University of Virginia Library

SCENE VII.

Goosecap; Betty and Simon enter behind; and afterwards the Old Lady.
Goose.
Well, after all, now, by this light,
That which my neighbour says is right:
Gad, she's a woman of good sense;
Virtuous, and not without the pence;
And as for beauty, 'tis a dream,
All women soon become the same.

Betty.
Here, Simon, we must both stand ready;
I saw him talking with my lady;
But he's as cunning as old nick,
And I suspect some mummer's trick.

Simon.
Let us go nearer.

Betty.
Hold! take heed!

Goose.
Beauty is but a dream, indeed!
And youth a flow'r that soon decays.

Betty.
He's talking.

Simon.
Hark!

Betty.
What is't he says?

Simon.
Something, I could not hear, could you?

Betty.
No; listen, and observe your cue.

Goose.
I never was half so well pleas'd in my life.
How came I before not to think of a wife?
Odds rabbits and niggers, the more I reflect,
It is the best measure,
For profit and pleasure,
I could have adopted, in every respect.

Betty.
And so you shall find in effect.

Goose.
Mistress Betty shall see,
And that to her sorrow,
By this time to-morrow,
I can be as headstrong as she.

Simon.
Odds my life this is no mumming,
Here's the gentlewoman coming,
Dress'd as fine as fine can be.

Betty.
All bedizened,
Perfum'd, poison'd!

A. 2.
O, she is a fine lady.

O. Lady.
My confusion is so great, Sir;
I'm afraid I've made you wait, Sir.

Goose.
Not at all, ma'am;
Take the wall, ma'am,
And oblige me with your hand.

O. Lady.
Sir, I'm all at your command.

Betty.
Hold, Sir, if you please, permit me,
In my office, to acquit me.
Fal, lal, lal, lal, lal, lal, loo.
By your leave and stand aside there;
Room for Mister Goosecap's bride there.

O. Lady.
Who are these? Do you know who?

Goose.
Betty, I've a mind to beat you.

A. 2.
Both your servants come to meet you.

Betty.
With low curtsies, ma'am, I greet you.

Goose.
Get you gone, you devils, do.

O. Lady.
Mister Goosecap, maid or wife,
Never was I, in my life,
Treated with so much ill manners.

A. 2.
Cupid, Hymen, spread your banners.
March before this happy pair.
Love and beauty,
'Tis our duty.

Goose.
Slut! Dog! Tell me how you dare—

O. Lady.
Use this freedom.

Goose.
Never heed them;
I'll chastise them, you may swear.

A. 2.
Husband rare!
Charming fair.

Betty.
Fa, ra, la, ra, la, ra, la.

Simon.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

O. Lady.
Don't you see me made their scorn?
Were your offers t'amuse me?
Did you bring me to abuse me?
Had I thought
I was brought—

Goose.
Oh, that ever I was born!
Stay, my lady,
I am ready.

O. Lady.
Laugh'd at, banter'd!

Goose.
Is't my fault?

Simon.
Master yonder's quite astonish'd.

O. Lady.
For that slut I'll have her punish'd;
Laid in Bridewell as she ought.

Betty.
Fa, ral, la, ra, la, ra, la.

Simon.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

A. 4.
Such a scene,
As this has been,
Sure no mortal ever saw.