 | A New Way to Pay Old Debts |  |
Actus primus
Scena prima:
Welborne. Tapwell. Froth.Welborne.
No bouze? nor no Tobacco?
Tapwell.
Not a sucke Sir,
Nor the remainder of a single canne
Left by a drunken porter, all night palde too.
Froth.
Not the dropping of the tappe for your mornings draught, Sir,
'Tis veritie I assure you.
Welborne.
Verity, you brach!
The Diuell turn'd precisian? Rogue what am I?
Tapwell.
Troth durst I trust you with a looking glasse,
To let you see your trimme shape, you would quit me,
And take the name your selfe.
Welborne.
How! dogge?
Tapwell.
Euen so, Sir.
And I must tell you if you but aduance,
Your plimworth cloke, you shall be soone instructed
There dwells, and within call, if it please your worship,
A potent monarch, call'd the Constable,
That does command a Citadell, call'd the Stockes;
Whose guards are certaine files of rusty Billmen,
Such as with great dexterity will hale
Your tatter'd, louzie—
Rascall, slaue.
Froth.
No rage, Sir.
Tapwell.
At his owne perill, doe not put your selfe
In too much heate, there being no water neare
To quench your thirst, and sure for other liquor,
As mighty Ale, or Beere, they are things I take it
You must no more remember, not in a dreame Sir.
Wellborne.
Why thou vnthankefull villaine dar'st thou talke thus?
Is not thy house, and all thou hast my gift?
Tapwell.
I find it not in chalke, and Timothie Tapwell
Does keepe no other register.
Welborne.
Am not I Hee
Whose riots fed, and cloth'd thee? wert thou not
Borne on my fathers land, and proud to bee
A drudge in his house?
Tapwell.
What I was Sir, it skills not,
What you are is apparent. Now for a farewell;
Since you talke of father, in my hope it will torment you,
I'le briefly tell your story. Your dead father,
My quondam master, was a man of worship,
Old Sir John Wellborne, Iustice of peace, and quorum,
And stood faire to bee Custos rotulorum;
Bare the whole sway of the shire; kep't a great house;
Relieu'd the poore, and so forth; but Hee dying,
And the twelue hundred a yeare comming to you,
Late Master Francis, but now forlorne Welborne.
Welborne.
Slaue, stoppe, or I shall lose my selfe.
Froth.
Very hardly;
You cannot out of your way.
Tapwell.
But to my story.
You were then a Lord of Akers; the prime gallant;
And I your vnder-butler; note the change now.
You had a merry time of't. Hawkes, and Hounds,
With choice of running horses; Mistrisses
Of all sorts, and all sizes; yet so hot
As their embraces made your Lordships melt;
Which your Vncle Sir Giles Ouerreach obseruing,
On foolish mortgages, statutes, and bonds,
For a while suppli'd your loosenesse, and then left you.
Welborne.
Some Curate hath penn'd this inuectiue, mongrell,
And you haue studied it.
Tapwell.
I haue not done yet:
Your land gone, and your credit not worth a token,
You grew the common borrower, no man scap'd
Your paper-pelletts, from the Gentleman
To the beggers on high wayes, that sold you switches
In your gallantry.
Welborne.
I shall switch your braines out.
Tapwell.
Where poore Tim Tapwell with a little stocke
Some forty pounds or so, bought a small cottage,
Humbled my selfe to marriage with my Froth here;
Gaue entertainment.
Welborne.
Yes, to whores, and canters,
Clubbers by night.
Tapwell.
True, but they brought in profit,
And had a gift to pay for what they call'd for,
And stucke not like your mastership. The poore Income
I glean'd from them, hath made mee in my parish,
Thought worthy to bee Scauinger, and in time
May rise to be Ouerseer of the poore;
Which if I doe, on your petition Welborne,
I may allow you thirteene pence a quarter,
And you shall thanke my worship.
Welborne.
Thus you doggebolt,
And thus.
beates, and kicks him.
Tapwell.
Cry out for helpe.
