 | The Excellent Comedy, called The Old Law |  |
Act. IV.
Scen. I.
Enter Clowne, Butler, Bayliff, Taylor, Cooke, Drawer, Wench.Draw.
VVelcome Gentlmen, will you not draw
neere, will you drinke at Dore Gentlemen?
But.
On the Summer Ayres best!
Draw.
What Wine will please you drink Gentlemen?
But.
De clare sirrah.
Clo.
What y'are all sped already bullies?
Cook.
My Widdowes ath spitt and halfe ready lad, a turne or
too more and I have done with her.
Clo.
Then Cooke I hope you have basted her before this time.
Cook.
And stuck her with Rosemary too, to sweeten her, she was
tainted ere she came to my hands what an old peece of flesh of fifty
nine eleaven months and upwards, she must needs be flieblown.
Clo.
Put her off put her off, tho you lose by her, the weathers hot.
Cook.
Why Drawer?
Enter Drawer.
Draw.
By and by, heere gentlemen, heeres the quintessence of
Greece, the Sages never drunck better Grape.
Cook.
Sir the mad Greeks of this age can taste their Palermo
Draw.
Adamum sir.
Clo.
My friends I must doubly invite you all the fifth of the
next month, to the funerall of my first wife, and to the marriage of
my second, my two to one this is she.
Cook.
I hope some of us wil bee ready for the funeral of our
Wives by that time, to goe with thee, but shal they bee both of a
day?
Clo.
Oh best of al sir, where sorrow and joy meet together, one wil
help away with another the better, besides there will bee charges
sav'd too, the same Rosemary that serves for the Funeral, wil serve
for the Wedding.
But.
How long do you make account to be a Widdower sir?
Clo.
Some halfe an houre, long enough a conscience.
Come, come, lets have some agillity is there no Musick in the house?
Draw.
Yes sir, heere are sweet wire drawers in the howse.
Cook.
Oh that makes them and you seldome part, you are
wine drawers, and they wyer drawers.
Tay.
And both govern by the pegs too.
Clo.
And you have pipes in your consort too.
Draw.
And Sack-buts too sir.
But.
But the Heads of your Instruments differ, yours are Hogsheads
their Cittern and Gittern Heads.
Bay.
All wooden heads there they meet agen.
Cook.
Bid em strike up, weel have a Dance, Gnothoes come thou
shalt foole it too.
Clo.
No dancing with me, we have Siren heere.
Cook.
Siren, twas Hiren the faire Greek man.
Clo.
Five Drachmes of that, I say Siren the fair Greek, and so
are all fair Greeks.
Cook.
A match, five Drachmes her name was Hiren.
Clo.
Sirens name was Siren for 5. Drachmaes.
Cook.
Tis done.
Tay.
Take heed what you do Gnothoes.
Clo.
Doe not I know our own Country women Siren and Nell
of Greece, two of the fairest greeks that ever were.
Cook.
That Nel was Hellen of Greece too.
Clo.
As long as shee tarried with her Husband shee was Ellen,
but after she came to Troy shee was Nel of Troy, or Bonny Nell
Tay.
Why did she grow shorer when she came to Troy?
Clo.
She grew longer if you marke the story, when shee grew
to be an ell shee was deeper then any yard of Troy could reach by
a quarter: there was Cressid was Troy waight, and Nell was haberde
poyse, she held more by fowre ounces then Cresida.
Bay.
They say she causd many wounds to be given in Troy.
Clo.
True, she was wounded there her selfe, and cured againe
by Pliaster of Paris, and ever since that has beene usd to stop holes
with.
Enter Drawer.
Draw.
Gentlemen if you be disposed to bee merry, the Musick
is ready to strike up, and heeres a consort of mad Greeks, I know
not whether they bee men or women, or betweene both, they have
what you call em vizards on their faces.
Cook.
Vizards goodman lickspiggot.
But.
If they be wise women they may be wizards too.
Draw.
They desire to enter amongst any merry company of
Gentlemen good fellowes for a straine or too.
Old women. Gnothees: Dance.
Cook.
Weel strain our selves with em say, let em come
now for the honour of Epire.
The Dance of old women maskt, then offer to take the men, they agree all but Gnothoes; he sits with his Wench after they whisper.
