University of Virginia Library

Act I.

Scene I.

Albertus Dressing.
A SONG written by the Honourable Colonel Sackvile.

Alber.
The World may laugh at these laborious follies,
That wear away the Day; And so may I,
When my full veins are ebbing into Time;
When Age shall level me to Impotence;
And fleeting pleasure leaves me on the foyle:
Then I may turn a true Diogenes,
Snarle at the pleasures that I cannot tast,
Despise the gallantrys of Youth and Love,
And in my Tub grow nasty for my ease.

Enter Lesbino.
Lesb.
Good morrow to your Lordship.

Alb.
O my Friend!
The sight of thee, awakens the remembrance
Of all those pleasures we have pass'd together.

Lesb.
I think the Roman Antony, in the rage
Of his luxurious Appetite, nay, when
He made the highest Sacrifice to Sense;
Ne'r rated Flesh and Blood as we have done:
Such Scenes of Wit! Such hours of Love and Wine!

Alb.
O my Lesbino! Thou remember'st all!
Once at a Feast, when fair Panthea, crown'd
The Queen of Love, sate smiling on her Throne;
We humbly offer'd up our Vows; and strait
Beauty descended in a thousand Charms:
Selina's passion languish'd in her Eyes,
And thou wert caught:
Corrinna's Musick triumph'd o're the Sphere,
And over me: So all were happy made:
But then the jealous Goddess, from her seat
Flew to our Arms, and there was better pleas'd.

Lesb.
Yet this was censur'd!

Alb.
Only by Clarinda,
Whose Vertue ne'r appear'd, but in her pride:
Whom I have since enjoy'd, with the dear thought,
Of leaving her to my Contempt and Scorn.

Lesb.
Ah yes! there have been Days!

Alb.
Have been! there are:
This day, to morrow, every day shall bawd
To our desires.

Lesb.
The Regiments are marching,
And I must post to my Command to morrow.

Alb.
So suddenly! what Danger presses us?

Lesb.
Only a City-Plot: Curse on their Politick Noddles,
They 've Brains enough to keep their Foreheads safe;
They cry the Soldier's surfeited with ease,
The tokens of foul Leachery appear—

Alb.
On their own Wives and Daughters:

Lesb.
And out of Christian Charity to themselves,
And to prevent the growth of Cuckoldom,
At their expence they Physick the whole Camp,
And make a War, only to let us blood.

Alb.
And thou hast not a vein, that thou wouldst spare
From old Rogero's Daughter: have I touch'd you?

Lesb.
Faith with wonder, to hear her mention'd here:
I thought her Birth, conceal'd her from all eyes.

Alb.
If among common pebbles, wee should find
A Diamond pave our way, 'twere quickly seen.

Lesb.
You know her then?

Alb.
And know her to be mine:
O I am the Columbus of that World,
And will grow rich in Beauty: pow'rful Gold
Has broke the Quarry up: And now Lesbino,
I have a Mother working in the Mine.

Lesb:
What! make a Mother Bawd to her own Child?

Alb.
O none so fit in Nature, the best knows
The constitution of her Daughters blood:
How high her pulses beat, remembers too
Which way the Devil danc'd, when she was young,
And there can play him now.

Lesb.
My Lord! I am pleas'd the Lot is faln on you;
You'l keep the Sex in action: when we come
Hackt from the Feild, to find our Women right,
Under good Discipline, and Easiness,
Is all the Christian comfort of a Souldier.

Alb.
O! this is but the opening of the Scene
That shews my Triumph. Thou shalt know it all.
No answer of my Letter?

Servant.
None my Lord.

Alb.
Attend without.
[Exit Servant.
Twas to Alphonso's house.

Lesb.
Not to his Wife?

Alb.
Suppose it were!

Lesb.
Do you expect an Answer?

Alb.
I grant a Virgins modesty may blush,
And start at her own wishes: But a Wife,
A high-fed, wanton, understanding Wife,
That knows how Beauty in a Husbands arms,
Like treasure rusting in a Milers Chests,
Lies unenjoy'd, yet coveted by all:
For such a Wife secure on every hand,
From jealousie at home, and tongues abroad,
Youth in her veins, and Wishes in her heart,
That knows the price of opportunity:
For her to trifle out the hours of Love,
In coy denials, is beyond my Creed.

Lesb.
But Sir, report speaks loudly of her virtue.

