 | The Tragedy of Tragedies ; Or The Life and Death of Tom Thumb the Great |  |
ACT III.
SCENE I.
SCENE King Arthur's Palace.Ghost solus.
Hail! ye black Horrors of Midnight's Midnoon!
Ye Fairies, Goblins, Bats and Screech-Owls, Hail!
And Oh! ye mortal Watchmen, whose hoarse Throats
Th' Immortal Ghosts dread Croakings counterfeit,
All Hail!—Ye dancing Fantoms, who by Day,
Are some condemn'd to fast, some feast in Fire;
Now play in Church-yards, skipping o'er the Graves,
All Hail!
Of all the Particulars in which the modern Stage falls short of the ancient, there is none so much to be lamented, as the great Scarcity of Ghosts in the latter. Whence this proceeds, I will not presume to determine. Some are of opinion, that the Moderns are unequal to that sublime Language which a Ghost ought to speak. One says ludicrously, That Ghosts are out of Fashion; another, That they are properer for Comedy; forgetting, I suppose, that Aristotle hath told us, That a Ghost is the Soul of Tragedy; for so I render the ψυχη ο μυθος της τραγωδιας,, which M. Dacier, amongst others, hath mistaken; I suppose mis-led, by not understanding the Fabula of the Latins, which signifies a Ghost as well as a Fable.
—Te premet nox, fabulæque Manes.Hor.
Of all the Ghosts that have ever appeared on the Stage, a very learned and judicious foreign Critick, gives the Preference to this of our Author. These are his Words, speaking of this Tragedy;
—Nec quidquam in illâ admirabilius quam Phasma quoddam horrendum, quod omnibus aliis Spectris, quibuscum scatet Anglorum Tragœdia, longè (pace D---isii V. Doctiss. dixeram) prætulerim.
SCENE II.
King, and Ghost.King.
What Noise is this?—What Villain dares,
At this dread Hour, with Feet and Voice prophane,
Disturb our Royal Walls?
Ghost.
One who defies
Thy empty Power to hurt him; one who dares
Walk in thy Bed-Chamber.
King.
Presumptuous Slave!
Thou diest:
Ghost.
Threaten others with that Word,
I am a Ghost, and am already dead.
King.
Ye Stars! 'tis well; were thy last Hour to come,
I'll pull thee backward, squeeze thee to a Bladder,
'Till thou dost groan thy Nothingness away.
[Ghost retires.
Thou fly'st! 'Tis well.
I thought what was the Courage of a Ghost!
Yet, dare not, on thy Life—Why say I that,
Since Life thou hast not?—Dare not walk again,
Within these Walls, on pain of the Red-Sea.
For, if henceforth I ever find thee here,
As sure, sure as a Gun, I'll have thee laid—
Ghost.
Were the Red-Sea, a Sea of Holland's Gin,
The Liquor (when alive) whose very Smell
I did detest, did loath—yet for the Sake
Of Thomas Thumb, I would be laid therein.
King.
Ha! said you?
Ghost.
Yes, my Liege, I said Tom Thumb,
Whose Father's Ghost I am—once not unknown
To mighty Arthur. But, I see, 'tis true,
The dearest Friend, when dead, we all forget.
King.
'Tis he, it is the honest Gaffer Thumb.
Oh! let me press thee in my eager Arms,
Thou best of Ghosts! Thou something more than Ghost!
Ghost.
Would I were Something more, that we again
But now I have th' Advantage of my King,
For I feel thee, whilst thou dost not feel me.
King.
But say, thou dearest Air, Oh! say, what Dread,
Important Business sends thee back to Earth?
Ghost.
Oh! then prepare to hear—which, but to hear,
Is full enough to send thy Spirit hence.
Thy Subjects up in Arms, by Grizzle led,
Will, ere the rosy finger'd Morn shall ope
The Shutters of the Sky, before the Gate
Of this thy Royal Palace, swarming spread:
So have I seen the Bees in Clusters swarm,
So have I seen the Stars in frosty Nights,
So have I seen the Sand in windy Days,
So have I seen the Ghosts on Pluto's Shore,
So have I seen the Flowers in Spring arise,
So have I seen the Leaves in Autumn fall,
So have I seen the Fruits in Summer smile,
So have I seen the Snow in Winter frown.
