University of Virginia Library

Act. 5.

Scœn. 1.

Enter Svsan, by the middle Scœne.
Svsan.

Thanks honest Nicholas. 'Tis time to cover: my Lady
will to supper so soone as my Master comes home.
He brings strangers with him. This Butler is the kindest
fellow to a Gentleuman; and deserves my love more for
this bottle of Sacke, then Warrant or Spruce for fighting.
Come thou inspirer of a diviner soule, that teachest mysteries,
of which without thee none are capable: to bee
valiant; to love; to Poetise: suffer a thirsty gentleuman
to delight her drye pallat with thy sweet moisture, and refresh
her spirits with thy comfortable operation. (Drinks)

Excellent Sack, as I am a Gentleuman. Now am I in love
with my old Master for buying it; wth the Vintener for
selling it; with the Drawer for drawing it; nay, with the
very Porter that brought it home: but most of all with
kinde Nicholas for bestowing it upon mee; good heart,
hee hath ventur'd a chiding if it should be mist. (Drinks.)

What foolish Poets were they that made the more foolish
gods drinke Nectar! Had Apollo presented Daphne
but with a cup of such Sack, shee would have lov'd him,
as I doe Nicholas: but not to lye with him. A gentleuman
must not humble her selfe to a Butler. (Drinks.)

My Ladie.

The second Scœne.

Enter Ladie, by the middle Scœne.
Lady.
What is't should make my Husbands jealousie
Rage to within him to suspect the visits
Of every friend! Cannot my carefull carriage
Kill his distrust, and make him confident!
Many a young Ladie that had such excuses
As I may well pretend, his age, diseases,
And all the cold defects are incident
To a decaying strength, would priviledge
Her rasher wills dispense with young desires.
Such are in me; but not to satisfaction:
I must not wrong my fame: though my hot bloud
Should dance a lustfull measure. But hee's jealous;
And I must practise some strange cure upon it.
Secretary.

Susan.
Madame.

Lady.
Why doe you gaze upon me?

Susan.

I would not for th'exchange your Ladiship were
a man.

Lady.

And why so?

Susan.

I should runne madd, for love of your Ladiship.

Lady.

What humour have you got? you have sure beene
tipling. Fie Secretary.

Susan.

I hope your Ladiship hath a better opinion of
your uman, then to be earnest because she jests.

Lady.

You know Mr. Ierker?

Susan.

A very handsome gentleman. I wonder no worthy
Gentleuman is in love with him:

Lady.

No Secretary; what thinke you of me?

Susan.

Doth your ladiship love him? truely and so
doe I.

Lady.
But not as I doe:
I could betray mine honour to his love;
And sell my fame for his more sweet embraces:
Give those delights which are my Husbands due
To his enjoying.

Susan.

And will your Ladiship discover this to mee?
Truely I meane not to bee degraded from your Ladiships
uman, to hold the doore, and crye, my Master's comming.

Lady.
Thy employment shall be
When wee are closely set at dallyance
Blush not what ere thou seest; but call thy Master;
The service may be worth a new gowne.

Susan.

How, call my Master! Did ever any Ladie enjoy
a friend in a corner, and wish her Husband (who is
sufficiently jealous alreadie) to see it! Now as I am a
Gentleuman, and had rather bee a Ladie, 'tis not my
mind.

Lady.
But 'tis mine;
His knowledge of't would add to the delight,
And make th'offence lesse. Citie Dames can practise
Slights to deceive their Husbands, mine shall know it.

Susan.
But is your Ladiship earnest?

Lady.
As earnest as resolves can make me.

Susan.

But I am resolv'd not to obey your Ladyship.
Shall I that am my Ladies Secretary as it were, be treacherous
to her secrets? Then let me not be counted a gentleuman.
If it please your Ladiship Ile tell him you intend
such a thing that he may prevent it.

Lady.
Dispute not my commands, but doe them:
Or I shall stop the current of my favours.
That hitherto have flow'd so fully on thee.

The third Scœne.

Enter Sir Generovs Worthy, Ierker, Artlove, Y. Worthy, Svsan, Ieffrey, by the middle Scœne.
Sir Gen.

