 | The Worlds Idol : Plutus |  |
8
Actus Secundus.
Enter Carion and Chorus of Countrymen.Gar.
You, all friends and neighbours, poor and laborious,
That have lived with us upon Onions and hard fare,
Now make hast and make use of the present occasion
Whilest it is offered.
Chor.
We are ready you see, and make what hast we can,
Considering we are men toyled with labour and oppressed
VVith Age, you cannot expect we should keep pace with
You, therefore tell us first why your master sends for us?
Car.
I have told you this good while, but cannot get you
To lift up your long Ears to it, that my master bid me tell
You, that you shall all leave this sorrowful careful life that
You now lead, and exchange it for a pleasant one.
Chor.
By what means, or from whence does he hope this.
Car.
Neighbours, my master will be here presently,
And brings with him an old, crooked, ill-faced, unlucky,
Bald, and I think, I may say curtailed fellow.
Chor.
O thou art a golden mellonger, what brave news
Is this? by thy description this must needs be a heap of
Gold that's coming to us.
Car.
Or rather a heap of all the old worldly evils.
Chor.
VVell, do not think you shall go unpunished.
You bring us thus far upon our Crutches for nothing but to
Delude us.
Car.
You think me a man naturally so given to jest,
That I can say nothing in earnest.
Chor.
We shall make your bones ake by and by, you knave.
Car.
Yes, when you have took your lots out of the
Urne, and are Judges in Athens, and these Cudgels you have
In your hands, your wands, but Charon will have you if
His boat before that day comes.
9
Come, you are a prating fellow to delude us thus
All this while; in not telling plainly why your Master sent
For us, especially knowing what business we have, and yet
The hast we have made over hedge and ditch to get hither.
Car.
Well, I will no longer conceal the busines, my
Master hath got Plutus into his house, and you are all sent
For to be made rich.
Chor.
Is that possible we can be all made rich?
Car.
As rich as you would wish, every one a Midas and
Such goodly asses as he was, so you shall have.
Chor.
How I am delighted with this! I could dance for
Joy if I thought this were true.
Car.
Do so, you shall follow dancing like my Sheep, my
Kids, or rather like my gray Bearded lascivious Goats,
And I before you will represent the Cyclops.
Chor.
And we in like manner will follow you our Cyclops;
But if we catch you eating the best Sallats and hearbs
From us, as you go, and then when your belly is full fall
Asleep by the way, we shall order you with these Cudgels.
Car.
Then will I imitate Circen, and feed you with
Hearbs that will metamorphose you into Swine, and then (as
Ulysses did) feed you with Sir reverence, and you shall
Go grunting on, and like hoggs follow one another.
Chor.
And we seeing our Circen go about to poyson us,
Will imitate Ulysses, and hang you up by your two
Stones, and slit your Nose, and then 'noint it with a
Sir reverence, and you like Aristillus shall laugh and cry,
Piggs follow your mother.
Car.
Well, let us leave our Jests, and now we are at our
Journies end, every one put himself into his own shape
Again; I'le go in a private way first, and fill my belly,
And then wee'l to the great work in hand.
[Ex. om.]
Enter Cramulus and Chorus.
Cram.
Neighbours, to say you are wellcome, is in my
Opinion an old dull complement, therefore I will salute
You after a new manner, and with open armes, tell you,
That to recompence the haste and pains you have taken
In coming, if you will be still as diligent in your own
Good, you shall enjoy Plutus with no.
Chor.
Never fear, we will be as laborious and indefatigable
10
we were worthy to have Plutus slip out of our Fingers.
Car.
I see Blapsidamus coming yonder, who by his hast
Me thinks comes as if he knew something of this business
That hath hapned to me.
[Ex. om.]
Enter Blapsidamus and Cramulus.
Blap.
What is the matter I pray thee? how comes it to
Pass my Cramulus, thou shouldst be so soon be grown rich?
I could not believe it, though it was all the news
At the Barbers, by every one as soon as he
Was set down in his Chair.
Its newes to me if you be so fortunate to see you call all
Your friends thus about you to partake with you, and against
Our Countries custome I am sure.
Cram.
Blapsidamus, I will keep nothing from thee,
'Tis true, the World is otherwise with me to day then it was
Yesterday, and you shall find it so, because you are my friend.
Blap.
Are you then so rich as it is said?
Cram.
I shall be presently if it please God; but there
Is some hazard alwayes in such great works.
Blap.
What's the danger?
Cram.
'Tis thus.
Blap.
Speak
On freely as you have begun.
Cram.
If the matter hit right, we are all Made; if not, all
Undone.
Blap.
That's sad, and pleases me not by no means,
For to be so marvellous rich, and so mavellously affraid is
Not the custome of those that get it honestly.
