University of Virginia Library

The «f*****S**»

Enter Demeas two sergeants at one dore Timon Laches Hermogenes Gelasimus Pseudocheus Eutrapelus at another
Dem:
Where hale yee mee yee knaues? where hale yee mee?
Getes Canniballs yee cruell Scythians
Looze mee yee varletts, I'me an orator
Looze mee I say.

Serg: 1.
Good words I pray wee doe but our office
The Iudges haue committed thee to gaole

Dem:
Helpe mee yee Godds, what? shall an orator
Bee caste in prison? bound in iron Chaines?

Serg: 2.
Wert thou Demosthenes thou shouldst not scape

Dem:
O suffer mee to speake.

Eutr:
What is this tumult? is this Demeas
The orator?

Tim:
H'st peace, & let vs patiently see
This Comedies Catastrophe.

Serg: 1.
If all thy Rhetoricke can perswade vs
Weele sette thee free at thine owne liberty.

Serg: 2.
Goe to bee not to tædious, beginne.

Dem:

By what faulte or fate of mine (luculent not lutulent Sergeants) shall I
say it is come to passe that I an orator not an arator, floridde not
horridde should bee cast into prison by stolidde not by solidde persons?
What haue I done? what haue I not done? whom may I invocate?
whom may I not inuocate? shall I accuse yee? or excuse yee?
I knowe not, truly, I knowe not yee hale, but whom doe yee hale? yee hale
an orator, but whither doe yee hale him? yee hale him to prison
but from whence doe yee hale him? from the pewes of most wicked
Iudges. I owe, is that an offence? I owe sixteene talents, is that a sinne?
now whether I deserue imprisonment iudge yee. Let it o let it
bee lawfull for mee (o louing & liuing men) to orate & exorate
before the altar of your clemencie, not the haltar of your demency
so yee that free mee from the bonds of prison, shall oblige mee to
you with the adamantine bonds of loue.

Gelas:
Hee hath composde a very dolefull speache.

Serg: 1.
Art thou perswaded to dismisse him? speake.

Serg: 2.
I feele some striuing motion, but stay
I knowe t'will vanishe presently.

Pseud:
This orator hath stole all that he spoke
I hearde olde Nestor speake this worde for worde
In the fortunate Ilands.

Serg: 1.
I am perswaded, I will let him goe

Dem.
O eloquence what canst not thou effecte?
Whom doe not sweeter wordes than hony moue?
I thanke my Genius.

Serg: 2.
Exult not soe
I am perswaded Demeas, I am
Thee to imprisonne, come my orator
Not arator, my floridde, not horridde
Bee sure of this weele putte thee in sure ties
Vnles thou putte in sureties.

Tim:
Dismisse him I will sixteene talents pay
Vnto the citizens.

Dem.
My Iupiter
My Iupiter.

Tim:
Carry my name vnto the Iudges, I
will satisfie this debte.

Dem.
My Iupiter
When I forgette thee, let mee as a prey
Bee cast aliue to be deuour'd of beasts.

Tim:
Thy wishe is to to large, I doe desire
A gratefull minde, thats all that I require.
I putte my talents to strange vsury
To gaine mee freinds, that they may followe mee
[OMITTED]
Writte in their face, if this thou dost performe
I shall haue interrest sufficient.

Dem
If this my Timon I doe not performe
Let Ioue confounde mee with his thunderbolte

Lach:
This vowe o Ioue remember, let him feele
If hee bee false the strengthe of thy right hande

Gela:
Hast thou not a brother liues in Athenes
That is a fidler?

Herm:
A fidler?

Gela:
Sweete sr
Bee not soe angry, I did neuer see
One egge more like another, I will send
ffor him to morrow to my nuptialls.
Hee sings soe daintily.

Eutr.
What to thy wedding? wilt thou putte thy necke
Into a marr'age nooze?

Gela:
Why not? I her
Shee mee doth loue.

Dem.
A metaphore from the effecte.

Gela:
What more can I desire?

Tim:
A barraine foreheade where hornes may not growe.
Oft other men beware by others hornes
View Athenes thou shalt Vulcanes ensignes see
A common badge to men of each degree
How many hange their heades downe, leaste they splitte
The signeposts with their hornes how many sitte
At home sicke of the headeache & complaine
That they are like to the twi-horned moone
This man lookes pale, another stands amaz[']de
In the meane while their wiues are Iouiall
They eate the tongues of nightingales, lambestones
Potato pies pick'ld oysters marrowbones
And drinke the purest wine that they can gette
They haue their garden houses, will bee sicke
Then comes the Doctor with his Clister pipe
And makes them well, their husbands heades ake still.

Dem:
Sarcasmus, or a bitter ieste.

Gela.
Thinke you that I shall bee a horn'd Satyre? ha ha he
As if I did not knowe what tricke men vse
In Cappadocia. they chuse a friende
Thats gelt: to keepe their wiues in chastity
This Eunuche as their keeper they ordaine
Hee doth obserue eache thinge they doe, their nodds.
Their whisperings, their very farts & all
And wary doth in the same chamber watche
Least any on a sodeine shoulde surprize
His friends wife while shee sleepes

Tim:
Is this the vse
In Cappadocia?

Gela:
Tis, hold thy peace
This strange trauailer hath soe subtilly
Instructed mee with counsailes politicke.
And hath confessed himselfe an Eunuche.

Dem:
A Syncope vnhearde of.

Tim:
Wilt thou appointe this man to keepe thy wife?

Gela:
I will. by Ioue my hearte is full of glee
That I haue founde out such a one as hee.

[Pseu:] [Herm:]
This seemes a wonder

[Pseu.]
From the milky sea
As I did saile that sea (the which was full
ffrom the deepe bottome to the very toppe
Of pure white milke) the shippe did carry mee
Into an Ilande that was made of cheese
Their houses were of butter.

Eutr:
Were they not melted with the sunne?

Pseu.
O noe
They did obscure the sunne beames with wette clothes.

Dem:
A Tapinosis or diminution.

Eutr:
Thou orator what dost thou mutter thus?
Hem let vs drinke, not idely spende the time
Lets sacrifice to Bacchus boles of wine.

Exeunt.