Alb.
Why vertuous let her be to all the World,
To easie Husbands, and believing Fools:
For me I'm setled in my Faith: I've made
A study of the Sex, and found it frail:
The black, the brown, the fair, the old, the young,
Are earthly-minded all: There's not a she,
The coldest constitution of the Sex,
Nay, at the Altar, telling o're her Beads,
But some one rises on her heavenly thoughts,
That drives her down the wind of strong desire,
And makes her tast mortality agen.
Enter Servant whispers Albertus and goes out.
Admit her.
This is the hinge of my designs:
Her Confidant; the bawdy Confessor,
That probes her Ladies Conscience to the quick,
To give it ease—she comes! you must withdraw.
Enter Clara.
What comfort? speak thou Messenger of Love!

Clar.
Undone! undone! for ever! O my Lord!
I was born to be ruin'd in your service!

Alb.
Hah! what's the matter?

Clar.
Your Letter, by what accident I know not,
Is faln into my Lords hands.

Alb.
Death and Hell! then all's discover'd.

Clar.
Oh nothing but my falshood.

Alb.
The Duke's name was subscrib'd.

Clar.
Ay, you are not suspected: But the credit
Of my function's lost for ever. I have wept
And sworn my Innocence over, and over;
And all to no purpose.

Alb.
That's hard indeed.

Clar.
He's raging mad, and has laid such a strict
Confinement on my poor Lady, so hardly us'd her,
That sure she'll never think of mankind more
[Alb. Shews a Purse.
Unless the thoughts of serving your Lordship prevail
Upon my good Nature, to bring her about agen.

Alb.
Here, thou hast won it fairly.

Clar.
Our doors are all barr'd up! and none can find
Admittance but Lorenzo. 'Twas with difficulty
I stole to find you out, and let you know
I am not idle: leave the rest to me: I must away.

[Exit.
Lesb.
I've heard it all. And now my Lord your thoughts upon the matter?

Alb.

Faith: were it not for a charitable principle of my virtuous Friend
there, in setting all things right agen: the power of my gold, and her own
natural inclinations to the office, I should think my affairs were but in a
melancholy condition.

Lesb.
What do you resolve on?

Alb.
E'en to go, as the Devil in the Woman drives me,
For since the conquest that he made on Eve,
'T has been that Sexes business to deceive—
Enter Juliana meeting him.
Juliana here! then I am impotent: Lesbino stay.

Jul.
Why do you start Albertus?

Alb.
This indeed
Was unexpected: I was us'd to see
You oftener: I should chide you: but retire,
I would not have you seen; Lesbino, there

Jul.
He has seen me here before.

Alb.
Ay Madam, but
We live in a censorious talking age,
And he is naturally fond of Scandal.

Jul.
He is your friend.

Alb.
But it is hard to know
How far to trust a friend in these affairs;
Your reputation—

Jul.
This is poor, my Lord.

Alb.
Nay then you'll not be answered.

[Ex. with Lesbino.
Jul.
To play the Woman right: now I should soon
Call Curses down from Heaven on his head,
Protest my wrongs, and vow to be reveng'd;
This were the surest way to please my Sex:
But why reveng'd? or how have I been wrong'd?
I knew him false before; the sad experience
Of other Women, warn'd me of my fate;
And yet I would not hold from venturing:
Had he refus'd me, then my wrongs were plain:
But I have met the softest dear returns,
That Love could make, or longing Maids desire.
If he has left me, 'tis his natures fault,
That cannot be confin'd.
Enter Clara.
O Clara! welcome.

Clar.
Madam, I find my Lord has soon dispatch'd your business.

Jul.
I have met the entertainment I expected here;
But Clara, must I lose him thus?

Clar.
I have told you,
He loves my Lady: And he bribes me high
To prove his advocate in this affair;
But yet methinks I would do much for you.

Jul.
And thou shalt find I wonnot starve my cause:
I'll prove a grateful Client.

Clar.
As we walk;
We'll think upon the means.

Jul.
Then let the wanderer rove,
So I enjoy him in his rounds of Love.

[Exeunt.
Scene changes to Alphonso's House.
Enter Alphonso and Lorenzo.
Alphon.
She might have numbred out the Stars in Sin;
Fed her hot, lustful appetite with change
Of every high-fed, wanton fool in Florence;
Yet I have been happy: ignorantly blest,
Like a true marriage Tool. I might have sate
Contented, at the lower end o'th feast,
To welcome all, without a farther thought:
And when the Business of the day was over,
When all the company had danc'd her round;
At night I might have ta'ne her to my heart,
With praises on her Truth and Constancy,
And thanks to Heaven for such a vertuous Wife!

Loren.
Alphonso: hear me!

Alphon.
But to know my self a Monster! Death and Hell!
Children, and fools will have me in the wind,
And I shall stink of Cuckold to the World.

Loren.
Come, come: you search too deep, and make your wound.

Alphon.
O! I have nothing left me but thy friendship
To satisfie mankind, I once was thought
Above the reach of such a common Fate.

Loren.
You are above it still.

