University of Virginia Library

Act I

sc. i

Enter Conon, Elidure, Deuon Archi«b [OMITTED]»
Conon:
Good morrow Lords: wt. Clowdy clere yr. Browes
our night of slavery is ore, the bright day of freedome
begins to breake, & throw gilt Beams vpon vs,
the sonn rize danceing on the Britishe Cliffts
& smyles on our attempt.

Elid:
It does, it dos, and tho
great Britaine (wt h thre quarters of the world)
Be by warrs chance, made Romaine tributaries
our Homage paid, we are not slaves to Rome,
but owners of our Honors, & our Titles
wc h this yong Prorex, haughty Marianus
wood Iustle vs out off

Deuon
nay does, the poore he makes
slaves, & like horses yoakes 'em vp in Teames
to till our owne Land for the Romaines vse,

Arch [Elid]:
our wifes & daughters they make prostitutes
eat vp the rich, make bondslaves of the poore
& oppresse all

Conon.
nay we that Are the peeres
& barrones of the Land, are howrly fleicd,
off Titles & additionns

Arch.
wt an Affront
was given last day to Barron Clarydon,
by prowd Varletti his base Mynion
a skipping Zanny, a mere virginall Iack
a fellow bred, no better then a ffidler.

Conon.
yes he can dance, & do his grownd trickes cleanlye
has taught strange changes synce he came into Britaine

Elyd.
grownd trickes dee call em? me thinkes theyre too loftye
he caperd Clare out of an honord offyce.

Deu.
let sincapace looke well vnto his ffooteinge
an other trick like that will breake his neck else

Con,
meane tyme I feare has broake the Barrons hart
he went home heavy.

Arch:
he had small reason for that. tho. his estates lighter by a 1000l
per Annū. but to the busines. wt are we all sound bosoomde?

oēs
all of a peice.

showes a Paper
Arch
Then wt. our tongues have sworne
& our hands seald vpon our warlike swords
lets se performd, & pluck that sicophant
out of his Armes, or him out of his chaire

Elid:
thats the maine Business that Convented vs

Conon.
A bout it then, this is [old Gilberts Castle] Mount Claridon,
lets call him forth. Gilbert, the Countess scylence

Enter Countess Clarydon.
Count.
my noble Lords

Con:
ffaire Countess wheres the Barron,

Count
busy wt hin sr. like a man prepareing
for a long voyage—

Arch
oh tot h Holy Land.
has beene about it Long, this germaine Crochetmonger
makes old Gill mad, prethe go call hym hether
wele staye his voyage for this once

Count.
wood Heaven
yow were so fortunate, hees wondrous sick

Arch.
Sick nay I ferd asmuch
may we make bold so see him.

Count.
Tis' my desire, but he talkes somwt Idlye

Arch
for want of slepe, I have done so my selfe, when I was a
yong Reveller, vncurten come come lets se him—

Count:
Sir husband [OMITTED] /—

Bed discoverd. Gilb: in it
Gilb:
staye: I prethe, prthe death
Looke not so grimly—I confess my life
stands for feit to the, but the day of payment
is not yet come, & Ime a litle busye.

Count.
busy about wt?

Gilb
mary swete wife a mask—
a prety Anty mask—wc h death and I
must dance—Varletti? no, no, hes for state
state measurs all, [theres ner a champeon
to be disarmd int]

Arch.
that rascall troubles him.

Count
pray sr take comfort, some of yor best freinds
are come to se yw.

Gilb
let e'm ha that they come for then, good chere
titles aditions Honours offices
I cann well spare & they have need of em,
as good I give em to my freinds Alive
as ha my foes take em when I am dead.
but who are those thow calst my freinds
Varletti one of em?

Cono
no, no, [old] true Conon.
Elidure Devon & old Archibald

Gilb
my fellow peeres.

Conō
& sharers in thy sorrowe, that come a purpose

Gilb.
peace, peace, purpose nothinge
Varletties crochetts & crosspoints will blowe
yor purposes to aire, Bubles, mere nothings.

