 | The Widow A Comedie |  |
Actus 2.
Scæna 1.
Enter Valeria the Widow and a Servant.Val.
Servellio.
Ser.
Mistris.
Val.
If that fellow come agen,
Answer him without me: ile not speak with him.
Ser.
He in the Nutmeg colourd band forsooth.
Val.
I, that spic'd-Coxcomb Sir: Never may I marry agen
If his right worshipfull idolatrous face
Be not most fearfully painted, painted, so hope comfort me,
I might perceive it peel in many places,
And under's eye, lay a betraying fowlness,
As Maids sweep dust o'th' house, all to one corner,
It shewd me enough there, prodigious pride
That cannot but fall scornfully. I'm a woman,
Yet I praise heaven, I never had the ambition
To goe about to mend a better Workman,
She ever shames her self i'th' end, that do's it.
He that likes me not now, as heaven made me,
15
Nor lye every night like a Woodcock in past
To please some gaudy Goose i'th' morning:
A wise man likes that best, that is it self,
Not that which onely seems, though it look fairer;
Heaven send me one that loves me, and I'm happy,
Of whom ile make great tryall ere I have him,
Though I speak all men fair, and promise sweetly,
I learn that of my Suitors, 'tis their own,
Therefore injustice 'twere to keep it from 'em.
Enter Ricardo.
Ric.
And so as I said sweet Widow.
Val.
Doe you begin where you left Sir?
Ric.
I alwaies desire when I come to a Window, to begin i'th'
middle of a sentence, for I presume, she has a bad memory of a
woman that cannot remember what goes before.
Val.
Stay, stay Sir, let me look upon you well,
Are not you painted too?
Ric.
How, painted, Widow?
Val.
Not painted Widow, I doe not use it trust me Sir.
Ric.
That makes me love thee.
Val.
I mean painted Gentleman,
Or if you please to give him a greater stile Sir;
Blame me not Sir, its a dangerous age I tell you,
Poor simple dealing women had need look about'em.
Ric.
But is there such a fellow in the world, Widow,
As you are pleas'd to talk on?
Val.
Nay, here lately Sir.
Ric.
Here? a Pox, I think I smell him, 'tis Vermillion sure, ha:
oil of Ben, doe but show him me Widow, and let me never hope
for comfort, if I doe not immediatly gueld him, and grind his
face upon one o'th' stones.
Val.
Suffices y'have exprest me your love and valour, and manly
hate against that unmanly pride: but Sir, ile save you that labour,
he never comes within my dore agen.
Ric.
Ile love your dore the better while I know't Widow; a
pair of such Brothers were fitter for Postes without dore indeed,
to make a shew at a new-chosen Magistrates, than to be us'd
in a Womans Chamber: No, sweet Widow, having me, y'have
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what you see, or not see, shall be yours: I ever hated to be beholding
to art, or to borrow any thing but money.
[Francisco and Attilio: stand unseen.]
Val.
True, and that you never use to pay agen.
Ric.
What matter i'st? if you be pleas'd to do't
For me, I hold it as good.
Val.
Oh, soft you Sir I pray.
Ric.
Why 'yfaith you may and you will.
Val.
I know that Sir.
Ric.
Troth, and I would have my will then if I were as you.
Ther's few women else but has.
Val.
But since I cannot hav't in all Signior, I care not to have
it in any thing.
Ric.
Why you may hav't in all, and you will Widow.
Val.
Pish, I would have one that loves me for my self Sir,
Not for my wealth: and that I cannot have.
Ric.
What say you to him that do's the thing you wish for?
Val.
Why here's my hand, ile marry none but him then.
Ric.
Your hand, and faith.
Val.
My hand, and faith.
Ric.
'Tis I then.
Val.
I shalbe glad on't trust me: shrew my heart else.
Ric.
A match.
[Enter Francisco and Attilio.]
Fra.
Give you joy, sweet Widow.
At.
Joy to you both.
Val.
How?
Ric.
Nay, ther's no starting now, I have you fast Widow,
You'r witness Gentlemen.
Fra., Att.
Wee'l be depos'd on't.
Val.
Am I betraid to this then? then I see
'Tis for my wealth; a womans wealth's her Traitour.
Ric.
