University of Virginia Library

ACT V.

Enter Grim with Ione.
Grim.

Nay but Ione, have a care, bear a brain
for all at once, 'tis not one hours pleasure that I
suspect, more than your Mother's good countenance;
if she be a sleep, we may be bold under
correction, if she be awake, I may go my waies,
and no body ask me, Grim whither goest thou:
nay I tell you I am so well beloved in our Town,
that not the worst dogg in the street will hurt
my little finger.

Ione.
Why speak you this, you need not fear my Mother,
For she was fast asleep four hours ago.

Grim.

Is she sure, did you hear her snort in
her dead sleep; why then Ione I have an hours
mirth for thee.

Ione.

And I a mess of Cream for thee.

Grim.

Why there is one for another then,
fetch it Ione, we will eat and kiss, and be as merry
Exit Ione for the Creame.
as your Cricket; art thou gone for for it:
well, go thy waies for the kindest Lass that
ever poor Collier met withall; I mean for to
make short work with her, and marry her presently;
I'le single her out i'faith, till I make her
beat double, and give the world to understand
we will have a young Grim between us.

Enter Ione with the Creame
Ione.

Look here my Love, 'tis sweetned for thy mouth.

Grim.

You have put none of your Love powder
in it to make me enamourable of you, have
you Ione, I have a simple pate to expect you.
One knocketh at the door.
Ione hark, my Braynes beat, my head works, and
my mind giveth me, some Lovers of yours
come sneaking hither now, I like it not, 'tis
suspectious.

One knocketh again.
Ione.
You need not fear it, for there is none alive
Shall bear the least part of my heart from thee.

Grim.

Sayest thou so, hold there still, and who
e're he be, open door to him.

She openeth the door, enter Shorthose and Robin after him.
Ione.
what, Master Parson! are you come so late;
You are welcome, here is none but Grim and I.

Short.
Ione, I'le no more a nutting go,
I was so beaten to and fro;
And yet who it was I do not know.

Grim.

What, Master Parson, are you come
so late to say evening song to your Paritioners,
I have heard of your Knavery, I give you a fair
warning, touch her no lower than her Girdle,
and no higher than her chin; I keep her lips
and her hips for my own use; I do, and so welcome.

Rob.
This two hours have I dogg'd the Parson round
About all Croydon, doubting some such thing.

Short.
No Grim, I here foreswear to touch
Thy Ione, or any other such;
Love hath been so cudgell'd out of me,
I'le go no more to wood with thee.

Rob.
'Twas Robin beat this holy mind into him,
I think more cudgelling would make him more honest.

Grim.

You speak like an honest man, and a
good Parson, and that is more; here is Ione's benevolation
for us, a mess of Cream and so forth.
Here is your place, Master Parson, stand on the
t'other side of the Table Ione, eat hard to night
that thou may marry us the better to morrow.

Rob.
What is my Brother Grim so good a fellow?
They fall to the Creame.
I love a mess of Cream as well as they;
I think it were best I stept in and made one:
Ho, ho, ho my Masters, no good Fellowship!
Is Robin Goodfellow a Bug-bear grown.
Robin falleth to ear.
That he is not worthy to be bid sit down.

Grim.

O Lord save us! sure he is some Country-devil,
he hath got a Russet-coat upon his
face.

Short.
Now benedicite! who is this?
I take him for some fiend I wiss,
Oh for some holy-water here
Of this same place this Sprite to clear.

Rob.
Nay fear not Grim, come fall unto your Creame,
Tut, I am thy Friend, why dost not come and eat?

Grim.

I Sir, truly, Master Devil, I am well
here, I thank you.

Rob.
I'le have thee come, I say, Why tremblest thou?

Grim.
No Sir, not I, 'tis a Palsie I have still:
Truly, Sir, I have no great acquaintance with you.

Rob.
Thou shalt have better man e're I depart.

Grim.
I will not, and if I can choose.

Rob.
Nay come away, and bring your Love with you.

Grim.
Ione, you were best go to him Ione.

Rob.

What shall I fetch the man? the Cream
is sweet.

Grim.

No, Sir I am coming; much good do't
you: I had need of a long spoon now I go to eat
with the Devil.

