University of Virginia Library

The iii. Acte.

The i Sceane.

Hodge.
Hodge
Sym glouer yet gramercy, cham meetlye well sped now,
Thart euen as good a felow as euer kyste a cowe,
Here is a thynge in dede, by ye masse though ich speake it
Tom tankards great bald curtal, I thinke could not breake it
And when he spyed my neede, to be so straight and hard,
Hays lent me here his naull, to set the gyb forward,
As for my Gammers neele, the flyenge feyud go weete,
Chill not now go to the doore againe with it to meete:
Chould make shyfte good inough and chad a candels ende,
The cheefe hole in my breeche, with these two chil amende.

The ii. Sceane.

Gammer. Hodge.
Gāmer
How Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, chat newes to tell thee
Ich knowe who hais my neele, ich trust soone shalt it see

Hodge
The deuyll thou does, hast hard gammer in deede, or doest but iest

Gāmer
Tys as true as steele Hodge.

Hodge
Why, knowest well where dydst leese it?

Gāmer
Ich know who found it, and tooke it vp shalt see or it be longe.

Hodge
Gods mother dere, if that be true, farwel both naule an thong
But who hais it gammer say on: chould faine here it disclosed.

Gāmer
That false fixen, that same dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest.

Hodge
Who tolde you so:

Gāmer
That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.

Hodge
Diccon: it is a vengeable knaue gammer, tis a bonable horsō,
Can do mo things then that els cham deceyued euill:
By the masse ich saw him of late cal vp a great blacke deuill,
O the knaue cryed ho, ho, he roared and he thundred,
And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.

Gāmer
Was not thou afraide Hodge to see him in this place:

Hodge
No, and chad come to me, chould haue laid him on the face,
Chould haue promised him.

Gāmer
But Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe:

Hodge
As long as your two armes, saw ye neuer Fryer Rushe
Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle:
And crooked clouen feete, and many a hoked nayle?
For al the world (if I shuld iudg) chould recken him his brother
Loke euen what face Frier Rush had, the deuil had such another

Gāmer
New Iesus mercy hodg, did diccon in him bring:

Hodge
Nay gammer (heare me speke) chil tel you a greater thing.
The deuil (when diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel)
Sayd plainly (here before vs, that dame chat had your neele.

[OMITTED] mer
Then let vs go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it,
Seing we know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.

Hodge
Go to her gāmer see ye not where she stands in her doores
Byd her geue you the neele, tys none of hers but yours.

The iii. Sceane.

Gammer. Chat. Hodge.
Gāmer
Dame Chat cholde praye the fair, let me haue yt is mine
Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne
Therfore giue me mine owne & let me liue besyde the

Chat.
Why art thou crept frō home hether, to mine own doores to chide me:
Hence doting drab, auaunt, or I shall set the further.
Intends thou and that knaue, mee in my house to murther:

Gāmer
Tush gape not so no me woman, shalt not yet eate mee,
Nor all the frends thou hast, in this shall not intreate mee:
Mine owne goods I will haue, and aske the on beleue,
What woman: pore folks must haue right, though the thing you agreue.

Chat.
Giue thee thy right, and hang thee vp, wt al thy baggers broode
What wilt thou make me a theefe, and say I stole thy good:

Gāmer
Chil say nothing (ich warrāt thee, but that ich cā proue it well
Thou set my good euen from my doore, cham able this to tel,

Chat.
Dyd I (olde witche) steale oft was thine: how should that thing be knowen:

Gāmer
Ich can not tel, but vp thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne,

Chat,
Mary fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart.

Gāmer
Nay fy on thee yu rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte.

Chat.
A vengeaunce on those lips yt laieth such things to my charge.

Gāmer
A vengeance on those callats hips, whose consciēce is so large

Chat.
Come out Hogge.

Gāmer
Come out hogge, and let haue me right.

Chat.
Thou arrant Witche.

Gāmer
Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night.

Chat.
A bag and a wallet.

Gāmer
A carte for a callet.

Chat.
Why wenest thou thus to preuaile,
I hold thee a grote,
I shall patche thy coate,

Gāmer
Thou warte as good kysse my tayle:
Thou slut yu kut, yu rakes, yu iakes: will not shame make ye hide

Chat.
Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, yu glotton, I will no lenger chyd the
But I will teache the to kepe home.

Gāmer
Wylt thou drunken beaste.

Hodge
Sticke to her gammer, take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast.
Smyte I saye gammer,
Byte I say gammer,
I trow ye wyll bekeene:
Where be your nayls? claw her by the iawes, pull me out bothe her eyen,
Gogs bones gammer, holde vp your head,

Chat.
I trow drab I shall dresse thee.
Tary yu knaue I hold the a grote, I shall make these hands blesse thee
Take yu this old hore for a mends, & lerne thy tonge well to tame
And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame.

Hodge
Where is the strong stued hore, chil geare a hores marke,
Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke:
Up gammer and ye be alyue, chil feygh now for vs bothe,
Come no nere me thou scalde callet, to kyll the ich wer loth.