Arch
still that Iack troubles him.

Conon)
well then laye[ing] by the busynes we came for
being so weake hees much Incapable of it
& in my minde twer far more necessarye
he sett things in good order—.

Gilb:
made my will? that workes done Long Agoe

Arch.
And whome have yow Apointed
executors & over seers

Gilb
none, I Loue none
so ill to Author there damnation
no not Varletti, I'me so charitable
I made myne owne hand my Executor
& myne ey my[n]e overseer

Conon
yow have don well int
& shalbe sure to have yor well per formd
wt have yow giue the king

Gilb
the king more mercy & less Iustice, but no tyranny

Arch.
wt to yor freind Varletti

Gilb:
Varletti: my offices, all my offices, & a mule to carry em, for the
Ass has more tiltles then he can well beare all ready.

Con:
wt to yor sonn.

Gilb
A Britaines hart and an Italeans Braine, wit to kepe his
tongue in his mowth and his head on's shoulders wher is the
springall—

Count.
Sent for to court

Gilb.

Conon-
It was our last request sr.

Gilb:
vnder my pillow, prethe, prethe wife
shalt finde one ready seald. Intreat thes Lords
to witness it, pervse it at yor Leasures,
wt s there in perfect Memory I writ
& my Request is it may be performd.

Conon
yow have dealt nobly wt h yor wife & Sonn
devided yor Inheritance betwixt e'm—

Elid
& wt h discretion too, for it cutts of

Conon. think her dovr to lye yet least yor sonn may

(Marginal note)

gardian & ward ship & confyrms her both,

Conon
Twere not amiss [he] to set down over seers

Gilb
How over seers? why my Noble Lords
tho sick, I wood not have you think me mad
to hyer wolfes to overlooke my lambes
so there fat cubbs might lapp vp the swet milk
& my leane slincks lack whey, Ile no such overseers no—
Ile leave em full Bowles, if they wonot feed
freindly wt hout an vmpier, fast & wellcome
Countess a word

Count.
wt h me sr would yow speake?

Gilb
onely wt h the & privately the rest
may at there plesurs go to rest

Arch.
swete peace
be thy companion, for the Romaine wolfe
that makes such havock of our British heards
wele ether hunt him home into his denn,
or worry him wt h mastives,

—Ext.
Gilb.
vse yor skill
mans blood cost dere, its dowble synn to kill
wheres my man Howlet

Enter Howlet
How.

I have bene talking a cold word wt h Melpomine, Matron

of the Muses Lynnen ward rope, a bout the price of a winding
sheete for yor Lordship; for as my Lady will bestow a toombe
of yor body, Ile be at the cost of a cleane sheet for yr virtues, I
wood not have e'm walk vp and downe, as I have sene slovenly
ghosts in fowle lynnen; no Ile have as faire a poeticall
windeing sheete as I can get for my mony—

Gilb:
thow meanst an Eitaph

Howl.
some such ffooleishe thing I intend sr

Gilb
ffooleish indeed, vaine & superfluous
if my good deeds & memory be so poore
they are not able to live of them selvs
wt hout a Poets bought Benevolence
let em e'en dy wt h me, too for trew desert
will Live beyond a flattering Epitaph

Howl:
Tis but a dead comodity indeed now I thinke ont, Ile een loose
myne Earnest, & turn't vpon the poets hands agen, he may
finde crafty marchants enow, that will have more need
ont: but wherfore did yor Honour call me.

Gilb
Ile tell the [Howlet,] for the Honnest Service thow hast done
me, the ffarme thow dwelst in.