Welborne.
Stirre and thou diest:
Your potent Prince the Constable shall not saue you.
Heare me vngratefull hell-hound; did not I
Make purses for you? Then you lick'd my bootes,
And thought your holy day cloke too course to cleane 'em.
'Twas I that when I heard thee sweare, if euer
Thou could'st arriue at forty pounds, thou would'st
Liue like an Emperour: 'twas I that gaue it,
Tapwell.
I must Sir,
For from the tauerne to the taphouse, all
On forfeiture of their licences stand bound,
Neuer to remember who their best guests were,
If they grew poore like you.
Welborne.
They are well rewarded
That begger themselues to make such cuckolds rich.
Thou viper thanklesse viper; impudent bawde!
But since you are grow'n forgetfull, I will helpe
Your memory, and tread thee into mortar:
Not leaue one bone vnbroken.
Tapwell.
Oh.
Froth.
Aske mercie.
Enter Allworth.
Welborne.
'Twill not be granted.
Alworth.
Hold, for my sake hold.
Deny mee, Franke? they are not worth your anger.
Welborne.
For once thou hast redeem'd them from this scepter:
His Cudgell.
But let 'em vanish, creeping on their knees,
And if they grumble, I reuoke my pardon.
Froth.
This comes of your prating husband, you presum'd
On your ambling wit, and must vse your glib tongue
Though you are beaten lame for't.
Tapwell.
Patience Froth.
There's law to cure our bruizes.
They goe off on their hands, and knees.
Welborne.
Sent to your mother?
Alworth.
My Lady, Franke, my patronesse! my all!
Shee's such a mourner for my fathers death,
And in her loue to him, so fauours mee,
That I cannot pay too much obseruance to her.
There are few such stepdames.
Welborne.
'Tis a noble widdow,
And keepes her reputation pure, and cleere
From the least taint of infamie; her life
With the splendour of her actions leaues no tongue
To Enuy, or Detraction, Prethee tell mee;
Alworth.
Euen the best of the shire, Franke,
My Lord excepted. Such as sue, and send,
And send, and sue againe, but to no purpose.
Their frequent visits haue not gain'd her presence;
Yet shee's so far from sullennesse, and pride,
That I dare vndertake you shall meete from her
A liberall entertainment. I can giue you
A catalogue of her suitors names.
Welborne.
Forbeare it,
While I giue you good counsaile. I am bound to it;
Thy father was my friend, and that affection
I bore to him, in right descends to thee;
Thou art a handsome, and a hopefull youth,
Nor will I haue the least affront sticke on thee,
If I with any danger can preuent it.
Alworth.
I thanke your noble care, but pray you in what?
Doe I run the hazard?
Welborne.
Art thou not in loue?
Put it not off with wonder.
Allworth.
In loue at my yeares?
Welborne.
You thinke you walke in clouds, but are transrent,
I haue heard all, and the choice that you haue made;
And with my finger can point out the North starre,
By which the loadstone of your follie's guided.
And to confirme this true, what thinke you of
Faire Margaret the only child, and heyre
Of Cormorant Ouerreach? does it blush? and start,
To heare her only nam'd? blush at your want
Of wit, and reason.
Alworth.
You are too bitter Sir.
Welborne.
Wounds of this nature are not to bee cur'd
With balmes, but corrosiues. I must bee plaine:
Art thou scarce manumiz'd from the porters lodge,
And yet sworne seruant to the pantophle,
And dar'st thou dreame of marriage? I feare
'Twill bee concluded for impossible,
That there is now, nor ere shall bee hereafter,
A handsome page, or players boy of fourteene,
Court-waiters not exempted.
Alworth.
This is madnesse.
How ere you haue discouer'd my intents,
You know my aimes are lawfull, and if euer
The Queene of flowers, the glory of the spring,
The sweetest comfort to our smell, the rose
Sprang from an enuious brier, I may inferre
There's such disparitie in their conditions,
Betweene the goddesse of my soule, the daughter,
And the base churle her father.
