University of Virginia Library

SCENE III.

—Interior of the Dragon's Loan Office.— Dragon discovered seated writing.
Dra.
This is the system which my coffer fills
I lend my money on Exchequer bills;

Enter Almidor, R. C.
Alm.
As down the street just now my carriage went
I saw three balls and these words—“money lent.”
Being hard up I'm not ashamed to own
I've an occasion for a trifling loan.

Dra.
Allow me, sir, to offer a prospectus,
[offers paper.
I'm chairman of the body of directors.

Alm.
(taking it and reading.)
Lets see—“First a deposit must be paid,
“When that is done inquiries will be made,
“As the society can't trust to chance
“They must have all the interest in advance,
“If the security turns out a bubble
“The company keeps the money for the trouble.”
I, only wish the company may get it.
If that's the sort of loan, alone I'll let it.
I want a little money.

Dra.
On your coat?

Alm.
What! no—upon my promissary note.

Dra.
To be accommodating I incline,
My terms, sir, are half money and half wine,
Sherry at 54—its fine, sir, very.

Alm.
The price at once proclaims it golden sherry.

Dra.
And then such crusted port—what ho! within,
(calls off)
Bring Day and Martin's port—you know the bin.

Enter Dragonnitty with bottle.
Alm.
(holds up bottle)
In quarts or pints?

Dra,
Those for quarts, sir, pass.

Alm.
Its time they took the duty off the glass.

Dra.
Multum in parvo, sir, I'm sure 'twill please;
Look at the beeswing.

Alm.
Where do you keep your bees?
[Dragonnitty takes bottle.
To put the wing into the wine is funny;
But here's my bill, and now then where's the money?

Dra.
The bill is eighty pounds, and there sir's twenty.

Alm.
What, only twenty!

Dra.
That for your bill's plenty.

Alm.
[Drinks and spatters.
I'll never swallow stuff like that don't think it.

Dra.
You've bought it, but you're not compelled to drink it.

Alm.
That's true!—There's justice in his observations,
'Twill do to give away to poor relations.
[Exit Almidor.

SONG.—Dragon.
Air—“Jolly Nose.”
Folly knows that as long as he has any tip
He may come to my house and make merry,
And whilst in his pockets my finger I dip,
I'm remarkably kind to him—very.
Folly knows! He who sees the dice box through a glass,
Thinks gaming's the height of perfection,
And then to clean out an intemperate ass,
I have never the slightest objection!
Folly knows! &c.

[Horn without.
Dra.
That horn my calculation will distract,
(calls off)
Are you aware that that's against the act?
[horn again.
Policeman, you can interfere you know;
Because you have been witness to a blow

Sab.
(passing door)
Great news! great news! the Memphis
Evening Sun,
See-cond Edition!

Dra.
Ho there! give me one.
[takes paper and comes down.
What's this? a rumour we've no cause to doubt
The ministers are shortly going out:
Are they indeed! then precious ninnies they,
Now that they're in, I think 'twere best to stay.
[reading.
Hollo! what's this I read—“important fact!”—
The nation take the benefit of the act!
Exchequer bills! oh! could I upon this count,
Gone down to twenty—zounds! that's 80 discount:
Oh! I shall faint, my heart with grief grows big,
I'd tear my hair, but that I wear a wig.

Enter St. George, C.
Dra.
(aside)
Who's this? the very youth who if I right am,
Destroyed my gambling gambols by a qui tam.

St. Geo.
Is this the office? yes, I'm pretty sure it is,
[Seeing Dragon.
Oh! I beg pardon; do you buy securities?

Dra.
Why that depends on what they are young man,
I'm willing to do business if I can;
For any thing I'll give a price that's fair,
From an old coat up to a Railway share!

St. Geo.
I've coal shares, sir, in the Talacre concern,
Such coals—you'll find, they're reg'lar bricks to burn.

Dra.
I've no objection, sir, to take your scrip,
But just at present I'm devoid of tip;
This very morning, sir, 'twas quite on speck,
I drew a four pun' nineteen shilling check.

St. Geo.
I'll take your bill,

Dra.
I thank you all the same,
But to a bill I never put my name.

St. Geo.
Excuse me, sir, as no offence I mean it,
Your name's to many a bill, I've often seen it;

Dra.
I understand the sort of bill you saw,
I meant I don't accept—

St. Geo.
No, but you draw;

Dra.
You're so polite, no more my prudence lingers,
I'll buy your coals tho' I should burn my fingers.

St. Geo.
Oh! that with Talacre you could not do,

Dra.
(takes out pocket book)
Will these Exchequer bills; sir, do for you?

St. Geo.
With pleasure, sir, I take them.

Dra.
(aside)
Ha! he's done!
I'll palm them off upon him every one.

St. Geo.
Behold the shares! (gives them)
— (aside)
he has them, what a victim!

Dra.
There are the bills, (aside)
ha! ha! at last I've nick'd him.

DUETT.
St. George and the Dragon.
St Geo.
Done again! for he'll see that there they quote,
That Talacre's not valued at a one pound note;
His Exchequer bills I have in the pocket of my coat,
And Talacre's not valued at a one pound note.

Dra.
Done him brown, for I see that here they quote,
That Exchequer bills aint valued at a one pound note,
His Talacre's I've got in the pocket of my coat,
And Exchequer bills are valued at a one pound note.
[Exit Dragon.