'Tis for love chiefly, I protest sweet Widow,
I count wealth but a fiddle to make us merry.
Val.
Hence.
Ric.
Why thou'rt mine.
Val.
I doe renonunce it utterly.
Ric.
Have I not hand and faith?
Val.
Sir, take your course.
Ric.
With all my heart; ten courses and you will Widow.
Val.
Sir, Sir, I'm not so gamesome as you think me,
17
Ric.
By Law? O cruell merciless woman,
To talk of law, and know I have no money.
Val.
I will consume my self to the last stamp,
Before thou gett'st me.
Ric.
'Life, ile be as wilfull then too: Ile rob all the Carriers
in Christendome, but ile have thee, and find my Lawyers money:
I have too proud a heart, and love thee better.
Val.
As for you Gentlemen, ile take course against you;
You came into my house without my leave;
Your practices are cunning, and deceitfull;
I know you not, and I hope law will right me.
Ric.
It is sufficient that your husband knows 'em,
'Tis not your business to know every man,
An honest wife contents her self with one.
Val.
You know what you shall trust to, pray depart Sir,
And take your rude confederates along with you,
Or I will send for those shall force your absence:
I'm glad I found your purpose out so soon.
How quickly may poor women be undone.
Ric.
Lose thee? by this hand ile see fifteen Counsellours
first, though, I undoe a hundred poor men for 'em, and ile make
'em yaul one an other deaf, but ile have thee.
Val.
Me?
Ric.
Thee.
Val.
I, fret thy heart out.
Exit.
Fra.
Were I he now
Il'd see thee starve for man before I had thee.
Val.
Pray counsell him to that Sir, and ile pay you well.
Fra.
Pay me? pay your next husband.
Val.
Doe not scorn't gallant: a worse woman than I,
Has paid a better man than you.
Enter two old Suiters.
1
Why how now sweet Widow?
Val.
Oh kind Gentlemen,
I am so abus'd here.
Ambo.
Abus'd?
Val.
What will you doe Sirs? put up your weapons.
2 Suiter.
Nay, they'r not so easily drawn, that I must tell you
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Widow, 'twould not be long a drawing. Abus'd? by whom
Widow?
Val.
Nay, by a begger.
2 Suiter.
A begger? Ile have him whipt then, and sent to the
house of Correction.
Val.
Ricardo Sir.
2 Suiter.
Ricardo? nay by'th' masse he's a Gentleman begger,
he'l be hang'd before he be whipt. Why you'l give me leave
to clap him up I hope?
Val.
'Tis too good for him; that's the thing he would have,
He would be clapt up whether I would or no methinks;
Plac'd two of his companions privatly,
Unknown to me, on purpose to entrap me
In my kind answers, and at last stole from me,
That which I fear will put me to some trouble,
A kind of verball curtesie, which his witnesses
And he forsooth call by the name of contract.
1 Suiter.
O politick villain,
Val.
But I am resolv'd Gentlemen,
If the whole power of my estate can cast him,
He never shall obtain me.
2 Suiter.
Hold you there Widow,
Well fare your heart for that y'faith.
1 Suiter.
Stay, stay, stay,
You broke no gold between you?
Val.
We broke nothing Sir.
1 Suiter.
Nor drunck to one an other?
Val.
Not a drop Sir.
1 Suiter.
Y'are sure of this you speak?
Val.
Most certain Sir.
1 Suiter.
Be of good comfort wench, ile undertake then
At mine own charge to overthrow him for thee.
Val.
O doe but that Sir, and you bind me to you,
Here shall I try your goodness. I'm but a woman,
And alas, ignorant in Law businesses,
Ile bear the charge most willingly.
1 Suiter.
Not a penny,
Thy love will reward me.
Val.
And where love must be,
19
1 Suiter.
All comes to one, sweet Widow.
2 Suiter.
Are you so forward?
1 Suiter.
I know his mates Attilio and Francisco,
Ile get out process and and attach 'em all,
Wee'l begin first with them.
Val.
I like that, strangely.
1 Suiter.
I have a daughter run away I thank her,
Ile be a scourge to all youth for her sake:
Some of 'em has got her up.
Val.
Your daughter? what Sir? Martia.
1 Suiter.
I, a shake wed her,
I would have married her to a wealthie Gentleman,
No older than my self, she was like to be shrewdly hurt Widow.
