 | Lady alimony |  |
Actus quintus.
Scena prima.
Enter Duke; Trumpets and Drums sounding: Colours victoriously displaid: Field-Officers with Souldiers martially ordered in rank and fyle.Herald.
What a Majesty
Without all servile affectation
His personating presence cloath'd with state
And Princely posture seems to represent!
All.
Conquest and Affability contend
Which to his count'nance may pretend most right.
His Spirit's too evenly poiz'd to be transported
With the success of Fortune.—Let us hear him.
Duke.
Safely arriv'd, thanks to the Pow'rs above,
Here are we come: our Enemies subdu'd,
Our wrongs redrest, our Merchants satisfi'd;
No forreign force t'oppose us: thus has time
Crown'd our addresses with triumphant palms,
And by just War begot a thankful Peace.
All.
Long live Eugenio Sivils Governour.
Duke.
Mean time, let these brave Souldiers sharers be
In our success: whom you and wee'r to hold
Such joynt Assistants in our Victories
As their redoubted prowess merits fame,
And competent rewards to recompense
Their noble Service: For believe it friends,
Never were hazards better seconded,
Sooner reduc'd; so prosperous was our fight
In darkning those who took away our light.
We'r to look homeward and redress those wrongs
Which nestle in the Bosom of our State,
So much more dang'rous because Connivance
Has wrought them into Habits: These, we fear,
Pretend a Priviledge, because the face
Of Greatness gives them count'nance: but our Laws
Must be no Spider-webs to take small Flyes,
And let the great ones 'scape:—we have resolv'd
“Greatness shall be no subterfuge to Guilt.
This must we act with speed and closely too;
For Secrecy wing'd with Celerity
Be the two Wheels which mannage Moral States
And Martial actions: after short repose
These wee'l chastise: and by a due survey
As just Complaints shall be exhibited,
Measure our Censure to the Peccants Crime.
Nor must we spin out time: we have design'd
Our very next day for Aggrievances
Of Court and City; where our absence might
Admit, perchance, more freedom to offend.
“The onely way to salve a deep disease
“Is to give what may cure, not what may please.
Wherein delayes prove worst: “Artists apply
“Receipts, before distempers grow too high.
Exit Tubis & Tympanis sonantibus; conspicuo Aulicorum & Stratiotum cœtu comitante.
All.
Under such Guardians may we live and dye.
Exeunt Plebei.
Scen. 2.
Enter a Regiment of Trapanners and Tar-paulins, with Drum and Colours: gallantly marching in their victorious Return and prosperous success from Tunis.1. Offic.
Sa, sa.
2. Offic.
Ran, tan.
Tara-tantara—thus far from the Isle of Canary.
Is not this better my Boyes, then Trapanning an old
Drolling Fryer for a sequestred Bond?—Hey Boyes,
here be those Indian Ratts, that cant and chirp in my Pocket;
as if after a long Apprenticeship, they
He shakes his Pocket.
sought to be made Freemen. But I must
not yet inlarge them.
2. Offic.
O ye pittiful Simpletons, who spend your days
in throwing Cudgels at Jack a Lents or Shrove-Cocks.
3. Offic.
Nay, in making Gooselings in Embers: and
starting as if they were Planet-struck at the weak report
of a Pot-gun.
1. Offic.
My wish shall be for all that Puny-pen feather'd
Ayry of Buzardisme and Stanielry:
“May live at home, but ne're finde one to give them Cloathes or Meat.
Lansprade.
Come along Wags, let's in a frolick way
march to our old Friends in new Suits: and reserve a scrude
look for a three penny Ordinary.
2. Offic.
Along, along.—But utter not too much language,
honest pockets; till a Question be askt you.
He shakes his Pocket.
All.
Hey for a Fee-Farm Rent in Tunis!
(Exeunt capering.
Scen. 3.
Enter two Countrey Boors.Husband.
Content thee, content thee Christobel—
Wife.