Howl.
calld the Ivy bush the Howlets have livd int tyme out a Mynd

Gilb:
And shall Inioye it still for tho my sonnes by right
as tis a part of his Inheritance
I giue it the & to thine heirs for ever

Howl
I thank yow sr, but pray If it be yor. sonns rights make not me
accessarye to such a wronge,

Gilb
dost take it as a wronge

Howl.
yes to rob any man of his right, & yow say thats yor sonnes,

Gilb.
Tis myne owne yet, and whilst I am alive,

altho it be not (mentiond in my will)

(Marginal note)

in witnes of my wife I giue it the

Howl.
And when yow are dead she[le] shalbe my witnes that hele
take it away agen, so she may be witnes of both sides and save
the price of a subpena.

Gilb
put that vpon the tryall, this box of Iewells
I leave vnto thy trust, if he deny the farme
sell e'm, theyle raise a some sufficient
to buy as rich a purchase,

Howl.
If I should purchase Newgate by the Bargaine

Gilb:
take em & put 'em vpp.

Howl.
I do not vse to take boxes at any mans hands, & yet pray
madam be witnes that I do take this at my Lords, & put
it vp very thankfully too,

Gilb
wt h this condicion if my sonn kepe touch
about the farme, thow givest it hym

Howl
who I give yor sonn a box so I may be soundly [buffetted indee«d»] boxt my selfe
& thats more then every man can saye.
but the condicion of the obligation is vnderstood, read sealed
& subscribed [in the prsence & witnes of my Lady], but the
box of Iewells not to be delivered, till I the owle, be in
full possession of my farme the Ivish bushe, & all this in the
presence & witnes of my ladye,

Gilb
thow vnderstandst me right & prethe Countess

Count
on thy soules perill, se it performd,—Cont. I shall sr. and now
ffarwell my soule setts saile toth cape of blisse
Instead of tears give me a parting kiss—

Count
Ay me my husband, helpe some Ladies helpe

Howl:
I shall need none of theirs, now yours nether, go into
Closset & comfort yor selfe, let me & my fellows alone
to take an order wt h the course

Count.
some weomen there to wind him—

Ext.
Howl.

Leave all to me I tell yow, I that could turne him in his bed
when he was alive, will make shift to winde him in A shete
now he is dead; so so Ile make sownd work by yor Leave,
now alls clere my lord my noble lord.

Gilb

now honnest How let all the vulturs gone.

Howl.

vultures? what meane yw by that sr.

Gilb

ffreinds, freinds & Phisitians man, they flutter A bout a sick man
like vulturs a bout a dyeing horse,

Howl.

wt. to peck the eyes out of his head sr.

Gilb

noe to pull the mony out of his purse, & giue him hard words fort too
as convulsion obstruction, pullulation, a litle more Phisick would
ha made me hart sick«.» But to the present Busyness. The
Reason why I assumd this Counter feit sicknes, wt h so much more
of my Bosome, as serves for direction, I have allready given the
ffurther suffyceings expect not, Is my disguise herse & casket
of gold ready. for the Conveyance of my funerall I trust the

all other workeings Leave to the Event
a plott vnknowne, no Artist can prevent

Ext.
Howl.

A plot dee calt? tis a very darke one, & devillish Intricate, I
that had a hand in the casting of it, am all most lost In't: that
he meanes to put his wives constancy & sonnes Honesty to the
tryall so far I see into this mill stone of knavery. And he that
sees any further, must have clerer Eyes then a Howlet,

But I must work close & quick, bury a man alive & [make] shirts

of his windeing shete, & thats but a theveishe tricke yowle saye, well
doot I must & yet am nether sexton nor grave maker nether

Ext.

[sc. ii]

Enter Maryanus Varletti. Lords.—
fflorishe
Pro:
Attend wt hout, our conference must be private)
oh my Varletti Iewell of my soule
I want apt language for expression
thart myne soe much above my selfe, that like
a covetous Landlord, I could thrust my life
out of myne owne fee symple, & become
Tenant [to that of]/[at will to] thine, it is so pleasant
& comely Built

Varl.