I have brought you some guests Wife. Send
your entertainment be worth their labour.

Lady.

I could wish it much better for Master Ierkers
sake.

Sir Gen.
I feare you are too free that way.
I am yet a man, and my declining age
Hath not so weakened judgement in me,
That passion should betray my jealous thoughts.
Nor can I but suspect, and must be satisfied.
Her woman is the instrument. Mris. Susan.

Y. W.
Pray Sir, let me prepare her. No more will I
In the severer Person of a counsellour
Instruct your care. But since by curious search
I have inform'd my knowledge
Even to satisfaction of his worth,
Let me commend this noble gentleman
Vnto your best desires; let him possesse them.

Dorot.
Brother, without mature consideration
I dare not doe an act; on which depends
Such dangerous events.

Y. W.
My love's your warrant.
Have not I searchd him throughly? have not I
Found him deserving all that's due to man,
Though malice were his judge. View but his person,
Art could not shape a more exact proportion:
And through his Christall bosome read his heart
Wherein such noble thoughts are character'd—

Susan.

You shall command a poore Gentleuman any
thing; neither doe I expect reward. I onely desire you
will accept it as an act of my love. But why should you
be jealous of my Lady.

Sir Gen.

Aske me no idle questions, but doe it. Thou
mayst bee a Lady thy selfe, if it lie in my power to raise
thee.

Susan.
Alas Sir, an old man raise a Gentleuman.

Dorot.
We have a father (Brother) to whose care
We owe another dutie, then that onely
Which Nature hath injoyn'd us for receiving
Our beings from him. Let not our rash wills
Sway'd onely by desire, run any course
Agrees not with his liking: Yet I'le tell
The Gentleman how much he owes your love
For thus commending him.

Lady.
How now Sir Generous?
Courting my woman? am not I warme enough
To thaw your frozen appetite?

Susan.

Truly Sir, if my Lady knew how much I lov'd
you, 'twould make her jealous.

Lady.
Indeed it would not.
Revenge should be a remedie.

Sir Gen.
That's my feare.

Lady.
Nay, to her againe; you are not the first
That hath abus'd his Lady.

Sir Gen.

Wife, forgoe these fond thoughts, and with
care apply your selfe to entertain these gentlemen.
I'le to my closet.

goes forth.
Lady.
I want but th'opportunity of their absence,
Which I must straight contrive.

Artl.
I am now animated
To come the neerest way without more circumstance;
And tell you how your beauty and your vertues
Have won on my desires to make them yours.

Dorot.
I thanke you Sir, and could mine owne eyes see
But halfe that worth my Brother sayes is in you,
My equall thoughts should answer.

Y. W.
What said she Sir?

Artl.
It seemes you did commend me!

Y. W.
Yes by my hopes of good, no otherwise
Then I desire to have my selfe commended
Vpon the like occasion.

Artl.
I must thanke you Sir.

Y. W.
I doe interpret it; and have thought upon
Another tryall. Let me intreat you Sister
To conster my intentions right. Though I
Commended him, 'twas onely to distinguish
Your passion and your reason. Now I find
The latter strongest, that you refuse the love
Of one so much defective.

Dorot.
How! defective!
Brother, my judgement hath as searching eyes
Can see the fulnesse of his manly worth
Through all the vailes of your detraction.
And now to shew how much I doe prefer
The freedome of my will before your counsell;
I'le tell him I doe love him.

Y. W.
Sister, I hope
You are not earnest!

Dorot.
As earnest as my love;
Which since I first beheld him tooke possession
Of all my thoughts, though customary nicenesse
Restraind me from discovering them; but now—

Lady.
Pray daughter oversee the servants.

Exit Dorothy.
Y. W.

Mother beshrew your heart, she was in a good
veine. But come sir, wee'l pursue it.

Exeunt young Worthy, and Artlove.
Ieffr.

It hath beene no small punishment for mee to

hold my peace all this while. My Cousin is morall before
companie and counsel's my manners. But now I hope
my tongue shall have libertie; and her's my Ladies gentleuman
to exercise it with.

La.
Your little Cousin may stay. How like you the plot?