Rob.
The Parson's pennance shall be thus to fast:
Come tell me Grim, doest thou not know me man?

Grim.

No truly Sir, I am a poor man, fetcheth
my Living out of the fire; your Worship may
be a Gentleman Devil for ought I know.

Rob.

Some men call me Robin Goodfellow.

Grim.

O Lord! Sir, Mr. Robert Goodfellow, you
are very welcome, Sir.

Rob.
This half year have I lived about this Town,
Helping poor Servants to dispatch their work,
To brew and bake, and other Husbandry;
Tut, fear not Maid, if Grim be merry,
I will make up the Match between ye.

Grim.
There will be a Match in the Devil's name!

Rob.
Well now the night is almost spent,
Since your affections all are bent
To Marriage, and to constant Love,
Grim, Robin doth thy Choyse approve,
And there's the Priest shall marry you;
Go to it, and make no mote ado:
Sirrah, Sir Priest, go get you gone,
And joyn both her and him anon;
But ne're hereafter let me take you
With wanton Love-tricks, lest I make you
Example to all stone-priests ever,
To deal with other mens loves never.

Short.
Valete vos, and God bless me,
And rid me from his Company.
Come Grim I'le joyn you hand in hand,
In sacred Wedlock's holy band;
I will no more a nutting go,
That journey caused all this woe.

Grim.

Come, let's to hand in hand quickly,
Master Robert you were ever one of the honestest
merry Devils that ever I saw.

Ione.

Sweet Grim, and if thou lovest me let's
away.

Grim.

Nay, now Ione, I spy a hole in your coat,
if you cannot endure the Devil, you'l never
love the Collier, why we two are sworn Brothers,
you shall see me talk with him even as
familiarly as if I should parbreak my mind and
my whole stomach upon thee.

Ione.

I prethee do not Grim.

Grim.

Who, not I? O Lord! Mr. Robert Goodfellow,
I have a poor Cottage at home, whither
Ione and I will jog as merrily; we will make you
no Stranger if you come thither, you shall be used
as devilishly as you would wish i'faith; there
is never a time my Cart commeth from London,
but the Collier bringeth a Goose in his Sack and
that, with the Giblets thereof, is at your service.

Rob.

This is more kindness Grim than I expected.

Grim.

Nay, Sir, if you come home, you shall
find it true I warrant you, all my whole Family
shall be at your Devilships pleasure, except my
poor Ione here, and she is my own proper night
geer.

Rob.
Gramercies, but away in hast,
The night is almost spent and past.

Grim.

God be with you, Sir, I'le make as
much hast about it as may be, for and that were
once done, I would begin a new piece of work
with you Ione.

Exeunt all but Robin.
Rob.
Now joy betide this merry morn,
And keep Grims forehead from the horn,
For Robin bids his last adieu,
To Grim and all the rest of you.
Ex. Rob.

Enter Clinton alone.
Clin.
Bright Lucifer go cochu thee in the Clouds,
And let this morning prove as dark as night,
That I unseen may bring to happy end
The Doctor's murder, which I do intend:
It's early yet, he is not so soon stirring;
But stir he ne're so soon, so soon he dies;
I'le walk along before the Pallace gate;
Then shall I know how near it is to day,
He shall have no means to escape away.
Exit Clinton.

Enter Castiliano.
Cast.
My Trunk's broke open, and my Iewels gone,
My Gold and Treasure stolne, my House disspoyl'd
Of all my Furniture, and nothing left,
No not my Wife, for she is stoln away,
But she hath pepper'd me. I feel it work,
My Teeth are loose, and my Belly swell'd,
My Entrails burn with such distemper'd heat,
That well I know my Dame hath poyson'd me;
When she spoke fairest, then she did this Act.
When I have spoken all I can imagine,
I cannot utter half that she intends;
She makes as little poysoning of a man
As to carrouse, I feel that this is true:
Enter Clinton.
Nay now I know too much of Women kind,
Zoun's here's the Captain! what should he make here
With his Sword drawn? there's yet more Villany.

Clin.
The morning is far spent, but yet he comes not!
I wonder Marian sends him not abroad!
Well Doctor, linger time and linger life,
For long thou shalt not breath upon the earth.

