur'd,
And wait my further orders.—

[To Hillario.
[Exit Sophia.

SCENE II.

UBALDO and RICARDO sitting melancholy on wooden stools.
UBALDO.
Heigh-ho!

RICARDO.
I can return you sigh for sigh, Ubaldo.
(Thanks to their spare, and windy dieting!)

RICARDO.
Oh! what a stain on our nobility!

UBALDO.
So I grant; and yet, methinks, it will rub out
As soon as some that I could name—but hark,
Our keeper enters; we must work or starve.

Enter HILLARIO and CORISCA.
HILLARIO.
Come, work away, my noble masters, and
Lose no time, 'tis precious with handicrafts;
You'll find it in your commons.

RICARDO.
Commons call you it?
The word is proper; I myself have graz'd
But four and twenty hours upon your commons,
And you may see through me!

HILLARIO.
How would you like an airing out abroad,
Would it not be a favour?

RICARDO.
If you'll be
An honest yeoman phewterer, feed us first,
And walk us after.

HILLARIO.
Yeoman phewterer?
Such another word to your governor, and you go
Supperless to bed for't!

UBALDO.
Nay, even as you please.
The comfortable names of breakfast, dinner,
Collations, supper, beverage, are words
Worn out of remembrance.

RICARDO.
O for the steam
Of meat in a cook's shop!

UBALDO.
O that I ever saw this beauteous fury!

RICARDO.
Or look'd on women but as fiery meteors!

HILLARIO.
Silence, ye courtly manufacturers;
No more of this!

CORISCA.
Methinks you have no cause
To repent your being here!

HILLARIO.
Have you not learnt,
When your 'states are spent, a trade to live by,
And never charge the workhouse?

CORISCA.
Work but tightly,
And we will not use a napkin in the house
But of your spinning.

UBALDO.
I would this hemp
Were turn'd to a halter!

HILLARIO.
You see, my masters, what
Cross-grain'd stuff they now and then
Make Lords of, since you two cut down
To so little profit!—Come, will
You march?

RICARDO.
A soft one, good general, I do beseech you.

UBALDO.
Let it be to slow time, gallant commander,
For my poor legs reluctantly do follow
Their weary master.

HILLARIO.
Yet, how strange to tell,
Last night when fancy pip'd the march of Love,
They to the perfum'd chamber quickly frisk'd it;
But come, no thought of extacy, that's past:
In;—and there pray against temptation!

[Shuts them into an Inner Chamber, and Exit.

SCENE III.

Enter SOPHIA and BAPTISTA.
SOPHIA.
Whether I am most surpriz'd or charm'd, I know not;
And shall I see this Queen whose beauty could not shake him?

BAPTISTA.
Ere this, their Majesties are at your gate.

SOPHIA.
But how that flatt'ring portrait did you gain,
With which you've wrought so bright a miracle!

BAPTISTA.
I had it sketch'd from that bright miniature
Which decks the centre of your brother's shield:
But you'll excuse the theft that friendship urg'd.

SOPHIA.
My friendship shall repay it; but 'tis fit
This jealousy should have a final check,
And that, where least he looks for't, ev'n from me!
Suppose I use the happy means I have
T' expose his wound, and thus compleat his cure?

BAPTISTA.
'Twere well, if you have art t' atchieve it.

SOPHIA.
That trumpet speaks them near: lay still my heart,
While I but feign this momentary coolness,
And then, with double transport, thou shalt greet him!

[Exit Sophia and Baptista.

SCENE IV.

Another apartment. (Loud music.)
Enter LADISLAUS, EUGENIUS, EUBULUS, FERDINAND, HONORIA, and Attendants.
EUBULUS.
Not Jove attended on by Hermes, was
More welcome to the cottage of Philemon,
And his poor Baucis, than your gracious self,
Your matchless Queen, and all your train,
Are to your servant and his wife.

LADISLAUS.
Where is she?

HONORIA.
I long to see her, as my now great rival.

EUBULUS.
And I to have a smack at her—'tis a cordial
To an old man, better than sack and toast,
Before he goes to supper.

EUGENIUS.
Ha! my house thus turn'd
To a wilderness? no wife nor servants ready,
With all rites due to majesty, to receive
Such unexpected blessings?
You assured me
[Enter Baptista.
Of better preparation: hath not
Th' excess of joy transported her beyond
Her understanding?

