 | A New Way to Pay Old Debts |  |
Actus secundi
Scena prima.
Ouerreach. Marrall.Overreach.
Hee's gone I warrant thee; this Commission crush'd him.
Marrall.
Your worship haue the way out, and ne're misse
To squeeze these vnthrifts into ayre: and yet
The chapp-falne Justice did his part, returning
For your aduantage the Certificate
Against his conscience, and his knowledge too,
Of the poore Farmer.
Ouer.
'Twas for these good ends
I made him a Iustice. He that bribes his bellie,
Is certaine to command his soule.
Mar.
I wonder
(Still with your licence) why, your Worship hauing
The power to put this thinne-Gut in commission,
You are not in't your selfe?
Ouer.
Thou art a foole;
In being out of Office I am out of danger
Where if I were a Iustice, besides the trouble,
I might, or out of wilfulnesse, or error,
Run my selfe finely into a Præmunire,
And so become a prey to the Informer.
No, I'le haue non of't; 'tis enough I keepe
Greedie at my deuotion: so he serue
My purposes, let him hang, or damne, I care not.
Friend-ship is but a word.
Mar.
You are all wisdome.
Ouer.
I would be worldly wise, for the other wisdome
That does prescribe vs a well-gouern'd life,
And to doe right to others, as our selues,
I value not an Atome.
Mar.
What course take you
With your good patience to hedge in the Mannour
Of your neighbour master Frugall? as 'tis sayd,
He will nor sell, nor borrow, nor exchange,
And his land lying in the mid'st of your many Lordshipps,
Is a foule blemish.
Ouer.
I haue thought on't, Marrall,
And it shall take. I must haue all men sellers,
And I the only Purchaser.
Mar.
'Tis most fit Sir.
Ouer.
I'le therefore buy some Cottage neare his, Mannour,
Which done, I'le make my men breake ope his fences;
Ride o're his standing corne, and in the night
Set fire on his barnes; or breake his cattells legges.
Which I can spare, but will soone begger Him.
When I haue harried him thus two, or three yeare,
Though he sue in forma pauperis, in spite
Of all his thrift, and care he'le grow behind-hand.
Mar.
The best I euer heard; I could adore you.
Ouer.
Then with the fauour of my man of Law,
I will pretend some title: Want will force him
To put it to arbitrement: then if he sell
For halfe the value, he shall haue ready money,
And I possesse his land.
Mar.
'Tis aboue wonder!
Welborne was apt to sell, and needed not
These fine arts Sir to hooke him in.
Ouer.
Well thought on.
This varlet Marrall liues too long, to vpbraide me
With my close cheate put vpon him. Will nor cold,
Nor hunger kill him?
Mar.
I know not what to thinke on't.
I haue vs'd all meanes, and the last night I caus'd
His host the Tapster to turne him out of doores;
And haue beene since with all your friends, and tenant's,
And on the forfeit of your fauour charg'd him,
Though a crust of mouldie bread would keep him frō staruing
Yet they should not relieue him. This is done, Sir.
Ouer.
That was something, Marrall, but thou must goe further,
And suddainely Marrall.
Mar.
Where, and when you please Sir.
Ouer.
I would haue thee seeke him out, and if thou canst
Perswade him that 'tis better steale, than begge.
Then if I proue he has but rob'd a Henroost,
Not all the world shall saue him from the gallowes.
Doe any thing to worke him to despaire,
And 'tis thy Masterpeece.
Mar.
I will doe my best, Sir.
Ouer.
I am now on my maine worke with the Lord Louell,
The gallant minded, popular Lord Louell;
Hee's come into the Country, and my aimes are
To insinuate my selfe into his knowledge,
And then inuite him to my house.
Mar.
I haue you.
This points at my young Mistris.
Ouer.
She must part with
That humble title, and write honourable,
Right honorable Marrall, my right honorable daughter;
If all I haue, or e're shall get will doe it.