Val.
It was too happy for her.
1 Suiter.
I'm of thy mind.
Farewell sweet Widow, ile about this strait,
Ile have 'em all three put into one Writ,
And so save charges.
Val.
How I love your providence.
Exit. 1 Suiter.
2 Suiter.
Is my Nose board? Ile cross ye both for this,
Although it cost me as much o'th' other side,
I have enough, and I will have my humour.
I may get out of her, what may undoe her too;
Hark you sweet Widow, you must now take heed,
You be of a sure ground, hee'l overthrow your else.
Val.
Marry fair hope forbid.
2 Suiter.
That will he: mary le'me see, le'me see: pray how
far past it between you and Ricardo?
Val.
Farther Sir
Than I would now it had, but I hope well yet.
2 Suiter.
Pray let me hear't: I've a shrewd ghesse o'th' Law.
Val.
Faith Sir, I rashly gave my hand and faith
To marry none but him.
2 Suiter.
Indeed?
Val.
I, trust me Sir.
2 Suiter.
I'm very glad on't, I'm an other witness,
And he shall have you now.
Val.
What said you Sir.
2 Suiter.
He shall not want money in an honest cause Widow,
20
Val.
Are all the world betrayers.
2 Suiter.
Pish, pish, Widow.
Y'have borne me in hand this three months, and now fobd me
I've known the time when I could please a woman,
Ile not be laught at now; when I'm crost, I'm a Tiger;
I have enough, and I will have my humour.
Val.
This only shows your malice to me Sir,
The world knows you ha' small reason to help him,
So much in your debt already.
2 Suiter.
Therefore I do't,
I have no way but that to help my self;
Though I lose you, I will not lose all Widow;
He marrying you, as I will follow't for him,
Ile make you pay his debts, or lye without him.
Val.
I lookd for this from you.
Exit.
2 Suiter.
I ha' not deceiv'd you then:
Fret, vex, and chafe, I'm obstinate where I take.
Ile seek him out, and cheer him up, against her,
I ha' no charge at all, no child of mine own,
But two I got once of a scowring woman,
And they'r both well provided for, they'r i'th' Hospitall:
I have ten thousand pound to bury me, and I will have my humour.
Exit.
Scæna 2.
Enter Francisco.Fra.
A man must have a time to serve his pleasure,
As well as his dear Friend, I'm forc'd to steal from 'em,
To get this night of sport for mine own use:
What says her amiable witty letter here?
'Twixt nine and ten, now 'tis 'twixt six and seaven,
As fit as can be; he that follows Lecherie,
Leaves all at six and seaven, and so doe I me thinks:
Sun sets at eight, its 'bove an hour high yet,
Some fifteen mile have I before I reach her,
But I've an excellent horse; and a good gallop,
Helps man as much as a provoking Banquet.
[Enter 1 Suiter with Officers.]
1 Suiter.
Here's one of 'em, begin with him first Officers.
Officer.
By vertue of this writ we attach your body Sir.
Fra.
My body? 'life, for what?
1 Suiter.
Hold him fast Officers.
21
The least of us can do't, now his Sword's off Sir,
We have a trick of hanging upon Gentlemen,
We never lose a man.
Fra.
O treacherous fortune,
Why what's the cause?
1 Suiter.
The Widow's business Sir,
I hope you know me?
Fra.
For a busie Coxcomb,
This fifteen year, I take it.
1 Suiter.
Oh y'ar mad Sir,
Simple though you make me, I stand for the Widow.
Fra.
She's simply stood for then: what's this to me Sir,
Or she, or you, or any of these flesh-hooks?
1 Suiter.
Y'ar like to find good bayl before you leave us,
Or lye till the Suit's tride.
Fra.
O my loves misery.
1 Suiter.
I'm put in trust to follow't, and Ile do't with all
severitie;
[Enter Ricardo and Attilio.]
Fra.
How I would curss my self.
Ric.
Look, here's Francisco,
Will you believe me, now you see his qualities?
Attilio.
'Tis strange to me.
Ric.
I tell you 'tis his fashion,
He never stole away in's life from me,
But still I found him in such scurvie Companie;
A pox on thee Francisco wilt never leave thy old
Tricks, are these lowsy Companions for thee?