BAPTISTA.
Just now parting from her,
I gave her your directions.

EUGENIUS.
How shall I crave
Your Majesty's patience? sure my house are mad,
Or by some fiend in envy of my glory,
A deadly lethargy is thus thrown o'er 'em.
Enter HILLARIO with Servants.
But that the presence of the King forbids it.
This sword should make a massacre among ye—
Where's your mistriss?

HILLARIO.
First, you are welcome from the wars, good Sir!
Then know, she says she's sick; but as for that
Whether she feign or no—you must enquire
Of students vers'd in female constitutions!
No notice ta'en of my fine cloaths!

(Aside
EUGENIUS.
It cannot be; tho' she were on her death-bed,
And her spirit e'en just departing, here stand they,
Could call it back again, and in this honor
Give it a second being! bring me to her—
I know not what to urge, my gracious Leige,
For this wild conduct.—

[Exit Eugenius, Hillario, and Servants.
EUBULUS.
There's no climate
In the world, I think, where one jade's trick or other
Reigns not in woman!

FERDINAND.
You were ever bitter
Against the sex, my Lord.

LADISLAUS.
This is very strange!

HONORIA.
Inferior women
Have their faults as well as Queens.

LADISLAUS.
O, now she appears.

Enter EUGENIUS, SOPHIA, and CORISCA.
EUGENIUS.
The injury you conceive I have done you
Dispute hereafter, and in your perverseness,
Wrong not yourself and me.

[Apart to Sophia.
SOPHIA.
I am past my childhood
And need no tutor.

EUGENIUS.
This is the King,
To whom I am engag'd 'till death, for all
I stand possest of.

SOPHIA.
My humble roof is proud, Sir,
To be the canopy of so much greatness.—

LADISLAUS.
My own praises rising
In such pure air as your sweet breath, fair Lady,
Cannot but please me.

SOPHIA.
In my duty,
I kiss her Highness' robe!

HONORIA.
You stoop too low
To her, whose lip would meet with yours.

SOPHIA.
However
It may appear prepost'rous in women
So to encounter, 'tis your pleasure, Madam,
And not my proud ambition:—do you hear, Sir?
[To Eugenius.
Without a Magic Picture in the touch,
I find your print of wanton kisses
On the Queen's lips!

EUGENIUS.
Upon your life be silent!—
And now salute these Lords.

SOPHIA.
Since you'll have me,
You shall see I'm experienc'd in the art,
And can play it freely!
(To Ferdinand.)
You are a brave man, Sir,
And do deserve a free and hearty welcome:
Be this the prologue to it.

EUBULUS.
An old man's turn
Is ever last in kissing.—I have lips too,
However cold ones, Madam!

SOPHIA.
I will warm 'em
With the fire of mine!

EUBULUS.
And so she has!—I thank you:
I shall sleep the better all night for't.

EUGENIUS.
You express
The boldness of a wanton courtezan,
And not a matron's modesty; take up,
Or you're undone for ever!

SOPHIA.
How! Is that
The Queen so careful of me in your absence?
—She knew how tedious 'twas for a young wife,
To pass away her melancholy hours
Without good company; so cull'd me out
Two sprightly Lords from her own courtly store
To do me all good offices: as such,
Employ'd by her, I hope I have receiv'd
And entertain'd them; nor will they depart
Without th' effect, arising from the cause
That brought 'em hither.

EUGENIUS.
Monstrous impudence!

SOPHIA.
I beg your Royal pardon
While I go out, and bring those to your presence
Who shall attest what I have said.

[Exit Sophia and Attendants.
LADISLAUS.
How now! turn'd statue, Sir?

EUGENIUS.
Fly, quickly fly
From this curst habitation, or yon gorgon
Will make you all as I am; on her tongue
Millions of adders hiss, and every hair
Upon her wicked head's a snake more dreadful!

EUBULUS.
These are the fruits
Of marriage! an old Bachelor, as I am,
And will continue so, is not troubled
With these vagaries.

LADISLAUS.
It suits not with your fortitude,
To let your passion thus transport you.

[To Eug.
HONORIA.
Reflect, that you were once deceiv'd in me.

EUGENIUS.
Hath she not all confess'd, and vilely fled
To fetch her pamper'd paramours,
Deck'd out in triumph o'er my soul disgrace?
See where they come! but this shall—
[Eugenius draws his sword; but starts back on the nearer approach of Sophia, who leads down Ubaldo, and Ricardo, attended by Hillario and Corisca.
How's this! more mysteries in store?

