 | Covent Garden |  |
Act. 4.
Scœn. 1.
Enter Ierker and Ieffrey, with a Drawer, by the left Scœne.Boy.
Anon, anon Sir, by and by.
Ier.
Some more wine Boy. Is Mr. Artlove return'd?
Boy.
Not yet Sir.
Ieffrey.
Poore Gentleman; hee's complaining to the
Moone, or studying the event of his love in the Starres.
Mee thinks I could make a counterfeit expression of his
passions to the life.
Of watry light; dance no unequall motions
On thy foure orbes; but quench thy paler fires
In Lovers teares, that all inconstancie
May so be drown'd. I would I were in love Cousin.
Ierk.
Before you are capable of it.
Ieffr.
Why Cousin, is it not defin'd to be youth's folly!
Indeed, all things in Youth are folly.
Ierk.
Not so Coz. all folly may be in Youth:
But many times 'tis mixt with grave discretion,
That tempers it to use; and make's it judgement
Equall if not exceeding that which Palseys
Hath almost shaken into a disease.
But why would you be in love Coz.
Ieffr.
That I might Poetize: you know 'tis the onely
dancing Master to teach the Art of Measures; though I
have knowne Poets scarce able to stand on their feet.
Ierk.
Then you would write Satyres Coz?
Ieffr.
'Tis your dancing conceit. But the Grinkums
Cousin cleaves not the feete.
Enter Dasher.
Ierk.
Mr. Dasher, this freenesse hath doubled the favor;
vizit us of your owne accord!
Dash.
Gentlemen my selfe, and all that depends on my
selfe, or on any thing that hath dependance on my selfe,
is at your service.
Ieffr.
I should desire your wife then.
Dash.
Sweet young Gentleman, you are the Epitome of
a faire body, and shall command the Commander of my
selfe and family. I will but present a glasse of Greeke
Sacke to the hands of a noble Lord, and returne to serve
you.
Exit.
Ierk.
You have a vertue Sir, I could wish communicated.
Ieffr.
What's that Cousin?
Ierk.
To cozzen Cousin.
And would you learne it?
Ierk.
The Theorie, but not the Practicke. I converse
much in Tavernes; and the use should onely be a thrifty
prevention.
Ieffr.
As my observation hath taught me somthing in a
baudy house, where they cannot change money.
Enter Dasher.
Dash.
Now Gentlemen dispose of your seruant.
Ierk.
Indeed Mr. Dasher our Wine's naught.
Dash.
How! naught! who drew it? name but your
drawer; he is punish't whilst you pronounce it. I'le not
keepe an offensive mouse that eats the crums under my table,
but shall pay his life to doe you service.
Exit.
Ieffr.
Why Cousin, the Wine's good.
Ierk.
I onely gave him matter for a complement.
Ieffr.
'Tis pitty to abuse him that is so apt to abuse himselfe.
But what doe you muse on Cousin?
Ierk.
I am studdying a conceited health.
Ieffr.
Why to the long standing of Banbury May-pole.
Ierk.
No Puritan will pledge that.
Ieffr.
Yes, the Good-wives: they'l finde dancing a
more wholsome exercise for the body, then some of their
Doctrines for the Soule.
The second Scœne.
Enter Artlove and young Worthy, by the left Scœne.Ierk.
Ar't come friend, and Mr. Worthy?
Y. W.
Our mutuall loves.
Enter Dasher.
Dash.
I am bound to serve you Gentlemen, and I wish
my roofe were worthier, and my disordered houshould
order'd to your content.
We are bound to thanke your readinesse.
Dash.
Gentlemen, your servant will send his servants
to wait upon you presently.
Exit.
Ierk.
What accident brought you two together?
Artl.
The mercie of my Starres: but what event
Their influence will direct, I cannot prophesie.
Prethee be carefull, hee's a Cynick noter
Of men and of their manners
Ierk.
If he bite,
Here's that shall blunt his fangs.
Artl.
Good friend be milde;
Temper thy passions here. Scandall may grow
From low foundations to an heighth of infamy.
Thou know'st my temperance doth not oft frequent
These publique places.
Y. Wor.
Sir, the relation 'twixt a son and father
May make you jealous of my partiall nature.
Trust me, I never yet was so indulgent
To mine owne weaknesse, that untill my judgement
Had made a full distinguishment of causes,
I could bee violent in his defence
Farther then filiall dutie; which sometimes
Hath stretcht it selfe to counsell and advice
Against suspition. For though your wild behaviour
In some particular actions might provoke him,
Shee whom new dutie makes me now call mother
Hath given large testimonie of her vertue
Even to satisfaction of all goodnesse;
Although his age (in other things judicious)
Cannot so easily admit beliefe,
And safer confidence.
