The Ingoldsby Lyrics By Thomas Ingoldsby [i.e. R. H. Barham] |
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Sum and Substance of a New Domestic Tragedy.
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 | The Ingoldsby Lyrics |  |
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Sum and Substance of a New Domestic Tragedy.
Act I.
The Duchess of Ormond, rich, comely, and fat,Is in love with a man in a “shocking bad hat;”
And the Duke coming home from a ball, about two,
Finds the man in her bedroom, and says, “Who are you?”
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Of her Grace, ere you married her, three years ago!”
Says the Duke, “We were married in France, so, of course,
I must go back to France then, and get a divorce.”
Act II.
Four years have elapsed, and, released from her vows,The Duchess is now Mr. Mortimer's spouse,
And her happiness has but this single alloy—
Mr. Mortimer don't like the Duke's little boy;
So catching, one day, the young gentleman tripping,
He seizes him rudely, and gives him a whipping:
Mrs. Mortimer grows very angry, and sends
Master Charles, that same afternoon, home to his friends.
Act III.
Six months more are gone, and the Duke is preparingTo take his son with him to France, for an airing;
And poor Mrs. Mortimer, hearing of this,
Steps across to the garden to give him a kiss;
Mr. Mortimer follows, and, being so tall,
Has no very great trouble in climbing the wall:
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Mr. Mortimer says, “Here are pistols for two!”
“By all means,” says his Grace, “it's no bad way of thanking
Your Worship for giving my boy such a spanking!”
So each cocks his pistol, and no more is said,
But the Duke sends a bullet through Mortimer's head,
And they let down the curtain the moment he's dead!
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