King.
D---n all thou'st seen!—Dost thou, beneath the Shape
Of Gaffer Thumb, come hither to abuse me,
With Similies to keep me on the Rack?
Hence—or by all the Torments of thy Hell,
Ghost.
Arthur, beware; I must this Moment hence,
Not frighted by your Voice, but by the Cocks;
Arthur beware, beware, beware, beware!
Strive to avert thy yet impending Fate;
For if thou'rt kill'd To-day,
To-morrow all thy Care will come too late.
Almanzor reasons in the same manner;
—A Ghost I'll be,And from a Ghost, you know, no Place is free.
Conq. of Granada.
The Man who writ this wretched Pun (says Mr. D.) would have picked your Pocket: Which he proceeds to shew, not only bad in it self, but doubly so on so solemn an Occasion. And yet in that excellent Play of Liberty Asserted, we find something very much resembling a Pun in the Mouth of a Mistress, who is parting with the Lover she is fond of;
Ul.Oh, mortal Woe! one Kiss, and then farewel.
Irene.
The Gods have given to others to farewel.
O miserably must Irene fair.
Agamemnon, in the Victim, is full as facetious on the most solemn Occasion, that of Sacrificing his Daughter;
Yes, Daughter, yes; you will assist the Priest;Yes, you must offer up your—Vows for Greece.
Or else, I'll squeeze thee, like a Bladder, there,
And make thee groan thy self away to Air.
Conquest of Granada. Snatch me, ye Gods, this Moment into Nothing.
Cyrus the Great.
I thought what was the Courage of a Ghost.
Conquest of Granada.
King Arthur seems to be as brave a Fellow as Almanzor, who says most heroically,
—In spight of Ghosts, I'll on.The Ghost of Lausaria in Cyrus is a plain Copy of this, and is therefore worth reading.
Ah, Cyrus!Thou may'st as well grasp Water, or fleet Air,
As think of touching my immortal Shade.
Cyrus the Great.
This Passage hath been understood several different Ways by the Commentators. For my Part, I find it difficult to understand it at all. Mr. Dryden says,
I have heard something how two Bodies meet,But how two Souls join, I know not.
So that 'till the Body of a Spirit be better understood, it will be difficult to understand how it is possible to run him through it.
SCENE III.
King solus.King.
Oh! stay, and leave me not uncertain thus!
And whilst thou tellest me what's like my Fate,
Oh, teach me how I may avert it too!
Curst be the Man who first a Simile made!
Curst, ev'ry Bard who writes!—So have I seen
Those whose Comparisons are just and true,
And those who liken things not like at all.
The Devil is happy, that the whole Creation
Can furnish out no Simile to his Fortune.
SCENE IV.
King, Queen.Queen.
What is the Cause, my Arthur, that you steal
Thus silently from Dollallolla's Breast?
Why dost thou leave me in the Dark alone,
King.
Oh Dollallolla! do not blame my Love;
I hop'd the Fumes of last Night's Punch had laid
Thy lovely Eye-lids fast.—But, Oh! I find
There is no Power in Drams, to quiet Wives;
Each Morn, as the returning Sun, they wake,
And shine upon their Husbands.
Queen.
Think, Oh think!
What a Surprize it must be to the Sun,
Rising, to find the vanish'd World away.
What less can be the wretched Wife's Surprize,
When, stretching out her Arms to fold thee fast,
She folds her useless Bolster in her Arms.
Think, think on that—Oh! think, think well on that.
I do remember also to have read
In Dryden's Ovid's Metamorphosis,
That Jove in Form inanimate did lie
With beauteous Danae; and trust me, Love,
I fear'd the Bolster might have been a Jove.
King.
