University of Virginia Library

Scæna 1.

Enter Valeria the Widow and a Servant.
Val.
Servellio.

Ser.
Mistris.

Val.
If that fellow come agen,
Answer him without me: ile not speak with him.

Ser.
He in the Nutmeg colourd band forsooth.

Val.
I, that spic'd-Coxcomb Sir: Never may I marry agen
If his right worshipfull idolatrous face
Be not most fearfully painted, painted, so hope comfort me,
I might perceive it peel in many places,
And under's eye, lay a betraying fowlness,
As Maids sweep dust o'th' house, all to one corner,
It shewd me enough there, prodigious pride
That cannot but fall scornfully. I'm a woman,
Yet I praise heaven, I never had the ambition
To goe about to mend a better Workman,
She ever shames her self i'th' end, that do's it.
He that likes me not now, as heaven made me,
I will never hazard hell to doe him a pleasure;
Nor lye every night like a Woodcock in past
To please some gaudy Goose i'th' morning:
A wise man likes that best, that is it self,
Not that which onely seems, though it look fairer;
Heaven send me one that loves me, and I'm happy,
Of whom ile make great tryall ere I have him,
Though I speak all men fair, and promise sweetly,
I learn that of my Suitors, 'tis their own,
Therefore injustice 'twere to keep it from 'em.

Enter Ricardo.
Ric.
And so as I said sweet Widow.

Val.
Doe you begin where you left Sir?

Ric.

I alwaies desire when I come to a Window, to begin i'th'
middle of a sentence, for I presume, she has a bad memory of a
woman that cannot remember what goes before.

Val.
Stay, stay Sir, let me look upon you well,
Are not you painted too?

Ric.
How, painted, Widow?

Val.
Not painted Widow, I doe not use it trust me Sir.

Ric.
That makes me love thee.

Val.
I mean painted Gentleman,
Or if you please to give him a greater stile Sir;
Blame me not Sir, its a dangerous age I tell you,
Poor simple dealing women had need look about'em.

Ric.
But is there such a fellow in the world, Widow,
As you are pleas'd to talk on?

Val.
Nay, here lately Sir.

Ric.

Here? a Pox, I think I smell him, 'tis Vermillion sure, ha:
oil of Ben, doe but show him me Widow, and let me never hope
for comfort, if I doe not immediatly gueld him, and grind his
face upon one o'th' stones.

Val.

Suffices y'have exprest me your love and valour, and manly
hate against that unmanly pride: but Sir, ile save you that labour,
he never comes within my dore agen.

Ric.

Ile love your dore the better while I know't Widow; a
pair of such Brothers were fitter for Postes without dore indeed,
to make a shew at a new-chosen Magistrates, than to be us'd
in a Womans Chamber: No, sweet Widow, having me, y'have

the truth of a man, all that you see of me, is full mine own, and
what you see, or not see, shall be yours: I ever hated to be beholding
to art, or to borrow any thing but money.

[Francisco and Attilio: stand unseen.]
Val.
True, and that you never use to pay agen.

Ric.
What matter i'st? if you be pleas'd to do't
For me, I hold it as good.

Val.
Oh, soft you Sir I pray.

Ric.
Why 'yfaith you may and you will.

Val.
I know that Sir.

Ric.
Troth, and I would have my will then if I were as you.
Ther's few women else but has.

Val.

But since I cannot hav't in all Signior, I care not to have
it in any thing.

Ric.
Why you may hav't in all, and you will Widow.

Val.
Pish, I would have one that loves me for my self Sir,
Not for my wealth: and that I cannot have.

Ric.
What say you to him that do's the thing you wish for?

Val.
Why here's my hand, ile marry none but him then.

Ric.
Your hand, and faith.

Val.
My hand, and faith.

Ric.
'Tis I then.

Val.
I shalbe glad on't trust me: shrew my heart else.

Ric.
A match.

[Enter Francisco and Attilio.]
Fra.
Give you joy, sweet Widow.

At.
Joy to you both.

Val.
How?

Ric.
Nay, ther's no starting now, I have you fast Widow,
You'r witness Gentlemen.

Fra., Att.
Wee'l be depos'd on't.

Val.
Am I betraid to this then? then I see
'Tis for my wealth; a womans wealth's her Traitour.

Ric.
'Tis for love chiefly, I protest sweet Widow,
I count wealth but a fiddle to make us merry.

Val.
Hence.

Ric.
Why thou'rt mine.

Val.
I doe renonunce it utterly.

Ric.
Have I not hand and faith?

Val.
Sir, take your course.

Ric.
With all my heart; ten courses and you will Widow.

Val.
Sir, Sir, I'm not so gamesome as you think me,
Ile stand you out by law.

Ric.
By Law? O cruell merciless woman,
To talk of law, and know I have no money.

Val.
I will consume my self to the last stamp,
Before thou gett'st me.

Ric.

'Life, ile be as wilfull then too: Ile rob all the Carriers
in Christendome, but ile have thee, and find my Lawyers money:

I scorn to get thee under forma pauperis,
I have too proud a heart, and love thee better.

Val.
As for you Gentlemen, ile take course against you;
You came into my house without my leave;
Your practices are cunning, and deceitfull;
I know you not, and I hope law will right me.

Ric.
It is sufficient that your husband knows 'em,
'Tis not your business to know every man,
An honest wife contents her self with one.

Val.
You know what you shall trust to, pray depart Sir,
And take your rude confederates along with you,
Or I will send for those shall force your absence:
I'm glad I found your purpose out so soon.
How quickly may poor women be undone.