Yes surely, that's a trim word: but when trow
you had I it? As I am an honest woman, I have been this
Goodman Fumblers wife so many years, and he never yet
gave me content. 'Tis such a dry Pilchart, he deserves nothing
more then basting.
Husb.
Fie, Christobel, fie; for shame hold thy tratles:
is it my fault, if thou be barren?
Wife.
Barren, you Codshead! Lies the fault there you
Island Curre: nay, all the Parish will witness for me, that
Stichel! that shall not serve thy turn.—In plain tearms
Josalin, since Thou cannot content me one way, thou
shalt another.
Husband.
What would my Duck have?
Wife.
What, my Drake, the Law will give me.
Husband.
Law!
Wife.
Yes you wizzard; I have already fed a glib-tongu'd
Parret with a Coif on his head, that will trounce
you.
Husband.
What have I done, my Malmsey?
Wife.
Nay, your doing nothing, you Dumplin, has
brought you into this pickle: The short and the long on't
is this, I will have Ale-mony.
Husband.
Alemony! what means my Chicken by that?
Wife.
I have been neither so long nor ill taught by my
Betters, but I know the meaning of Alemony well enough.
My Landslady Joculette. God bless her, is matcht to as
handsome a frolick youngster as one can see on a Summers
day: yet she dislikes him, and has recover'd a good
stock of Alemony. I love to follow the example of my
betters: Set your heart at rest Josalin, I must and will
have Alemony.
Husband.
Thou shalt have any thing my Conny Cristobel,
so thou wilt rest contented.
Wife.
Nay Husband, you know well, that I am forc'd
many nights to go to rest weakly contented. But if I
chance to trudge to Court; I mean to lie all open; you
shall hear I intend not to lay leafs on my wounds: The
Duke, I hear, is a merciful man; and will not suffer any
of his poor Subjects to fall short of their due.
Husband.
Well, Girle, thou shalt finde me ready to appear
before his Grace, at any time.
Wife.
You'l have a gracious bargain on't then doubtless.
—Trust me Josalin, you will distemper all our Ladies
at Court, if you push at the Gate with your Ramhorns.
Husband.
She's possest, sure.
Wife.
No, not yet; but I mean shortly to be possest of
with me, you fumbling Fidler you.—I hope I have friends
at Court, that will take Course that I may have my whole
due; and then foutra for Josalin.
(Exit.
Husband.
Well, the thought is tane; I see one must
thank God for a Shrow as well as for a Sheep: though the
Sheep have more wool on his back, and affords a more savoury
repast at the board. Hanging and Wedding go by
Destiny: and I hold the former to be the happier destiny
of the twain: yet He that will practise the art of swinging
in a Halter, either to please or cross a Shrows humour,
let him hang like a Puppy without hope of pitty: and
dye intestate to make his Wife heir on't: till some nimble
Younker become his successor, and stumbling on his Grave,
laugh at the Cuckoldly Slave.
(Exit.
Scen. 4.
Enter the Cashier'd Confidents in a discontented posture.Florello.
Summon'd to appear! for what?—What
have we done!
Caranto.
Incens'd those humerous scornful Ladies.
Thence rose the ground, I durst wager my Bever on't:
They ought us a spite, and their Information has don't.
Palisado.
This falls pat on their resolves: for those disdainful
Wenches in the heat of their Passion, vow'd joyntly
that Revenge should kick up our heels.
Salibrand.
Our heels are not so short, though theirs be.
Should they pursue this Information, it would dart highly
on their dishonour.
Morisco.
Honour! what may that be in this age but
an airy Title? These Bonarobas have not lost the art of
ingratiating nor deluding their Servants. There be Chimneys
enough at Court to convey their smoak. Beauty and
Confidence keep strong Sentinels in Loves Army.
They cannot want Sollicitors in a place of Liberty.
Tilly.