Come to my Arms, most virtuous of thy Sex;
Oh Dollallolla! were all Wives like thee,
So many Husbands never had worn Horns.
Should Huncamunca of thy Worth partake,
Tom Thumb indeed were blest.—Oh fatal Name!
For didst thou know one Quarter what I know,
Queen.
What can I gather hence? Why dost thou speak
Like Men who carry Raree-Shows about,
Now you shall see, Gentlemen, what you shall see?
O tell me more, or thou hast told too much.
Cydaria is of the same fearful Temper with Dollallolla;
I never durst in Darkness be alone.Ind. Emp.
This Distress (says Mr.D---) I must allow to be extremely beautiful, and tends to heighten the virtuous Character of Dollallolla, who is so exceeding delicate, that she is in the highest Apprehension from the inanimate Embrace of a Bolster. An Example worthy of Imitation from all our Writers of Tragedy.
SCENE V.
King, Queen, Noodle.Noodle.
Long Life attend your Majesties serene,
Great Arthur, King, and Dollallolla, Queen!
Lord Grizzle, with a bold, rebellious Crowd,
Advances to the Palace, threat'ning loud,
Unless the Princess be deliver'd straight,
And the victorious Thumb, without his Pate,
They are resolv'd to batter down the Gate.
SCENE VI.
King, Queen, Huncamunca, Noodle.King.
See where the Princess comes! Where is Tom Thumb?
Hunc.
Oh! Sir, about an Hour and half ago
He fallied out to encounter with the Foe,
And swore, unless his Fate had him mis-led,
From Grizzle's Shoulders to cut off his Head,
And serve't up with your Chocolate in Bed.
King.
'Tis well, I find one Devil told us both.
Come, Dollallolla, Huncamunca, come,
Within we'll wait for the victorious Thumb;
In Peace and Safety we secure may stay,
While to his Arm we trust the bloody Fray;
He is alone equal to all these Odds.
Queen.
He is indeed, a Helmet to us all,
While he supports, we need not fear to fall;
His Arm dispatches all things to our Wish,
And serves up every Foe's Head in a Dish.
Void is the Mistress of the House of Care,
Whether the Cod, that Northern King of Fish,
Or Duck, or Goose, or Pig, adorn the Dish;
No Fears the Number of her Guests afford,
But at her Hour she sees the Dinner on the Board.
Credat Judæus Appelles
Non ego—(Says Mr. D.)—For, passing over the Absurdity of being equal to Odds, can we possibly suppose a little insignificant Fellow—I say again, a little insignificant Fellow able to vie with a Strength which all the Sampsons and Hercules's of Antiquity would be unable to encounter.
I shall refer this incredulous Critick to Mr. Dryden's Defence of his Almanzor; and lest that should not satisfy him, I shall quote a few Lines from the Speech of a much braver Fellow than Almanzor, Mr. Johnson's Achilles;
Tho' Human Race rise in embattel'd Hosts,To force her from my Arms—Oh! Son of Atreus!
By that immortal Pow'r, whose deathless Spirit
Informs this Earth, I will oppose them all.
Victim.
I have heard of being supported by a Staff (says Mr. D.) but never of being supported by an Helmet. I believe he never heard of Sailing with Wings, which he may read in no less a Poet than Mr. Dryden;
Unless we borrow Wings, and sail thro' Air.Love Triumphant.
What will he say to a kneeling Valley?
—I'll standLike a safe Valley, that low bends the Knee,
To some aspiring Mountain.
Injur'd Love.
I am asham'd of so ignorant a Carper, who doth not know that an Epithet in Tragedy is very often no other than an Expletive. Do not we read in the New Sophonisba of grinding Chains, blue Plagues, white Occasions, and blue Serenity? Nay, 'tis not the Adjective only, but sometimes half a Sentence is put by way of Expletive, as, Beauty pointed high with Spirit, in the same Play—and, In the Lap of Blessing, to be most curst. In the Revenge.
SCENE VII.
a Plain.Lord Grizzle, Foodle, and Rebels.
Grizzle.
