 | The Worlds Idol : Plutus |  |
1
O Jupiter! what a hard age is this to be a Servant in,
Especially to a foolish Master; if a servant shall
Give never so good Counsel, his word will not
Be taken, his Master thinks himself wiser, and so
His Family is bound to suffer with him; for 'tis the mischief
We are not Masters of our own bodies,
But they that buy us; and not much unlike
This Case of ours, and slavery, is that my Master is in now
By Apollo, with his ambiguous answers from his three-
Footed throne: Nor is it with injustice I complain of him,
Who though he be counted a great Prophet and a Physician,
Yet he hath sent my Master from him sick,
And I think half mad with Melancholy,
For yonder he follows a blind man step by step;
I have heard of seeing men leading the blind,
But never of blind men leading those that can see before:
And ask him what he means by it,
And he answers you not a syllable;
I can no longer hold my tongue,
[Enter Cramulus.]
Unless you will tell me why we follow this Fellow thus;
Nay, I will vex you, for I know you dare not strike me,
Whilest I carry your Bag.
Cram.
No, yet if you be troublesome I shall take
Away the Bag, and then beat you.
Car.
Well, I will not be quieted untill I know who this is.
Cram.
Well, because thou art in my esteeme the most
Faithful and secret of all my Family, I will not
Conceal this from thee, thou knowest I have lived
2
Lived poor and miserable.
Car.
'Tis very True.
Cram.
And yet they that Rob the very Churches, the
Rethoricians, Sycophants, every Rascal grows rich.
Car.
I grant you.
Cram.
I went therefore to consult the Oracle about my
Son, that since my own miserable life is now almost
Spent, and past redress, whether it were not best for him
To change his manners betimes, shake off his honour, and
Learn to be as cunning a knave as he can;
For 'tis that onely conduces to living well.
Car.
And what said Phæbus to this?
Cram.
That you shall hear; he plainly told me,
That whosoever I met first, I should never
Leave him 'till I had got him into my house,
If it were possible.
Car.
And this I warrant was he.
Cram.
The very same.
Car.
You need not have obeyed the Oracles Counsel, you
simple fellow in this; for the words carry enough in
As much, as let your Son live by the ordinary customes
And crafts he sees others use, that I warrant you
Was Apollo his meaning.
Cram.
How conjecture you this?
Car.
Why a blind man may see it,
For it profits no body in our age
To be honest as you say, therefore still do as others do,
And be as other men are.
Cram.
This is not all Carion, we shall better
Know the mind of the Oracle by enquiring
Of this fellow whence he is, and what he wants,
And how he came hither.
[Ex. Om.]
Enter again Plutus, Cramulus and Carion.
Car.
Come Sir, let us know who you are.
Cram.
Yes, and tell us quickly too.
Plu.
I say to the Parish.
Car.
Do you hear him?
Cram.
He speaks to thee, thou dost question him
Too roughly; Sir, I pray you, if the fair words
Of an honest man can prevail upon you,
3
Plu.
I say unto thee lament.
Car.
Is this all the Oracle will do for us.
Cram.
If you do not tell me, you shall have no
Cause to laugh, for I will destroy thee.
Plu.
I say leave me, get you gone.
Cram.
By no means.
Car.
Master I'le tell you what's best, let me lead
This blind fellow to some Precipice, and
I'le steal from him and let him break
His neck.
Cram.
do so.
Plu.
Hold, hold.
Car.
Will you speak then?
Plu.
If you should know what kind a man I am, I know
You would use me cruelly, and not
Let me go neither.
Cram.
Wee'l promise you the contratry, if you will speak.
Plu.
Lay your hands off me then first.
Cram.
Well said, 'tis done.
Plu.
Observe me well then, since I am forced
To reveal what I thought to have kept
Secret, I am Plutus.
Cram.
Then thou art the basest sordid thing alive:
Is it possible, art thou Plutus!
Car.
Art thou Plutus with that miserable face
And durty cloaths, O Phæbus, Apollo, Gods and Divels!
