University of Virginia Library

Scene IIII.

Face
, Dapper, Drvgger, Kastril.
The Doctor is within, a mouing for you;
(I haue had the most adoe to winne him to it)
He sweares, you'll be the dearling o'the dice:
He neuer heard her Highnesse dote, till now (he sayes.)
Your aunt has giu'n you the most gracious words,
That can be thought on.

Dap.
Shall I see her Grace?

Fac.
See her, and kisse her, too. What? honest Nab!
Ha'st brought the damaske?

Nab.
No, sir, here's tabacco.

Fac.
'Tis well done, Nab: Thou'lt bring the damaske too?

Drv.
Yes, here's the gentleman, Captaine, master Kastril,
I haue brought to see the Doctor.

Fac.
Where's the widdow?

Drv.
Sir, as he likes, his sister (he sayes) shall come.

Fac.
O, is it so? 'good time. Is your name Kastril, sir?

Kas.
I, and the best o'the Kastrils, I'lld be sorry else,
By fifteene hundred, a yeere. Where is this Doctor?
My mad tabacco-Boy, here, tells me of one,
That can doe things. Has he any skill?

Fac.
Wherein, sir?

Kas.
To carry a businesse, manage a quarrell, fairely,
Vpon fit termes.

Fac.
It seemes, sir, yo'are but yong
About the towne, that can make that a question!

Kas.
Sir, not so yong, but I haue heard some speech
Of the angrie Boyes, and seene 'hem take tabacco;
And in his shop: and I can take it too.
And I would faine be one of 'hem, and goe downe
And practise i'the countrey.

Fac.
Sir, for the Duello,
The Doctor, I assure you, shall informe you,
To the least shaddow of a haire: and shew you,
An instrument he has, of his owne making,
Where-with, no sooner shall you make report
Of any quarrell, but he will take the height on't,
Most instantly; and tell in what degree,
Of safty it lies in, or mortalitie.
And, how it may be borne, whether in a right line,
Or a halfe-circle; or may, else, be cast
Into an angle blunt, if not acute:
All this he will demonstrate. And then, rules,
To giue, and take the lie, by.

Kas.
How? to take it?

Fac.
Yes, in oblique, hee'll shew you; or in circle:
But neuer in diameter. The whole towne
Studie his theoremes, and dispute them, ordinarily,
At the eating Academies.

Kas.
But, do's he teach
Liuing, by the wits, too?

Fac.
Any thing, what euer.
You cannot thinke that subtiltie, but he reades it.
He made me a Captaine. I was a starke pimpe,
Iust o'your standing, 'fore I met with him:
It i'not two months since. I'll tell you his method.
First, he will enter you, at some ordinarie.

Kas.
No, I'll not come there. You shall pardon me.

Fac.
For why, sir?

Kas.
There's gaming there, and tricks.

Fac.
Why, would you be
A gallant, and not game?

Kas.
I, 'twill spend a man.

Fac.
Spend you? It will repaire you, when you are spent.
How doe they liue by their wits, there, that haue vented
Sixe times your fortunes?

Kas.
What, three thousand a yeere!

Fac.
I, fortie thousand.

Kas.
Are there such?

Fac.
I, sir.
And gallants, yet. Here's a yong gentleman,
Is borne to nothing, fortie markes a yeere,
Which I count nothing. H'is to be initiated,
And haue a flye o'the Doctor. He will winne you
By vnresistable lucke, within this fortnight,
Inough to buy a baronie. They will set him
Vpmost, at the Groome-porters, all the Christmasse!
And, for the whole yeere through, at euerie place,
Where there is play, present him with the chaire;
The best attendance, the best drinke, sometimes
Two glasses of canarie, and pay nothing;
The purest linnen, and the sharpest knife,
The partrich next his trencher: and, somewhere,
The daintie bed, in priuate, with the daintie.
You shall ha'your ordinaries bid for him,
As play-houses for a poet; and the master
Pray him, aloud, to name what dish he affects,
Which must be butterd shrimps: and those that drinke
To no mouth else, will drinke to his, as being
The goodly, president mouth of all the boord.

Kas.
Doe you not gull one?