Fra.
Pish, pish, pish.
1 Suiter.
Here they be all three now: 'prehend 'em Officers.
Ric.
What's this?
Fra.
I gave you warning enough to make away,
I'm in for the Widows business, so are you now.
Ric.
What, all three in a nooze? this is like a Widows business
indeed.
1 Suiter.
Sh'as catchd you Gentlemen, as you catchd her,
The Widow means now, to begin with you Sir.
Ric.
I thank her heartily, sh'as taught me wit: for had I been
any but an ass, I should ha' begun with her indeed: by this light,
the Widows a notable House-wife, she bestirs her self, I have a
22
for one I love better I protest, that's one good comfort,
And what are you I pray Sir, for a Coxcomb?
1 Suiter.
It seems you know me by your anger Sir.
Ric.
I've a neer ghess at you Sir.
1 Suiter.
Ghess what you please Sir,
I'm he ordaind to trounce you, and indeed
I am the man must carry her.
Ric.
I, to me.
But Ile swear she's a beast, and she carry thee.
1 Suiter.
Come, wher's your Bail Sir, quickly, or away.
Ric.
Sir, I'm held wrongfully, my Bayls taken already.
1 Suiter.
Where i'st Sir, where?
[Enter 2 Suiter.]
Ric.
Here they be both: pox on you, they were taken before
I'd need of 'em, and you be honest Officers let's Bail one another,
for by this hand, I doe not know who will else:—'odds' light is
he come too? I'm in for midnight then, I shall never find the way
out agen: my debts, my debts:
1 Suiter.
We have him fast old Signior, and his Consorts,
Now you may lay action on action on him.
2 Suiter.
That may I Sir, y'faith.
1 Suiter.
And I'ld not spare him Sir.
2 Suiter.
Know you me Officers?
Officer.
Your bounteous worship Sir.
Ric.
I know the rascall so well, I dare not look upon him.
2 Suiter.
Upon my worth deliver me that Gentleman.
Fra.
Which Gentleman?
2 Suiter.
Not you Sir, y'ar too hastie;
No, nor you neither Sir: pray stay your time.
Ric.
Ther's all but I now, and I dare not think he means me.
2 Suiter.
Deliver me Ricardo.
Ric.
O sure he lyes,
Or else I doe not hear well.
Officer.
Signior Ricardo.
Ric.
Well, what's the matter? you may goe, who let's you?
Officer.
It is his worships pleasure Sir to Bayl you.
Ric.
Bayl me?
2 Suiter.
I will, I Sir, look in my face man,
Thou'st a good cause, thoul't pay me when thour't able?
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I, every penny, as I am a Gentleman.
2 Suiter.
No matter if thou do'st not, then, Ile make thee,
And that's as good at all times.
1 Suiter.
But I pray Sir,
You goe against the Hair there.
2 Suiter.
Against the Widow you mean Sir,
Why 'tis my purpose truly, and against you too,
I saw your politick Combination,
I was thrust out between you: here stands one
Shall doe as much for you, and he stands rightest,
His cause is strong and fair, nor shall he want
Money, or means, or friends, but he shall have her,
I've enough, and I will have my humour.
1 Suiter.
Hang thee; I have a purss as good as thine.
Ric.
I think they'r much alike, they'r rich knaves both.
'Heart, and I take your rayling at my Patron Sir,
Ile cramp your joynts.
2 Suiter.
Let him alone sweet honey,
I thank thee for thy love though.
Ric.
This is wonderfull.
Fra.
Oh Ricardo,
'Tis seaven, struck in my pocket: I lose time now.
Ric.
What sayst Francisco?
Fra.
I ha' mighty business,
That I ne'r thought on: get me Baild, I'm spoild else.
Ric.
Why you know, 'tis such a strange miraculous curtesie,
I dare not be too forward, to aske more of him,
For fear he repent this, and turn me in agen.
Fra.
Doe somewhat and you love me.
Ric.
Ile make tryall 'faith
May't please you Sir:—'life if I should spoil all now?
2 Suiter.
What sayst Ricardo?
Ric.
Only a thing by 'th'way Sir,
Use your own pleasure.
2 Suiter.
That I like well from thee.
Ric.
'Twere good, and those two Gentlemen were Bayld too,
They'r both my witnesses.