Ierk.
Though I appeare
In outward carriage apt to make distrust
Condemne me vicious; yet my Soule retaines
(Besides a generous disposition
Deriv'd from noble blood) some scrupulous sparkes
Of better conscience. Call it not selfe-flattery
Report sufficiently may informe your knowledge,
(Nor is it error) that my interest
In her you now call Mother
Was beyond all dispute: our equall loves
Mov'd in one circle; and our thoughts were fixt;
Nor can I varie; shee's the object still
Of my desires. I confesse I use
Wanton sollicites; and should scarse resist
My wishes satisfaction she consenting.
But those delights would end in such a loathing,
That I should never more have mercifull thought
There can be any goodnesse left in Woman.
Y. W.
This jarres upon my heart-strings.
Ierk.
Dos't distast you Sir,
That I defend my selfe?
Y. W.
You must not wrong my Father.
Ierk.
I doe abhor the thought of injurie.
Nor shall my spirit fall in the just plea
Of mine owne right.
Y. W.
But not to wrong my Father.
Ieffr.
If he bee abusive, Cousin challenge him. I'le bee
your second.
Ierk.
Hee's not a Crane Coz.
Ieffr.
Nor I a Pigmie; you mock my love.
Ierk.
Your forwardnesse is dangerous.
Ieffr.
Why, he can never have wit, that is not valiant.
I'le trie him my selfe, if not to disturb you Sir.
Y. W.
I thanke you little one.
Ieffr.
How little one! Is not that an affront Cousin?
Ierk.
'Tis as you take it Coz.
Artl.
Fill some Wine boy: never a Drawer here?
Enter Dasher.
Dash.
What Gentlemen moue to attend you? (whooh)
An unlook'd for happinesse that my unworthy selfe is
prefer'd.
An inferiour servant may serve, Mr. Dasher.
Dash.
I am the servant of my servant that shall serve
you. And unlesse hee serve you he is not my servant. I'le
tunre them all away presently for this neglect of your
worthy Persons.
Exit.
Ieffr.
Men weare swords Sir.
Y. W.
And boyes too sometimes.
Ieffr.
You'l answer it?
Y. W.
Answer what Child?
Ieffr.
Little one! Boy! Child! I shall bee degraded
next to an infant.
Ierker.
Fie Cousin, containe. The Gentleman cannot
brooke it.
Y. W.
Yes Sir, hee can brooke any thing but wronging
of his Father.
Artl.
I pray no more, the subject is too harsh
To make good musicke in societie.
Ierk.
Then here's a health to her that best deserves
The attribute of Faire: whose white and red
Prove what's lifes mixture. From whose forms exactnes
Rules of Proportion might be better drawne
Then from Arts Principles. To her whose Youth
Warmes Winters icie bosome with her Spring;
Yet will not wrong your Father. As it goes round,
Each give his Mistris some commending Character.
Artl.
Why then a health to her whose beauties are
Not a grosse Earth, with painted superficies;
But a more sprightly Element of pure Fire.
Within whose Sphære a glorious Minde doth move
All th'orbes of vertue with celestiall flame
Whose active climbings carry her desires
To th'utmost height of noblenesse and honour:
To her that calls you Brother.
Y. W.
Let not your love appeare so full of flattery.
Ierk.
Nay, Coz; 'tis yours.
Jeffr.
Then here's a health to her will freely put
Without a fie. Whose boldnesse will not blush
At an assault, or any wanton touch.
And if a man persist to farther doing,
Accounts it losse of time, a tedious wooing.
To her that I call Mistris.
Y. W.
Bravely come off Sir.
Ieffr.
I can come on Sir.
Artl.
Now Sir, 'tis yours.
Y. W.
This Sack shall then have my Encomium
Which had the youthfull Father ever tasted,
He would have left his rites to Poetize;
And chang'd his Yvy Chaplets into Bayes:
Vnchain'd his spotted Linxes, and supply'd
His Chariots loftier course with Pegasus.
And with bewitching numbers charm'd the gods
To be his Bacchanalls, that they might feast
With this most heavenly Nectar.
Enter Dasher.
Ierk.
Mr. Dasher, your Wine is highly commended.
Dash.
I can assure you Gentlemen, the Grape from
whence this Sacke was prest—
Y. W.
Grew in Spaine.
Dash.