Fac.
Od's my life! Do you thinke it?
You shall haue a cast commander, (can but get
In credit with a glouer, or a spurrier,
For some two paire, of eithers ware, afore-hand)
Will, by most swift posts, dealing with him,
Arriue at competent meanes, to keepe himselfe,
His punke, and naked boy, in excellent fashion.
And be admir'd for't.

Kas.
Will the Doctor teach this?

Fac.
He will doe more, sir, when your land is gone,
(As men of spirit hate to keepe earth long(
In a vacation, when small monie is stirring,
And ordinaries suspended till the tearme,
Hee'll shew a perspectiue, where on one side
You shall behold the faces, and the persons
Of all sufficient yong heires, in towne,
VVhose bonds are currant for commoditie;
On th'other side, the marchants formes, and others,
(That, without helpe of any second broker,
(VVho would expect a share) will trust such parcels:
In the third square, the verie street, and signe
VVhere the commoditie dwels, and do's but wait
To be deliuer'd, be it pepper, sope,
Hops, or tabacco, oat-meale, woad, or cheeses.
All which you may so handle, to enioy,
To your owne vse, and neuer stand oblig'd.

Kas.
I'faith! Is he such a fellow?

Fac.
Why, Nab here knowes him.
And then for making matches, for rich widdowes,
Yong gentlewomen, heyres, the fortunat'st man!
Hee's sent too, farre, and neere, all ouer England,
To haue his counsell, and to know their fortunes.

Kas.
Gods will, my suster shall see him.

Fac.
I'll tell you, sir,
What he did tell me of Nab. It's a strange thing!
(By the way you must eate no cheese, Nab, it breeds melancholy:
And that same melancholy breeds wormes) but passe it,
He told me, honest Nab, here, was ne'er at tauerne,
But once in's life!

Drv.
Truth, and no more I was not.

Fac.
And, then he was so sick—

Drv.
Could he tell you that, too?

Fac.
How should I know it?

Drv.
In troth we had beene a shooting,
And had a piece of fat ram-mutton, to supper,
That lay so heauy o' my stomack—

Fac.
And he has no head
To beare any wine; for, what with the noise o' the fiddlers,
And care of his shop, for he dares keepe no seruants—

Drv.
My head did so ake—

Fac.
As he was falne to be brought home,
The Doctor told me. And then, a good old woman—

Drv.
(Yes faith, shee dwells in Sea-coale-lane) did cure me,
With sodden ale, and pellitorie o'the wall:
Cost me but two pence. I had another sicknesse,
Was worse then that.

Fac.
I, that was with the griefe
Thou took'st for being sess'd at eighteene pence,
For the water-worke.

Drv.
In truth, and it was like
T'haue cost me almost my life.

Fac.
Thy haire went off?

Drv.
Yes, sir, 'twas done for spight.

Fac.
Nay, so sayes the Doctor.

Kas.
Pray thee, tabacco-Boy, goe fetch my suster,
I'll see this learned Boy, before I goe:
And so shall shee.

Fac.
Sir, he is busie now:
But, if you haue a sister to fetch hether,
Perhaps, your owne paines may command her sooner;
And he, by that time, will be free.

Kas.
I goe.

Fac.
Drvgger, shee's thine; the damaske, (Svbtle, and I
Must wrastle for her.) Come on, master Dapper.
You see, how I turne clients, here, away,
To giue your cause dispatch. Ha'you perform'd
The ceremonies were inioyn'd you?

Dap.
Yes, o'the vinegar,
And the cleane shirt.

Fac.
'Tis well: that shirt may doe you
More worship then you thinke. Your aunt's a fire
But that shee will not shew it, t'haue a sight on you.
Ha'you prouided for her Graces seruants?

Dap.
Yes, here are sixe-score Edward shillings.

Fac.
Good.

Dap.
And an old Harry's soueraigne.

Fac.
Very good.

Dap.
And three Iames shillings, and an Elizabeth groat,
Iust twentie nobles.

Fac.
O, you are too iust.
I would you had had the other noble in Maries.

Dap.
I haue some Philip, and Maries.

Fac.
I, those same
Are best of all. Where are they? Harke, the Doctor.