2 Suiter.
They'r well, they'r well;
And they were Bayld, we know not where to find 'em,
Let 'em goe to prison, they'l be forth-comming the better,
24
Ric.
I knew there was no more good to be done upon him,
'Tis well I've this, heav'n knows I never lookt for't.
Fra.
What plaguy luck had I to be ensnar'd thus?
Officer.
O, patience.
[Enter Brandino and Martino.]
Fra.
Pox O your comfortable ignorance.
Bran.
Martino, we ride slow.
Mar.
But we ride sure Sir,
Your hastie riders often come short home Mr.
Bran.
'Bless this fair companie.
Fra.
Here he's agen too,
I am both sham'd, and cross'd.
Bran.
See'st thou who's yonder, Martino?
Mar.
We ride slow, ile besworn now Mr.
Bran.
How now Francisco, art thou got before me?
Fra.
Yes, thank my fortune, I am got before you.
Bran.
What no? in hold?
Ric.
I, o' my troth poor Gentleman,
Your worship Sir, may doe a good deed to Bayl him.
Bran.
Why doe not you do't then?
Mar.
La you Sir now, my Mr. h'as that honestie
He's loth to take a good deed from you Sir.
Ric.
Ile tell you why I cannot, else I would Sir.
Fra.
Luck I beseech thee,
If he should be wrought to Bail me now, to goe to
His wife, 'twere happiness beyond expression.
Bran.
A matter but of controversie.
Ric.
That's all, trust me Sir.
Bran.
Francisco shall ne'r lye for't; he's my friend,
And I will Bayl him.
Mar.
He's your secret friend Mr.
Think upon that.
Bran.
Give him his liberty Officers,
Upon my perill, he shalbe forth comming.
Fra.
How I am bound to you?
1 Suiter.
Know you whom you cross Sir?
'Tis at your Sisters sute, be well advis'd Sir,
Bran.
How, at my Sisters sute? take him agen then.
Fra.
Why Sir, doe you refuse me?
Bran.
Ile not hear thee.
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This is unkindly done sir.
1 suter.
'Tis wisely done sir.
2 suter.
Well shot, foul malice.
1 suter.
Flattery stinks worse sir.
Ric.
You'l never leave till I make you stink as bad sir.
Fran.
Oh Martino, have I this for my late kindness?
Mar.
Alas poor Gentleman, dost complain to me?
Thou shalt not fare the worse for't: Hark you Master,
Your sisters sute said you?
Bran.
I sir, my wifes sister.
Mar.
And shall that dant you Master? think agen,
Why wer't your mothers sute; your mothers sute,
Mark what I say, the dearest sute of all sutes,
You'r bound in conscience sir to bayl this Gentleman.
Bra.
Yea, am I so, how proov'st thou that Martino?
Mar.
Have you forgot so soon, what he did lately?
Has he not tri'd your wife to your hand master?
To cut the throat of slander and suspition;
And can you do too much for such a man?
Shall it be said, I serve an ingratfull master?
Bran.
Never Martino; I will bayl him now,
And 'twere at my wives sute.
Fra.
'Tis like to be so.
Mar.
And I his friend, to follow your example Mr.
Fra.
Precious Martino.
1 suter.
Y'ave done wondrous well sir.
Your sister shall give you thanks.
Ric.
This makes him mad sir.
2 suter.
Wee'l follow't now toth' proof.
1 suter.
Follow your humour out,
The widdow shall find friends.
2 suter.
And so shall he sir,
Mony and means.
Ric.
Hear you me that old huddle.
2 suter.
Mind him not, follow me and ile supply thee,
Thou shalt give all thy Lawyers double fees,
I've burryed mony enough to burry me,
And I will have my humour.
Exit.
Bran.
Fare thee well once again my dear Francisco,
I prethee use my house.
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It is my purpose sir.
Bran.
Nay you must do't then; though I am old, I'm free.
Exit.
Mar.
And when you want a warrant, come to me.
Exit.
Fra.
That will be shortly now, within this few hours.
This fell out strangely happy. Now to horse,
I shall be nighted; but an hour or two
Never breaks square in love; he comes in time
That comes at all; absence is all loves crime.
Exit.
Finis Actus Secundi.
| The Widow A Comedie | |