I would have fetcht it farther Gentlemen to doe
you service. A voyage to the Indies should bee no more
then a descending into my cellar, and up agen.
Art.
You have handsomely contracted your journey.
Ierk.
But Mr. Dasher, you have an eminent House, extraordinary
Wine and entertainment; but no Signe at first
to distinguish it.
Ieffr.
Me thoughts Cousin, the Logger-heads was a
pretty conceit.
Ierk.
Had there not beene a third.
Dash.
Gentlemen, I intended a paire of Scales with a
glasse of Wine in one Ballance, and a piece of gold in the
other, or a jewell.
An excellent conceit, to shew the value of
good Wine.
Dash.
Sweet Gentlemen, I am the servant of your noble
wits. I must kisse the faire hand of an honourable Lord,
who is now departing: I will then returne to be dispos'd
by you.
Exit.
The third Scœne.
Enter Sir Generovs, young Worthy by the left Scœne.Y. Wor.
Sir 'tis my father.
Sir Gen.
Ha! my sonne here; and Mr Ierker!
I came i'th' person of authoritie,
Invited by your noise. But that put off,
Out of my love borne to the generall good,
I doe advise you to be temperate:
That the faire hopes conceiv'd of growing vertues
Might not be lost. 'Tis pitty that your wits,
Which (joyn'd with some experience) might deserve
To fill the seats of Magistracie, and be
A speaking law) should spend themselves in places
And acts of sin and shame; wherein severitie
Of law and government must not be partiall.
Therefore I pray no more of these disorders.
Y. Wor.
Pray Sir, take nothing ill. 'Tis the necessity
Of his place: his disposition else is milder.
Ierk.
Sir, we are Gentlemen; and by that priviledge
Though we submit to politique Government
In publique things may be our owne law-makers
In morall life. If we offend the law
The law may punish us; which onely strives
To take away excesse, not the necessity
Or use of what's indifferent, and is made
Or good or bad by'ts use. We doe not drinke
Th'originall of mischiefes: nor is pleasure
Our law but temperance. Creation made
Every thing good, if we abuse it not.
Then good Sir, (though) ou find enormities
Amongst the rabble) be not so suspitious
Of our more carefull carriage, that are gentlemen.
Sir Gen.
You have said to satisfaction
And more then I expected. Harke you sonne.
Art.
I did not think th'adst beene so good an Oratour.
Ierk.
Why friend? because wanton familiaritie
Make's us lesse serious when we are alone,
Must it necessitate we cannot speake
In a high cause! Cousin, you must be carefull
Of your behaviour: you are before a Iustice.
Ieffr.
Why Cousin, have Iustices power over a mans
will?
Ierk.
Some busie ones have arrogated much;
But being told their owne have ever since
Given Gentlemen a due respect.
Ieffr.
I'le make a tryall here. Please you a little
To put off this severer gravitie;
And drinke a glasse of Sack. Your age is Priviledge
In what the law of moderation,
Denies our hotter blood.
Sir Gen.
Pretty sweet Gentleman. Is't possible
That one so young, should have so gray a wit;
'Tis wanting many times in graver beards.
Please you Mr. Ierker, to bring these Gentlemen to my
house to supper. You'l find some emptie dishes.
Ierk.
We know your table's plentifully furnisht.
Sir Gen.
This was very good Sacke, neighbour. Pray
send me home a dozen Bottles. And keepe good orders.
Dash.
The best orders that can be kept in my houses
or any office of my house shall bee at your Worships service.
Fogh; that complement stinckes.
Sir Gen.
You are very courteous neighbour. Will you
goe along with me Gentlemen!
Artl.
We are your servants. 'Tis a blest opportunity.
Sir Gen.
You shall now make tryall of my profest love.
Ierk.
The reckoning M. Dasher.
Artl.
Wee'l take the Barre in our way.
Goe forth by the left Scœne.
Dasher.
You'l doe mee honour to pay it there. Ten
thousand welcomes wait upon you Gentlemen (whooh)
Come sirrah, be the Mercury of neatnesse, and nimbly set
this disorder'd roome in order. Then give the gentleman
below notice, that it is now ready to doe him service:
Hee's like to be a bountifull guest. He talks of selling his
Land, and being a Wit: but how can that agree together I
yes, very well. A countrey Gentleman to sell his land, is
as it were to change his copie: leave his knowne trade to
project a better profit. Which changing of Copie here
with us, ends many times in the citie freehold at Ludgate.
The fourth Scœne.
Enter Dvngworth, Ralph and Dobson, by the left Scœne.Dash.
