Absurdities in prose and verse. Written and Illustrated By A. Crowquill [i.e. C. R. Forrester] |
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THE BACHELOR'S SOLILOQUY. |
 | Absurdities |  |
74
THE BACHELOR'S SOLILOQUY.
Love's chains are chains of roses,
Entwined about the heart!
And if thorns be it matters not,
They only make one smart!
Entwined about the heart!
And if thorns be it matters not,
They only make one smart!
But Hymen's chains have links of lead,
That rarely link to joy;
His torch in vulgar prose—a link,
And he—what but a link-boy?
That rarely link to joy;
His torch in vulgar prose—a link,
And he—what but a link-boy?
Yes—yes—I'll lead a single life,
(A married man is lost,)
For the dearer that a wife may be,
The more that wife will cost!
(A married man is lost,)
For the dearer that a wife may be,
The more that wife will cost!
Ye meddling match-makers may try
To wheedle me 'tis true;
But tho' I'll never match your choice,
I'll be a match for you.
To wheedle me 'tis true;
But tho' I'll never match your choice,
I'll be a match for you.
75
Myself to you I'll never lend,
So fret and sigh and groan;
For tho' I am a single man,
I'll prove I'm not a-loan.
So fret and sigh and groan;
For tho' I am a single man,
I'll prove I'm not a-loan.
I've sought all London thro' and thro',
'Mong dames of high degree;
I've seen a hundred pretty maids,
But not one made for me!
'Mong dames of high degree;
I've seen a hundred pretty maids,
But not one made for me!
Miss Seraphina was a nymph
I thought beyond compare;
Alack! one day—unseen—I heard
My Seraphina swear!
I thought beyond compare;
Alack! one day—unseen—I heard
My Seraphina swear!
I'd thrown sheep's eyes at her, because
I took her for a lamb;
'Tis true, I lik'd her breeding well,
But didn't like her damn!
I took her for a lamb;
'Tis true, I lik'd her breeding well,
But didn't like her damn!
I quitted her for Fanny Bloom,
(How sweetly she could sing!)
But she had two strings to her bow,
And two Beaux to her string!
(How sweetly she could sing!)
But she had two strings to her bow,
And two Beaux to her string!
76
Next blue-eye'd Emily I sought,
With flaxen tresses flowing;
Yet oh! I saw those lovely eyes,
In angry passion glowing.
With flaxen tresses flowing;
Yet oh! I saw those lovely eyes,
In angry passion glowing.
She struck her maid! she might strike me,
My visits thence did cease;
Quoth I: “It is not every hand
“That bears the palm of peace.”
My visits thence did cease;
Quoth I: “It is not every hand
“That bears the palm of peace.”
An angel, Isabel they call'd,
'Tis true she is a bell;
Who hath a clapper rings for aye,
That soon would ring my knell!
'Tis true she is a bell;
Who hath a clapper rings for aye,
That soon would ring my knell!
Rich widows too I've tried in vain,
(Relicts of golden calves!)
They all were wives of honest men,
But not their better halves!
(Relicts of golden calves!)
They all were wives of honest men,
But not their better halves!
The first I sought was Widow Black,
Of Black, the Undertaker;
Her beauty, true, could never pall,
Yet mine I meant to make her.
Of Black, the Undertaker;
Her beauty, true, could never pall,
Yet mine I meant to make her.
77
I followed her, and leered, and glanced,
My hat was always doffing;
But she, alas! asthmatic proved,
And always was a coughing!
My hat was always doffing;
But she, alas! asthmatic proved,
And always was a coughing!
There was Widow Warren, fair to view,
Of presence quite commanding;
But oh! she had a wooden leg,
And a weakly understanding!
Of presence quite commanding;
But oh! she had a wooden leg,
And a weakly understanding!
A bachelor I am, my friends may laugh,
No Benedict they'll find me;
Free as the air I'll live and die,
If I leave no heir behind me!
No Benedict they'll find me;
Free as the air I'll live and die,
If I leave no heir behind me!
I'm not of those the “Fancy” styled,
Whom Egan loves to sing;
So my matches and engagements shall
Be all without the ring!
Whom Egan loves to sing;
So my matches and engagements shall
Be all without the ring!
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