University of Virginia Library

TU QUOQUE

AN IDYLL IN THE CONSERVATORY

Nellie.
If I were you, when ladies at the play, sir,
Beckon and nod, a melodrama through,
I would not turn abstractedly away, sir,
If I were you!

Frank.
If I were you, when persons I affected,
Wait for three hours to take me down to Kew,
I would, at least, pretend I recollected,
If I were you!

Nellie.
If I were you, when ladies are so lavish,
Sir, as to keep me every waltz but two,
I would not dance with odious Miss M'Tavish,
If I were you!

Frank.
If I were you, who vow you cannot suffer
Whiff of the best,—the mildest “honey-dew,”
I would not dance with smoke-consuming Puffer,
If I were you!

Nellie.
If I were you, I would not, sir, be bitter,
Even to write the “Cynical Review”;—

Frank.
No, I should doubtless find flirtation fitter,
If I were you!

Nellie.
Really! You would? Why, Frank, you're quite delightful,—
Hot as Othello, and as black of hue;
Borrow my fan. I would not look so frightful,
If I were you!

Frank.
“It is the cause.” I mean your chaperon is
Bringing some well-curled juvenile. Adieu!
I shall retire. I'd spare that poor Adonis,
If I were you!

Nellie.
Go, if you will. At once! And by express, sir
Where shall it be? To China—or Peru?
Go. I should leave inquirers my address, sir,
If I were you!

Frank.
No,—I remain. To stay and fight a duel
Seems, on the whole, the proper thing to do;—
Ah, you are strong,—I would not then be cruel,
If I were you!

Nellie.
One does not like one's feelings to be doubted,—

Frank.
One does not like one's friends to misconstrue.—

Nellie.
If I confess that I a wee-bit pouted?—

Frank.
I should admit that I was piqué, too.

Nellie.
Ask me to dance! I'd say no more about it,
If I were you!
[Waltz—Exeunt