Cast.
No, no, I will not live amongst ye long,
Is that for me thou waitest thou bloody Wretch?
Her Poyson hath prevented thee in Murther.
Enter Earle Morgan, St. Dunston, with Honorea fainting, and Mariana.
Now here be they suppose Earle Lacy dead,
See how his Lady grieveth for that she wisheth?

Dunst.
My Lord of London, by his sudden death,
And all the signs before his late departure,
'Tis very probable that he is poyson'd.

Marian.
Do you but doubt it! credit me my Lord,
I heard him say, That drink should be his last,
I heard my Husband speak it, and he did it.

Cast.
There is my old Friend, she alwaies speaks for me;
Oh shameless Creature! was't not thy devise?

Morg.
Let not extremity of grief or'ewhelme thee,
My dearest Honorea, for his death shall be
Surely reveng'd with all severity
Upon the Doctor, and that suddenly.

Clin.
What Fortune's this, that all these come this way
To hinder me, and save thy life to day.

Hon.
My gracious Lord, this dolefull accident
Hath rob'd me of my joy; And royal Earle,
Though in thy life thou did'st suspect my love,
My grief and tears suspitions shall remove.

Mar.
Madam to you and to your Father's love,
I owe as much & more than my own life,
Had I ten Husbands should agree to do it,
My gracious Lord you presently should know it.

Cast.
I! there's a Girle: Think you I did not well
To live with such a Wife, to come from Hell.

Mar.
Look, look, my Lord, there stands the Murderer.

Cast.
How am I round beset on every side!
First, that same Captain, here stands to kill me,
My Dame she hath already poysoned me,
Earle Morgan he doth threaten present death,
The Countess Honorea, in revenge
Of Lacy, is extremely incens'd against me;
All threatens, none shall do it, for my date
Is now expired, and I must back to Hell.
And now my Servant wheresoe're thou be,
Come quickly Akercock, and follow me;
Lordings adieu, and my curst Wife farewell,
If me ye seek, come follow me to Hell.

The Ground opens, and he falls down into it.
Morg.
The Earth that opened, now is clos'd again!

Dunst.
It is God's judgement for his grievous sins.

Clin.
Was there a Quagmire, that he sunk so soon?

Hon.
O miracle! now may we justly say,
Heavens have reveng'd my Husband's death this day.

Morg.
Alass poor Marian! we have wrong'd thee much,
To cause thee march thy self to any such.

Mar.
Nay let him go, and sink into the ground,
For such as he are better lost then found;
Now Honorea we are freed from blame,
And both inrich'd with happy Widows names.

Enter Earl Lacy with Forest, Musgrave.
Lacy.
O lead me quickly to that mourning train,
Which weep for me, that am revived again.

Hon.
Marian, I shed some tears of perfect grief.

She falleth into a Sound.
Morg.
Do not my Eyes deceive me? liveth my Son?

Lacy.
My Lord, and Father, both alive and well
Recovered of my weakness: where's my wife?

Mar.
Here is my Lady, your beloved wife,
Half dead to hear of your untimely end.

Lacy.
Look on me Honorea; see thy Lord:
I am not dead, but live to love thee still.

Dun.
'Tis God disposeth all things as he will,
He raiseth those the wicked wish to fall.

Clin.
Zounds, I still watch on this inclosed ground;
For if he rise again, I'le murder him.

Hon.
My Lord, my tongue's not able to report
Those joys my heart conceives to see thee live!

Dunst.
Give God the glory: he recovered thee,
And wrought this judgement on that cursed man,
That set debate and strife among ye all.

Morg.
My Lord, our eyes have seen a miracle,
Which after-ages ever shall admire,
The Spanish Doctor, standing here before us,
Is sunk into the bowels of the earth,
Ending his vile life by a viler death.

Lacy.
But, gentle Marian, I bewail thy loss,
That wer't Maid, Wife, and Widow, all so soon.

Mar.
'Tis your recovery that joys me more
Than grief can touch me for the Doctor's death;
He never lov'd me whil'st he liv'd with me,
Therefore the less I mourn his Tragedy.

Morg.
Henceforth we'l strictlier look to Strangers lives,
Now they shall marry any English Wives:
Now all men shall record this fatal day,
Lacy revived, the Doctor sunk in Clay.