Cook.
I so kind then every one his Wench to his severall room:
Gnothoes we are all provided now as you are
Exeunt each with his wife manet Gnothoes wife unmaskt.
Clo.
I shall have two it seemes away I have
Siren heere already
Wife.
What a Mermaid?
Clo.
No but a maid horse face, oh old woman is it you?
Wife.
Yes tis I, all the rest have guld themselves, and taken their
own wives, and shall know that they have done more then they
can well answer, but I pray you,
Clo.
Faith thus should I do if thou weart dead, old Ag. and thou
hast not long to live Ime sure, we have Siren heere.
Wife.
Art thou so shameless whilst I am living to keepe one under
my nose.
Clo.
Noe Ag I doe prize her far above thy nose, if thou wouldst
lay me both thine eyes in my hand to boot, ile not leave her, art
live, oh old woman what art thou, must thou find no time to think
of thy end?
Wife.
Oh unkind villaine.
Clo.
And then sweet heart thou shalt have two new gownes,
and the best of this old old womans shall make thee rayments for
the working dayes.
Wife.
Oh rascall dost thou quarter my clothes already too.
Clo.
Her ruffs will serve thee for nothing but to wash dishes,
for thou shalt have nine of the new fashion.
Wife.
Impudent villaine, shamelesse harlot.
Clo.
You may heare she never wore any but railes al her life time
Wife.
Let me come i'le teare the strumpet from him.
Clo.
Darst thou call my wife strumpet, thou preterpluperfect
tence of a woman, i'le make thee do penance in the sheet thou
shalt be buried in, abuse my choice, my two to one.
Wife.
No unkind villaine i'le deceave thee yet,
I have a repreeve for five years of life,
I am with child.
Wench.
Cud so Gnothoes ile not tarry so long, five yeares, I may
bury two husbands by that time.
Clo.
Alas give the poore woman leave to talke, she with child,
I with a puppy, as long as I have thee by me, she shall not bee with
child I warrant thee.
Wife.
The Law and thou and all shall find I am with child.
Clo.
i'le take my corporall oath I begat it not, and then thou
diest for adultery.
Wife.
No matter that will aske some time in the proofe.
Clo.
Oh you'd bee stond to death would you, all old women
would die a that fashion with all their hearts, but the Law shall
overthrow you, the tother way first.
Wench.
Indeed if it be so, I will not linger so long Gnothoes.
Clo.
Away, away, some botcher has got it, tis but a chushion I
warrant thee, the old woman is loath to depart, she never sung other
tune in her life.
Wench.
Wee will not have our noses board with a chushion if
it be so.
Clo.
Go, go thy wayes thou old Almanack, at the 28. day of
December een almost out of date, down on thy knees, and make
put upon thy middle finger, your least considering Bawds doe so
much; be not thou worse though thou art an old woman as she is,
I am cloyd with old stock fish, heers a yong perch is sweeter meat
by halfe, prithee die before thy day if thou canst, that thou maist
not be counted a witch.
Wife.
No, thou art a witch and i'le prove it, I said I was with
child, thou knewst no other but by sorcery, thou saidst it was a
cushion and so it is, thou art a witch fort, i'le be sworne too't.
Clo.
Ha, ha, ha, I told thee twas a chushion, go get thy sheet ready,
wee'l see thee buried as we go to Church to be married.
Ex.
Wife.
Nay i'le follow thee, and shew my selfe a wife, i'le plague
thee as long as I live with thee, and i'le bury some money before
I die that my ghost may hant thee afterward.
Exit.
Enter Cleanthes.
Clean.
Whats that? oh nothing but the whispering wind,
Breaths through you churlish hathorne that grew rude
As if it chid the gentle breath that kist it,
I cannot be too circumspect, too carefull
For in these woods lies hid all my lives treasure,
Which is too much ever to feare to lose.
Hip.
Though it be never lost, and if our watchfulness
Ought to be wise and serious against a thiefe
That comes to steale our goods, things all without us,
That proves vexation often more then comfort,
How mighty ought our providence to be
To prevent those? if any such there were
That come to rob our bosome of our joyes,
That only makes poore man delight to live:
Psha, i'me too fearful fie, fie, who can hurt me?