Ric.

Lose thee? by this hand ile see fifteen Counsellours
first, though, I undoe a hundred poor men for 'em, and ile make
'em yaul one an other deaf, but ile have thee.

Val.
Me?

Ric.
Thee.

Val.
I, fret thy heart out.

Exit.
Fra.
Were I he now
Il'd see thee starve for man before I had thee.

Val.
Pray counsell him to that Sir, and ile pay you well.

Fra.
Pay me? pay your next husband.

Val.
Doe not scorn't gallant: a worse woman than I,
Has paid a better man than you.

Enter two old Suiters.
1
Why how now sweet Widow?

Val.
Oh kind Gentlemen,
I am so abus'd here.

Ambo.
Abus'd?

Val.
What will you doe Sirs? put up your weapons.

2 Suiter.

Nay, they'r not so easily drawn, that I must tell you

you, mine has not been out this three ears; mary in your cause
Widow, 'twould not be long a drawing. Abus'd? by whom
Widow?

Val.

Nay, by a begger.

2 Suiter.

A begger? Ile have him whipt then, and sent to the
house of Correction.

Val.

Ricardo Sir.

2 Suiter.

Ricardo? nay by'th' masse he's a Gentleman begger,
he'l be hang'd before he be whipt. Why you'l give me leave
to clap him up I hope?

Val.
'Tis too good for him; that's the thing he would have,
He would be clapt up whether I would or no methinks;
Plac'd two of his companions privatly,
Unknown to me, on purpose to entrap me
In my kind answers, and at last stole from me,
That which I fear will put me to some trouble,
A kind of verball curtesie, which his witnesses
And he forsooth call by the name of contract.

1 Suiter.
O politick villain,

Val.
But I am resolv'd Gentlemen,
If the whole power of my estate can cast him,
He never shall obtain me.

2 Suiter.
Hold you there Widow,
Well fare your heart for that y'faith.

1 Suiter.
Stay, stay, stay,
You broke no gold between you?

Val.
We broke nothing Sir.

1 Suiter.
Nor drunck to one an other?

Val.
Not a drop Sir.

1 Suiter.
Y'are sure of this you speak?

Val.
Most certain Sir.

1 Suiter.
Be of good comfort wench, ile undertake then
At mine own charge to overthrow him for thee.

Val.
O doe but that Sir, and you bind me to you,
Here shall I try your goodness. I'm but a woman,
And alas, ignorant in Law businesses,
Ile bear the charge most willingly.

1 Suiter.
Not a penny,
Thy love will reward me.

Val.
And where love must be,
It is all but one purse now I think on't.

1 Suiter.
All comes to one, sweet Widow.

2 Suiter.
Are you so forward?

1 Suiter.
I know his mates Attilio and Francisco,
Ile get out process and and attach 'em all,
Wee'l begin first with them.

Val.
I like that, strangely.

1 Suiter.
I have a daughter run away I thank her,
Ile be a scourge to all youth for her sake:
Some of 'em has got her up.

Val.
Your daughter? what Sir? Martia.

1 Suiter.
I, a shake wed her,
I would have married her to a wealthie Gentleman,
No older than my self, she was like to be shrewdly hurt Widow.

Val.
It was too happy for her.

1 Suiter.
I'm of thy mind.
Farewell sweet Widow, ile about this strait,
Ile have 'em all three put into one Writ,
And so save charges.

Val.
How I love your providence.

Exit. 1 Suiter.
2 Suiter.
Is my Nose board? Ile cross ye both for this,
Although it cost me as much o'th' other side,
I have enough, and I will have my humour.
I may get out of her, what may undoe her too;
Hark you sweet Widow, you must now take heed,
You be of a sure ground, hee'l overthrow your else.

Val.
Marry fair hope forbid.

2 Suiter.

That will he: mary le'me see, le'me see: pray how
far past it between you and Ricardo?

Val.
Farther Sir
Than I would now it had, but I hope well yet.

2 Suiter.
Pray let me hear't: I've a shrewd ghesse o'th' Law.

Val.
Faith Sir, I rashly gave my hand and faith
To marry none but him.

2 Suiter.
Indeed?

Val.
I, trust me Sir.

2 Suiter.
I'm very glad on't, I'm an other witness,
And he shall have you now.

Val.
What said you Sir.

2 Suiter.

He shall not want money in an honest cause Widow,

I know I have enough, and I will have my humour.

Val.
Are all the world betrayers.

2 Suiter.
Pish, pish, Widow.
Y'have borne me in hand this three months, and now fobd me
I've known the time when I could please a woman,
Ile not be laught at now; when I'm crost, I'm a Tiger;
I have enough, and I will have my humour.

Val.
This only shows your malice to me Sir,
The world knows you ha' small reason to help him,
So much in your debt already.

2 Suiter.
Therefore I do't,
I have no way but that to help my self;
Though I lose you, I will not lose all Widow;
He marrying you, as I will follow't for him,
Ile make you pay his debts, or lye without him.

Val.
I lookd for this from you.

Exit.
2 Suiter.
I ha' not deceiv'd you then:
Fret, vex, and chafe, I'm obstinate where I take.
Ile seek him out, and cheer him up, against her,
I ha' no charge at all, no child of mine own,
But two I got once of a scowring woman,
And they'r both well provided for, they'r i'th' Hospitall:

I have ten thousand pound to bury me, and I will have my humour.

Exit.