EUBULUS.
What have we here!

SOPHIA.
You must come on and shew yourselves.

UBALDO.
The King.

RICARDO.
And Queen too!

LADISLAUS.
I remember
This face, when it was in a better plight:
Are not you Ricardo?

RICARDO.
I was once so, please
Your Grace.

HONORIA.
And this thing, I take it
Was once Ubaldo!

UBALDO.
I am now I know not what.

RICARDO.
We thank your Majesty for employing us
To this subtle Circe!

SOPHIA.
You see, Madam,
How I have cur'd your servants; and what favors
They with their gallantry have won from me!
You may, as they are physic'd, I presume,
Now safely trust them; they have learnt, besides,
Their several trades to live by, and paid nothing
But cold and hunger for them, and may now
Set up for themselves; for here I give them over.

UBALDO.
Then hang all trades!
I'll find a new one; that is, to live honest.

[Exeunt Ubaldo and Ricardo.
HILLARIO.
I am sorry for this general gaol delivery;
These are my fees, however, so I'm content.

[Exit, strutting in his fine cloaths.
SOPHIA.
As for you, Sir!—

[To Eugenius.
EUGENIUS.
Which way shall I intreat you?
I am not worthy of it; my Sophia!
My best Sophia! here, before the King,
The Queen, these Lords, and all surrounding us,
I do renounce my error, and embrace you
As the great example to all after times,
With reverence to imitate.

SOPHIA.
Not so, Sir!
I still hold off, although I here have clear'd
My doubtful innocence.
When you went to the wars,
I set no spy upon you, to observe
Which way you wander'd, though our sex, by nature,
Is subject to suspicions; for I fix'd
My confidence on your try'd loyalty:
But to deal as you did, 'gainst your reason,
With magic nonsense to survey my actions,
Was more than woman's weakness: therefore know,
And 'tis my boon unto the King, I do
Desire a separation from your bed;
For I will spend the remnant of my life
In pray'r, and meditation!

EUGENIUS.
O take pity
Upon my weak condition, or I am
More wretched in your innocence, than if
I had found you guilty. Have you shewn a jewel
Out of the cabinet of your rich mind
To lock it up again?—She turns away—
Will none speak for me? Shame hath robb'd me
Of the use of utterance!

LADISLAUS.
Since you have conquer'd, Madam,
You wrong the glory of your victory,
If you use it not with mercy.

EUBULUS.
Have I liv'd to see
But one good woman, and shall we for a trifle
Have her turn nun! I'll first pull down the cloysters!
—'Tis not enough, sweet Dame, that you are good,
We must have some o' th' breed!
Shew me but two such more,
I'll love myself, and, may be—marry!

HONORIA.
She that yet
Ne'er knew what 'twas to bend but to the King,
Thus begs remission for him.

SOPHIA.
O dear Madam,
Wrong not your greatness so.

ALL.
We are all suitors!

SOPHIA.
I perceive
There's no resisting your entreaties,—since
My own fond heart demands his restoration!
But should I pardon what's already past,
Who can secure me that he will be free
From hideous Jealousy hereafter?

EUGENIUS.
I
Will be mine own security!—Go ride,—
Feast,—revel,—banquet,—and with whom you please.
I'll set no watch upon you; and from hence,
(Blushing to think how passion has misled me)
This cheating semblance of thy beauteous self
I throw away,
And only bow to nature, and to thee!

[He tears the Picture from his neck, and kneels to Sophia.
BAPTISTA.
If from her sov'reignty you ne'er had swerv'd,
No stratagem of mine had been devis'd
To practice aught on your credulity.—

EUGENIUS.
Blind as I was—

BAPTISTA.
But since it lur'd you from that fatal gulph
To which suspicion blindly leads her train,
I do applaud me for the deed.

SOPHIA.
And I
My plaudits join; for now my mind's at ease,
And every soft idea bids him welcome!
Within, great Prince, our humble board is spread,
And waits the honor'd sanction of your presence.

LADISLAUS.
We will attend you:—Your hand, fair hostess,
Unless it feed the good man's jealousy!

EUGENIUS.
Oh, no, my liege!—his tyrant reign's dissolv'd.
For now our mutual confidence shall prove,
The guardian-knot, to bind our future LOVE!