A homely Cottage myne, & as slutishlie kept in troth my Lord.
onely I trym it vp somwt. the handsomer I confess, be cause it
pleases yor highnes now & then to Lodge yor pri{nc}ely affectionns
& kingly Love int.

Pro.
both lod ge & live int my Varletti wood
the surly Baronns

Varl.
Barrons! Bakon eaters?
feare yow there mallice? are not yow a Romaine
placd by great Cesar Prorex over Britaine
& shall yor hart wishe for a happines
& yow not reach it

Pro.
It should not my Varletti
nor shall it Long if Archibald were come once

Varl.

who: the kersy Lord, the lynsy wollsy gentlem the yeomanly
Barron, The bottome of Browne thred—the

Pro.
Title hym how thow wilt, that bells well cast
& tho plaine mettaile has a silver sound
(Enter Archibald
But no more words he comes. how now my Lord

Archib

Lord a Lead, call me old Tom: plaine home spon Archibald,
thats title high Inough for my minde, & sutable Inough to
my manners, for my contry Bred me, myne owne shepe
clothe me, & myne owne beefe feeds me; I eat good Iannck &
drinke strong Barly brothe, homely yowle say but I finde it
wholesome, Cesar has none [so good]. like it. yor ffrenche
grape & spanishe [wine]/[Berrye] comes not in my gutts, to wrangle
& beget advlterate quarrells in my Braine, to set whole
states, & kingdomes togither by the Ears, no Ile none of that
ahem; I am sownd at hart too: And wt neede have I of
yor Indean druggs & Arabean spices & gums to make a
hotch potch on my mawe, & beget a neast of neopolitane
surffeits in my stomach, & then spend more of a ffoolish phisitian
to cast em vp, then I did of my knaveish Cooke to cram 'em downe.
besides a blade or two of Saffron & a sponefull of british
Honye is Phisick worth twenty of em,

Varl.
yave showne sufficient reason ffor yor dyet
but why so plaine

Arch

mary my Lord because I wonnot were oakes of my Back (as too
many doe,) & let my parkes go naked. Besides I cannot roast
my Beefe in Harvest, nor warme my workmen & Tenants
at x̄pmass, wt h a few silken shredds: no let my Woods growe
& make Leavy Tentes to howse my dere in, theile make a better
showe there, then ether of my Back or in the mercers shop booke.
poore widowes too, & orphanes may have some comfort of the windfalls
& brushy vnder woods, for thats all there vailes.

Pro.
good president for Howskepers to write by
but to our Business, How do the surly Barrons
brooke the affront done to the Earle of clare

Arch.
how they Brooke it I know not, but that he has tane his death
vpont I am too sure on,

Pro
The old man dead? Lillyes & Roses spring
about his grave, How do the comons take it

Archib.

as strong men do phisick all cropsick vpont, it stickes vpon the walls
of there stomaches. & wnnot disgest. tas poisend there allegance
& breakes out in pimples of conspiracy allready: wc h suffred to
take head will grow to an Incurable rebellyon,

Pror

rebellion

Arch.

ranck rebellion. I am plaine homespon Tom, not a thred off
fflatterye in me, theres but one Antidote to prevent it,
& that is to Banish Varletti.

Pro.

Banish Varletti

Arch

yes, restore there Antient priveledges & customes, they have
sworne to pluck the out of thy throane ellse, I am plaine Tom
& thow knowst I cannot desemble,

Varl.
thats somwt. strange tho. Being the devills Oracle

Pro.
Audatious traitors, yet I wrong 'em too
they are trewly noble, I tell the Archibold
(for I presume my secretts safe in the)
wood but these Barrons Bend to me, [a] in favour
of my dere freind Varletti here

Varl
of me?
Tanti. I scorne the [pesaunts]/[bull befe eaters].—(.scornfully.)


Pro.
my fre thoughts
have noble favours to bestow on em—

Arch.