But art thou he?
Plu.
Yes surely.
Cram.
Thou the man?
Plu.
Even very he.
Cram.
But whence commeff thou in these
Pitiful rusty cloaths.
Plu.
I come from the house of Patroclus, one that
Never since he was born could afford himself water.
Cram.
But how comest thou to suffer all this misery.
Plu.
Why Jupiter brought all the evils of my life upon me,
Because he envied the good of mankind;
for when I was young I was advised to leave
Evil company, and live with the just and modest and
The learned, but Jupiter put out my eies that I might
Not discern them from others, such an ill will
He himself bears to honest men.
Cram.
And yet he himself receives true honour
Onely from honest men.
4
'Tis true.
Cram.
But if you had your sight again, would you
Hereafter fly such base company?
Plu.
For certain.
Cram.
And live amongst honest men?
Plu.
Without doubt, for 'tis a long time since I saw
Any such.
Cram.
That's no wonder, for I that have my eye-sight
Scarce ever saw any.
Plu.
Well, now let me go, for you know all
I can tell you.
Cram.
No, by Jove, we will now rather embrace you
More Earnestly then ever.
Plu.
Did not I tell you what trouble you would give me?
Cram.
Let me intreat you to give your self into my hands
For ever, and when you know me, though I say it, you will
Not find an honester man.
Plu.
Yes, so you all say, but when you have injoyed me
And grown rich, then you mind nothing but mischief and
Malice.
Cram.
'Tis true, but we are not all alike.
Plu.
By Jove all one.
Car.
A good deed to cudgel him.
Cram.
But that you may know how much good
You shall have by living with me, you shall
Understand, I hope God willing to get you your sight
Again.
Plu.
Not of all things, I dare not see again.
Cram.
How is this?
Car.
This fellow is certainly born to be Miserable.
Plu.
If Jupiter should know I were about such a business,
He would destroy me.
Cram.
Can he hurt thee worse then to let thee go wandring
Up and down thus?
Plu.
I do not know what it is, but I fear him monstrously.
Cram.
Is it possible? thou greatest of all cowards,
Why dost thou think Jove or his thunder would be valued
At a straw if thou hadst thy eyes again never so little
A while.
Plu.
O be not so profane.
Cram.
Have patience, and I'le make it appear to thee
Thou hast more power then Jove.
Plu.
Who me?
Cram.
Yes, for by what dost thou think Jupiter
Commands all?
5
By mony, of which he hath abundance.
Cram.
Pray where hath he the mony?
Car.
Of this fellow.
Cram.
And with what do men sacrifice to Jove with?
Is it not with this fellow?
Car.
And what do they sacrifice for, but to get him?
For all their prayers are to be rich.
Cram.
Are not you all in all then, and if you say but
The word, all this will be at an end.
Plu.
How can that be?
Cram.
Because no body can sacrifice Oxen or Sheep if
You forbid them.
Plu.
Wherefore?
Cram.
Why, how can he buy any thing to sacrifice with-
Out thee, so that you see, if Jove be troublesome,
You know what to do with him.
Plu.
Is it with me and for me, say you then, that men
Sacrifice?
Cram.
I say so by Jove, and moreover, whatever is famous
Or esteemed amongst men, thou art Author of,
For money rules all.
Car.
Why, you see with a little money I am bought
And made a Slave of, because I had none my self.
Cram.
And you know the Corinthian Women when poverty
Tempts them are seldome perswaded, but if mony be
To be had, then they are brought to reason
And to be active, that makes them Wagtailes.
Car.
And the same thing the Boyes do for reward,
Not for love.
Cram.
Nay, but you speak of those that are of low
Quality, for the best sort of these scorn mony.
Car.
What do they seek else?
Cram.
Why, a good horse or hounds is a tempting Present.
Car.
They are too proud perhaps to take mony, and
Therefore under this pretext hide their
Avarice, but 'tis all one, mony and monies worth.
