University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

Enter SOPHIA.
SOPHIA.
Tho' all they have alledg'd prove true or false,
Their foul intent is levell'd against my honor,
And therefore I've resolv'd on ample vengeance,
Which shall be put in instant execution:
Who waits within? where are my noble guests?

Enter HILLARIO and CORISCA.
HILLARIO.
The elder, Madam,
Is drinking by himself to your Ladyship's health,
In muskardine and eggs; and for a rasher
To 'tice his liquors down, he hath got a pye
Of marrow-bones, potatoes, and eringoes,
With many such ingredients; and 'tis said
He hath sent his man in post to the next town
For perfumes, plunder'd from the hunted civet!

CORISCA.
And for the younger, such a fuss he makes
To prune and dress himself, as if this night
He were to play a bridegroom's part; but why,
I marvel much!

SOPHIA.
Are these same lodgings both prepar'd, and deck'd
As I directed.

CORISCA.
To the tittle, Madam!

SOPHIA.
Then fail not in a circumstance therein
Set down, as you respect my future favor.

[Gives a paper; Hillario and Corisca retire to read it.
HILLARIO.
Madam, here comes the frisky Lord Ubaldo.

Enter UBALDO.
UBALDO.
Pretty one, there's gold
[To Corisca.
To buy thee a new gown; and there's for thee,
[To Hillario.
Grow fat and fit for service—Now am I
At fortune's top most round, and able to
Beget a giant! (Aside.)
O my better angel,
You now will shew your wisdom, when you pay
Your husband in his own coin; shall you sit
Like a patient Grizzle, to be laugh'd at? No,
This is a fair revenge, so quickly let's retire.

SOPHIA.
But fair and softly sweet, my Lord; for thus
Shall I neglect your friend, to whom, by promise,
I'm equally engag'd.

UBALDO.
I must confess,
The more the merrier; but of all men living
Take heed of him! You may safer run upon
The mouth of a cannon when it's unloading!

SOPHIA.
I protest I do not understand you.

UBALDO.
I'll then expound it for your good; he is
Nought but a scurvy fish at best; the tub's
His weekly bath; he hath not drank for years
But sasafras and guiacum; and dry mutton's
His daily portion!

SOPHIA.
Bless me from him!

UBALDO.
'Tis a good pray'r, sweet Lady; for
If my tongue burn not when I name Ricardo,
Gibbet me!

SOPHIA.
Your caution I'll reward.

UBALDO.
I do expect as much; sweet, all perfection,
I think I've marr'd his market, come what may;
[Aside.
—But when?

SOPHIA.
Why, presently; follow my woman,
She knows where to conduct you, and will serve
You for a page to-night.—Be it your care
To minister at his toilet, and that with speed;
[To Corisca.
Delay takes from delight; a nectar posset
See be quickly brought into his chamber!

UBALDO.
Excellent Lady!—and a caudle too
I'th' morning, if so it please you.

CORISCA.
I will
Provide for you, my Lord, depend upon't.

Enter UBALDO, and CORISCA.
SOPHIA.
How closely they pursue me! for here comes
The other beagle.
Enter RICARDO.
Take purse and all!

[Ricardo gives his purse to Hillario.
HILLARIO.
Would this good company but often come,
I might make a pretty term on't—I doubt
Whether the fare these dolts have this way bought,
Will prove a gainful purchase.

SOPHIA.
For your sake,
I've put him off; he only begg'd a kiss,
And so we parted.

RICARDO.
He did not touch your lip?

SOPHIA.
Why sure there was no danger in the touch?

RICARDO.
No? Quickly eat these scented lozenges,
Of forty crowns an ounce, or you're undone?

SOPHIA.
Wherefore? what can be th' virtue of 'em?

RICARDO.
I am compell'd to use 'em in abundance,
E'en when I talk with him, or else be poisoned:
But I'll be free with you—he was once a creature,
It may be of Heaven's making, but long since
He is turn'd to a druggist's shop: the Spring and Fall
Hold all the year with him: that he lives, he owes
To Art, not Nature; she has giv'n him o'er;
He moves like the fairy king, on screws and wheels
Made by his doctor's recipe, and yet still
They're out of joint, and each day want repairing:—
In a frosty morning,
You may thrust him in a pottle pot; his bones
Rattle in his skin like beans toss'd in a bladder;
If he but hear a coach, fumigation cannot save him
From the chin evil. In a word, he is
Not one disease, but all; but being my friend,
I would forbear his character, as I would not
Wrong him in your good opinion.

SOPHIA.
The virtues you bestow on him, to me
Are mysteries I know not—however,
Since my partiality for you in vain
I would conceal—this sigh declares me your's.

RICARDO.
Poor—blind Ubaldo! He must take the maid.

SOPHIA.
Hillario!—be it your immediate care
To uncloath the gentleman, and quickly
See that you robe him in the sattin vest,
And lay the perfum'd night-cap on his pillow.

RICARDO.
Good: and for thy true and trusty service,
This cloak, this sword, and doublet, all are thine,
When I the anti-chamber quit.—

HILLARIO.
I take
Your word, sweet Sir.

RICARDO.
Dear Lady, stay not long.

SOPHIA.
Expect me soon.

HILLARIO.
This is the way, sweet Sir.

[Exeunt Hillario and Ricardo.
SOPHIA.
I was much to blame to credit their reports
Touching my Lord! who so traduce each other,
And with such virulence; tho' I presume
They both are base enough; and yet I hope,
The means I have devis'd will shortly lead
To their recovery.

[Exit.