I am glad I know't. hees a conng Angler tho, And Ile play a
litle Longer wt h the baite, er I swallow the hooke by his Leave, If
as yow say to make 'em yours be the point yow saile to: yow
change yr compass, & stere an other course, for tho (being chaste)
they are feirce & Indomitable as Lyons. fayre Language And
Intreats will make em tractable as Lambes.

Varl.
your only way is to peticion em by treaty of pacification—tractable


Pro.
Intreat! shame take me then? Intreat my slaves.
no if they scorne to knele vnto my Love
Ile make em swym vnto my hate in blood

Arch.

why thats there Sumū bonū. they are like the Cimbrelins—never
in there owne Element till they fight in blood, & like them they
paint there Bodyes full of artificeall wounds, to show the foe
they delight & take a pride in naturall ones, but se the

names of the Arch-conspirators.

Pro.
Conon, Elidure, Devon, Tom Archibald.
et tu Brute art thow amongst em too.

Arch.
who I: a prime man, I must seeme so at least, how should
I steale away there secretts else, but the hart my Lord, the
harts sownd & so long

Pro
thow art so Iust «t»were synn but to suspect the

Varl
I like thy pollicy in this well, contynew it, seeme as arant
a knave as the rankest traitor of em all.

cavill at and «r.»quister govrmt

(Interlined note)

to draw them on—

Arch.

Varl.
that will show well,

Arch.
As I will handle it, but yor. honor. must pardon me if I be
somwt saw cy wt h yow.

Varl.
wt h me thow canst not, call me (sicophant) pesantly vpstart

Arch.
ffoole, fidler

Varl.

Any—anything to drawe them on, & doost here, when there splenes
are swolne to [is «in»] the full height of bitternes. be sure to have a strong gard ready.

Arch.
to hale em to the block

Varl.
thow [apprehendst me]/[hitst my conceit of the head] most swetely—a trusty guard

Arch.
I shall, sr. & be captaine of it too,
looke toot old Tom, thast two menns workes to doe
the traytors & the trew mans.—

Ext
Varl:
worke it off cleanly—

thult get credit byte

(Interlined note)

I must Be banisht then

Pro.
yes, thus & thus
give me thy cloake take thow my Robe of state
& for thy hat were my Imperiall Crowne
Send in the surly Lords, synce they repine
fill [thow my]/[Cesars] chaire, [my]/[his] Conquests call all are thine

Enter. Conon. Elidure, Deuon, Archibald.
Varl.
How prowd they looke

Pro:
Now over dareing Lords.
wheres all yor reverence?

Conon
Heare in our Loyall harts
not in our hatts [& knees] like Romaine sicophants

Pro
not to yor king

Deuon.
yes weed vaile thus to Cesar
for the, thow'rt but his Image at the most
& Britaines scorne to wor ship Images—

Conon.
How Cesars Image! thow art not so good
thast given away thy title Lent out thy Crowne
To a mock king [to] hele goe a feasting wt h.

Pro
to that mock king then I will make yow kneele

Arch.
Knele oh monstrous Idolatrye, do but marke me now my Lord)
knele to a Calfe wt h a white face? a gilded Citterne head, he
Lookes for all the world like a Babyes face painted of the
Butt end af a Bandora; do I touch the trew string or no sir?

Varl.
thow doest it passing well, somwt too modestly—

Arch:
let me alone Ile mend that falt I warant yw

Pro.
suppose him baser, then yor splens can make him,
hees noble tho, & rarely quallifyed.

Arch.
oh admirably quallifyed, can tune a Citterne perhaps.
a paire of virginalls. this will set the Iacke goeing or nothing

Conon.
And in the Honor of his new stolne office, the champio will breke

Arch.
did I not tell yow? Breake? breake wt. not a staff I hope

Conon.
a staff, a stick a warlike ffidle stick

Pro.
can my Varletti brooke thes scornes wt h sylence.