Welborne.
Grant this true
As I beleeue it; canst thou euer hope
To enioy a quiet bed with her, whose father
Ruin'd thy state?
Alworth.
And yours too.
Welborne.
I confesse it.
True I must tell you as a friend, and freely,
That where impossibilities are apparent,
'Tis indiscretion to nourish hopes.
Canst thou imagine, (let not selfe-loue blind thee)
That Sir Giles Ouerreach, that to make her great
In swelling titles, without touch of conscience,
Will cut his neighbours throate, and I hope his owne too;
Will ere consent to make her thine? Giue or'e
And thinke of some course sutable to thy rancke,
And prosper in it.
Alworth.
You haue well aduis'd me.
But in the meane time, you that are so studious
Of my affaires, wholly neglect your owne.
Remember your selfe, and in what plight you are.
Welborne.
No matter, no matter.
Alworth.
Yes, 'tis much materiall:
You know my fortune, and my meanes, yet something,
I can spare from my selfe, to helpe your wants.
Welborne.
How's this?
Alworth.
Nay bee not angry. There's eight peeces
To put you in better fashion.
Money from thee?
From a boy? a stipendary? one that liues
At the deuotion of a stepmother,
And the vncertaine fauour of a Lord?
Ile eate my armes first. Howsoe're blind fortune
Hath spent the vtmost of her malice on mee;
Though I am vomited our of an Alehouse,
And thus accoutred; know not where to eate,
Or drinke, or sleepe, but vnderneath this Canopie;
Although I thanke thee, I despise thy offer.
And as I in my madnesse broke my state,
Without th'assistance of anothers braine,
In my right wits Ile peece it; at the worst
Dye thus, and bee forgotten.
Alworth.
A strange humor.
Exeunt.
Scena secunda.
Order. Amble. Furnace. Watchall.Order.
Set all things right, or as my name is Order,
And by this staffe of office that commands you;
This chaine, and dubble ruffe, Symboles of power;
Who euer misses in his function,
For one whole weeke makes forfeiture of his breakefast,
And priuilege in the wine-seller.
Amble.
You are merrie
Furnace.
Let him; Ile bee angry.
Amble.
Why fellow Furnace, 'tis not twelue a clocke yet,
Nor dinner taking vp, then 'tis allow'd
Cookes by their places may bee cholericke.
Furnace.
You thinke you haue spoke wisely goodman Amble,
My Ladie's goe-before.
Order.
Nay, nay; no wrangling.
Furnace.
'Twit me with the Authority of the kitchin?
At all houres, and all places Ile be angrie;
And thus prouok'd, when I am at my prayers,
I will bee angry.
Amble.
There was no hurt meant.
Furnace.
I am friends with thee, and yet I will be angry.
Order.
With whom?
Furnace.
No matter whom: yet now I thinke on't
I am angrie with my Lady.
Watchall.
Heauen forbid, man.
Order.
What cause has she giuen thee?
Furnace.
Cause enough Master Steward.
I was entertain'd by her to please her palat,
And till she forswore eating I perform'd it.
Now since our master, noble Alworth died,
Though I cracke my braines to find out tempting sawces,
And raise fortifications in the pastrie,
Such as might serue for modells in the Low-Countries,
Which if they had beene practis'd at Breda,
Spinola might haue throwne his cap at it, & ne're tooke it.
Amble.
But you had wanted matter there to worke on.
Furnace.
Matter? with six egges, and a strike of rie-meale
I had kep't the Towne, till doomesday, perhaps longer.
Order.
But, what's this to your pet against my Lady?
Furnace.
What's this? Marrie this, when I am three parts rosted,
And the fourth part parboyld, to prepare her viands,
Shee keepes her chamber, dines with a panada,
Or water-gruell; my sweat neuer thought on.
But your art is seene in the dining-roome.
Furnace.
By whom?
By such as pretend loue to her, but come,
To feed vpon her. Yet of all the Harpies,
That doe deuoure her, I am out of charity
With none so much, as the thinne-gutted Squire
That's stolne into commission.
