 | The Guardian |  |
1
Act. 1.
Scæn. 1.
Enter Durazzo, Camillo, Lentulo, and Donato; two Servants.Dur.
Tell me of his expences? Which of you
Stands bound for a gazet? he spends his own;
And you impertinent Fools, or Knaves, make choice
Of either title, which your Signiorships please,
To meddle in't.
Cam.
Your age gives priviledge to this harsh language.
Dur.
My age! do not use
That word agen; if you do, I shall grow young,
And swinge you soundly: I would have you know,
94
An Almanack in my bones to predeclare
What weather we shall have; nor do I kneel
In adoration at the Spring and Fall
Before my Doctor, for a dose or two
Of his Restoratives, which are things I take it
You are familiar with.
Cam.
This is from the purpose.
Dur.
I cannot cut a caper, or groan like you
When I have done, nor run away so nimbly
Out of the field. But bring me to a Fence-school,
And crack a blade or two for exercise,
Ride a barb'd horse, or take a leap after me
Following my hounds or hawks, (and by your leave
At a gamesom Mistress) and you shall confess
I am in the May of my abilities,
And you in your December.
Lent.
We are glad you bear your years so well.
Dur.
My years! No more of years; if you do, at your peril.
Cam.
We desire not
To prove your valour.
Dur.
'Tis your safest course.
Cam.
But as friends to your fame and reputation,
Come to instruct you: Your too much indulgence
To the exorbitant waste of young Caldoro—
Your Nephew and your Ward, hath rendred you
But a bad report among wise men in Naples.
Dur.
Wise men? in your opinion; but to me
That understand my self and them, they are
Hide-bounded mony-mongers: they would have me
Train up my Ward a hopeful youth, to keep
A Merchants book, or at the plough, and clothe him
In Canvas or course Cotton; while I fell
His Woods, grant Leases, which he must make good
When he comes to age, or be compell'd to marry
95
No more then how to cypher well, or do
His tricks by the square root; grant him no pleasure
But Coyts and Nine-pins; suffer him to converse
With none but Clowns and Coblers, as the Turk says:
Poverty, old age, and aches of all seasons
Light on such heathenish Guardians:
Don.
You do worse
To the ruine of his state, under your favour,
In feeding his loose riots.
Dur.
Riots! what riots?
He wears rich clothes, I do so; keeps horses, games, and wenches;
'Tis not amiss, so it be done with decorum:
In an Heir 'tis ten times more excusable
Then to be over-thrifty. Is there ought else
That you can charge him with?
Cam.
With what we grieve for,
And you will not approve.
Dur.
Out with it, man.
Cam.
His rash endeavour, without your consent,
To match himself into a Family
Not gracious with the times.
Dur.
'Tis still the better;
By this means he shall scape Court-visitants,
And not be eaten out of house and home
In a Summer-progress. But does he mean to marry?
Cam.
Yes sir, to marry.
Dur.
In a beardless chin
'Tis ten times worse then wenching. Family! whose family?
Cam.
Signior Severnio's.
Dur.
How? not he that kill'd
The brother of his wife (as it is rumour'd)
Then fled upon it; since proscrib'd, and chosen
4
On no suit to be granted?
Lent.
The same, sir.
Dur.
This touches near: How is his love return'd
By the Saint he worships?
Don.
She affects him not, but dotes upon another.
Dur.
Worse and worse.
Cam.
You know him, young Adorio.
Dur.
A brave Gentleman! what proof of this?
Lent.
I dogg'd him to the Church;
Where he, not for devotion, as I ghess,
But to make his approaches to his Mistress,
Is often seen.
Cam:
And would you stand conceal'd
Among these trees, for he must pass this green,
The Mattins ended, as she returns home,
You may observe the passages.
Dur.
I thank you; this torrent must be stopt.
Enter Adorio, Caliste, Mirtilla, Caldoro (muffel'd.)
Don.
They come.
Cam.
Stand close.
Cal.
I know I wrong my modesty.
Ador.
And wrong me,
In being so importunate for that
I neither can nor must grant.
Cal.
A hard sentence! and to increase my misery, by you
Whom fond affection hath made my Judge,
Pronounc'd without compassion. Alas sir,
Did I approach you with unchaste desires,
A sullid reputation; were deform'd,
As it may be I am, though many affirm
I am something more then handsom.—
Dur.
I dare swear it.
5
Or if I were no Gentlewoman, but bred coursely,
You might with some pretence of reason slight
What you should sue for.
Dur.
Were he not an Eunuch,
He would, and sue agen; I am sure I should.