Chat.
Art here agayne thou hoddy peke, what doll bryng me out my spitte.

Hodge
Chill broche thee wyth this, him father soule, chyll coniure that foule sprete:
Let dore stand Cock, why come in deede? kepe dore yu horson boy.

Chat.
Stand to it yu dastard for thine eares, ise teche yt a sluttish toye.

Hodge
Gogs woundes hore, chil make the auaunte, take heede Cocke, pull in the latche,

Chat.
I faith sir loose breche had ye taried, ye shold haue found your match.

Gāmer
Now ware thy throte losell, thouse pray for al

Hodge
Well said gammer by my soule,
Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule

Chat.
Comst behynd me thou withered witch, & I get once on foote
Thouse pay for all, yu old tarlether, ile teach the what longs to it
Take ye this to make vp thy mouth, til time thou come by more

Hodge
Up gammer stand on your feete, where is the olde hore?
Faith woulde chad her by the face choulde cracke her callet crowne

Gāmer
A hodg, hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe.

Hodge
By the masse Gammer, but for my staffe Chat had gone nye to spyl you
Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com to kill you
But shall we loose our neele thus?

Gāmer
No Hodge chwarde lothe doo soo,
Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand, no hodg ich tell the no

Hodge
Chold yet this fray wer wel take vp, & our own neele at home
Twill be my chaunce els some to kil, wher euer it be or whome

Gāmer
We haue a parson, (hodge thou knoes) a man estemed wise
Mast doctor Rat, chil for hym send, and let me here his aduise,
He will her shriue for all this gere, & geue her penaunce strait
Wese haue our neele, els dame chat comes nere wt in heauē gate,

Hodge
Ye mary gammer, yt ich think best: wyll you now for him lend
The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wese ha an ende,
And here gammer Dyccons deuill, (as iche remember well)
Of Cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat: a felloneus tale dyd tell,
Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to get againe.

Gāmer
Chil ha him strait, call out ye boy, wese make him take the payn

Hodge
What coke I saye, come out what deuill canst not here.

Gāmer
How now hodg? how does gammer, is yet the wether cleare?
What wold chaue me to doo?

Gāmer
Come hether Cocke anon:
Hence swythe to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone,
And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease,
Shalt haue him at his chamber, of els at mother Bees,
Els seeke him at Hobfylchers shop, for as charde it reported
There is the best ale in al the towne, and now is most resorted.

Cocke.
And shall ich brynge hym with me gammer?

Gāmer
Yea, by and by good Cocke.

Cocke.
Shalt see that shalbe here anone, els let me haue one the docke

Hodge
Now gammer shal we two go in, and tary for hys commynge
What deuill woman plucke vp your hart, & leue of al this glōmīg
Though she were stronger at yt first, as ich thinke ye did find her
Yet there ye drest the dronkē sow, what time ye cam behind her

Gāmer
Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for set thend to ye beginnīg
And ich doubt not, but she will make small bost of her winning.

The iiii. Sceane.

Tyb. Hodge. Gammer. Cocke.
Tyb
Se gāmer, gāmer, gib our cat, chā afraid what she ayleth
She standes me gasping behind the doore, as though her winde her faileth:
Now let ich doubt what gib shuld mean, yt now she doth so dote.

Hodge
Hold hether, ichould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte
Grope her ich say, me thinkes ich feele it, does not pricke your hand?

Gāmer
Ich can feele nothing.

Hodge
No, ich know thars not within this land
A muryner Cat then Gyb is, betwixt the tems and Tyne,
Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chaue in mine.

Tyb
Faith shase eaten some thing, that wil not easely downe
Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne
Iche can not tell.

Gāmer
Alas ich feare it he some croked pyn,
And then farewell gyb, she is vndone, and lost al saue the skyn.

Hodge
Tyb, your neele woman, I say: gogs soule geue me a knyfe
And chil haue it out of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe.

Gāmer
What nay hodg, fy kil not our cat, tis al the cats we ha now.

Hodge
By the masse dame Chat hays me so moued, iche care not what I kyll, ma god a vowe:
Go to then Tyb to this geare, holde vp har tayle and take her,
Chil see what deuil is in her guts, chil take yu paines to rake her.

Gāmer
Rake a Cat Hodge, what woldst thou do?

Hodge
What thinckst that cham not able?
Did not Tom Tankard rake his Curtal toore day standing in the stable.

Gāmer
Soft be content, lets here what newes Cocke bringeth from maist Rat.

Cocke.
Gammer chaue ben ther as you bad, you wot wel about what
Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke
He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke.

Gāmer
Where didst thou find him boy was he not wher I told thee?

Cocke.
Yes, yes euen at hobfilchers house, by him yt bought and solde me
A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer,
Chad much a do to go and come, al was so ful of myer:
And Gammer one thing I can tel, Hobfilchers naule was loste
And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste,
I chould a penny can say something, your neele againe to fet.

Gāmer
Cham glad to heare so much Cocke, then trust he wil not let,
To helpe vs herein best he can therfore tyl time he come
Let vs go in if there be aught to get thou shalt haue some.