 | The Bride |  |
The third Act
the first Scene.
Theophilus beating in the Blades before him; Bride, Raven and Squirrell.1 Bla.
Hold hold; I am hurt.
2 Bla.
I bleed too.
1 Bla.
If my sword had had a point, I had payd him home.
Squi.
I beseech you sir be pacified.
The.
Sir if your house be a place priviledg'd
For such abuses, it must be inform'd of,
That law may punish it. But for these shadows,
Mockshapes of valour; twere it not for stayning
My innocent hands, I would compell your soules
Black as they are to give me satisfaction
As ye expire them.
Bri.
Prethee sweet no more;
Tis well th'art safe.
1 Bla.
We do acknowledge an error sir; and for satisfaction sir
and to preserve peace, our weapons shall be deliver'd up to the
Master of the house.
Rav.
Mischiefe upon their basenesse; how are they
Declin'd from men! I hop't one desperate thrust
Or stroake e're this had sent him to his quiet,
And cut off farther labor to contrive it;
It racks my invention. Yet I cannot rise
To what I ayme at but by his ruine.
1 Bla.
We hope you'l do the like sir.
The.
If I were confident of safety.
But you must give me leave being one that can
Command my selfe and passion. This with me
Serves as an instrument of peace, and may
Fright an intended mischiefe from me. Good sir
Retaine their weapons as you'l answer it
At your own perill.
Squi.
Surely Mr. Raven, you were mistaken; this is no wench.
Exit.
Baffled and hurt! we may revenge it sir.
The.
Ye properties of men, made up of rags
And outside onely, shoot your threats at those
That feare the bubbles. Think not here to triumph
As o're your easie guls, that must redeem
Their safties from the danger of your furies,
By battering downe with th'engine of their purse
Some sconch your drunken valour in a taverne
Hath built with sack.
3 Bla.
So sir.
The.
Be gone, for feare you urge me
To more impatience: Yet my charity
Affords ye this good counsayle. The world's full
Of brave imploiments for men capable.
Y'have persons, but want mindes for actions
That might ennoble ye. Honor attends
On warre; ye only call your selves by names
Of Captaines and Lieftenants here where peace
Is most secure, but when your drunken quarrells
Disturb her. Go to th'warres, and save the Citty
The chargeable reparing of their prisons.
1 Bla.
Wee'l think upon your satire.
2 Bla.
Take the scabbard too. My belt I'le pawn for a scarfe
to hang my arme in, that the not wearing of a sword may have
pretence; 'till whose recovery I am degraded from a Blade to a
Battoone.
Exeunt the Blades.
Bri.
How lovely showes this valour? That in men
There should be so much difference.
The.
Why so sad Coz? What think you on?
Rav.
I was contriving mischiefe.
The.
Mischiefe! 'gainst whom?
Rav.
I shall betray my selfe.
A merry harmlesse mischiefe; whose relation
Shall make the Ice of melancholick spleenes
Dissolve with laughter. 'Tis a prety plot
Upon those roarers.
The.
Pray impart it then.
Rav.
There is a passage in't unperfect yet.
How apt is guile to be its own discoverer
The.
I do begin weighing the circumstance
To be possest
With a suspect of his sincerity.
Hee's surely trecherous; and perhaps occasion'd
The late attempt upon me, so to have
Remov'd the bar he feares might shut him out
From an inheritance I never coveted.
I must not be too credulous. What's the reason
You are so clowdy Cosin? In your eyes
Me thinks I read sad thoughts; your merry mischiefe
Promis'd more lightsomnesse.
Rav.
I cannot yet
Fancy a good conclusion; it hath passages
That would beget a neare one. Are you Cosin
Resolv'd on your returne? or will you practise
As I advis'd?
The.
Doth that concerne your plot?
Rav.
I mind no plots; my mind is onely busie
To make you safe.
The.
Safe! which way meane you Cosin?
Rav.
Pray' wrest it not. Suppose those baffled roarers
Should in revenge way-lay you: they are mischievous;
And if you should miscarry—
The.
No great matter:
There were an end of misery. You need not
Be much sollicitous to prevent my danger;
Since on my death depends the assurance
Of an estate to you. When you enjoy it,
If my cold ashes might be capable
Of such expressions, they should dance for joy
Fortune had so rewarded you, that merrit
Above her flattery: which she but practis'd
When I was interpos'd by greater accident
Then ever yet made learned error give her
The prophane attributes of a deity.
Rav.
He surely doth suspect me.
The.
Had I faln
Given me the greater ods.) Had you contriv'd it—
Rav.
How's that! your jelousy is an unkindnesse
My love deserves not.
The.
I hope you are not guilty,
That catch th'uncertain meaning of my words
E're they are perfected; and preinterpret
Thoughts that had never being! I may then
Justly have doubts. For innocence unmov'd
At a false accusation, doth the more
Confirme it selfe; and guilt is best discover'd
By its own feares.