Cram.
All arts, all cheats are invented for thy sake,
Plutus; the one is a Cobler, th'other a Cutler,
Th'other a Carpenter, another a Gold-melter
For thy sake even of that gold thou gavest him;
And as arts, so are all thefts still,
6
Have their torture given to them.
Plu.
What a wretch am I, who till now never
Knew all this!
Cram.
What makes the King of Persia triumph so
Think you?
Car.
What are all Conventions and Sects of men
Gathered for?
Cram.
And tell me what mans and furnishes
The Greek Navies that are set out?
Car.
Or what sustaines the great Corinthian Armies?
Cram.
And gives Pamphilus such cause of sorrow?
Car.
Yes, and Belonopolus his partner.
Cram.
What makes Argyrius I pray you fart as he goes
Up and down?
Car.
And for thy sake Phelisius tells us all his
Fine stories.
Cram.
And 'tis thou that aidest the Egyptians.
Car.
And for thee Lais loves Philonides.
Cram.
You set your shoulder against Timotheus his Tower
And threw it down.
Car.
Good and bad, all things are done for thy sake.
Cram.
And in war, on that side the mony lies, there goes
The Victory.
Plu.
Can I do all this?
Cram.
Yes, by Jove, and more, of all other things there
Is an end,
But of enjoying thee, and that hath no saciety.
Car.
Of bread.
Cram.
Of Banqueting.
Car.
Of Musick.
Cram.
Of Ambition.
Car.
Of Rule.
Cram.
But he that hath ten Talents of thee, would then
Have twenty, then forty, and still if he have not more,
Thinks he lives but languishingly.
Plu.
Gentlemen, me thinks you discourse well,
I fear but one thing.
Cram.
What I prethee.
Plu.
That I shall not be able to exercise all this power
You give me.
7
I see, 'tis a good saying, that mony is a Coward.
Plu.
Nothing so, but a thief that came into my house,
Because he could carry nothing away, reported I locked
My self up, and hid my self for fear, which I did for
Providence.
Cram.
Well, take you no care, if you be but willing,
I'le take order you shall see as well as Lynceus.
Plu.
How can you do this, being but a mortal man?
Cram.
Hope well from what Phæbus but now said to me,
And shook his Lawrel at me too.
Plu.
Hast thou him of thy Counsel also.
Cram.
For certain?
Plu.
Have a care what you do?
Cram.
Trouble not your self, I'le pawn my head, I
Know how to bring this about.
Car.
And I mine too.
Cram.
We will have help enough too of all those, who
Because they are honest men, scarce have bread to eat.
Plu.
Those are but pitiful friends though me thinks.
Cram.
They will not be so thought when we have made
Them rich again; but Carion make hast, run.
Car.
What to do?
Cram.
Call all my neighbours, you will find them
Perhaps busie at Plow, bid them leave off and be here
Presently, tell them every one shall have a part
Of Plutus with us.
Car.
I am gone; but who will take care of this victuals
Here, which I have bought for Dinner.
Cram.
Leave that to me, and now Plutus the most excellent
Amongst all the Gods, enter here with me, this is my
House, which this day thou shalt make rich.
Plu.
I beseech you excuse me, 'tis very troublesome to
Me to go into another mans house, especially one that I am
Not acquainted with; for I never have any good by it; if
I happen into a mans house, why then I am thrust presently
Under ground, and stifled, and if any of his friends come
In necessity, and ask for me to help him, he denies me, and
Sweares he saw me not of I know not how long,
And if I fall into a prodigal mans hands, why then I am
Divided amongst Whores, or lost at Dice in a moment,
And so we are both turned naked out of dores.
Cram.
You have not met with moderate men, I am one
That on occasion can spend, and then again spare, but pray
You enter, I long till my Wife and my Son see you, who
Are two, next to thee, I love best of all the World.
Plu.
That I easily believe.
Cram.
Why should I not speak truth?
[Ex. om.]
| The Worlds Idol : Plutus | |