The Trumpets sound, exeunt all but Dunstan.
Dunst.
Now is Earl Lacy's House fill'd full of joy,
He and his Lady wholy reconcil'd,
Their jars all ended; those that were like men
Transformed, turn'd unto their shapes again:
And Gentlemen, before we make an end,
A little longer yet your patience lend,
That in your friendly censures you may see
What the infernal Synod do decree,
And after judge, if we deserve to name
This Play of ours, The Devil and his Dame.

Exit.
It thunders and lighteneth; enter Pluto, Minos, Æacus, Rhadamanthus, with Furies bringing in Malbecco's ghost.
Pluto.
Minos, is this the day he should return
And bring us tidings of his Twelve month spent.

Enter Belphagor like a Devil, with Horns on his head, and Akerkok.
Minos.
It is, great King, and here Belphagon comes.

Pluto.
His Visage is more ghastly than it was wont.
What Ornaments are those upon his head?

Bel.
Hell, I salute thee, now I feel my self
Rid of a thousand torments; O vile Earth,
Worse for us Devils, then Hell it self for men!
Dread Pluto, hear thy Subject's just Complaint,
Belph. kneeleth to Pluto.
Proceeding from the anguish of my Soul,
O never send me more into the Earth,
For there dwells dread, and horror more then here.

Pluto.
Stand forth Belphagor, and report the truth
Of all things have betide thee in the World.

Bel.
When first, great King, I came into the Earth,
I chose a Wife both young and beautifull,
The only Daughter to a noble Earl:
But when the night came, that I should her bed,
I found another laid there in her stead,
And in the morning when I found the change,
Though I deny'd her, I was forc'd to take her;
With her I lived in such a milde estate,
Used her still kindly, loved her tenderly;
Which she requited with such light regard,
So loose demeanour, and dishonest life,
That she was each man's whore that was my wife:
No hours but Gallants flock'd unto my house,
Such as she fancied for her loathsome lust,
With whom, before my face, she did not spare
To play the Strumpet; yea, and more than this,
She made my house a stue for all resorts,
Herself a Bawd to other's filthiness;
Which if I once began but to reprove,
Oh! then her Tongue was worse than all the rest,
No ears with patience would endure to hear her,
Nor would she ever cease till I submit,
And then she would speak me fair, but wish me dead:
A hundred drifts she laid to cut me off,
Still drawing me to dangers of my life;
And now my Twelve-month being near expir'd,
She poysoned me; and least that means should fail,
She entic'd a Captain to have murdered me
In brief, whatever Tongue can tell,
All that may well be spoken of my Dame.

Aker.
Poor Akercock was fain to fly her sight,
For ne're an hour but she laid on me,
Her Tongue and Fist walked all so nimblely.

Pluto.
Doth then Belphagor this report of thine
Against all Women hold in general?

Bel.
Not so, great Prince, for as 'mongst other Creatures,
Under that Sex are mingled good and bad,
There are some women vertuous, chast and true,
And to all those the Devil will give their due:
But, Oh my Dame! born for a song to man,
For no mortality would endure that,
Which she a thousand times hath offered me.

Pluto.
But what new shapes are those upon thy Head?

Bel.
These are the ancient arms of Cuckoldry,
And these my Dame hath kindly left to me,
For which Belphagor shall be here derided,
Vnless your great infernal Majestie
Do solemnly proclame, no Devil shall scorn
Hereafter still to wear the goodly horn

Plu.
This for thy service I will grant thee freely,
All Devils shall, as thou dost like horns wear,
And none shall scorn Belphagor's arms to bear;
And now Malbecco, bear thy latest doom,
Since that thy first Reports are justified
By after-proofs, and Women's looseness known,
One Plague more will I send upon the earth,
Thou shalt assume a light and fiery shape,
And so for ever live within the world.
Dive into Womens thoughts, into mens hearts,
Raise up false rumours, and suspicious fears,
Put strange inventions into each man's mind;
And for these Actions they shall alwaies call thee
By no name else but fearfull Iealousie:
Go Iealousie, be gone, thou hast thy charge,
Go range about the World that is so large.
And now for joy Belphagor is return'd,
The Furies shall their tortures east away,
And in Hell wee will make it Holy-day.

It thundereth and lighteneth; exeunt omnes.