But tis a general cowardice that shakes,
The nerves of confidence, he that hides treasure
Imagins every one thinks of that place
When tis a thing least minded, nay let him change
The place continually where ere it keeps,
There wil the feare keepe stil, yonders the store house
Enter Hippolita.
Of all my comfort now, and see it sends forth
A deere one, to me, pretious chiefe of women,
How does the good old soule, has he fed wel?
Be shrew me sir he made the heartiest meale to day
Much good mayt do his health.
Clean.
A blessing on thee,
Both for thy newes and wish.
Eip.
His stomack sir
Is betterd wondrously since his concealment.
Clean,
Heaven has a blessed work int, come wee'r safe heere
I preethee call him forth, the ayres much wholesomer.
Hip.
Father,
How sweetly sounds the voyce of a good woman?
Ent. Leonides.
It is so seldome heard that when it speaks
It ravishes all sences.
Clean.
Lists of honor,
Ive a joy weeps to see you, tis so full
So fairely fruitfull,
I hope to see you often and returne,
Loaden with blessings, still to powre on some,
I find em all in my contented peace,
And lose not one in thousands, th'are disperst
So gloriously I know not which are brightest,
I finde em as Angels are found by legions;
First in the love and honesty of a wife,
Which is the first and chiefest of all temporall blessings,
Next in your selfe, which is the hope and joy
Of all my actions, my affaires, my wishes,
And lastly which crownes all, I find my soul
Crown'd with the peace of em, th'eternall riches
Mans only portion, for his heavenly marriage.
Leo.
Rise thou art all obedience, love and goodness,
I dare say that which thousand fathers cannot,
And thats my pretious comfort, never son
Was in the way more of celestiall rising,
Thou art so made of such ascending vertue
That all the powrs of hel cannot sinke thee.
A Horne.
Clean.
Ha.
Leo.
What wast disturbd my joy?
Clean
Did you not heare,
As a far off?
Leo.
What my excellent consort.
Clean.
Nor you.
I heard a ---
A Horne.
Clean.
Harke agen.
Leo.
Blesse my joy,
What ailes it on a sudden?
Clean.
Now since lately.
Leo.
Tis nothing but a symptome of thy care man.
Clean.
Alas you do not heare well.
Leo.
What wast daughter?
Hip.
I heard a sound twice.
A Horne.
Clean.
Hark, lowder and nearer:
In for the precious good of virtue, quick sir.
Lowder and nearer yet, at hand at hand;
A hunting heere tis strange, I never
Knew game followed in these woods before.
Enter Duke, Simonides, Courtiers, and Executioner.
Hip.
Now let em come and spare not.
Clean.
Ha, tis, ist not the Duke, look sparingly?
Hip.
Tis he, but what of that, alas take heed sir,
Your care will overthrow us.
Clean.
Come, it shall not,
Lets set a pleasant face upon our feares,
Though our hearts shake with horror, ha, ha, ha.
Duke.
Harke.
Clean.
Prithee proceed,
Ime taken with these light things infinitely,
Since the old mans decease; ha so they parted, ha, ha. ha.
Duk.
Why how should I beleeve this, look, hees merrry
As if he had no such charge? one with that care
Could never be so still, he holds his temper,
And tis the same still with no difference
He brought his fathers Corps to'th grave with,
He laught thus then you know.
1. Cour.
I, he may laugh my Lord;
That showes but how he glories in his cunning,
And perhaps done more to advance his wit,
Then to expresse affection to his father,
That onely he has over reach'd the Law.
Sim.
He tels you right, my Lord, his owne Cosen german
Reveald it first to me, a free tongu'd woman,
Duk.
If a contempt can be so neatly carried,
It gives me cause of wonder.
Sim.
Troath my Lord,
Twill prove a delicat cosoning, I believe:
I'de have no Scrivener offer to come neere it.
Duk.
Cleanthes.
Clean.
My lov'd Lord.
Duk.
Not mov'd a whit,
Constant to lightning still, tis strange to meet you
Upon a ground so unfrequented sir:
This does not fit your passion, your for mirth
Or I mistak you much.
Clean.
But finding it
Grow to a noted imperfection in me,
For any thing too much is vitious;
I come to these disconsolate walkes, of purpose
Onely to dul and take away the edge ont.