Cram.
How, not honestly?
Blap.
I fear you have robb'd Apollo's Temple,
And now repent you.
Cram.
Apollo forbid! I never did such a trick yet.
Blap.
Come, never triffle with me, 'tis so I know.
Cram.
Prethee do not think so ill of me.
Blap.
O Gods! there is nothing but villany in the world,
The hearts of men are set upon nothing but Avarice.
Cram.
Why, I think you are wild.
Blap.
How different is this from the manners of the rest
Of his Life.
Cram.
By Heaven! thou art mad.
Blap.
A man may see by the uncertainty of his countenance,
And the rowling of his eyes, the villany he hath done.
Cram.
Now I know why all this is, if I had stole any
Thing, by this way you think to get half, is it not so?
11
How? I rob a thief, what's this?
Cram.
Well, there is no theft in the business, what I am
About is quite of another kind I assure you.
Blap.
May be you will say it was not stole but took
Away.
Cram.
Thou art possessed with a Divel surely to
Talk thus.
Blap.
There is a third way yet, have you not cozened
Some body by some notorious fraud of their mony?
Cram.
No certainly.
Blap.
Why, then I know not which way to get the truth
Out, unless you will confess.
Cram.
Why, will you then condemne me before you
Hear me?
Blap.
Not I friend, but on the contrary would have brought
You out of your danger with little cost, and before the
Matter had been known amongst the people, we would
Have stopped the Orators mouths with a little mony.
Cram.
You are a kind friend to me, that for the laying
Out of a shilling would look to get twelve.
Blap.
Methinks I see thee saw with thy Olive branch in
Thy hand, and thy wife and children sitting about thee
Miserably prostrate before the Tribunal,
We want Pamphilles to draw this Picture methinks.
Cram.
I tell thee I am so far from taking any thing from
Others, that my design is to make all honest frugal men
Richer then they are.
Blap.
Say you so, have you stole such abundance indeed?
Cram.
Will you destroy me with talking thus.
Blap.
Nay, it seems you will destroy your self.
Cram.
With what, I tell thee I have Plutus himself at
My house.
Blap.
You Plutus, what Plutus?
Cram.
Why, the very god
Himself.
Blap.
Where is he?
Cram.
Why, within there.
Blap.
Where?
Cram.
Why, I tell thee at my house.
Blap.
Plutus in thy house, go hang thy self, I'le never
Believe it.
Cram.
By the gods 'tis true.
Blap.
Wilt thou swear by Vesta?
Cram.
And by Neptune too.
Blap.
What Neptune, of the Seas?
Cram.
Yes, and by the other too, if there be one.
Blap.
And will you lend him now and then
To some of your friends?
Cram.
Soft, yea, it is not come to that yet.
12
Say you so, must he not stir out of your house?
Cram.
Somewhat is first to be done.
Blap.
VVhat is that?
Cram.
VVhy, he must be helped to his sight before
He can go abroad.
Blap.
Is he then blind for certain?
Cram.
Nothing so
Sure.
Blap.
Somewhat I thought was in it, that he never
Could find the way into my house.
Cram.
All in good time, he will be there now godwilling
Shortly.
Blap.
Were we not best get a Physitian to him?
Cram.
VVhat Physician is here in this City? here is no art
Understood here, because there is no reward.
Blap.
Let us consider.
Cram.
You will find none but that which I have
Long since thought on is best, which is to carry
Him to Esculapius his Temple.
Blap.
You have said well, therefore let us make no delay.
Cram.
I am just now going
[Ex. om.]
Enter Poverty an old Woman, Cramulus, Blapsidamus.
Pover.
O the impudent wickedness that you pitiful
Men have undertaken! whither do you fly?
Cram.
Hercules, what have we here?
Pover.
Nay, I will be the destruction of you both, for
You have undertaken that which neither God nor Man
Durst go about.
Cram.
VVhat art thou that lookest so pale and lean?
Blap.
May be it is Erinnis, one of the furies presented
In the Tragedies, by her face she should.
Cram.
No, she wants a torch in her hand.
Blap.
Nay, then wee'l be bold with her.
Pover.
Whom do you take me for.
Cram.
A Bawd, a scolding Eggwife,
Or else you would never trouble us thus, that never
Have done you any injury.
Pover.
Is it no injury (think you) to throw me out of
Every house where I come?
Cram.
Nay, thou art sure to have one house left thee,
The prison, but tell us what thou art.
Pover.
What punishment do you deserve (think you) for
Seeking to take me that am innocent out of the VVorld
Thus.
13
VVhat will you say if this be a neighbour of mine
That keeps a Victualling house, and poysons me and all
The street with base wine.
Pover.
I am Poverty, you know me well enough sure?