Order.
Iustice Greedy:
Furnace.
The same, the same. Meate's cast away vpon him,
It neuer thriues. He holds this Paradoxe,
Who eates not well, can ner'e doe iustice well:
His stomacke's as insatiate as the graue,
Or strumpetts rauenous appetites.
Watchall.
One knockes.
Alworth knockes, and enters.
Order.
Our late young master.
Amble.
Welcome, Sir.
Furnace.
Your hand,
If you haue a stomake, a cold bake-meate's ready.
Order.
His fathers picture in little.
Furnace.
We are all your seruants.
Amble.
In you he liues.
Alworth.
At once, my thankes to all
This is yet some comfort. Is my Lady stirring?
Order.
Her presence answer for vs.
Enter the Lady Alworth, Wayting woman, Chambermaid.
Lady.
Sort those silkes well?
Ile take the ayre alone.
Exeunt Waiting woman, and Chamber-maide.
Furnace.
You aire, and aire,
But will you neuer tast but spoonemeate more?
To what vse serue I?
Lady.
Prethee be not angry,
I shall er'e long: I'the meane time, there is gold
To buy thee aprons, and a sommer suite.
Furnace.
I am appeas'd, and Furnace now growes Cooke.
Lady.
And as I gaue directions, if this morning
I am visited by any, entertaine 'em
I am indispos'd.
Order.
I shall, Madam.
Lady.
Doe, and leaue me.
Nay stay you Alworth.
Alworth.
I shall gladly grow here,
To waite on your commands.
Exeunt Order. Amble, Furnace; Watchall.
Lady.
So soone turn'd Courtier.
Alworth.
Stile not that Courtship Madam, which is duty,
Purchas'd on your part.
Lady.
Well, you shall or'ecome;
Ile not contend in words. How is it with
Your noble master?
Alworth.
Euer like himselfe;
No scruple lessend in the full weight of honour,
He did command me (pardon my presumption)
As his vnworthy deputy to kisse
Your Ladyships faire hands.
Lady.
I am honour'd in
His fauour to mee. Does he hold his purpose
For the Low-Countreyes?
Alworth.
Constantly good Madam,
But he will in person first present his seruice.
Lad.
And how approue you of his course? you are yet,
Like virgin parchement capable of any
Inscription vitious, or honorable.
I will not force your will, but leaue you free
To your owne election.
Alworth.
Any forme, you please,
I will put on: but might I make my choice
With humble Emulation I would follow
The path my Lord markes to me.
Lady.
'Tis well answer'd,
And I commend your spirit: you had a father
(Bless'd bee his memory) that some few houres
Before the will of heauen tooke him from me,
Who did commend you, by the dearest tyes
And therefore what I speake, you are bound to heare
With such respect, as if he liu'd in me,
He was my husband, and how ere you are not
Sonne of my wombe, you may be of my loue,
Prouided you deserue it.
Allworth.
I haue found you
(Most honor'd Madam) the best mother to me,
And with my vtmost strengths of care, and seruice,
Will labour that you neuer may repent
Your bounties showr'd vpon me.
Lady.
I much hope it.
These were your fathers words. If ere my Sonne
Follow the warre, tell him it is a schoole
Where all the principles tending to honour,
Are taught if truly followed: But for such
As repaire thither, as a place, in which
They doe presume they may with licence practise
Their lusts, and riots, they shall neuer merit
The noble name of souldiers. To dare boldly
In a faire cause, and for the Countries safety
To runne vpon the cannons mouth vndaunted;
To obey their leaders, and shunne mutenies;
To beare, with patience, the winters cold,
And sommers scorching heate, and not to faint
When plenty of prouision failes, with hunger,
Are the essentiall parts make vp a souldier,
Not swearing dice, or drinking.
Alworth.
There's no syllable
You speake, but is to me an Oracle,
Which but to doubt, were impious.
Lady.