I ever had a greater zeale to sadnesse,
A naturall proportion, I confeffe my Lord
Before that cheerful accident fel out,
If I may call a fathers funeral cheerful
Without wrong done to duty or my love.
Du.
It seemes then you take pleasure i'these walks sir.
Clean.
Contemplative content I do my Lord
They bring into my mind oft meditations
So sweetly pretious, that in the parting
I find a showre of grace upon my cheeks,
They take their leave so feelingly.
Duk.
So sir.
Clean.
Which is a kind of grave delight my Lord.
Duk.
And i've small cause Cleanthes t'afford you
The least delight that has a name.
Clean.
My Lord.
Sim.
Now it begins to fadge.
1. Cour.
Peace thou art so greedy Sim.
Duk.
In your excesse of joy you have exprest
Your rancor and contempt against my Law:
Your smiles deserve fining, y'ave profest
Derision openly een to my face,
You do not come for any freedome heere
But for a project of your own,
But all thats knowne to be contentfull to thee,
Shall in the use prove deadly, your lifes mine
If ever thy presumption do but lead thee
Into these walkes agen, I or that woman,
I'le have em watchd a purpose.
1. Cour.
Now now, his colour ebbs and flowes.
Sim.
Marke hers too.
Hip.
Oh who shall bring food to the poor old man now,
Speak somwhat good sir or wee'r lost for ever?
Clean.
Oh you did wondrous ill to call me agen,
There are not words to help us if I intreat
Tis found, that will betray us worse then silence
Prithee let Heaven alone, and lets say nothing.
1. Cour.
Y'ave struck em dumb my Lord.
Sim.
Look how guilt looks.
I would not have that feare upon my flesh
To save ten fathers.
Clean.
He is safe still, is he not?
Hip.
Oh you do ill to doubt it.
Clean.
Thou'art all goodnesse.
Sim.
Now does your grace believe?
Duke.
Tis too apparent
Search, make a speedy search, for the imposture
Cannot be far off by the feare it sends.
Clean.
Ha.
Sim.
Has the Lapwings cunning, i'me afraid my Lord
That cries most when shees farthest from the nest.
Clean.
Oh wee'r betrayd.
Hip.
Betrayd sir.
Sim.
See my Lord,
It comes out more and more still.
Exeunt Courtiers & Sim.
Clean.
Bloody theefe,
Come from that place, tis sacred-homicide,
Tis not for thy adulterate hands to touch it.
Hip.
Oh miserable vertue, what distresse art thou in at this minute?
Clean.
Help me thunder
Why are these men in health and I so heart sick?
Or why should nature have that power in me
To leavy up a thousand bleeding sorrowes
And not one comfort, onely makes me lie
Like the poore mockery of an Earthquake heere?
Panting with horror, and have not so much force in all my vengeance.
To shake a villain off a mee,
Enter Courtiers, Simonides, Leonides.
Hip.
Use him gently and Heaven will love you fort.
Clean.
Father, oh Father now I see thee full
In thy affection, thou'rt a man of sorrow
But reverently becomst it, that's my comfort,
Extremity was never better grac'd
Then with that looke of thine, oh let me look still
For I shall lose it, all my joy and strength
Is een Ecclips'd together, I transgrest
Your Law my Lord, let me receive the sting ont
Be once just sir, and let the offender die
Hees innocent in all, and I am guilty.
Leo.
Your grace knowes when affection only speaks
Truth is not alwaies there, his love would draw
An undeservd misery on his youth,
And wrong a peace resolv'd, on both parts sinfull;
Tis, I am guilty of my owne concealment
And like a worldly coward injurd heaven
With feare to go toot, now I see my fault,
And am prepard with joy to suffer fort.
Duke.
Go give him quick dispatch, let him see death
And your presumption sir shall come to judgement.
Exeunt with Leonides.
Hip.
Hees going, oh hees gon sir.
Clean.
Let me rise.
Hip.
Why doe you not then, and follow?
Clean.
I strive fort
Is their no hand of pitty that will ease me
And take this villaine from my heart a while?
Hip.
Alas hees gone.
Clean.
A worse supplies his place then,
A weight more pondrous, I cannot follow.
Oh misery of affliction.
Clean.