Rav.
Pray fancy what you please
To strengthen your suspition: 'tis indeed
So weakly grounded, that unlesse you prop it
With better circumstances, your own shame
Shall ruine it, and justifie my truth.
I must out fac't.
The.
Your own impatience
May serve for one. This house you sent us to
For ought I know a Brothell. You are noted
For one that surfets in the pleasant sin:
And he that without scruple dares persue it,
Dares without scruple do or be consenting
To any mischeife from whose execution
The meanes may be derived that will maintaine
His lust and riot.
Rav.
'Tis not well that you
Digresse from your first plea to this foule satire.
You should not tax my life, since it hath done you
Those offices deserve (besides your thanks)
Your most indulgence to my greatest faults
Nor doth it show of noble nature in you
To credit infamy from a report,
Untill confirm'd by knowledge. Howsoever
You have declar'd your self in your suspition;
And hence forth I desist: my practises
Have been so fruitlesse. One I had contriv'd
In your affaires. You might have us'd my love
To better ends.
Bri.
Pray' sir continue it,
And reconcile your passions, he shall be
No more in such an error, to mistake
The ayme of your intentions. From my warrant
He shall agen be settled in's opinion
Of your fidelity, not to be alter'd
By after accidents.
Rav.
When once suspected,
Can I presume that any undertaking
Will be received well?
Bri.
Prethee sweet remove
Th'ill grounded jealousy and heare him. Hee'l
Propose what may be usefull.
Rav.
I shall never
But feare hereafter all my actions
Will not be fairely constred.
The.
It must be
By that feare onely. Cosin I nere brought
My doubts to such a positive conclusion,
But that they might be chang'd to better truth
By your least satisfaction. If you have
Design'd ought for our good, and that my judgement
Gives it allowance, no suspition shall
Hinder the execution.
Rav.
Might I be
Confirm'd no missinterpretation should
Wrest the intent.
The.
I am not capable
Of a new doubt, unlesse your doubts beget it.
Then pray' impart your counsaile.
Rav.
Thus it is.
I have a little country house neer Epping;
Thither I would convey you. You may there
Conceale your selfe some time; In which I'le practise
A reconciliation with their loves
Can worke. Nor thinke I have sinister ends;
But faire, as ever perfect friendship made
Glorious in the successe.
Bri.
Prethee consent
To this faire motion.
The.
Cosin to expresse
How far I am from feare of any trechery
You might be guilty of; what you advise to
Shall be put into instant act. This key
Will leade you where my husbandry hath stor'd
Something from honest gain, without least wronging
The old mans trust; I pray' convey it hither
Where wee'l expect you.
Rav.
Please you to command
My store; what I am Master of is yours
I shall gaine time to plot; my suddaine pollicies
Wanted a right foundation.
within.
They are here an't please your worship.
Bri.
We are anew betray'd.
Rav.
Mischiefe forbid it.
Within.
You shall have justice feare it not.
Within.
You may take my warrant gentlemen.
The second Scene.
To them the Blades, Justice Ferret, Mr s. Ferret, and Raven.Rav.
The Justice! then all's marr'd.
Fer.
What Mr. Bridegroome?
M. Fe.
And Mistresse Bride! send you joy.
Fer.
Are you the ------
Mrs. Fer.
Let me speake sir parrat; must you be repeating
your sessions lecture, and I in place?
Squi.
The Justice knowes them. Best shift for your selves,
least you be found the most delinquents, and forced from your
power of pleasure here to peepe through a grate or taste the
Exeunt Blades.
M. Fe.
You are complaind of by these ------
Fer.
Ha! whether are they gone that accused you?
The.
Without their accusation I submit
My selfe to th'law. And if you have direction
To use your power, let it acquit this gentlewoman
From the ensuing scandale, I'le be patient
With any punishment the just revenge
Of those I have o wrong'd can lay upon me.
M. Fe.
Is she not your wife?
The.
Heaven hath forbid it, and my penitence
Restores her back.
Bri.
It shall not by my hopes
Of comfort in thy love. If your commission
Be for our apprehension.—
M. Fe.
Truly Mistresse Bride I should be glad to apprehend
you in bed together: 'twas expected all had been cock sure by
this. 'Twas but a plot of your old foster father to pretend marrying
her himselfe when he meant her onely for you.
Rav.
They will discover all; curse on the accident
That brought them hither.
M. Fe.
To expresse it more fully, and how deere you are to
him, he hath conferred his whole estate upon you. My Worshipfull
husbands hand is to the writing.
Fer.
It is indeed sir.
M. Fe.
Is it so sir? as if my word were not sufficient!
Rav.
Heare them attentively, and then your eare.
