 | The Ingoldsby Lyrics |  |
The Rival Josephs.
[_]
That all Joes have not the alertness, mental and bodily, of our friends Joe Hume and Joe Grimaldi, we lament; “'tis true, 'tis pity, and pity 'tis 'tis true.” In fact, each of these worthies may be considered a sort of “Double-Joe,” uniting in himself the activity and talents of any two ordinary Josephs. The following Foe-cular lines, written by a facetious gentleman, now no more, in the interval of ringing a bell and the servant making his appearance, exhibit a pleasing specimen of a Joe of a different class.
Would you see a man that's slow,
Come and see our footman Joe,
Most unlike the bounding roe,
Or an arrow from a bow,
Or the flight direct of crow,
Is the pace of footman Joe.
Snails, contemptuous as they go,
In their motions outrun Joe,
Crabs that hobble to and fro,
Look behind and laugh at Joe,
An acre many a man could mow,
Ere across it creepeth Joe.
Danube, Severn, Trent, and Po,
Backward to their source might flow,
Ere dispatch be made by Joe.
Letters to a Plenipo,
Send not by our footman Joe.
Would you Job's full merit know,
Ring the bell, and wait for Joe.
Is your purse or credit low,
Let your debts be paid by Joe;
Legal process none can show,
If your lawyers move like Joe.
Come and see our footman Joe,
Most unlike the bounding roe,
Or an arrow from a bow,
Or the flight direct of crow,
Is the pace of footman Joe.
20
In their motions outrun Joe,
Crabs that hobble to and fro,
Look behind and laugh at Joe,
An acre many a man could mow,
Ere across it creepeth Joe.
Danube, Severn, Trent, and Po,
Backward to their source might flow,
Ere dispatch be made by Joe.
Letters to a Plenipo,
Send not by our footman Joe.
Would you Job's full merit know,
Ring the bell, and wait for Joe.
Is your purse or credit low,
Let your debts be paid by Joe;
Legal process none can show,
If your lawyers move like Joe.
EPITAPH.
Death, at last, our common foe,Must trip up the heels of Joe,
And a stone shall tell below
How, scarce changed, sleepeth Joe:
For when the final trump shall blow,
The last that comes will still be Joe.
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