Pray look in my collar, a flea troubles me:
Hey-day! there are a legion of young Cupids
At barley-break in my breeches.
Calist.
Hear me sir; though you continue, nay increase your scorn,
Only vouchsafe to let me understand
What my defects are; of which once convinc'd,
I will hereafter silence my harsh plea,
And spare your further trouble.
Ador.
I'll tell you, and bluntly, as my usual manner is,
Though I were a Woman-hater, which I am not,
But love the sex, for my ends; take me with you:
If in my thought I found one taint or blemish
In the whole fabrick of your outward features,
I would give my self the lye. You are a Virgin
Possess'd of all your mother could wish in you:
Your father Severino's dire disaster
In killing of your Uncle, which I grieve for,
In no part taking from you. I repeat it;
A noble Virgin, for whose grace and favours
Th'Italian Princes might contend as Rivals;
Yet unto me a thing far, far beneath you.
A noted Libertine I profess my self:
In your mind there does appear one fault so gross,
Nay, I might say unpardonable at your years,
If justly you consider it, that I cannot
As you desire, affect you.
Calist.
Make me know it, I'le soon reform it.
6
Would you would keep your word.
Cal.
Put me to the test.
Ador.
I will. You are too honest,
And like your mother, too strict and religious,
And talk too soon of marriage: I shall break,
If at that rate I purchase you. Can I part with
My uncurb'd liberty, and on my neck
Wear such a heavy yoke? hazard my fortunes,
With all th'expected joys my life can yield me,
For one commodity before I prove it?
Venus forbid on both sides; let crook'd hams,
Bald heads, declining shoulders, furrow'd cheeks
Be aw'd by ceremonies: If you love me
I'the way young people should, I'll flie to meet it,
And we'll meet merrily.
Cal.
'Tis strange such a man can use such language.
Ador.
In my tongue my heart
Speaks freely, fair one! Think upon't, a close friend
Or private Mistress, is Court-rhetorick;
A Wife, meer rustick Solecism. So good morrow.
Cam.
How like you this?
Adorio offers to go, is staid by Caldoro.
Dur.
A well-bred Gentleman!
I am now thinking if ere in the dark,
Or drunk I met his mother? He must have
Some drops of my blood in him; for at his years
I was much of his religion.
Cam.
Out upon you!
Don.
The Colts tooth still in your mouth?
Dur.
What means this whispering?
Ador.
You may perceive I seek not to displant you,
Where you desire to grow: For further thanks,
'Tis needless complement.
Cal.
There are some natures
Which blush to owe a benefit, if not
Receiv'd in corners; holding it an impairing
7
I am made of other clay, and therefore must
Trench so far on your leisure, as to win you
To lend a patient ear, while I profess
Before my glory, though your scorn, Caliste,
How much I am your servant.
Ador.
My designs are not so urgent, but they can dispence
With so much time.
Cam.
Pray you now observe your Nephew.
Dur.
How he looks! like a School-boy that had plaid the Truant,
And went to be breech'd.
Cald.
Madam!
Calist.
A new affliction:
Your suit offends as much as his repulse,
It being not to be granted.
Mirt.
Hear him Madam,
His sorrow is not personated; he deserves
Your pitty, not contempt.
Dur.
He has made the Maid his;
And as the Master of the Art of Love
Wisely affirms, it is a kind of passage
To the Mistress favour.
Cald.
I come not to urge
My merit to deserve you, since you are,
Weigh'd truly to your worth, above all value:
Much less to argue you of want of judgment
For following one that with wing'd feet flies from you;
While I, at all parts (without boast) his equal,
In vain pursue you; bringing those flames with me,
Those lawful flames, (for Madam know, with other
I never shall approach you) which Adorio
In scorn of Hymen and religious rites
With atheistical impudence contemns,
8
The fortress of your honor, seeks to ruine
All holy Altars by clear mindes erected
To Virgin-honor.
Dur.
My Nephew is an ass,
What a devil hath he to do with Virgin-honor,
Altars, or lawful flames? when he should tell her
They are superstitious nothings, and speak to the purpose,
Of the delight to meet in the old dance
Between a pair of sheets; my Grandame call'd it
The peopling of the world.
Calist.
How, gentle sir? to vindicate my honor, that is needless;
I dare not fear the worst aspersion malice
Can throw upon it.
Cald.
Your sweet patience, Lady, and more then Dove-like innocence renders you
Insensible of an injury, for which
I deeply suffer. Can you undergo
The scorn of being refus'd? I must confess
It makes for my ends; for had he embrac'd
Your gracious offers tender'd him, I had been
In my own hopes forsaken; and if yet
There can breathe any air of comfort in me,
To his contempt I owe it: but his ill
No more shall make way for my good intents,
Then vertue powerful in her self, can need
The aids of vice.
