University of Virginia Library

SCENE I.

—The Cave of Kabyla, the Lady of the Woods. Roots of trees interlace each other and form a wild and fanciful ceiling; six rudely-formed human figures occupy the side of the scene. Kabyla discovered at a fantastic dressing table making her toilet; a bed with crimson hangings in flat; Cuimoth and Zontoma attending her. As the curtain rises, a Wild Music.
Kab.
How do I look?

Zon.
Oh! lovely as a queen,
Though your complexion seems a shade too green;
This new cosmetic which I bought in town,
Will tone its verdure delicately down. (applies wash)


[During this dialogue, the Attendants of Kabyla are very obsequious.
Cui.
(brushing Kabyla's hair)
Your hair my lady's getting rather dry,
Some of the Russian balsam shall I try?

Kab.
Well, p'rhaps you may—yet no—upon the whole,
Anything Russian's hurtful to the Pole;
The very thought my nervous system shocks,
O! would that mine were like Chubb's—safety locks!
Should I turn grey, I'd bid the world good bye,

Zon.
If you turn grey it would be time to dye.

Kab.
Hast done?

Cui.
I've given the concluding frizzle,

Kab.
Then all of you except Zontamo mizzle.
[Exeunt all except Zontoma and Kabyla, R.
Come hither; look, Zontoma, in my face,
You've been now near a twelvemonth in your place,
Say, can I trust you?

Zon.
Wages overdue
Will prove, my lady, that I've trusted you.

Kab.
Good girl, your sly reproof is rather just,
We will be quits, I'll give you trust for trust.
Now to my tale—

Zon.
Is it a long affair?

Kab.
'Tis fifteen years—

Zon.
La! ma'am, pray take a chair.

[Retires up. Kalyba takes out pocket glass, Zontoma places chair, C. During the above, the curtains of bed, L., are drawn aside and St. George pops out his head.
St. Geo.
This ain't my nursery, that's not old nurse,
I'll listen—they're beginning to converse.

Kab.
Attend, Zontoma, unto what I say;
'Tis fifteen years ago this very day,
I from his mother took an infant son,

(appears affected)
Zon.
Why that's a thing, my lady, daily done.
The law allows it—

Kab.
True, and so in fact
I did but carry out a certain act.
It was St. George I stole when he was teething,

St. Geo.
And I'm St. George! by George it stops my breathing.
I must have had a very lengthy doze,
I'm vastly grown, that fact my clothes disclose.

Kab.
Upon this boy his parents fondly doated,

St. Geo.
(aside)
Well, mi! I've been excessively short coated.

Kab.
To-day the spell which binds him I must break,

St. Geo.
I feel that I'm already wide awake.

Zon.
What made you steal the boy?

Kab.
(rises)
You're very green,
Old maids lead apes in—you know where I mean.
My lease is out to-day, should I not marry
I'm claimed at twelve o'clock by ancient Harry!
This young St. George must fall in love with me,
Having no other woman met you see.

Zon.
That you may say, without appearing vain,

Kab.
I think I'm very clear—

St. Geo.
You're very plain.

Kab.
Those senseless blocks of stone, unhappy wights,
(rises)
I think you know all in their days were knights;
I loved them all, but they were stone to me,
And so I petrified them as you see.
My final chance on young St. George I stake—
Be thou unmesmerised—St. George, awake!

[Music. The curtains draw aside and discovers St. George, who affects to be asleep and afterwards to awake. St. George comes forward; he wears a frock and trowsers with a coral hung round his neck.
St. Geo.
(L. aside)
How to proceed, I'm sure I'm puzzled quite,

Kab.
(aside)
The pretty darling loves me at first sight;
My maiden heart no longer can withstand
Those looks of love, so Georgy, there's my hand.

St. Geo.
I must dissemble, for I freely own
I've no desire to be done in stone. (takes her hand)

I'm yours, sweet maid, but still I needs must tarry,
Is this a dress for “one about to marry?”

Kab.
(produces a wand)
You see this little wand, a perfect treasure,
Which can produce cheap clothing without measure.

[Music. She touches St. George; his dress strips and shews him in a splendid suit of armour. Zontoma places a helmet on his head, and girds on the sword, &c.
Kab.
Thus armed, thro' ev'ry danger you may pass,

St. Geo.
I feel as bold as London's ‘man in brass.’ (crosses to R.)


Kab.
(points off R.)
You see those horses, either you may own,
They once belonged to yonder knights of stone;

St. Geo.
Could you the horses and their riders spare
They're sadly wanted in Trafalgar Square:
The place at present looks extremely queer,
What you would call a pig with but one ear.

Kab.
Yon living charger I design for thee
If you'll consent at once to marry me.

St. Geo.
I do consent, so that you don't object
To grant what modern husbands now expect.

Kab.
Of course, my love! What may your wishes be?

St. Geo.
Oh! a cigar in-doors, and a latch key!

Kab.
The former is a secondary matter,
But there's a deal of mischief in the latter.
Latch keys cause men without restraint to roam;
For there's no knowing when they do get home.
Now then to lunch.

[Music. Strikes rock, R. It opens and shews a redhot room.
St. Geo.
Dear me! How very odd!
Allow me to inspect that wondrous rod.
[Kabyla gives it to him.
It beats Herr Döbler's conjurations hollow.

Kab.
Herr Döbler! Fiddlestick! Come, George!

St. Geo.
I'll follow.

[Music. As Kabyla enters, St. George strikes rock. It closes. Most discordant music heard.
St. Geo.
And now, I think, your ladyship is done.
[Chains fall. Noises, St. George waves wand.
Silence that dreadful rock, Harmonicon.
[Noise ceases.
These finished gentlemen must quit this place.
[Raps one of the figures with the wand; it sounds like stone.
One can't imagine well a harder case.

[Music. St. George touches each figure. Gong. The Six Champions of Christendom appear, and by action express their gratitude. The scene changes at the same time to