I will haue her well attended, there are Ladies
Of errant Knights decay'd, and brought so low,
That for cast clothes, and meate, will gladly serue her.
And 'tis my glory, though I come from the Cittie,
To haue their issue, whom I haue vndone,
To kneele to mine, as bond-slaues.
Mar.
'Tis fit state, Sir.
Ouer.
And therefore, Ile not haue a Chambermaide
That tyes her shooes, or any meaner office,
But such whose Fathers were Right worshipfull.
'Tis a rich Mans pride, there hauing euer beene
More than a Fewde, a strange Antipathie
Betweene vs, and true Gentry.
Enter Welborne.
Mar.
See, who's here, Sir.
Ouer.
Hence monster; Prodigie.
Welb.
Sir your Wifes Nephew,
Shee, and my Father tumbled in one belly.
Ouer.
Auoid my sight, thy breath's infectious, Rogue.
I shun thee as a Leprosie, or the Plague.
Come hither Marrall, this is the time to worke him.
Mar.
I warrant you, Sir.
Exit Ouer.
Welb.
By this light I thinke hee's mad.
Mar.
Mad? had you tooke compassion on your selfe,
You long since had beene mad.
Welb.
You haue tooke a course
Betweene you, and my venerable Vncle,
To make me so.
Mar.
The more pale spirited you,
Welb.
By what?
Mar.
By my Religion.
Welb.
Thy religion!
The Diuells Creed, but what would you haue done?
Mar.
Had there beene but one tree in all the Shire,
Nor any hope to compasse a penny Halter,
Before, like you, I had outliu'd my fortunes,
A With had sern'd my turne to hang my selfe.
I am zealous in your cause: pray you hang your selfe,
And presently, as you loue your credit.
Welb.
I thanke you.
Mar.
Will you stay till you dye in a ditch? Or lice deuoure you?
Or if you dare not doe the feate your selfe,
But that you'le put the state to charge, and trouble,
Is there no purse to bee cut? house to be broken?
Or market Women with egges that you may murther,
And so dispatch the businesse.
Welb.
Heer's varietie
I must confesse; but I'le accept of none
Of all your gentle offers, I assure you.
Mar.
Why, haue you hope euer to eate againe?
Or drinke? Or be the master of three farthings?
If you like not hanging, drowne your selfe, take some course
For your reputation.
Welb.
'Twill not do; deare tempter,
With all the Rhetorike the fien'd hath taught you.
I am as farre as thou art from despaire,
Nay, I haue Confidence, which is more than Hope,
To liue, and suddainely better than euer.
Mar.
Ha! Ha! these Castles you build in the aire
Will not perswade me, or to giue, or lend
A token to you.
Welb.
Ile be more kind to thee.
Come thou shalt dine with me.
Mar.
With you.
Welb.
Nay more, dine gratis,
Vnder what hedge I pray you? Or at whose cost?
Are they Padders? or Abram-men, that are your consorts?
Welb.
Thou art incredulous, but thou shalt dine
Not alone at her house, but with a gallant Lady,
With mee, and with a Lady.
Mar.
Lady! what Lady?
With the Lady of the Lake, or Queene of Fairies?
For I know, it must be an inchanted dinner.
Welb.
With the Ladie Alworth, knaue.
Mar.
Nay, now there's hope
Thy braine is crack'd.
Welb.
Marke there, with what respect
I am entertain'd.
Mar.
With choice no doubt of Dogge-whippes.
Why doest thou euer hope to passe her Porter?
Welb.
'Tis not far off, go with me: trust thine owne eyes
Mar.
Troth in my hope, or my assurance rather
To see thee curuet, and mount like a Dogge in a blanket
If euer thou presume to passe her threshold,
I will endure thy company.
Welb.
Come along then.
Exeunt.
Scena secunda.
Alworth. Waiting-woman. Chambermaide. Order. Amble. Furnace. Watchall.Woman.