Ador.
You take that licence, sir, which yet I never granted.
Cald.
I'll force more, nor will I for mine own ends undertake it,
As I will make apparent) but to do
A justice to your sex, with mine own wrong
And irrecoverable loss. To thee I turn,
Thou goatish Ribaud, in whom lust is grown
9
Which gapes wide for thee: Look upon this Lady,
And on her fame, (if it were possible
Fairer then she is) and if base desires
And beastly appetite will give thee leave,
Consider how she sought thee, how this Lady
In a noble way desir'd thee: Was she fashion'd
In an inimitable mould, (which nature broke,
The great work perfected) to be made a slave
To thy libidinous twines, and when commanded
To be us'd as physick after drunken surfets?
Mankind should rise against thee: What even now
I heard with horror, shew'd like blasphemy,
And as such I will punish it.
He strikes Adorio, the rest make in, they all draw.
Calist.
Murder!
Mir.
Help!
Dur.
After a whining Prologue, who would have look'd for
Such a rough Catastophre? Nay, come on, fear nothing:
Never till now my Nephew. And do you hear sir,
(And yet I love thee too) if you take the wench now
I'll have it posted first, then chronicled,
Thou wert beaten to't.
Ador.
You think you have shewn
A memorable masterpiece of valor
In doing this in publick; and it may
Perhaps deserve her shoo-string for a favor:
Wear it without my envy; but expect
For this affront, when time serves, I shall call you
To a strict accompt.
Exeunt.
Dur.
Hook on, follow him Harpies,
You may feed upon this business for a moneth,
If you manage it handsomly: when two heirs quarrel,
The sword-men of the City shortly after
Appear in Plush, for their grave consultations
In taking up the difference;
10
Thou art master of the field; enjoy thy fortune
With moderation: For a flying foe,
Discreet and provident Conquerors build up
A bridge of gold. To thy mistress, boy! if I were
I'thy shirt, how I could nick it!
Cald.
You stand, Madam, as you were rooted, and I more then fear
My passion hath offended: I perceive
The roses frighted from your cheeks, and paleness
T'usurp their room; yet you may please to ascribe it
To my excess of love, and boundless ardor
To do you right; for my self I have done nothing:
I will not curse my stars, howere assur'd
To me you are lost for ever: For suppose
Adorio slain, and by my hand, my life
Is forfeited to the law; which I contemn,
So with a tear or two you would remember
I was your martyr, and died in your service.
Calist.
Alas, you weep! and in my just compassion
Of what you suffer, I were more then marble,
Should I not keep you company: You have sought
My favours nobly, and I am justly punish'd
In wild Adorio's contempt and scorn
For my ingratitude, it is no better,
To your deservings: Yet such is my fate,
Though I would, I cannot help it. O Caldoro!
In our misplac'd affection I prove
Too soon, and with dear bought experience, Cupid
Is blind indeed, and hath mistook his arrows.
If it be possible, learn to forget:
And yet that punishment is too light; to hate
A thankless Virgin, practise it; and may
Your due consideration that I am so,
In your imagination disperse
11
That hath bewitch'd you. More I cannot say,
But that I truly pitty you, and wish you
A better choice, which in my prayers (Caldoro)
I ever will remember.
Ex. Caliste, Mirtilla.
Dur.
'Tis a sweet rogue: why how now? thunderstruck?
Cald.
I am not so happy: Oh that I were but master of my self,
You soon should see me nothing.
Dur.
What would you do?
Cald.
With one stab give a fatal period
To my woes and life together.
Dur.
For a Woman! better the kind were lost, and generation maintain'd a new way.
Cald.
Pray you sir forbear this profane language.
Dur.
Pray you be you a man,
And whimper not like a girl: All shall be well,
As I live it shall; this is no Hectique feaver,
But a Love-sick ague easie to be cur'd,
And I'll be your Physitian, so you subscribe
To my directions. First you must change
This City whorish air, for 'tis infected,
And my potions will not work here, I must have you
To my Country-villa: Rise before the sun,
Then make a breakfast of the morning-dew
Serv'd up by nature on some grassie hill;
You'll find it Nectar, and far more cordial
Then Cullises, Cock-broth, or your distillations
Of a hundred crowns a quart.
Cald.
You talk of nothing.
Dur.