Worthy Sir, I have now made ready a roome to
entertaine your worthy person. My house was so cramd
with Lords; and this especially with most choyce gentlemen,
some of the admired wits, to which very name I owe
respect and service.
Ralph.
'Tis a fine Chamber, it shines like a Gold-smiths
shop in Cheap-side.
Dung.
'Twould much indeere mee to your kindnesse
to bring mee acquainted with some of those Wits: you
say they keepe their rendevous here many times. If I may
Indeed, I have had but Countrey breeding.
Dobs.
City bringing up forsooth.
Ralph.
Yes; for we ridd like mad men.
Dash.
Questionlesse, Sir, there are of the wits some
mercenary ones, whom your money may command to be
your servants. But these are of a nobler straine. Howsoever,
I will upon the next occasion shew my desire to doe
you service.
Dobs.
Prethee Ralph, what be those Wits? A familie?
Ralph.
No Dobson, they be of all tribes. Some are Iewes,
and some are Gentiles. Some are noble both in blood
and condition, and some in neither. Some studie Arts
of use; some of delight; some conceive well, but talke
wickedly.
Dobs.
Those be the Women Ralph.
Ral.
No interruptions. Some breake jests; some breake
pates; some breake Tailours; and some breake their
fasts with Duke Humphrey.
Dobs.
A wise house-keeper belike.
Ralph.
Some weare Plush that others pay for. Some
love Sacke, and some love wenches. Few will dye of the
Aldermans Gout, and some will never bee cur'd of their
owne—
Dobs.
I understand thee Ralph. But how com'st thou
to know all this?
Ralph.
Tut man; I liv'd in London before now; was
servant to one that converst much with the wits, and kept
an Academie of Musicke. I tell thee Dobson, I have pickt
up more learning among the crummes of a broken bisker,
after one of their meetings at a Taverne, then would
make twenty Ballad-makers commence Poetasters; and
with the over-plus indoctrinate ten Iustices Clerks, and
an under-Sheriffe.
The fifth Scœne.
Enter Mris. Tongall , and Littlevvord by the left Scœne.Dungw.
Sweet Mistris, you are welcome to my expectation.
Tong.
If my presumption to bring a worthy acquaintance
along with me, seem's not unmannerly.
Dungw.
You rather expresse kindnesse to a stranger
that desires worthy company.
Tong.
Sweet Mr. Dasher, you are the best Woman Vintener
that ever lov'd a Gossips tale. You have so many
good things to pleasure a woman with. You were wont to
have an excellent neat tongue.
Dash.
Sweet Mris. Tongall, my best tongue, and all is
at your service.
Tong.
Kind Master Dasher.
Dung.
To your welcome Mistresse.
Tong.
My humblenes receives your favour thankfully.
My service to you Mr. Dasher.
Dash.
I kisse the hand of your servant.
Ralph.
And make a legg. This Vintener sure hath had
very mannerly breeding, he came not from the Bankes
side, where the surly Watermen live.
Dash.
Noble sir, I presume to present my desires to doe
you service.
Dobs.
This Gentleman hath lesse manners. Hee answers
nothing.
Tong.
My friend (Sir) though he be of few words,
is a fine wit, and a great observer.
Dung.
A Wit, Mistris; I shall be the prouder of his acquaintance.
But when I am a Witt, I shall preferre my
talking before my observation.
Tong.
I thank you Mr Little-word.
Mr. Littleword and Mris Tongall! very good.
Sure this woman had a French-man to her Father.
Tong.
Indeed Mr. Dasher, 'tis excellent Sacke. If you
were unmarried you should have my daughter Iinny, for
keeping such good Wine in your house.
Dash.
I retribute all due thanks for your kindnesse, that
you would doe me so great an honour.
Ralph.
Mistris, you said I should have your daughter.
Tong.
My friend, why so thou shalt. This Sacke makes
my heart merry.
Ralph.
Who then shall my Master have?
Tong.
Why my Daughter linny.
Ralph.
A right woman: so her tongue goe, no matter
what she sayes.
Dash.
What will that Gentleman with his table-booke!
Dung.
Let's have a health to some body.
Tong.
Please you Sir, to my daughter Iinny.
Dung.
Let it goe round then.
Tongall.
And hee that will not pledge it, shall not
have her.
Dobs.
I hope we shall drinke now Ralph.
Ralph.
Else we lose both our share of the Sack, and our
hopes of her daughter Iinny.
Ent. Drawer.
Dung.
Some more Wine.
Dash.
(Whooh) be nimble sirrah; and bring of my
kingdome (that's my word for good wine) that it may
wait on these Gentlemen.