Could you not command your leasure one houre longer?
Chamberm.
Or halfe an houre?
Alw.
I haue told you what my hast is:
Besides being now anothers, not mine owne,
How e're I much desire to enioy you longer,
My duty suffers, if to please my selfe
I should neglect my Lord.
Wom.
Pray you doe me the fauour
To put these few Quince-cakes into your pocket,
They are of mine owne preseruing.
Chamb.
And this Marmulade;
'Tis comfortable for your stomacke,
Wom.
And at parting
Excuse me if I begge a farewell from you.
Chamb.
You are still before me. I moue the same suite Sir.
Kisses 'em seuerally.
Furn,
How greedie these Chamberers are of a beardlesse chinne!
I thinne the Titts will rauish him.
Alw.
My seruice
To both.
Wom.
Ours waites on you.
And shall doe euer.
Ord.
You are my Ladyes charge, be therefore carefull
That you sustaine your parts.
Wom.
We can beare I warrant you.
Exeunt Woman and Chambermaide.
Furn.
Here; drinke it off, the ingredients are cordiall,
And this the true Elixir; It hath boild
Since midnight for you. 'Tis the Quintessence
Of fiue Cockes of the game, ten dozen of Sparrowes,
Knuckells of Veale, Potato rootes, and Marrow;
Currall, and Ambergreece: were you two yeares elder,
And I had a Wife, or gamesame Mistrisse
I durst trust you with neither: You neede not baite
After this I warrant you; though your iourney's long,
You may ride on the strength of this till to morrow morning.
Alw.
Your courtesies ouerwhelme me: I much grieue
To part from such true friends, and yet find comfort;
My attendance on my honorable Lord
(Whose resolution holds to visit my Lady)
Will speedily bring me backe.
Knocking at the gate; Marrall and Welborne within.
Mar.
Dar'st thou venture further?
Welb.
Yes, yes, and knocke againe.
Ord.
'Tis he; disperse.
Amb.
Performe it brauely.
Furn.
I know my Cue, nere doubt me.
They go off seuerall wayes.
Watch.
Beast that I was to make you stay: most welcome,
You were long since expected.
Welb.
Say so much
To my friend I pray you.
Watch.
For your sake I will Sir.
Mar.
For his sake!
Welb.
Mum; this is nothing.
Mar.
More than euer,
I would haue beleeu'd though I had found it in my Primer.
Alw.
When I haue giu'n you reasons for my late harshnesse,
You'le pardon, and excuse me: for, beleeue me
I will deserue it.
Mar.
Seruice! with a vengeance!
Welb.
I am satisfied: farwell Tom.
Alw.
All ioy stay with you.
Exit Alw. Enter Amble.
Amb.
You are happily encounter'd: I yet neuer
Presented one so welcome, as I know
You will be to my Lady.
Mar.
This is some vision;
Or sure these men are mad, to worship a Dunghill;
It cannot be a truth.
Welb.
Be still a Pagan,
An vnbeleeuing Infidell, be so Miscreant,
And meditate on blanketts, and on dogge-whippes.
Enter Furnace.
Furn.
I am glad you are come, vntill I know your pleasure.
I knew not how to serue vp my Ladies dinner.
Mar.
His pleasure; is it possible?
Welb.
What's thy will?
Furn.
Marry Sir, I haue some Growse, and Turkie chicken,
Some Rayles, and Quailes, and my Lady will'd me aske you
What kind of sawces best affect your palat,
That I may vse my vtmost skill to please it.
Mar.
The Diuell's enter'd this cooke, sawce for his palat!
That on my knowledge, for almost this twelue month,
Durst wish but cheeseparings, and browne bread on Sundayes.
Welb.
That way I like 'em best.
Furn.
It shall be done Sir.
Exit Furnace.
Welb.
What thinke you of the hedge we shall dine vnder?