This tane as a preparative to strengthen
Your queasie stomack, vault into your saddle;
With all this flesh I can do it without a stirrup:
My hounds uncoupled, and my huntsmen ready,
You shal hear such musick from their tunable mouths
12
Nere made such ravishing harmony, from the groves
And neighboring Woods, with frequent iterations,
Enamor'd of the cry, a thousand eccho's
Repeating it.
Cald.
What's this to me?
Dur.
It shall be, and you give thanks for't. In the afternoon
(For we will have variety of delights)
We'll to the field agen, no game shall rise
But we'll be ready for't; if a Hare, my Greyhounds
Shall make a course; for the Pye or Jay, a Sparhawk
Flies from the Fist; the Crow so near pursu'd,
Shall be compell'd to seek protection under
Our Horses bellies; a Hearn put from her siege,
And a Pistol shot off in her breech, shall mount
So high, that to your view she'll seem to soar
Above the middle Region of the Air.
A cast of Haggard Falcons, by me man'd,
Eying the prey at first, appear as if
They did turn tayl, but with their laboring wings
Getting above her, with a thought their pinions
Cleaving the purer Element, make in,
And by turns binde with her; the frighted Fowl,
Lying at her defence upon her back,
With her dreadful Beak, a while defers her death,
But by degrees forc'd down, we part the fray
And feast upon her.
Cald.
This cannot be, I grant, but pretty pastime,
Dur.
Pretty pastime, Nephew!
'Tis royal sport, then for an Evening flight
A Tercel gentle, which I call my Masters,
As he were sent a Messenger to the Moon,
In such a place flies, as he seems to say,
See me, or see me not, the Partridge sprung,
He makes his stoop; but wanting breath, is forc'd
13
He carried Lightning in his Wings, he strikes
The trembling Bird; who even in death appears
Proud to be made his quarry.
Cald.
Yet all this, is nothing to Caliste.
Dur.
Thou shalt finde twenty Calistes there, for every night
A fresh, and lusty one; I'll give thee a Ticket,
In which my name, Durazzo's name subscrib'd,
My Tenants Nutbrown daughters, wholsom Girls,
At midnight shall contend to do thee service.
I have bred them up to't; should their Fathers murmure,
Their Leases are void; for that is a main point
In my Indentures: And when we make our progress
There is no entertainment perfect, if
This last dish be not offer'd.
Cald.
You make me smile.
Dur.
I'll make thee laugh outright. My horses, knaves!
'Tis but six short hours riding: yet ere night
Thou shalt be an alter'd man.
Cald.
I wish I may, sir.
Exeunt:
Enter Jolante, Caliste, Calypso, Mirtilla.
Jol.
I had spies upon you Minion; the relation
Of your behaviour was at home before you:
My daughter to hold parley, from the Church too,
With noted Libertines? her fame and favours
The quarrel of their swords?
Calist.
'Twas not in me to help it, Madam.
Jol.
No? how have I liv'd?
My neighbour knows my manners have been such,
That I presume I may affirm, and boldly,
In no particular action of my life
I can be justly censur'd.
14
Censur'd, Madam? what Lord or Lady lives, worthy to sit
A competent Judge on you?
Calist.
Yet black detraction will find faults where they are not.
Calyp.
Her foul mouth
Is stopp'd, you being the object: Give me leave
To speak my thoughts, yet still under correction:
And if my young Lady and her woman here,
With reverence they may be edifi'd.
You are my gracious Patroness and supportress,
And I your poor observer, nay your creature
Fed by your bounties; and but that I know
Your Honor detests flattery, I might say
(And with an emphasis) You are the Lady
Admir'd and envied at, far, far above
All imitation of the best of women
That are or ever shall be. This is truth:
I dare not be obsequious; and 'twould ill
Become my gravity, and wisdom glean'd
From your oraculous Ladiship, to act
The part of a she-parasite.
Jol.
If you do, I never shall acknowledge you.
Calist.
Admirable! this is no flattery.
Mirt.
'Do not interrupt her:
'Tis such a pleasing itch to your Lady-mother,
That she may peradventure forget us,
To feed on her own praises.
Jol.
I am not so far in debt to age, but if I would
Listen to mens bewitching sorceries,
I could be courted.
Calyp.
Rest secure of that; all the Braveries of the City run mad for you,
And yet your vertue's such, not one attempts you.
Jol.
I keep no mankind servant in my house,
In fear my chastity may be suspected:
15
Calyp.
With loud applause, I assure your Honor.
Jol.
It confirms I can command my sensual appetites.
Calyp.