Ierk.
As the end proves it. And since your constancie
Hath held out 'gainst my leud temptations,
Which have as well beene tryals of your vertues
As acts of wantonnesse, I here desist.
Henceforth my tongue shall never utter sound
Offensive to your modestie.

Lady.
Pray let's sit,
And enter on the project, though it benice
When wit masks vertue in a cloke of vice.

Susan.

They are going to it, and heer's a little one will
tell. Pray sir, can you keepe counsell?

Ieffr.

As well as a woman.

Susan.

Indeed they and children are kin.

Jeffr.

You need not feare your secrets.

Susan.

Then I shall love you heartily. But pray Sir, no
medling with a gentleumans apron. Here's that will helpe
your growth: please you to partake.

Ieffr.

She abuseth me, I must fit her. What is't Mistris?

Susan.

Sack I assure you Sir; and I hope you will love
a poore gentleumans as she loves you.

Ieffr.

If the Butler be not too deeply interested.

Lady.

Secretarie.

Susan.

Madame.

Lady.

You forget your imployment.

Susan.

I saw your Ladiship doe nothing yet.

Lady.

Doe we not kisse!

Susan.

I runne then, and dare not looke backe for feare
of blushing.

Exit.
Ieffr.

What strange contrivement's this?

The fourth Scœne.

Enter Sir Generovs Worthy with Svsan, by the middle Scœne.
Lady.

Nay, blush not Mr. Ierker, ours is no act of
shame, but to be gloried in; youth to youth. Sir Generous
are your hornes so lop-heavy they make you hang the
head. Never droop at it man. A Lord may bee a Cuckold
and never the wiser: you have gotten the knowledge
of what you did but suspect before.

Sir Gen.
Out of my warring thoughts discretion
Hath order'd a resolve, whose practise shall
Preserve my credit. Though I much wonder
A womans smooth hypocrisie should make
Even her secret'st actions to appeare
Most vertuous; yet in this to staine her whitenesse.

Lady.
I did it Sir to cure your jealousie
More then for satisfaction of desire,
Which I have often satiated, when
Your cold abilities were comforted
With downe and silence; when your dreames presented
The quiet of a grave.

Ierk.
I did it Sir,
In gratitude for your hospitality.
Please you to take my counsell. Be divorc't.
You need no proofes, since shees her owne accuser.
I'le then procure a dispensation
And wee'l be marryed.

Sir Gen.
'Tis assented to.
Nay more, I'le give you all her portion backe:
Nor shall the least disquiet in my thoughts
Make me remember it. Think not (young man) mine age
So weake, but I can conquer passion.
My act shall instantly have confirmation;
And be a president where such inequality
Of yeares are joyn'd.

Lady.
Pray good Sir Generous stay.
I have not yet consented; and I thinke
The Law cannot dispense whilst either live.
If you resolve divorce, you'l onely force me
To an unwilling widdow-hood; and how little
My innocence deserves, the least suspect,
Though I did faigne a guilt for better ends,
Iust heaven can witnesse. There was no necessity
To tempt my woman to discover us.
It was my first command.

Sir Gen.
I heare strange words
Which must be scann'd and construed.

Ierk.
Here my solicites cease. But I desire
I may remaine the servant of your vertues,
And weare your favours livery, whose example
Hath won on my resolves to reconcile
My wilder soule.

Lady.
Whilst you persever in't,
I shall preserve you in my purest thoughts;
But never to infect them.

Sir Gen.
The World reputes me
A man of full discretion; and mine age
Is not so rotten yet, to betwice childe.
Hence yee vaine jealousies, that in love diseas'd
Are peccant humours: therefore must be purg'd.
Come to my bosome patterne of true goodnesse.
Nere more those bug-beares to the minds blest quiet
Shall fright thee thence.

Lady.
Then will my joyes be setled.

Sir Gen.
Good Sir forgive
The rashnesse of my passion. I'le no more
Be jealous of your visits; but desire
The love I beare your person may be usefull
To all good ends.

The fifth Scœne.

Enter Y. Worthy, Artlove, Dorothy, &c.
Y. W.
Nay, blush not Sister;
Though it be vertues colour. Say't agen.
Here are more witnesses.