For I have frequented many of your houses a good many
Years I am sure, and waited diligently upon you.
Blap.
O Phæbus Apollo! whither shall we run,
How shall we get away from thee.
Cram
VVhat a pitiful fearful fellow art thou, whither
Dost thou run, stay for shame.
Blap.
By no means, not I.
Cram.
Fie on't, what shall one VVoman drive away
Two men?
Blap.
VVhy, is there any animal so dreadful in the
VVorld, and infectious as Poverty?
Cram.
Prethee stay.
Blap.
By Jove not I.
Cram.
Nay, but let me tell you 'twill be a shamful thing
For us to forsake yonder God within, and run I know not
VVhither for fear of this old VVitch, let us stand to it.
Blap.
VVith what armes I pray you can we defend our
Selves, what breast-plate will not she pierce, and what
Spear did ever keep her off?
Cram.
Take courage, our God will give us victory
Against this wicked VVoman, I warrant you.
Pover.
Dare you take of holy things that have such
A wickedness in hand?
Cram.
VVhat do you raile at us for thus, that have done
You no injury, you old Divel?
Pover.
Do you think you do me no hurt in seeking
Thus to get Plutus his eyes again?
Cram.
VVhat hurt is it to thee to bring all mankind
A benefit.
Pover.
What good will it bring to men think you?
Cram.
First of all, we shall throw you out of Greece.
Pover.
Throw me out? why, what greater hurt can you do
In the World.
Cram.
Why, it would be a greater to let it alone
And not do it.
Pov.
Then before you go any further I will shew you the
Reason of this matter, and demonstrate that I am the cause
Of all good to you, and that by my help onely you subsist
In this life, if I do not proceed as you will,
And use me as you please.
Cram.
What an impudent creature art thou to talk thus!
Pov.
If you will suffer your self to be taught, I will
14
If you would make the just man rich.
Cram.
O for the Pillory or the stocks to deliver me
Of thee!
Pov.
You ought not to complain before you have heard
Me.
Cram.
Who can forbear to cry out miserably that hears
This?
Pov.
No wise man makes such a Noise.
Cram.
But will you submit to punishment, if you do not
Make this good?
Pov.
Do what you can invent.
Blap.
'Tis well.
Pov.
But if I have the better of you, you shall pay for it.
Blap.
Yes, twenty lives if we had them.
Cram.
Our two is enough for us to lose I warrant you.
Pov.
I were too blame to ask more.
[Ex. om.]
Enter Chorus, Cramulus, Blapsidamus, Poverty.
Chor.
Let us now fall to the matter in hand, and decide
The controversy by true reason, laying all jests and
Scurrility aside.
Chor.
In the first place then I think it plain to all men,
That it is equity that honest men ought to be happiest,
And the unjust only to be opprest with ill fortune;
The which things considered, we are now taking the way
To it that is most probable, for if Plutus can recover his eyes
Again, and not go groping up and down thus; He will live
Onely amongst honest men, and such as are Piously
Given: now judge you whether there can be a better
Counsel then this.
Blap.
I'le be witness, no body can complain of this.
Chor.
For if we will but consider, the lives of Mankind, as
Things now stand, we shall find it madness to see how for the
Most part the wicked abound with riches unjustly gotten,
Whilest honest men are ready to starve, and spend their
Dayes with this Lady; There is therefore no good to be
Done, without Plutus have his eyes again.
Pov.
O ye most vain and Credulous of all mankind
Companions in Dotage and trifles; If that you desire
Should come to pass, what good would it be to you? for
If Plutus should see again, he would distribute
15
To study Arts or Trades? who would build your Ships or
Your Coaches? Nay, you must even mend your own shooes
Your selves, and plow, and sow, and reap, or else you must
Not eat, you thought I warrant you to live at ease and out
Of care.
Cram.
You deceive your self, we will keep servants to do
All this you have recorded.
Pov.
Who will serve you, or whence will you have them?
Cram.
Wee'l buy them with our mony.
Pov.
Who will sell them you, when they have as
Much mony as you?
Cram.
Some Merchant of Thessaly greedy of gain,
That bring us Slaves from those that steal them
Out of the suburbs, and by-places I warrant you
Will furnish us.
Pov.
Where will you find any body to steal, when no
Body is in want? you may steal your selves too as well as
Work; and thus by being rich, be much more miserable
Then you were before.
Chor.
May this misery fall upon thine own head for
Belying us thus.
Pov.
Neither shall you sleep any more upon your fine
Beds and Carpets, for indeed you shall have none to lie on,
Who will make them? for as you say every body shall have
Mony enough: where will you get rich perfumes? you
Must not think then to walk in such pomp in the streets
When you bring your Brides home; and now if you
Want all these things, judge you whether any body will
Account you rich, what will Plutus do you good, and yet
From me you enjoy all this and all else you have need of,
I am the imperious Mistris of all Artists, and stand by them
Untill they are glad to find any way to support their lives.