The.
I do heare words that must be scan'd and constred.
Fer.
He appointed that gentleman to find you out.
The.
Amazement hath possest me wholly.
Rav.
Although my person came before you, sir,
You were the first deliverer of this joy,
Which I conceal'd for reasons: but desire
I now may finish all in private.
M. Fer.
Talke your fill sir, whilst I drinke mine.
drinks.
Rav.
Cosin I know you wonder at the strangenesse
Of all: for which take this briefe satisfaction.
You are betrayd to receive punishment,
This Justice and my selfe had the instructions
All's nothing but a plot to get you back.
The.
Why then would you pretending love conceale it?
And mock my feares with such diversity
Of dangerous accidents, you brought upon them?
Rav.
Alasse had I reveal'd the circumstance
Of his profest love; fiegn'd intentions
And the smooth traps were layd to catch you in,
I know your nature of such easie temper,
You rather would have flattered you selfe
Into beliefe of them, then your own danger.
'Twas my prevention.
The.
How I shall determine,
And reconcile these differences to truth
Is hard. Be firme my resolution:
I will be satisfied, and yet prevent
The danger that is her. My Cosin Raven
Is certainly a villaine. You have been sir
The comfortablest messenger of pardon
The ere ingag'd a man; and if you please
To be the instrument of farther good,
You'l find us gratefull.
M. Fe.
Command both me and mine husband.
The.
Pray' take this gentlewoman to your care,
Whilst I go back to make acknowledgement
Of the greate benefits are done me.
Bri.
I will along with thee likewise.
Rav.
By no meanes
Let him be satisfied of all that's past
Which I'le instruct him how without his danger,
Whilst you are absent.
The.
Shall shee be your charge?
Fer.
She shall go to our house.
M. Fe.
And welcome with my husbands good liking. To
your house? as if the enterteinment of constables on a sharing
day were not chargeable enough, but you must complement away
wine and sweet meats. 'Tis enough that we wish them
well; let others do them good.
Sweet wife be patient; I have found out another way.
Rav.
Observe me sir, I will discover more.
D'you thinke 'tis fit my cosin go alone sir?
Suppose those baffled roarers (whom he did
Justly correct) way lay him; may there not
Be danger in't?
Fer.
You say well sir. Standish and Dash my Clerkes shall a
long with him. Or what thinke you of my neighbour Catch the
Marshalls man? the sight of him would fright them.
Rav.
Do you marke that sir he would have you guarded.
Would you were off: I'le tell you more by th'way.
I'le along with you Cosin, so I may
Borrow a weapon.
Squi.
You may have one of these.
The.
Lett's on; I will returne to our full joyes;
I go but to prepare them. And find out
The meaning of these riddles.
Bri.
My prayers go with thee.
Exit.
Rav.
By this, what I intend shall be conferr'd
Upon those roarers, that will carry circumstance
To make it creditted, and quit me wholly
Of all suspect. In mischeife ther's content,
When we on others lay the punishment.
Exit.
Fer.
Come Mistresse Bride, wee will walke and see some rarities
and antiquities till they return. There is one in the neighbourhood
is stor'd with them; as if he had translated the Capitall
hither.
M. Fe.
The motion's good: it should have been mine sir. You
shall see the feathers of a Phenix; the beake of a Pelican, and
the skins of Birds, beasts and fishes, stufft with hay, enough to
bring down the market. For coynes and meddalls he hath those
with inscriptions that speake their date 500 yeeres before the
use of letters. He hath the fingers and toes of a Colossus, and
three hayres of a giants upper lip, each of them as big as a bull
rush. Then he hath the the members of a pignie, that cannot
be discern'd but through a multiplying glas. Yet it is thought
he would gladly part with all he hath for the Phylosophers
stone; I or the Unicornes horne at Windsor.
Come come, he hath those things a prince might glory
to be owner of, and 'tis bravely done of him to affect them.
Bri.
Such sights will be delightfull. I must strive
In what I may my sad thoughts to withstands;
Which do presage some mischief's neere at hand.
Exeunt.
Squi.
Y'are welcome with a mischiefe to the occasion that
brought you hither. Here hath been attendance for a quart of
wine and that not payd for. Some better customers, or I shal crack
without credit. My Blades baffled too! Their losse must be repair'd
upon the next advantage.
The third Scene.
To him Kickshaw like a Gentleman.You are welcome sir.
Kick.
Pray' take a me cloake: me back be so hot, will burn
a hole in it.
Squi.
Would you have a cooler sir?
Kick.
You understand for bien: de vench, de vench.
Squi.
Excuse moy pur c'la.
Kick.
Parle Francois Monsieur?
Squi.
Non intendo.
Kick.
You sall inrand dat me be de French jentleman; dat
me have two tree crown in me pocket and me vuld have a de vine
and de vench, and be merry in de shamber.