They will stay
Till I can come, they must be so good ever
Though they be nere so cruell,
My last leave must be taken think a that,
And this last blessing given, I will not lose
That for a thousand consorts.
Hip.
That hopes wretched.
Clean.
The inutterable stings of fortune,
All greefs are to be borne, save this alone;
This like a headlong torrent over turnes the frame of nature,
For he that gives us life first, as a father,
Locks all his naturall sufferings in our blood, to
The sorrows that he feels, are our heads,
They are incorporate to us.
Hip.
Noble sir.
Cleaa.
Let me behold him well.
Hip.
Sir.
Clean.
Thou shouldst be good,
Or tho'urt a dangerous substance to be lodgd
So near the heart of man.
Hip.
What means this, deere sir?
Clean.
To thy trust onely was this blessed secret
Kindly committed, tis destroy'd, thou seest
What followes to be thought ont.
Hip.
Miserable;
Why heers th'unhappinesse of woman stil,
That having forfeited in old times their trust
Enter Eugenia.
Now makes their faiths suspected that are just.
Clean.
What shal I say to all my sorrowes then,
That looke for satisfaction?
Eug.
Ha, ha, ha, Cozen
Clean.
How ill dost thou become this time?
Eug.
Ha. ha, ha.
Why thats but your opinion, a yong wench
Becomes the time at all times.
Eug.
Now coze wee'r even, and you be remembred
You left a Strumpet and a whore at home with me,
And such fine field bed words, which could not cost you
Lesse then a father.
Clean.
Is it come that way?
Had you an Uncle
He should goe the same way too.
Clean.
Oh eternity
What monster is this feind in labour with?
Eug.
An asse Coult with two heads, thats she and you:
I will not lose so glorious a revenge.
Not to be understood int: I betray him,
And now wee'r even, y'ad best keepe you so.
Clean.
Is there not poyson yet enough to kill me?
Hip.
Oh sir, forgive me, it was I betrayd him.
Clean.
How?
Hip.
I.
Clean.
The fellow of my heart twill speed me then.
Hip.
Her tears that never wept, and mine owne pitty
Een cozend me together; and stole from me
This secret, which fierce death should not have purchast.
Clean.
Nay then wee'r at an end, all we are false ones,
And ought to suffer, I was false to wisdome
In trusting woman, thou wert false to faith
In uttering of the secret, and thou false
To goodnesse in deceaving such a pitty:
We are all tainted some way but thou worst,
And for thy infectious spots ought to die first.
Eug.
Pray turne your weapon sir upon your Mistress,
I come not so ill friended; rescue servants.
Enter Simonides, and Courtiers.
Clean.
Are you so whorishly provided?
Sim.
Yes sir she has more weapons at command then one.
Eug,
Put forward man, thou art most sure to have me.
Sim.
I shall be surer if I keepe behind though.
Eug.
Now servants shew your loves.
Sim.
I'le shew my love too a farr off.
Eug.
I love to be so courted, woe me there.
Sim.
I love to keep good weapons though nere fought,
I'me sharper set within then I am without.
Hip.
Oh Gentlemen Cleanthes.
Eug.
Fight, upon him.
Hip.
Thy thirst of blood proclaimes thee now a Strumpet.
Tis daintie, next to procreation fiting,
I'de either be destroying men or getting.
Enter Officers
1. Officer.
Forbeare on your allegiance gentlemen
Hees the Dukes Prisoner, and we ceise upon him
To answer this contempt against the Law.
Clean.
I obey Fate in all things.
Hip.
Happy rescue.
Sim.
I would y'ad seis'd vpon him a minute sooner, 'tad sav'd
me a cut finger, I wonder how I came bi't, for I never put my
hand forth i'me sure, I think my own sword did cut it if truth were
knowne; may be the wier in the handle, I have liv'd these five and
twenty yeares and never knew what cullour my blood was before
I never durst eat Oysters, nor cut peck loaves.
Eug.
You have showne your spirits gentlemen, but you
Have cut your finger.
Sim.
I the wedding finger too, a pox ont.
1. Cour.
Youl prove a bawdy batchelor Sim, to have a cut upon
your finger, before you are married.
Sim.
I'le never draw sword agen to have such
A jest put upon me.
Exeunt
| The Excellent Comedy, called The Old Law | |