As vassals to your more then masculine reason that commands 'em:
Your palace stil'd a Nunnery of pureness,
In which not one lascivious thought dares enter,
Your clear soul standing Sentinel.
Mirt.
Well said, Eccho.
Jol.
Yet I have tasted those delights which women
So greedily long for, know their titillations;
And when with danger of his head thy father
Comes to give comfort to my widowed sheets,
As soon as his desires are satisfied,
I can with ease forget 'em.
Calyp.
Observe that,
It being indeed remarkable: 'tis nothing
For a simple Maid that never had her hand
In the hony-pot of pleasure, to forbear it;
But such as have lick'd there, and lick'd there often,
And felt the sweetness of't.—
Mirt.
How her mouth runs over with rank imagination!
Calyp.
If such can,
As I urg'd before, the kickshaw being offer'd
Refuse to take it, like my matchless Madam,
They may be Sainted.
Jol.
I'll lose no more breath
In fruitless reprehension; look to't,
I'll have thee wear this habit of my mind,
As of my body.
Calyp.
Seek no other president:
In all the books of Amadis de Gaul,
The Palmerins, and that true Spanish story
The Mirror of Knighthood, which I have read often,
16
My Lady has no parallel.
Jol.
Do not provoke me.
If from this minute, thou ere stir abroad,
Write Letter or receive one, or presume
To look upon a man, though from a Window,
I'll chain thee like a slave in some dark corner;
Proscribe thy daily labor: Which omitted,
Expect the usage of a Fury from me,
Not an indulgent Mothers, Come Calypso.
Calyp.
Your Ladiships injunctions are so easie,
That I dare pawn my credit, my yong Lady
And her woman shall obey 'em.
Exeunt Jol. Calyp.
Mirtil.
You shall fry first
For a rotten peece of dry Touchwood, and give fire
To the great Fiends Nostrils, when he smokes Tobacco.
Note the injustice Madam; they would have us
Being yong and hungry, keep a perpetual Lent,
And the whole yeer to them a Carnivale.
Easie injunctions, with a mischief to you:
Suffer this, and suffer all.
Caliste.
Not stir abroad!
The use and pleasure of our eyes deny'd us?
Mirt.
Insufferable.
Cal.
Nor write, nor yet receive an amorous Letter!
Mirt.
Not to be endured.
Cal.
Nor look upon a man out of a Windore.
Mirt.
Flat tyranny, insupportable tyranny
To a Lady of your Blood.
Cal.
She is my Mother, & how I should decline it?
Mirt.
Run away from't, take any course.
Cal.
But without means Mirtilla, how shall we live?
Mirt.
What a question's that; as if
A bucksom Lady could want maintenance
17
Wine, Meat, or Money stirring.
Cal.
Be you more modest,
Or seek some other Mistress: Rather then
In a thought or dream, I will consent to ought
That may take from my honor, I'll endure
More then my Mother can impose upon me.
Mirt.
I grant your honor is a specious dressing,
But without conversation of men,
A kinde of nothing; I will not perswade you
To disobedience: Yet my Confessor told me
(And he you know is held a learned Clerk)
When Parents do enjoyn unnatural things,
Wise Children may evade 'em. She may as well
Command when you are hungry, not to eat,
Or drink, or sleep; and yet all these are easie
Compar'd with the not seeing of a man,
As I perswade no farther, but to you
There is no such necessity; you have means
To shun your Mothers rigor.
Cal.
Lawful means?
Mirt.
Lawful, and pleasing too, I will not urge
Caldoro's loyal love, you being averse to't,
Make tryal of Adorio.
Cal.
And give up my honor to his lust.
Mirt.
There's no such thing
Intended, Madam; in few words write to him
What slavish hours you spend under your Mother,
That you desire not present marriage from him,
But as a noble Gentleman to redeem you
From the tyranny you suffer. With your Letter
Present him some rich Jewel; you have one,
In which the Rape of Proserpine, in little
Is to the life express'd. I'll be the Messenger
With any hazard, and at my return,
Yeeld you a good accompt of't.
18
'Tis a business to be consider'd of.
Mirt.
Consideration, when the converse of your Lover is in question,
Is of no moment: If she would allow you
A Dancer in the morning to well breathe you,
A Songster in the afternoon, a Servant
To air you in the evening; give you leave
To see the Theater twice a week, to mark
How the old Actors decay, the young sprout up,
A fitting observation, you might bear it;
But not to see, or talk, or touch a man,
Abominable!
Calist:
Do not my blushes speak
How willingly I would assent?
Mirt:
Sweet Lady,
Do somthing to deserve 'em, and blush after.
Exeunt.
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