Thus far our Arms with Victory are crown'd;
For tho' we have not fought, yet we have found
No Enemy to fight withal.
Foodle.
Yet I,
Methinks, would willingly avoid this Day,
This First of April, to engage our Foes.
Griz.
This Day, of all the Days of th' Year, I'd choose,
For on this Day my Grandmother was born.
Gods! I will make Tom Thumb an April Fool;
Will teach his Wit an Errand it ne'er knew,
And send it Post to the Elysian Shades.
Food.
I'm glad to find our Army is so stout,
Nor does it move my Wonder less than Joy.
Griz.
What Friends we have, and how we came so strong,
I'll softly tell you as we march along.
For every Man in course of Time has found,
Some Days are lucky, some unfortunate.
K. Arthur.
We read of such another in Lee;
Teach his rude Wit a Flight she never made,And send her Post to the Elysian Shade.
Gloriana.
SCENE VIII.
Thunder and Lightning.Tom Thumb, Glumdalca cum suis.
Thumb.
Oh, Noodle! hast thou seen a Day like this?
The unborn Thunder rumbles o'er our Heads,
As if the Gods meant to unhinge the World;
And Heaven and Earth in wild Confusion hurl;
Yet will I boldly tread the tott'ring Ball.
Merl.
Tom Thumb!
Thumb.
What Voice is this I hear?
Merl.
Tom Thumb!
Thumb.
Again it calls.
Merl.
Tom Thumb!
Glum.
It calls again.
Thumb.
Appear, whoe'er thou art, I fear thee not.
Merl.
Thou hast no Cause to fear, I am thy Friend,
Merlin by Name, a Conjuror by Trade,
And to my Art thou dost thy Being owe.
Thumb.
How!
Merl.
Hear then the mystick Getting of Tom Thumb.
His Mother milk'd the Cow;
And yet the way to get a Son,
This Couple knew not how.
To learned Merlin goes,
And there to him, in great Distress,
In secret manner shows;
How in his Heart he wish'd to have
A Child, in time to come,
To be his Heir, tho' it might be
No biger than his Thumb:
Of which old Merlin was foretold,
That he his Wish should have;
And so a Son of Stature small,
The Charmer to him gave.
Thumb.
Lost in Amazement's Gulph, my Senses sink;
See there, Glumdalca, see another Me!
Glum.
O Sight of Horror! see, you are devour'd
By the expanded Jaws of a red Cow.
Merl.
Let not these Sights deter thy noble Mind,
For lo! a Sight more glorious courts thy Eyes;
See from a far a Theatre arise;
There, Ages yet unborn, shall Tribute pay
To the Heroick Actions of this Day:
Thy Name the best Supporter of her Muse.
Thumb.
Enough, let every warlike Musick sound,
We fall contented, if we fall renown'd.
Should the rash Gods unhinge the rolling World,
Undaunted, would I tread the tott'ring Ball,
Crush'd, but unconquer'd, in the dreadful Fall.
Female Warrior.
And in th' impetuous Whirl of circling Fate,
Drinks down my Reason.
Pers. Princess.
The Character of Merlin is wonderful throughout, but most so in this Prophetick Part. We find several of these Prophecies in the Tragick Authors, who frequently take this Opportunity to pay a Compliment to their Country, and sometimes to their Prince. None but our Author (who seems to have detested the least Appearance of Flattery) would have past by such an Opportunity of being a Political Prophet.
SCENE IX.
Lord Grizzle, Foodle, Rebels, on one Side. Tom Thumb, Glumdalca, on the other.Food.
At length the Enemy advances nigh,
I hear them with my Ear, and see them with my Eye.
Griz.
Draw all your Swords, for Liberty we fight,
And Liberty the Mustard is of Life.
Thumb.
Are you the Man whom Men fam'd Grizzle name?
Griz.
Are you the much more fam'd Tom Thumb?
Thumb.
The same.
Griz.
Come on, our Worth upon our selves we'll prove,
For Liberty I fight.
Thumb.
And I for Love.