Varl.
yes sr. wt h sylence, a wise man canot give
a foole a better answeare

Arch.
foole, thers a favour for yow Conon,

Varl:
& yet, my lord to showe
I am sencible, (tho careless) of there envye
I will vouch safe a slite rebuke vpon em,
Bean-chaweing Barrons home to yor contry farms—
dispute the price of Beans & buttermilk
& cast vp by yor flaile Arithmetick
how many Barly sheves will cram a barne
& medle not wt h musick tis an Art
too much above yor swineish Intellects

Conon.
swine Germaine Boore fatted wt h british mast
compare wt h peeres go fum the tother Testerne
out of a ffarmers windowe, sol fa me that now.

Pro
oreweeing Lords, How dare yow if trew subiects
abvse our freind

Conon.
how darst thow if a kinge
Abvse & wrong those that wood be trew subiects,
for a squeaking Hoboye a base Organ-pipe

Deu.
nay more how darst thow being Cesars prorex
lend out his Honor s. Lease his royaltye,

Elid.
monopolize his Titles vnto pesants

Conon.
spruze Iack a dandyes, but be cownselled
Loozen the raine of Iron oppression,

Deu.
vse the swith—gently & forbeare the spurr

Elid.
shake off that viper

Arch
Throw that venemous toad to his native cradle the dunghill, &
wele lay our harts vnder our knees to do the service

ōes
If not

Pro.
aguard

ōes
A guard for whome

Conō
ha yow a mynd to se yr goodly Iewell dangle in the [eare of the] gallows [eare]

Pro.
yourselves base traitor s. know yw these names.

Conō
wt synon has Betraid vs? the names are ours.

Pro.
do yow not Blushe to owne e'm?

Arch.
not: nor to make good the oath belongs vnto e'm—

Varl.
well acted Archibald, & thats to kill a kinge

Conon
no but pluck a pesant out of a kings Armes or him out of his chair{e}

Pro.
whats that but capitall treson,

Arch.
calt wt yow will, & takt how yw please, cut of our heads yow maye
& if yow doe we care not, we yeild em ffor feit & deserve to dy for
haveing a traitor amongst. tyme will vnmask hym,

Varl
not in hast, if thow kepest thyne owne counsell [the old fellow]/[he] does it the best

Pro.
& puts it off the cleanlyest. Bold conspirators
resolute Catelines—theres no contending wt h em—

Arch
I told yr grace wt. metaile they were mad of

Pro.
Thow didst: & this there resolution wakens
our slumbering corage, Marianus Blushe
& be a shamd, to be out done in Honor
yowle not Imbrace Varletti

ōes
Romaine never

Pro.
we scorne to aske it twice. And now to showe
a Romaine Prorex one that have displaid
Cesars spread Eagle over halfe the world
disdaines a Crew of British muteeners
yor fforfeit lifes we throw yow back againe
to let yow know we scorne to wound a lyon
an other man has chazd into the toile
the game we kill, wele hunt our self—
& make the stowtest Hart in the English pale pay blody ters for ransome

Arch
He never spoake the Romaine tongue till now

Pro.
Home to yor factionns, let yor ratlin̄g droms,
a maze the Aire wt h thonder, press yor Tenants
and raise an Army all of Archibalds

Varl.
& hes a tough old blade I warrant him

Pro.
worthy yor names & Marianus Anger
here stands the [price]/[dere] yow [throw]/[aime] at, [wyn]/[shoote] him faire,

& hees yor owne

(Marginal note)

Varl.
But afore that yowle se me—

hyde head horns & all to choke y[OMITTED]

(Marginal note)

wave Cesars dread full Eagle in the feild
wt h my fate in her Tallents, teare it thence
& wt h it tread my titles into dust
& my wingd soule shall bere yor names to Heaven,
& file em mongst the worthyes.

Pro.
thow wordst it well Varl«e»ti

Varl.
Ile sword it better if it comes [once] to Action, onces

Pro.
The day of Bataile

ōs Barons.
vpon ffryday next

Pro. Var.
write it in British Blood

Florish
oes Bar
in Romaine text

Ext.