Chor.
Prethee what canst thou do for any body, but help
Them to Biles and Botches, and starve them with
Hunger, fill them with lice and gnats without number, with
A dreadful noise, driving away their sleep, bidding them
Arise, and try some means to prevent starving.
Besides this, instead of a whole Cloak thou givest them half
A one, and instead of a bed to sleep in, a Mat to lie awake
Upon, for curtaines and coverlids, rags, and for a pillow a
Stone, Mallows for bread, and grass instead of Sallets, and
For an easy seat, an old barrel with the head beaten out;
16
Pov.
No, these are not of my evils, these belong to
Beggery, not Poverty.
Chor.
Yet we count poverty and beggery are sisters.
Pov.
You do perhaps, and it may be you compare
Dionysius with Thrasibulus; but my life hath none of
This in it, it is the begger that hath nothing to live upon;
The poor live sparingly upon what they have,
And order so their affairs, that though they may be said
In effect to have nothing, yet they want nothing.
Chor.
O what a happy life is this! you tell us of poverty,
If after all our time spent in labour to get and
To keep, there scarce remain enough to bury us.
Pov.
You spend your time in cavilling and jests, and do
Not seriously weigh the matter, nor do you seriously consider
That I give men better wits and persons too then Plutus
Can; for what does he give, but gouty legs, fat bellies?
But with me men are active, and slender-bodied, and of
Warlike shape.
Chor.
And all this they get by being famished with
Hunger.
Pov.
Moreover, for what concernes the modesty and
Vertue of living, I can say more that they onely belong
To me, and that from Plutus comes nothing but riots and
Injuring of others.
Chor.
What is your modesty, to steal and break houses.
Blap.
Nay, the modesty lies in hiding himself when he
Hath done.
Pov.
Do but observe the Orators and Rethoricians while
They are poor, how equally and justly they carry themselves
between the People and the Citizens, but they
Are no sooner rich, but they lay Plots presently to betray
The lower Sort, and cause Wars among them.
Cram.
Though I do not love thee, I cannot but confess
this to be true of thee, but yet you shall not scape us, for
Going about to prove Poverty better then Wealth.
Pov.
Yet you disprove it not methinks, but wrangle and
Jest and talk Idly.
Cram.
Why, tell us then if thou beest so excellent; why
Does every body fly from thee so?
Pov.
Why? because I would make them better and
Honester, as Children do that avoid their Parents, because
17
Thing for any body to distinguish good from bad.
Cram.
Do you think then that Jove doth not distinguish?
You see he is rich, and gives it to us too as a blessing.
Pov.
O ye dull Saturnine wits! why Jove himself is
A begger, and that I'le prove to you;
For if he were rich, when he institutes his Olimpick
Games in Greece, sure he would never reward the
Conquerors with an Olive branch and a large oration,
But he would give them Gold.
Cram.
This shews rather how Jupiter loves Gold, by his
Parting with it so sparingly; he gives away things of less
Value, and keeps that for himself.
Pov.
If it be so, you lay a worse fault to him then Poverty
Gives any body, having so much wealth notwithstanding
To be still so greedy.
Cram.
I think Jove will have cause to crown you with
That Olive brance you spoke off for this victory ouer us.
Pov.
Well, these jests contradict nothing of what I say,
Namely that all good comes of Poverty.
Cram.
Ask Hecate then if it be not best to be rich;
For the rich make her a feast, but the poor do nothing
but come in and eat it, therefore let's talk no more, for
I am resolved never to yield, though thou shouldest overcome me.
Pov.
Then Argos do thou hear and take compassion of me.
Cram.
Nay, rather call upon Pausonus thy companion.
Pov.
Miserable creature what will become of me!
Chor.
Get thee from me, and I care not.
Pov.
Whether shall I go, into what Country?
Cram.
Into the Stocks, or to the Gallows; come away.
Pov.
The time will come you'l wish for me.
Cram.
Come not before that day,
Till I am weary of being rich.
Blap.
Well, when I am once rich, I'le keep jovial company,
feast, and bath, and sit in plenty, and fart at Poverty.
Enter again Cramulus and Blapsidamus.
Cram.
At length we are got quit of this old Woman,
And now Blapsidamus let it be our business as soon as we
Can, to carry Plutus unto Esculapius his Temple.
Blap.
We had need dispatch, lest some body come in
and interrupt us.
18
Within there's Carion, make every thing
Ready and bring Plutus to the Temple, with the usual
Ceremonies.
[Ex. om.]
| The Worlds Idol : Plutus | |