[A bloody Engagement between the two Armies here, Drums beating, Trumpets sounding, Thunder and Lightning.—They fight off and on several times. Some fall. Grizzle and Glumdalca remain.
Turn, Coward, turn, nor from a Woman fly.
Griz.
Away—thou art too ignoble for my Arm.
Glum.
Have at thy Heart.
Griz.
Nay then, I thrust at thine.
Glum.
You push too well, you've run me thro' the Guts,
And I am dead.
Griz.
Then there's an End of One.
Thumb.
When thou art dead, then there's an End of Two,
Villain.
Griz.
Tom Thumb!
Thumb.
Rebel!
Griz.
Tom Thumb!
Thumb.
Hell!
Griz.
Huncamunca!
Thumb.
Thou hast it there.
Griz.
Too sure I feel it.
Thumb.
To Hell then, like a Rebel as you are,
And give my Service to the Rebels there.
Griz.
Triumph not, Thumb, nor think thou shalt enjoy
Thy Huncamunca undisturb'd, I'll send
My Ghost to fetch her to the other World;
But, ha! I feel Death rumbling in my Brains,
Some kinder Spright knocks softly at my Soul.
And gently whispers it to haste away:
I come, I come, most willingly I come.
So; when some City Wife, for Country Air,
To Hampstead, or to Highgate does repair;
Her, to make haste, her Husband does implore,
And cries, My Dear, the Coach is at the Door.
With equal Wish, desirous to be gone,
She gets into the Coach, and then she cries—Drive on!
Thumb.
With those last Words he vomited his Soul,
Which, like whipt Cream, the Devil will swallow down.
Which I will to the King in Triumph lug;
Rebellion's dead, and now I'll go to Breakfast.
Busiris.
In both which Places it is intimated, that it is sometimes possible to see with other Eyes than your own.
This Mustard (says Mr. D.) is enough to turn one's Stomach: I would be glad to know what Idea the Author had in his Head when he wrote it. This will be, I believe, best explained by a Line of Mr. Dennis;
And gave him Liberty, the Salt of Life.Liberty asserted.
The Understanding that can digest the one, will not rise at the other.
Are you the Chief, whom Men fam'd Scipio call?
Scip.
Are you the much more famous Hannibal?
Hannib.
Dr. Young seems to have copied this Engagement in his Busiris:
Myr.Villain!
Mem.
Myron!
Myr.
Rebel!
Mem.
Myron!
Myr.
Hell!
Mem.
Mandane
This last Speech of my Lord Grizzle, hath been of great Service to our Poets;
—I'll hold it fastAs Life, and when Life's gone, I'll hold this last;
And if thou tak'st it from me when I'm slain,
I'll send my Ghost, and fetch it back again.
Conquest of Granada.
It should not bait at Heaven to stop its way.
Lee seems to have had this last in his Eye;
'Twas not my Purpose, Sir, to tarry there,I would but go to Heaven to take the Air.
Gloriana.
Mr. Dryden seems to have had this Simile in his Eye, when he says,
My Soul is packing up, and just on Wing.Conquest of Granada.
SCENE X.
King, Queen, Huncamunca, and Courtiers.King.
Open the Prisons, set the Wretched free,
And bid our Treasurer disburse six Pounds
To pay their Debts.—Let no one weep To-day.
Come, Dollallolla; Curse that odious Name!
It is so long, it asks an Hour to speak it.
By Heavens! I'll change it into Doll, or Loll,
Or any other civil Monosyllable
That will not tire my Tongue.—Come, sit thee down,
Here seated, let us view the Dancer's Sports;
Bid 'em advance. This is the Wedding-Day
Of Princess Huncamunca and Tom Thumb;
Tom Thum! who wins two Victories To-day,
And this way marches, bearing Grizzle's Head.
A Dance here.
Nood.
Oh! monstrous, dreadful, terrible, Oh! Oh!
Deaf be my Ears, for ever blind, my Eyes!
Dumb be my Tongue! Feet lame! All Senses lost!
