University of Virginia Library

Enter Arcadian Men and Women; and among them Dorcas, gathering about Linco.
Chorus of Arcadians.
WELCOME Linco, welcome home.

Linco.
Happy am I, that am come;
Tho' I've been in countries rare,
Seen such sights would make you stare!

Arcadian.
Tell us, tell us!

Linco.
Give me air to blow my bellows.

Arcadian.
Tell us, tell us!

Linco.
A moment spare.

Arcad.
Make your neighbors some amends.

Linco.
Never more I'll wander,
Simple, silly gander,
From my flock and cackling friends.

(Shakes hands, and kisses the women.)
Chorus.
Welcome, Linco, welcome home.

Linco.
Don't crowd so, neighbours, you confound me:
Stand back, and make a circle round me;
I'll move my elbows in the center—
And on my travels thus I enter:
O yes!—keep silence old and young;
Do you find ears, while I find tongue.

Dorcas.
I am so deaf, I must come near thee.

(Approaches.
Linco.
And pray be dumb, or you'll not hear me.
Seiz'd with a strange desire of gadding,
Which sets your Englishmen a madding;
I rather chose, like them, to roam,
To play the fool, than stay at home:
But tho', like them, abroad I rov'd,
I'm not return'd so much improv'd—

(ironically)
Dorcas.
Those English folks are very strange.

Linco.
In politicks much giv'n to change;
They are in temper like the weather;
Fair, storm, foul, sun-shine all together:
Strange contradictions, gay and sad,
Mop'd, merry, moody, wife, and mad!
A strange hodge-podge of good and bad.

Dorcas.
'Tis said they are so fierce and bold!
No woman's safe.

Linco.
Unless she's old.

Dorcas.
I hate such wantonness and riot!

Linco.
You'd live among 'em very quiet.

(loud)
Arcadian.
But are they so prodigious stout?

Linco.
AIR.

Arcadian.
Of England tell more, what their sport and their trade is.

Dorcas.
And tell us, good Linco, some news of their ladies.

Linco.
Their women are fair, but fantastical grown,
To Dame Nature owe much, would they let her alone.
They challenge the world for good hearts and sweet faces,
But use all their tongues as they do in all places.
For their sports, they have plays, where all ranks and degrees
Take places to sweat, to be squeez'd, and to squeeze.
'Tis strange, but 'tis true, what I saw with my eye,
They give money to laugh, and what's stranger—to cry.
They build 'em fine places to meet in, and talk;
To walk round and round, and then round and round walk.
When tir'd to drink tea, and to eat butter'd bread;
Then again round and round, and go home almost dead.
Of all human things there, a traffic is made;
Religion, law, physick—nay, beauty's a trade.

Arcadian.
Beauty!

(starts)
Linco.
Yes beauty, I say—at midnight you'll meet
Kind damsels, who offer their charms in the street.
“Ah! so you! where go you? Sir, pray stay a while,”
Then so softly they talk, and so sweetly they smile,
That they tempt you to buy, by alluring approaches;
Such females are hir'd, as they hire hackney coaches.

Dorcas.
Fye for shame! for their kingdom they should not have me.

Linco.
In that, my good dame, you and they will agree;
For ev'ry disorder, they'll publish a cure,
Whose virtue, much puffing and swearing insure:
Should he kill the poor patient, the doctor must gain,
And still have good trade—for the dead won't complain.
Tho' they talk of their rights, which they'll fight for, and die;
Yet to know what's their right, to the law they apply;
For two bits of gold a black gown reads your case,
Hums, and haws, and thus speaks with a wife pucker'd face:
That coat on your back you have bought, and may use it;
'Tis prov'd the next day 'tis not mine, and I lose it.
Among these green bags, if you are not alert,
With your coat, you may lose both your waistcoat and shirt.
And happy I am that I've brought home my skin.

Dorcas.
To forsake all your friends was a shame and a sin.
Leave roving, and make your own country your wife.

Linco.

SONG.