Tong.
William, thou art an honest fellow; and if thou
bringst us good wine, thou shalt have my daughter Iinny
from them all.
Dash.
Sure this Gentleman write's what I speake. I
hope 'twas not treason to say my Kingdome. I would I
knew what he were.
Dung.
The Vintener seem's troubled at this Gentlemans
table-booke.
Tong.
'Tis his practise of observation. Hee is taking
Iinny.
Dung.
I'le hatch some mirth from it. Sir, you must not
take it ill, if I tell you of your errours. You have spoken
somthing rashly.
Dash.
Kind and worthy Sir, my life is your servant for
this noble care.
Dung.
That silent Gentleman is an intelligencer; a state
spie. Hee'l informe against you. Therefore complie with
him to prevent it. 'Tis his pollicie to say nothing himselfe,
that his observation may be the more, and his owne
danger the lesse.
Dash.
Sir, I owe your goodnesse all that ever I have
beene, am, or shall be. He writes againe.
Tong.
Now Mr. Little-word, you have some fine matter
there to worke upon.
Dash.
To undoe me Sir, I desire you will command
all that is to bee commanded in my house to doe you service.
Yes, yes; he writes againe.
Dung.
That word command is a word of great danger,
I would you had not us'd it.
Dash.
Alas Sir, Mris Tongall, 'twas not neighbourly
done of you to bring an informer into my house.
Tong.
How, I bring an Informer! as I am a Matron, he's
a Gentleman, a wit, and a rare Projector.
Dash.
I believe it, to undoe a poore Vintener, that
cannot complement a Gentleman into a ten pounds expence;
but his necke must be in danger. Sir, if I were a
King I would be your servant. He writes againe.
Enter a Boy.
Dung.
Blesse me Sir, you have spoken treason.
Dash.
Alas, Sir, I am undone then.
Boy.
Master, the Constable and other officers are comming
up.
Dash.
Yes, yes; to apprehend me.
Ralph.
'Tis for us, Dobson.
The Constable! I hope wee are not suspected
persons.
Tong.
If I thought you were, you should never have my
daughter Iinny.
The sixth Scœne.
Enter Constable and Officers; by the left Scœne.Const.
By your leave Gentlemen.
Ralph.
You are welcome Sir, and I pray be gone.
Const.
But not without you Sir. You are suspected, and
must answer—
Dung.
Answer what? heere are neither Traitors nor
Fellons.
Dash.
I feare I shall be prov'd both.
Tong.
No Sir, nor night-walkers that are taken up, and
cast downe I have declar'd my selfe of as good carriage
as any in the neighbour-hood; and my daughter Iinny
waits upon an honourable Ladie.
Dash.
Mr. Constable, I am your servant, I hope you
suspect no Traitors in my house. If you doe, they shall
wait upon you into the Cellar; and there commit what
treason you will against as good Sack as is in the King of
Spaines Dominions. The Gentleman writes still. I am utterly
lost.
Const.
There are two suspected to be heere, that have
broken the peace, and committed a robbery.
Dobs.
Denie it Ralph.
Ralph.
I tell you Constable, there are none heere,
but can breake the peace, as well as you that are a Constable.
Dung.
They shall obey your authority, and in the Vinteners
phraze wait upon you.
I feare I must wait upon the Gallowes.
Dungw.
Being my servants, I'le goe likewise along
with you.
Dash.
Yes, yes; a meere plot to goe along, that hee
may witnesse against me.
Dobs.
Feare nothing Ralph, the Gentlewomen will
not see us hang'd.
Ralph.
But they may suffer us, and that's a word for
hanging.
Dung.
You seeme apprehensive of your owne danger.
There's a reckoning to pay; if you but forgive it, I'le free
you from this Gentlemans information.
Dash.
Most gladly Sir, and bee your servant. But how
shall I be sure of it?
Dung.
You shall heare it from his owne mouth. You
will not (Sir) informe any thing against this man! I pray
say no.
Little.
No.
Dash.
I am satisfied: and will be your servant in any
thing but treason.
Tong.
But be sure you speake to Mistris Dorothy. Nay
I'le along with you too, and perhaps speake a good word.
I have acquaintance with the Iustice, and his Clerke
knows my daughter Iinny.
Dash.
Let mee bee your servant Mr. Constable, and
light you downe. I hope my house will receive no scandall
by this.
Dung.
'Twas a beginning yet, and more may hit.
Thus in th'abus'd sense cheating is cal'd wit.
Goe forth by the left Scœne.
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