Let them hold to't: Their Complaints are but
squibs in the Ayr. Such Whifflers are below my scorn,
and beneath my spite.
The worst of ills, that's foil'd by Womans hate.
Florello.
Yet 'twas Alcides heavy fate, and He
Was stronger far then twenty such as we.
(Exeunt.
Scen. 5.
Enter the Alimony Ladies.Fricase.
Conveen'd to Court! some Mask, or princely
Ball, I'le gage mine honour on't. We must be imploy'd,
sisters.
Caveare.
I see well the Court can do nothing without
our City Revellers.
Trust me! I am with Childe till I get to't: but my desires
are enlivened for a sight of my Lord especially.
Joculette.
Or your special Lord Madam. We smell your
meaning. As I am vertuous, he deserves your smile or
whatsoever may most indear him. I have known none at
any time court Love with a more graceful nor accurate
presence. He can be both seriously amorous: and amorously
serious.
Medler.
Surely, Lady Joculette; you set him at a rate far
above th'Market: you value him not as if you meant to sel.
Joculette.
No, nor buy neither: I have no property
in such a rich penniworth. For if I had, I should wish—
Medler.
I know what Madam.
Joculette.
Good now, thy conceipt.
Medler.
Shall I freely unbosome me?
All.
Pray thee, Madam, do Madam.
Medler.
You would wish that his puny Baker-legs had
more Essex growth in them; for else they would make ill
Butchers ware.
Joculette.
Thou art a shrude Wench, trust me.
Tinder.
Well Ladies, I know a new minted Lord, that
can act the Spanish Don, with a peakt beard and a starcht
look to an hair.
Fricase.
O Madam Tinder, I guess where you are: but
he wants a little of your spirit: He can cringe and caress
better then he dare fight: A Ladies honour might perish
Caranto.
For loves sake, let's make haste. Nothing will
be done, till we come.
Enter Cristobel with a Crutch.
Cristobel.
Good Madam Land-lady, take lame Cristobel,
along with you;
Joculette.
We shall not want then for handsome Attendance.
(Exeunt.
Scen. 6.
Enter Gentleman Usher.Give way,—make present way for his Excellence and his Consuls.
Enter Duke Eugenio and his Consuls. After them the deserted Knights; the Platonick Confidents; the Alimony Ladies; the Tunis ingagers.
Duke.
Wee'r now to prune those wild luxurious Sprayes
Which give impede unto this spreading Vine,
Our flowry Sivel; whose succeeding Fame
Acquir'd by Civil Discipline exacts
Our care and yours, grave Counsellours of State.
'Tis not enough with Balms to close the skin
And leave the wound t'exulcerate within;
For He, whose care's to cure the Core without
And searcheth not the bottom, spoils the Root.
The face of vertue; and where modesty
(Meerly dissembled) cloath'd with taking Beauty
Arms it self strongly 'gainst all Opposition:
Nay, what retains ofttimes such influence
On reverend Scarlet, as it darks the light
Of Judgement; and makes Elders fix their eyes
On rare-light Objects, which so strangely takes
As they make Judges vices Advocates:
But here's none such, I hope: Our State is free,
And so our Patriots and State-Consuls bee.
So sweetly pleasing, should be so deprav'd.
Fricase.
What means the Duke?
Caranto.
I relish not th'discourse.
Duke.
Have we not here some Ladies oth' New-dress,
So newly styl'd and in their Honour soil'd,
Who have deserted whom they ought to love?
Ladies.
Is this the Court-Mask, and the Ball we look't for?
(Aside.
Duke.
Be you those Ladies?
Cristobel.
I am one of them forsooth.
Ladies.
We are the same, so like your Excellence,
And now redrest.
Duke.
We understand no less;
Your Alimonies signed by our Court!
Cristobel.
They have not signed mine, if't please your Dukeship.
Truly I am a very impudent lame Woman: and my Husband
a feeble weak-doing man, your Grace must needs
grant me Alemony.
Duke.