Alphon.
By Heaven I should be:
For I'll appeal to reason; is it fit
This man thou hast honour'd with the name of friend,
Should fall so low, to be the common scorn
Of Pimps and Bawds?

Loren.
Your thoughts are on the rack:
But recollect your reason to your aid,
And cast about, to find this treacherous slave
That has abus'd you; if I then forsake you,
May the severest vengeance of your fury
Fall here, and mark me with the Villains shame.

Alphon.
O! think'st thou I am thus, without just cause?
Had my broad-mouth'd, sland'rous Villain said it,
I would have turn'd him outward to the Sun,
Display'd th'infected Fountain of his thoughts,
And stabb'd the venom'd lye down to his heart:
But when the Duke's own character confirms it!

Loren.
Friend, have a care how you pursue that thought;
There's danger in the way, therefore no more.

Alphon.
And yet by Heaven! I cannot blame the Duke,
For she has beauty that may justifie
All actions, that are meant to compass her;
Oh! I am well acquainted with her pow'r:
I have devour'd the spirit of her Love,
Till drunk with joy, I reel'd to my undoing.
Her eyes have shot me with a thousand fires;
A thousand times, the little weeping loves,
That wanton'd in the liquid Crystal there,
Like April showers melting on my Cheeks,
Refresh'd my Veins into a wanton spring.
O she is more than I can speak or think,
The softest Bosom dear! The tenderest Wife!

Loren.
Yet you would part with her.

Alphon.
Not for the Wealth of Pluto, were she true:
But she is false, and all my comfort now
Must be to drive her from my thoughts for ever.

Loren.
For ever!

Alphon.
Yes, among the follies of my life, I wou'd
Forget the Sex: I wou'd not call to mind
How I have sold the Charter of my Manhood,
To please the fondness of a Womans longing:
I would not count those tedious hours agen,
(Tho in my thoughts!) which I have sacrific'd
To the fantastick pride of that vain Sex.
But what I wou'd have bury'd to the World
Is the remembrance of that fatal hour,
In which I fondly ventur'd out my hopes;
My peace of mind, my honour, and my Love,
In the weak, Sinking Bottom of a Wife:
O sleep that thought, and I shall be at ease!

Loren.
You speak as if there were no Woman true.

Alphon.
I know not what I speak: but if my Wife,
If my Erminia's false, the Sex is damn'd;
I know it; and she was the last that fell.

Loren.
Call old Rogero's Daughter to your mind,
To prove there may be vertue in that Sex,
Tho tempted by necessity, and want,
That Gold could not corrupt, nor pow'r betray.

Alphon.
What poor! and honest! and a Woman too!
Does she still keep that point? then who can tell
But I may be abus'd.

Loren.
By Heaven you are!
Some Villain practises against your peace,
Whom time will best discover: For Erminia
So well I know the conduct of her life,
I'd stake my Soul upon her Innocence.

Alphon.
Is this thy thought?

Loren.
By Heaven my friend it is.

Alphon.
Wou'd I cou'd make it mine.

Loren.
Go see her then.

Alphon.
I dare not trust my Temper.

Loren.
Come you shall,
I've given my word.

Alphon.
To whom?

Lor.
Your mourning Wife.

Alph.
You mock my misery.

Lor.
I am your friend.

Alph.
But did Erminia make it her request?
Speak, cou'd she? O the suff'ring Innocence!
Thy words have darted hope into my soul
And comfort dawns upon me! O speak on!

Lor.
Her soul in sadness, and her eyes in Tears,
Sighing she said! She fear'd her heart might break;
But she wou'd learn the vertue of a Wife,
And labour patiently to suffer all;
Then at my feet, in all the storm of Grief,
She begg'd me, as for life, to see her Lord;
And ever as she did repeat your name
Such floods of sorrow burst from her bright eyes,
I could not keep my manhood, but wept too.

Alph.
If thou wert mov'd my friend! oh what must I
Have been—had I been present at the view?
Such tenderness must have disarm'd my soul,
And thrown me for forgiveness at her feet:
But 'tis not yet too late.

Lor.
Then you will see her?

Alph.
Thy mournful Story has subdu'd my heart,
And I have not a thought that does oppose me.
Witness it Heaven! and Earth! and thou my friend,
I combated this Passion of my Love,
Stood this high Test of honour to my pow'r,
But am o'ercome: I am, I am a man,
And can no longer bear it. O Lorenzo!
My panting Heart beats to Erminia's brest,
Struggles and heaves, and fain would be at rest;
Weary'd with fears, and jealousies, wou'd come,
Thoughtless and free, to tast content at home;
Firmly resolving never to remove
From such a Friend, nor my Erminia's Love.

[Exeunt.