Sir Gen.
Whence growe's this exultation?

Y. W.
From inward joy that she affects this gentleman,
Whose Vertues wonn
Vpon my love to be his Oratour;
And not respects infected with the mixture
Of any worse condition.

Sir Gen.
Doe you love him?

Dorot.
I hope to your kind judgement 'twill appeare
A vertuous truth.

Sir Gen.
If he be found deserving
In the dependances on bloud and fortune
I shall consent, and then may mutuall love
Render you happy.

Artl.
How am I blest that your white soule
Hath bounded it's desires within the circuit
Of my too narrow worth!

Sir Gen.

Supper not ready yet! I my servants are musicall;
please you Gentlemen to dance a little. 'Tis a healthfull
exercise; bid them prepare their instruments. Come,
come, settle to it.

Spruce and Warrant, enter with Musicke.
I love to see a nimble activenesse
In noble youth; it argues active minds
In well shap't bodies, and begets a joy
Dancing within me.

Dance.

The sixth Scœne.

Enter Littlevvord, Tongall, Dvngvvorth, Constable, Ralph and Dobson, by the middle Scœne.
Sir Gen.

Welcome neighbour Tongall: what meane
these people?

Const.

I have brought them, an't please your Worshipp.

Sir Gener.

Whom, and't please you, Master Constable.

Const.

The theeves, and't please your Worship, that
rob'd your worships Clerke.

Spruce.

Now Warrant.

Warr.

How! I rob'd! the Constable is surely drunke.
I was not rob'd.

Const.

How's that! did not you bring mee to the Taverne;
shew mee the fellowes, and direct me to apprehend
them? Did you not promise me a share if they might
be brought to a composition?

Warr.

Who? I? verily I say I know thee not.

Consta.

How! not know the Constable! Come Mr.
Warrant, let mee understand the mysterie without being
farther abus'd. You forget the place where wee had recreation
for nothing, onely promising the wenches favour
upon occasion: against whom wee afterwards inform'd
to get fees.

Sir Gener.

Is't noe otherwise? it shall raise some mirth.

Dobs.

Did not I tell thee Ralph, the Gentlewomen?

Ralph.

Well, 'tis a rare thing to bee a Justice. Were
I but swel'd with a little authoritie, mee thinks I could

crye, you Rogue, you Rascall, or you Constable, most
gravely.

Dobs.

And 'tis as rare a thing to bee a Constable; to
command in the name of authority, and bee drunke at
midnight, without danger of the stocks.

Sir Gen.

I shall respect him Mris. Tongall. Mr. Constable
I doe conceive an abuse done to my person, in that
you here traduce two strangers, pretending appointment,
when none will accuse them; nor can I suddainly discover
the errour.

Constable.

Now by all the painted authoritie of my
staffe—

Sir Gen.

No swearing Constable; I have determin'd
to conferre a power upon the accused, to judge both
it and you; and the most offendors shall suffer what shall
be due.

Consta.

Whither shall I fall! from my Empire of command,
to obey a mock-Constable! I be danger of example
forbid it, that Clownes and fooles be not made Justices
in earnest.

Sir Gen.

No more of this modestie: I'le have it so;
and exercise your wit. I have knowne a Countrey fellow
full of knavish clinches.

Dobson.

Yes Sir, 'tis ordinary in a Smith.

Ralph.

Then if I fit you not for a Justice.

Dobson.

And I for a Constable. You shall heare my
tone.

Const.

And I for an offendor.

Ralph.

Can you write and read young gentleman?

Ieffr.

Like a gentleman.

Ralph.

Then you shall be my Worships Clerke. And
so I assume authoritie. (hem, hem)

Spruce.

Now shall we be jeer'd out of our skins.

Warr.

Set a good face on't.

Ralph.

(hem, hem,)
what are you sirrah?

Dobs.

I am Dobson, the Constable and't please your
Worship.

Const.

Hee lies and't please your Worship, I am the
Constable.

Ralph.