Shall we feed gratis?
Mar.
I know not what to thinke;
Pray you make me not mad.
Enter Order.
This place becomes you not;
Pray you walke Sir, to the dining roome.
Welb.
I am well here
'Till her Ladiship quitts her chamber.
Mar.
Well here say you?
'Tis a rare change! but yesterday you thought
Your selfe well in a Barne, wrapp'd vp in Pease-straw.
Enter Woman, and Chamber-maide.
Wom.
O Sir. you are wish'd for.
Chamb.
My Lady dream't Sir of you.
VVom.
And the first command she gaue, after she rose
Was (her deuotions donne) to giue her notice
When you approch'd here.
Chamb.
Which is done on my vertue.
Mar.
I shall be conuerted, I begin to grow
Into a new beleefe, which Saints, nor Angells
Could haue woone me to haue faith in.
VVom.
Sir, my Lady.
Enter Lady.
Lady.
I come to meete you, and languish'd till I saw you.
This first kisse is for for me; I allow a second
To such a friend.
Mar.
To such a friend! Heau'n blesse me!
VVelb.
I am wholly yours, yet Madam, if you please
To grace this Gentleman with a salute.
Mar.
Salute me at his bidding.
VVelb.
I shall receaue it
As a most high fauour.
Lady.
Sir, you may command me.
VVelb.
Run backward from a Lady? and such a Lady?
Mar.
To kisse her foote is to poore, me a fauour;
I am vnworthy of.—
(Offers to kisse her foote.
Lady.
Nay, pray you rise,
And since you are so humble, I'le exalt you
You shall dine with me to day, at mine owne table.
Mar.
Your Ladiships table? I am not good enough
To sit at your Stewards boord.
Lady.
You are too modest:
Enter Furnace.
Furn.
Will you still be babling;
Till your meate freeze on the table? the old tricke still.
My Art ne're thought on.
Lady.
Your arme, Master VVelborne:
Nay keep vs company.
Mar.
I was neuer so grac'd.
Exeunt VVelborne. Lady. Amble. Marrall. Woman.
Order.
So we haue play'd our parts, and are come off well.
But if I know the mistery, why my Lady
Consented to it, or why Master VVelborne
Desir'd it, may I perish.
Furn.
Would I had
The roasting of his heart, that cheated him
And forces the poore gentleman to these shiftes,
By Fire (for Cookes are Persians, and sweare by it)
Of all the griping, and extorting tyrants
I euer heard, or read of, I ne're met
A match to Sir Giles Ouerreach.
VVatch.
What will you take
To tell him so fellow Furnace?
Furn.
Iust as much
As my throate is worth, for that would be the price on't.
To haue a vsurer that starues himselfe,
And weares a cloke of one and twenty yeares
On a sute of fourteene groates, bought of the Hangman,
To grow rich, and then purchase, is too common:
But this Sir Giles feedes high, keepes many seruants,
Who must at his command doe any outrage;
Rich in his habit; vast in his expences;
Yet he to admiration still increases
In wealth, and Lordships.
Ord.
He frights men out of their Estates,
And breakes through all Law-netts, made to curbe ill men,
As they were cobwebbs. No man dares reproue him.
Such a spirit to dare, and power to doe, were neuer
Lodg'd so vnluckily.
Ha, ha; I shall burst.
Enter Amble.
Ord.
Containe thy selfe man.
Furn.
Or make vs partakers
Of your suddaine mirth.
Amb.
Ha, ha, my Lady has got
Such a guest at her table, this terme-driuer Marrall,
This suippe of an Attourney.
Furn.
What of him man?
Amb.
The knaue thinkes still hee's at the cookes shop in Ramme-alley,
Where the Clarkes diuide, and the Elder is to choose;
And feedes so slouenly.
Furn.
Is this all?
Amb.
My Lady
Dranke to him for fashion sake, or to please master VVelborne.