Squi.
I'le send one to you sir.
Exit.
Kick.
Remercie Monsieur. Voe call a me Cooke now! de
greasie Larone! True; me make de Franch dish for de Lor:
he give me two tree peece; me steale two tree peece of plate
more, dat buy de sor, de hat an de feder; and Monsieur be so good
a jentleman as—
The fourth Scene.
To him the Blades, first one, then the rest and afterwards the Wenches.1 Bla.
Who sir?
Drawer brings in wine and Exit.
Kick.
Me have noting to say to you
1 Bla.
I had thought you had sent for me.
Kick.
You be no vench Monsieur.
1 Bla.
Would you have me to procure you one?
Kick.
Me give you de vine and you fetch a de vench.
1 Bla.
Do you take a Blade for a Pandare?
Kick.
You no quarrell vid me?
1 Bla.
Yes and pisse upon your back canopie, that shadowes
your halfe roasted kidneis if you dishonor a Blade with the least
suspition. Yet in a faire way I care not to exchange a glasse or
two.
Kick.
Vid all mine art. But pray' Monsieur be you no so hot
in de mout.
1 Bla.
Do you disparage my Tobaco? I assure you sir it is
right Spanish.
Kick.
Me can no endure de Spanish.
1 Bla.
Not your Blade? why your French temper will not
beare an edge to chop rotten lytter for morter.
Kick.
You speak not like a jentelman dat love not to be a al
mode.
1 Bla.
Poxe on your mode
Kick.
Dat be no good vard Monsieur.
1 Bla.
Doth it touch you sir? why 'tis your credit to be markt
by that French Herald for a gentleman of fashion.
Kick.
Me can be no more patiant. Me cut in two tree two-sand
peece for dishonor the French jentelman.
2 Bla.
Will you so sir? we are for you.
As he offers to draw, the Blades come in and binde him.
Kick.
Oh de base coward.
3 Bla.
We shall be valiant enough to overcome your mettal.
Kick.
Help help; de teeves rob me.
Picks his Pocket.
1 Bla.
No no Monsieur, you shal have a vench for your mony,
Kick.
De gran English pock on you all Vat you do vid me?
1 Bla.
Worke a cure (if we can) on the itch in your blood,
that hath infected many of our wenches, and made them dangerous
to us.
Kick.
Oh diable! que faite vous?
2 Bla.
He speakes ends out of a puppet play.
Kick.
Help help; de teeves kill me beate me.
1 Bla.
Peace Monsieur; you shall have a wench presently.
Wine, Musick, and whilst you in dalliance meet
Wee'l tread a measure with our nimble feet
Shall tempt you to be sportive, if desire
Want whetting and renew the active fire.
Come wenches. Monsieur ther's a she for you.
Your meat is paid for; if you lik't fall to.
Having taken away his money, sword and bels they sing and dance about him, whilst an ilfavour'd greasy wench offers sometimes to kisse him.
Kick.
Oh fye fee. De teef, rogue poison me vid de stinking
Maquarell.
1 Bla.
Lett's leave him now t'his patience, and go share.
And when you want a wench to coole you Monsieur,
You know wher's those can take your courage down sir.
Exeunt.
Kick.
Oh de villain, de Laroone! my sor an my money; and
de slut leave a varse stinck behind her den de Fransh Cook kishin
stuffe
The fifth Scene.
To him Squirrell.Oh Monsieur help me. Me go to de Constable, and de bedle sall
vip for dis.
Squirrell unbinds him.
Squi.
What's here? how came you bound? Not for any
good behaviour.
Kick.
De reefes kill me and rob me. Fetch a me cloak, me go
to de Justice and his clerk. Fetch a me cloak I say.
Presently sir. But now I have releast you, who shall
pay the reckoning? 'tis five shillings you and your company
have had in wine.
Kick.
Oh Diable! me no drink vine: De teefe leave me no
vine penny.
Squi.
Your cloak then shall be your surety: it shall be forth
comming when you please to release it.
Kick.
I say vill have a me cloak.
Squi.
Not till you have payd the reckoning. I am not to take
notice of all mens behaviour; if you admit of company and they
abuse you, you must suffer for it. I meane not sir to be over-reach't
with any of your French cheats.
Kick.
Is English cheat to send me no vench—but my cloak.
Squi.
Not without the reckoning.
Kick.
Me must den valke in quirpo.
Squi.
A fashion of your own, and apt to be followed upon
the like occasion.
Kick.
Me sall fetch de Magistrate.
Exit.
Squi.
Even whom you please. My correspondence with these
Blades and wenches helpes me and themselves to many such purchases,
yet still my house is honest. Though many will say,
And sin thrives best that is maintain'd by sin.
Exit.
| The Bride | |