King.
What does the Blockhead mean?
Nood.
I mean, my Liege
Only to grace my Tale with decent Horror;
Whilst from my Garret, twice two Stories high,
I look'd abroad into the Streets below;
I saw Tom Thumb attended by the Mob,
Twice Twenty Shoe-Boys, twice two Dozen Links,
Chairmen and Porters, Hackney-Coachmen, Whores;
Aloft he bore the grizly Head of Grizzle;
When of a sudden thro' the Streets there came
A Cow, of larger than the usual Size,
And in a Moment—guess, Oh! guess the rest!
And in a Moment swallow'd up Tom Thumb.
King.
Shut up again the Prisons, bid my Treasurer
Not give three Farthings out—hang all the Culprits,
Guilty or not—no matter—Ravish Virgins,
Go bid the Schoolmasters whip all their Boys;
Let Lawyers, Parsons, and Physicians loose,
To rob, impose on, and to kill the World.
Nood.
Her Majesty the Queen is in a Swoon.
Queen.
Not so much in a Swoon, but I have still
Strength to reward the Messenger of ill News.
[Kills Noodle.
Nood.
Oh! I am slain.
Cle.
My Lover's kill'd, I will revenge him so.
[Kills the Queen.
Hunc.
My Mamma kill'd! vile Murtheress, beware.
[Kills Cleora.
This for an old Grudge, to thy Heart.
[Kills Huncamunca.
Must.
And this
I drive to thine, Oh Doodle! for a new one.
[Kills Doodle.
King.
Ha! Murtheress vile, take that
[Kills Must.
And take thou this.
[Kills himself, and falls.
Sends Jack for Mustard with a Pack of Cards;
Kings, Queens and Knaves throw one another down,
'Till the whole Pack lies scatter'd and o'erthrown;
So all our Pack upon the Floor is cast,
And all I boast is—that I fall the last.
[Dies.
It is so long, it asks an Hour to write it.
By Heav'n! I'll change it into Jove, or Mars,
Or any other civil Monosyllable,
That will not tire my Hand.
Cleomenes.
Here is a visible Conjunction of two Days in one, by which our Author may have either intended an Emblem of a Wedding; or to insinuate, that Men in the Honey-Moon are apt to imagine Time shorter than it is. It brings into my Mind a Passage in the Comedy call'd the Coffee-House Politician;
We will celebrate this Day at my House To-morrow.These beautiful Phrases are all to be found in one single Speech of King Arthur, or The British Worthy.
We may say with Dryden,
Death did at length so many Slain forget,And left the Tale, and took them by the Great.
I know of no Tragedy which comes nearer to this charming and bloody Catastrophe, than Cleomenes, where the Curtain covers five principal Characters dead on the Stage. These Lines too,
I ask no Questions then, of Who kill'd Who?The Bodies tell the Story as they lie.
seem to have belonged more properly to this Scene of our Author. —Nor can I help imagining they were originally his. The Rival Ladies too seem beholden to this Scene;
We're now a Chain of Lovers link'd in Death,Julia goes first, Gonsalvo hangs on her,
And Angelina hangs upon Gonsalvo,
As I on Angelina.
No Scene, I believe, ever received greater Honours than this. It was applauded by several Encores, a Word very unusual in Tragedy—And it was very difficult for the Actors to escape without a second Slaughter. This I take to be a lively Assurance of that fierce Spirit of Liberty which remains among us, and which Mr. Dryden in his Essay on Dramatick Poetry hath observed—Whether Custom (says he) hath so insinuated it self into our Countrymen, or Nature hath so formed them to Fierceness, I know not, but they will scarcely suffer Combats, and other Objects of Horror, to be taken from them.—And indeed I am for having them encouraged in this Martial Disposition: Nor do I believe our Victories over the French have been owing to any thing more than to those bloody Spectacles daily exhibited in our Tragedies, of which the French Stage is so entirely clear.
| The Tragedy of Tragedies ; Or The Life and Death of Tom Thumb the Great | |