As I liue he rises, and takes vp a dish,
In which there were some remnants of a boild capon,
And pledges her in white broth.
Furn.
Nay, 'tis like,
The rest of his tribe.
Amb.
And when I brought him wine,
He leaues his stoole, and after a legge or two
Most humbly thankes my worship.
Ord.
Rose already.
Amb.
I shall be chid.
Enter Lady. Welborne. Marrall.
Furn.
My Lady frownes.
Lady.
You waite well.
Let me haue no more of this, I obseru'd your ieering.
Sirra, I'le haue you know, whom I thinke worthy
To sit at my table, be he ne're so meane,
When I am present, is not your companion.
Ord.
Nay, shee'le preserue what's due to her.
Furn.
This refreshing
Followes your flux of laughter.
Lady.
You are master.
Of your owne will. I know so much of manners
As not to enquire your purposes, in a word
That is your owne.
Velb.
Marke that.
Mar.
With reuerence Sir,
And it like your Worship.
Welb.
Trouble your selfe no farther,
Deare Madam; my heart's full of zeale, and seruice,
How euer in my language I am sparing.
Come master Marrall.
Mar.
I attend your Worship.
Exeunt Welb. Mar.
Lad.
I see in your lookes you are sorry, and you know me
An easy mistris: bee merry; I haue forgot all.
Order, and Furnace come with me, I must giue you
Further directions.
Ord.
What you please.
Furn.
We are ready.
Scena tertia.
Welborne. Marrall.Welborne.
I thinke I am in a good way.
Marrall.
Good Sir, the best way.
The certaine best way.
Welb.
There are casualties
That men are subiect too.
Mar.
You are aboue 'em,
And as you are already Worshipfull,
I hope e're long you will increase in Worship,
Welb.
Prethee doe not flowt mee.
What I shall be, I shall be. Is't for your ease,
You keepe your hat off?
Mar.
Ease, and it like your Worship?
I hope Jacke Marrall shall not liue so long,
To proue himselfe such an vnmannerly beast,
Though it haile Hazell Nutts, as to be couer'd
When your Worshipp's present.
Welb.
Is not this a true Rogue?
aside.
That out of meere hope of a future cosnage
Can turne thus suddainely: 'tis ranke already.
Mar.
I know your Worshipp's wise, and needs no counsell:
Yet if in my desire to doe you seruice,
I humbly offer my aduice, (but still
Vnder correction) I hope I shall not
Incurre your high displeasure.
Welb.
No; speake freely.
Mar.
Then in my iudgement Sir, my simple iudgement,
(Still with your Worshipps fauour) I could wish you
A better habit, for this cannot be,
But much distastfull to the noble Lady.
(I say no more) that loues you, for this morning
To me (and I am but a Swine to her)
Before th'assurance of her wealth perfum'd you;
You sauour'd not of amber.
VVelb,
I doe now then?
Kisses the end of his cudgell,
Mar.
This your Battoone hath got a touch of it.
Yet if you please for change I haue twenty pounds here
Which, out of my true loue I presently
Lay downe at your Worshipps feet: 'twill serue to buy you
A riding suite.
Welb.
But where's the horse?
Mar.
My Gelding
Is at your seruice: nay, you shall ride me
Before your Worship shall be put to the trouble
To walke a foote. Alas, when you are Lord
You may with the lease of glebe land, call'd knaues-acre,
A place I would manure, requite your vassall.
Welb.
I thanke thy loue: but must make no vse of it,
What's twenty pounds?
Mar.
'Tis all that I can make, Sir.
Welb.
Doest thou thinke though I want clothes I could not haue 'em,
For one word to my Lady?
Mar.
As I know not that.
Welb.
Come I'le tell thee a secret, and so leaue thee.
I'le not giue her the aduantage, though she be
A gallant minded Lady, after we are married
(There being no woman, but is sometimes froward)
To hit me in the teeth, and say she was forc'd
To buy my wedding clothes, and tooke me on
With a plaine Riding-suite, and an ambling Nagge.
