University of Virginia Library

Scene VIII.

Interest, with his Foot-boy. To them Compasse. Ironside. Silkeworme. Palate. Pleasance. To them the Lady: and after Practise.
Int.
Run to the Church, Sirrah. Get all the Drunkards
To ring the Bels, and jangle them for joy
My Neice hath brought an Heire unto the house,
A lusty boy. Where's my sister Loadstone?
Asleepe at afternoones! It is not wholesome;
Against all rules of Physick, Lady sister.
The little Doctor will not like it. Our Neice
Is new deliver'd of a chopping Child,
Can call the Father by the name already,
If it but ope the mouth round. Mr. Compasse,
He is the man, they say, fame gives it out,
Hath done that Act of honour to our house,
And friendship to pompe out a Sonne, and Heire,
That shall inherit nothing, surely nothing
From me at least. I come t'invite your Ladiship
To be a witnesse; I will be your Partner,
And give it a horne-spoone, and a treene dish;
Bastard, and Beggars badges, with a blanket
For Dame the Doxey to march round the Circuit,
With bag, and baggage.

Com.
Thou malitious Knight,
Envious Sir Moath, that eates on that which feeds thee,
And frets her goodnesse, that sustaines thy being;
What company of Mankind would owne thy brother-hood,
But as thou hast a title to her blood,
Whom thy ill nature hath chose out t'insult on,
And vexe thus, for an Accident in her house,
As if it were her crime! Good innocent Lady,
Thou shew'st thy selfe a true corroding Vermine,
Such as thou art.

Int.
Why, gentle Mr. Compasse?
Because I wish you joy of your young Sonne,
And Heire to the house, you ha' sent us?

Com.
I ha' sent you?
I know not what I shall doe. Come in friends:
Madam, I pray you be pleas'd to trust your selfe
Vnto our company.

Lad.
I did that too late;
Which brought on this calamity upon me,
With all the infamy I heare; your Souldier,
That swaggering Guest.

Com.
Who is return'd here to you,
Your vowed friend, and servant; comes to sup with you,
So wee doe all; and 'll prove he hath deserv'd,
That speciall respect, and favour from you,
As not your fortunes, with your selfe to boote,
Cast on a Feather-bed, and spread o'th' sheets
Vnder a brace of your best Persian Carpets,
Were scarce a price to thanke his happy merit.

Int.
What impudence is this? can you indure
To heare it sister?

Com.
Yes, and you shall heare it;
Who will indure it worse. What deserves he
In your opinion, Madam, or weigh'd Judgement,
That, things thus hanging (as they doe in doubt)
Suspended, and suspected, all involv'd,
And wrapt in errour, can resolve the knot?
Redintigrate the fame, first of your house?
Restore your Ladiships quiet? render then
Your Neice a Virgin, and unvitiated?
And make all plaine, and perfect (as it was)
A practise to betray you, and your name?

Int.
Hee speakes impossibilities.

Com.
Here he stands,
Whose fortune hath done this, and you must thanke him:
To what you call his swaggering, wee owe all this.
And that it may have credit with you Madam,
Here is your Neice, whom I have married, witnesse
These Gentlemen, the Knight, Captaine, and Parson,
And this grave Politique Tell-troth of the Court.

Lad.
What's she that I call Neice then?

Com.
Polishes Daugh
Her Mother Goodwy' Polish hath confess'd it
To Granam Keepe, the Nurse, how they did change
The children in their Cradles.

Lad.
To what purpose?

Com.
To get the portion, or some part of it,
Which you must now disburse intire to me, Sir,
If I but gaine her Ladiships consent.

Lad.
I bid God give you joy, if this be true.

Com.
As true it is, Lady, Lady, i'th' song.
The portion's mine, with interest Sir Moath;
I will not 'bate you a single Harrington,
Of interest upon interest. In meane time,
I doe commit you to the Guard of Ironside.
My brother here, Captaine Rudhudibras:
From whom I will expect you, or your Ransome.

Int.
Sir you must prove it, and the possibility,
Ere I beleeve it.

Com.
For the possibility,
I leave to triall. Truth shall speake it selfe.
O Mr. Practise, did you meet the Coach?

Pra.
Yes Sir, but empty.

Com.
Why, I sent it for you.
The busines is dispatch'd here, ere you come;
Come in, Ile tell you how: you are a man
Will looke for satisfaction, and must have it.

All.
So doe wee all, and long to heare the right.