To conclude;
Beware ill company, for often men
Are like to those with whom they do conuerse,
And from one man I warn'd you, and that's Welborne:
Not cause Hee's poore, that rather claimes your pitty,
But that hee's in his manners so debauch'd,
And hath to vitious courses sold himselfe.
Worthy the louing, but if he had liu'd
To haue seene him as he is, he had cast him off
As you must doe.
Alworth.
I shall obey in all things.
Lady.
You follow me to my chamber, you shall haue gold
To furnish you like my sonne, and still supplied,
As I heare from you.
Alworth.
I am still your creature.
Exeunt.
Scena tertia.
Ouerreach. Greedie. Order. Amble. Furnace. Watchall. Marrall.Greedie.
Not to be seene?
Ouerreach.
Still cloistered vp? Her reason,
I hope assures her, though she make her selfe
Close prisoner euer for her husbands losse,
'Twill not recouer him.
Order.
Sir, it is her will,
Which we that are her seruants ought to serue it,
And not dispute. How ere, you are nobly welcome,
And if you please to stay, that you may thinke so;
There came not six dayes since from Hull, a pipe
For my Ladies honour.
Greedie.
Is it of the right race?
Order.
Yes, Master Greedie.
Amble.
How his mouth runs o're!
Furnace.
Ile make it run, and run. Saue your good worship.
Greedie.
Honest Master Cooke, thy hand, againe. How I loue thee:
Are the good dishes still in being? speake boy.
Furnace.
If you haue a minde to feed, there is a chine
Of beefe well seasoned.
Greedie.
Good!
Furnace.
A pheasant larded.
Greedie.
That I might now giue thanks for't.
Furnace.
Other Kukeshawes.
Besides there came last might from the forrest of Sherwood
The fattest stagge I euer cook'd.
Greedie.
A stagge man?
Furnace.
A stagge Sir part of it prepar'd for dinner,
And bak'd in puffpast.
Greedie.
Puffepast too, Sir Giles!
A ponderous chine of beefe! a pheasant larded!
And red deere too Sir Giles, and bak'd in puffepast!
All businesse set aside; let vs giue thankes here.
Furnace.
How the leane Sceleton's rap'd!
Ouerreach.
You know wee cannot.
Marrall.
Your Worships are to sit on a commission,
And if you faile to come, you lose the cause.
Greedie.
Cause me no causes. I'le proue't, for such a dinner
We may put off a commission: you shall find it
Henrici decimo quarto.
Ouerreach.
Fie Master Greedie.
Will you loose me a thousand pounds for a dinner?
No more for shame. We must forget the belly,
When we thinke of profit.
Greedy.
Well, you shall or'erule me
I could eu'n crie now. Doe you heare master Cooke.
And I, in thankefulnesse, will by your boy
Send you a brace of three-pences.
Furn.
Will you be so prodigall?
Enter Welborne.
Ouer.
Remember me to your Lady. Who haue wee here?
Welb.
You know me:
Ouer.
I did once, but now I will not,
Thou art no blood of mine. Auant thou begger,
If euer thou presume to owne me more;
Ile haue thee cag'd, and whipp'd.
Greed.
Ile grant the warrant,
Thinke of Piecorner, Furnace.
Exeunt Ouerreach. Greedie. Marrall.
Watch.
Will you out Sir?
I wonder how you durst creepe in.
Ord.
This is rudenesse,
And sawcie impudence.
Amb.
Cannot you stay
To be seru'd among your fellowes from the basket,
But you must presse in to the hall?
Furn.
Prethee vanish
Into some outhouse, thought it be the piggestie,
My skullion shall come to thee.
Enter Allworth.
Welb.
This is rare:
Oh here's Tom. Alworth Tom.
Alw.
We must be strangers,
Nor would I haue you seene here for a million.
Exit Alworth
Welb.
Better, and better. He contemnes mee too?
Enter Woman and Chambermaide.
Wom.
Foh what a smell's here! what thing's this?
Chamb.
A creature
Made out of the priuie. Let vs hence for loues sake,
Or I shall sowne.