No, I'le be furnish'd something like my selfe.
And so farewell; for thy suite touching
Knaues acre.
When it is mine 'tis thine.
Mar.
I thanke your Worship.
Exit Welb.
How was coozen'd in the calculation
Of this mans fortune, my master coozen'd too
Whose pupill I am in the art of undoing men,
For that is our profession; well, well, master Welborne
You are of a sweet nature, and fit againe to be cheated:
Which, if the fates please, when you are possess'd
Of the land, and Lady, you sans question shall be.
I'le presently thinke of the meanes.
Walke by masing, Enter Ouerreach.
Ouer.
Sirrha, take my horse.
I'le walke to get me an appetite? 'tis but a mile,
And Exercise will keep me, from being pursie.
Ha! Marrall! is he coniuring! perhaps
The knaue has wrought the prodigall to doe
Some outrage on himselfe, and now he feeles
Compunction in his conscience for't: no matter
So it be done, Marrall.
Marrall.
Sir.
How succeed we
In our plot on Welborne?
Mar.
Neuer better Sir.
Ouer.
Has he hang'd, or drown'd himselfe?
Mar.
No Sir, he liues.
Liues once more to be made a prey to you,
A greater prey than euer.
Ouer.
Art thou in thy witts?
If thou art reueale this miracle, and briefely.
Mar.
A Lady Sir, is falne in loue with him.
Ouer.
With him? what Lady?
Mar.
The rich Lady Alworth.
Ouer.
Thou Dolt; how dar'st thou speake this?
Mar.
I speake truth;
And I doe so but once a yeare, vnlesse
It be to you Sir, we din'd with her Ladyship,
I thanke his Worship.
Ouer.
His Worship!
Mar.
As I liue Sir;
I din'd with him, at the great Ladyes table,
Simple as I stand here, and saw when, she kiss'd him,
And would at his request, haue kiss'd me too,
But I was not so audacious, as some Youths are,
And dare do any thing be it ne're so absurd,
And sad after performance.
Ouer.
Why thou Rascall,
To tell me these impossibilities:
Dine, at her table? and kisse him? or thee?
Impudent Varlet. Haue not I my selfe
To whom great Countesses dores haue oft flew open,
Ten times attempted, since her husbands death
In vaine to see her, though I came—a suitor;
And yet your good Sollicitor-ship, and rogue—Welborne,
Were brought into her presence, feasted with her.
But that I know thee a Dogge, that cannot blush
This most incredible lye would call vp one
On thy buttermilke cheekes.
Mar.
Shall I not trust my eyes Sir?
Ouer.
You shall feele me, if you giue not ouer Sirra,
Recouer your braines agen, and be no more gull'd
With a beggers plot assisted by the aides
Of seruing men, and chambermaides; for beyound these
Thou neuer saw'st a Woman, or I'le quit you
From my imployments.
Mar.
Will you credit this yet?
On my confidence of their marriage I offer'd Welborne
(I would giue a crowne now, I durst say his worship)—
aside
My nagge, and twenty pounds.
Ouer.
Did you so I doe?
Strikes him downe,
Was this the way to worke him to despaire
Or rather to crosse me?
Mar.
Will your worship kill me?
Ouer.
No, no; but driue the lying spirit out of you.
Mar.
Hee's gone.
Ouer.
I haue done then: now forgetting,
Your late imaginerie feast, and Lady,
Know my Lord Louell dins with me to morrow,
Be carefull nought, be wanting to receaue him,
And bid my daughters women trimne her vp,
Though they paint her, so she catch the Lord, I'le thanke 'em,
There's a peece for my late blowes.
Mar.
I must yet suffer:
But there may be a time.— aside.
Ouer.
Doe you grumble?
Mar.
No Sir.
| A New Way to Pay Old Debts | |