You were the Constable; but your dignitie is
justly taken from you, and conferr'd upon honest Iohn
Dobson. Thou hast beene a raskall sirrah, a corrupt Constable.
Thou hast converst with deeds of darknesse, hating
the all light, but wenches and a lanthorne: which a
married Constable can never want at midnight. Thou
hast watch't little and pray'd lesse: thou shalt therefore
fast thy selfe into amendement. And so I commit thee
with thy guard of Bill-men to the mercie of a Shrove-Tuesdayes
rebellion. (hem, hem.)

Dobson.

Here's an other refendant, and't please your
Worship.

Ralph.

Now Sir, what are you?

Warr.

A Justices Clerke.

Ralph.

Oh, I know you sirrah.
You write true Latine, not to be understood by the Worshipfull
bench.

Warr.

Your Worship is misinform'd. I cannot write
true Orthographie without a Copie; and for Latine, I
have lesse then the Deane of Dunstable. I have read Ignoramus:
but finding hard words which were not in the
Dictionary; I sweare I understand it no more then Ignoramus
himselfe.

Ralph.

Make his Mittimus and send him to schoole;
(hem, hem,)
what are you Sir?

Spruce.

A Gentleman Vsher.

Ralph.

You are a Malkin of mock-Gentry, made up
of silke and vaine-glory. You begin to grow out of fashion.
I will therefore have you stitcht into a case of complements,
and commended to some thrifty house-keeping
Ladie in the Countrey, where you may save her Ladiship

the charge of a Taylour; and if you can read, serve for a
house-Chaplaine in rainy weather. (hem, hem.)
Bring
that Countrey Gentleman before me.

Dung.

You'l grow saucie sirrah.

Sir Gene.

Pray let's uphold the jest. I'le not spare mine
owne person. Your servant's witty.

Ralph.

You are a Countrey Gentleman; a Gallant out
of fashion all the yeare; but especially at Sessions, and
upon high Holi-dayes, when your sattin doublet drawes
away the eyes of the simple, and distracts their devotion
almost into Idolatry: giving it more worship then the
Heraulds ever gave your Auncestors. You intend as I
understand to come forth in a new Edition: and when
the Mercers and Tailors have new printed you; and that
some gentile wit may be read in your Character to marry
a Wife in the City. You shall then have a passe sealed upon
her by a Courtier; be ship't at Cuckolds haven, and
so transported into Cornwall. (Hem, hem.)
Now Sir,
what are you? never a wise word to answere a Justice?

Tong.

He is my friend Sir; and if you abuse him, you
shall not have my daughter Iinny.

Ralph.

There is a tempest in her tongue able to shake
the foundation of the wisest Justice-ship.

Dobs.

My Ladie Sir.

Ralph.

Madame, I have heard complaints of your Ladiship,
that you rise early every morning before noone,
and are readie before night, unlesse there bee a maske at
Court. You are likewise a great frequenter of the balls,
meerely out of charitie to the poore Fidlers.

Sir Gen.

He hits you home Wife.

Ieffr.

And this is my Ladies Gentleuman.

Ralph.

Stop your eares Gentlewomen, here's a foule
businesse towards. But you may tell the man, the time
and place, though not the manner.

Secre.

Truely Sir, if I am with child, its but with a
bottle of Sack.

Ralph.

Give it me; I'le keepe it. Many a Justice in the
City keepes children are none of his owne.

(Drinks.)
Ierk.

A right Sack Justice.

Ralph.

And now for you Gentlemen. You are of the
wits that give Poets Sack and old Bevers, and vent their
conceits in Tavernes for your owne.

Ieffr.

Please you Sir, these Gentlemen are my friends.

Ralph.

How's that! a Justice take bribes! the example
is too frequent, and I will have it mended.

Sir Gen.

You begin now to overdoe.

Ralph.

Bribes have purchas'd more then the whole
race of Aldermen since Luds time.

Sir Gen.

You are bitter now: 'tis time to resigne.

Ralph.

'Tis time indeed, when I will not take bribes
to be a Justice Quondam.

Sir Gen.
When Wit makes not abuse it's exercise,
The users of it then are truely wise:
But 'tis a foolish Vanitie, not Wit,
When Conscience bounds are broke to practise it.