Wom.
I beginne to faint already.
Exeunt woman, & Chambermaide.
Watch.
Will know your way?
Amb.
Or shall wee teach it you,
By the head, and shoulders?
Welb.
No: I will not stirre.
Doe you marke, I will not. Let me see the wretch
That dares attempt to force me. Why you slaues,
To carrie in a dish, and shift a trencher;
That haue not soules only to hope a blessing
Beyond blacke iackes, or flagons; you that were borne
Only to consume meate, and drinke, and batten
Vpon reuersions: who aduances? who
Shewes me the way?
Ord.
My Lady.
Enter Lady. Woman. Chambermaide.
Chamb.
Here's the Monster.
Wom.
Sweet Madam, keepe your gloue to your nose.
Chamb.
Or let me,
Fetch some perfumes may be predominant,
You wrong your selfe else.
Welb.
Madam, my designes
Beare me to you.
Lad.
To me?
Welb.
And though I haue met with
But ragged entertainment from your groomes here,
I hope from you to receiue that noble vsage,
As may become the true friend of your husband,
And then I shall forget these.
Lady.
I am amaz'd,
To see, and heare this rudenesse. Dar'st thou thinke
Though sworne, that it can euer find beleefe,
That I, who to the best men of this Countrey,
Deni'd my presence since my husbands death,
Can fall so low, as to change words with thee?
Thou Sonne of infamie, forbeare my house,
And know, and keepe the distance that's between vs,
Or, though it be against my gentler temper,
I shall take order you no more shall be
An eye-sore to me.
Welb.
Scorne me not good Lady;
But as in forme you are Angelicall
Imitate the heauenly natures, and vouchsafe
At the least awhile to heare me. You will grant
The blood that runs in this arme, is as noble
As that which fills your veines; those costly iewells,
And womens flatterie, are in you no vertues,
Nor these ragges, with my pouerty, in me vices.
You haue a faire fame, and I know deserue it,
Yet Lady I must say in nothing more,
Than in the pious sorrow you haue show'n
For your late noble husband.
Ord.
How she starts!
Furn.
And hardly can keepe finger from the eye
To heare him nam'd.
Lady.
Haue you ought else to say?
Welb.
That husband Madam, was once in his fortune
Almost as low, as I. Want, debts, and quarrells
Lay heauy on him: let it not be thought
A boast in me, though I say, I releeu'd him.
'Twas I that gaue him fashion; mine the sword
That did on all occasions second his;
I brought him on, and off with honour, Lady:
And when in all mens iudgements he was sunke,
And in his owne hopes not to be bung'd vp,
I step'd vnto him, tooke him by the hand,
And set him vpright.
Furn.
Are not wee base Rogues
That could forget this?
Welb.
I confesse you made him
Master of your estate, nor could your friends
Though he brought no wealth with him, blame you for't.
For he had a shape, and to that shape a minde
Made vp of all parts, either great, or noble,
So winning a behauiour, not to be
Resisted, Madam.
Lad.
'Tis most true, He had.
Welb.
For his sake then, in that I was his friend,
Doe not contemne me.
Lad.
For what's past, excuse me,
I will redeeme it. Order giue the Gentleman
A hundred pounds.
Welb.
No Madam, on no termes:
But be suppli'd elsewhere, or want thus euer.
Only one suite I make, which you deny not
To strangers: and 'tis this.
whispers to her.
Lad.
Fie, nothing else?
Welb.
Nothing; vnlesse you please to charge your seruants,
To throw away a little respect vpon mee.
Lad.
What you demand is yours.
Welb.
I thanke you, Lady.
Now what can be wrought out of such a suite,
Is yet in supposition; I haue said all,
When you please you may retire. Nay, all's forgotten,
And for a luckie Omen to my proiect,
Shake hands, and end all quarrells in the cellar.
Ord.
Agreed, Agreed.
Furn.
Still merry master Welborne.
Exeunt.
| A New Way to Pay Old Debts | |