See what Examples, Ladies, you have given
To simple Women!—I shall here propose
Two tenders to your choice: either receive
(And with a Conjugal Indeerment too)
Your late deserted Husbands, or prepare
Th'Remainder of your dayes to entertain
A strict Monastick life: your Sentence's past,
Chuse which you please.
Joculette.
I never shall endure
A cloister'd life unless I had a Frier; Sir Gregory Shapeless shall be my Platonick.
Medler.
Rather then none, Ile take Sir Tristram Shorttool.
Julippe.
I for Sir Arthur Heartless.
Caveare.
I must put on my Night-gown for Sir Jasper Simpleton.
Fricase.
Sir Amadin Puny then must be my joy,
Who will be still, I think, a Puny Boy.
Tinder.
Well, since we are to this condition grown,
While I of youthful Favourites bereft
Will live with Scattergood, if ought be left.
Sir Reuben.
Nay, Madam, but it were not amiss if you
knew first, whether Scattergood will live with you or no.
Release your Alimony, and I'le resign my right in your
propriety: and in my widdow'd life mourn in sack—lo
infinitely.
Duke.
This Juncto must be fixt on firmer grounds,
Coolness of Fancy acts not on the Object,
Which it pretends to love:—Joyn hearts to hands,
And in this second Contract reunite
What was so long divided: Love's a Cement
Admits no other Allay but it self
To work upon th'affiections:—be it yours,
(For virile spirits should be so demean'd,)
With pleasing candor to remit what's past,
And with milde glosses to interpret thus
In their defence still to the better sense:
“Their frailties in your Ladies wrought these failings,
“Which pious pitty should commiserate
“And seal it with Indulgence: Then intend
“Your Office, Madams: which is to redeem
“Your late-abused time: which may be deem'd
“Richly recover'd being once redeem'd.
Ladies.
May all our actions close with discontent,
When we oppose their humours.
Knights.
Say and hold;
They salute & take hands.
And this Act of Oblivion shall be sign'd.
Duke.
This does content us highly: Powers above
Makes Lovers breach renual of their love.
Cristobel.
And must Cristobel too pack home to her
Husband without her Alemony?
Duke.
Or to thy death an aged Prioress.
Cristobel.
Nay, but by your good favour, Ile meddle
with none of your Priorities; Ile rather go mumble a crust
at home: and chuck my old Josalin.
Duke.
Nor is this all; our sentence must extend
Strangely debaucht, made spoil of womens honours.
Ladies.
We hate them worse then Hell.
Favourites.
Good your Grace; we are reclaim'd.
Duke.
When Practical, wee'l hold it Cordial.
Mean time we do adjudge you to the Quarries;
Where yon shall toil till a relation give
Test of your reformation:—Look on those
Tunis-ingagers, who were timely drawn
From their Trapanning Course: and by their hazard
Secur'd through valour, rais'd their ruin'd Fortunes
Above Expectance: when your work is done,
We shall finde like Adventurers for your spirits
To graple with, and rear your blanch'd repute.
Leave interceding, for we are resolv'd.
Life to our Laws: we cannot chuse but wonder
How your impartial judgements should submit,
As if they had been byassed, to grant
These Alimonies to their loose demands.
Sure such Decrees would not have relish'd well
Your jealous Palats, had you so been us'd.
“Wives to desert your Beds; impeach your Fames,
“In Publick Courts discover your defects,
“Nay, to bely your weakness: and recover
“For all these scandals, Alimonious wayes
“To feed their boundless riot!
Consul.
They'r annull'd,
Our Courts will not admit them.
Duke.
'Tis well done,
For Gentlemen t'engage their State and Fame,
And Beds of Honour, were a jugling Game.
So we dismiss you:—may the Palms of Peace
Crown Sivils State with safety and increase.
Whereto when our reluctant actions give
The least impede, may we no longer live.
Exeunt omnes, Trumpets sounding.
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