Stray Leaves from the Portfolios of Alisander the Seer, Andrew Whaup, and Humphrey Henkeckle Edited by Alexander Rodger |
 |
DESCRIPTION OF A NONDESCRIPT.
|
 |
|
|
 | Stray Leaves from the Portfolios of Alisander the Seer, Andrew Whaup, and Humphrey Henkeckle |  |
DESCRIPTION OF A NONDESCRIPT.
Or a few Facts strung together, illustrative of the birth, life, and
general character of that Creature, best known where he is by
the name of
‘THE LIVING SHAPE.’
Distorted in body, distorted in soul,
With the heart of a demon, dark, hateful, and foul,
And the head and the hands of a mischievous ape,
Forth issues that miss-shapen thing called the ‘Shape,’
In all the malignance of impotent rage,
'Gainst Freemen and Freedom fell warfare to wage.
With the heart of a demon, dark, hateful, and foul,
And the head and the hands of a mischievous ape,
Forth issues that miss-shapen thing called the ‘Shape,’
In all the malignance of impotent rage,
'Gainst Freemen and Freedom fell warfare to wage.
82
But what is this Shape, doth the kind reader ask?
Which thus undertakes so ungracious a task,
As to vilify those, at once honest and bold,
Who are not to be purchased, and will not be sold;
As to stigmatise measures which wisely were planned,
To save from perdition a fast sinking land?
Which thus undertakes so ungracious a task,
As to vilify those, at once honest and bold,
Who are not to be purchased, and will not be sold;
As to stigmatise measures which wisely were planned,
To save from perdition a fast sinking land?
I'll tell thee, my friend—'twas a terrible night,
When this horrid Shape was first ushered to light,
Loud pealed the deep thunder, red lightnings did glare,
And whirlwind met whirlwind, and strove in the air.
Hail, rain, fire, and tempest conflictingly clashed,
And clouds against clouds in confusion were dashed;
Huge trees were uprooted, and strewn on the ground,
The swoln rivers deluged the country around,
Destroying each barrier that stood in their way,
And spreading wild havoc, and death, and dismay;
So awful the scene was, that both man and brute
With perfect amazement and fear were struck mute.
As the Woman of Endor stood trembling with dread,
When she saw that her spells brought the Seer from the dead,
So Nature to this wild commotion was stirred,
At thus bringing back again—Richard the Third!
But though greatly moved at this strange creature's birth,
Yet still she permits it to grovel on earth,
A curious caricature upon man,
To show that she sometimes departs from her plan,
And stains her fair page once in four hundred years,
With such a foul blot as the Shape now appears.
When this horrid Shape was first ushered to light,
Loud pealed the deep thunder, red lightnings did glare,
And whirlwind met whirlwind, and strove in the air.
Hail, rain, fire, and tempest conflictingly clashed,
And clouds against clouds in confusion were dashed;
Huge trees were uprooted, and strewn on the ground,
The swoln rivers deluged the country around,
Destroying each barrier that stood in their way,
And spreading wild havoc, and death, and dismay;
So awful the scene was, that both man and brute
With perfect amazement and fear were struck mute.
As the Woman of Endor stood trembling with dread,
When she saw that her spells brought the Seer from the dead,
So Nature to this wild commotion was stirred,
At thus bringing back again—Richard the Third!
But though greatly moved at this strange creature's birth,
Yet still she permits it to grovel on earth,
A curious caricature upon man,
To show that she sometimes departs from her plan,
And stains her fair page once in four hundred years,
With such a foul blot as the Shape now appears.
83
But the shell of the Shape we must try to peep through,
And its Proteus-like kernal expose to full view,
The soul of the thing, if a soul it may be;
For some have their doubts on't, and why may not we?
For our own part, we think, that instead of a soul,
The thing is possesed by some horrible goul,
Sent from its dark regions, for some horrid crime,
And condemned to inhabit the Shape for a time;
For we scarce can conceive that a soul would be formed,
To inhabit a body so vile and deformed,
Unless we suppose such a gross piece of clay,
Had been made to imprison some soul cast away.
But be that as it may—be it soul, be it goul,
One thing is most certain, 'tis hideously foul;
Being stained with each vice that can blacken a wretch,
Who is ripening apace for the cord of Jack Ketch.
Hypocrisy, meanness, fraud, treachery, guile,
Venality, envy, and lechery vile,
Malevolence, cunning, spite, falsehood, and pride;
In short, every vice that's supposed to reside
In man or in devil, resides in the Shape;
Which makes it, with such a facility, ape
Each prominent character known about town,
From the saint to the rake, from the sage to the clown.
And its Proteus-like kernal expose to full view,
The soul of the thing, if a soul it may be;
For some have their doubts on't, and why may not we?
For our own part, we think, that instead of a soul,
The thing is possesed by some horrible goul,
Sent from its dark regions, for some horrid crime,
And condemned to inhabit the Shape for a time;
For we scarce can conceive that a soul would be formed,
To inhabit a body so vile and deformed,
Unless we suppose such a gross piece of clay,
Had been made to imprison some soul cast away.
But be that as it may—be it soul, be it goul,
One thing is most certain, 'tis hideously foul;
Being stained with each vice that can blacken a wretch,
Who is ripening apace for the cord of Jack Ketch.
Hypocrisy, meanness, fraud, treachery, guile,
Venality, envy, and lechery vile,
Malevolence, cunning, spite, falsehood, and pride;
In short, every vice that's supposed to reside
In man or in devil, resides in the Shape;
Which makes it, with such a facility, ape
Each prominent character known about town,
From the saint to the rake, from the sage to the clown.
Just follow the thing through its sinuous track,—
(You may know't by the mountain that graces its back:)
Observe it wrapt up in a cloak of Religion,
All humble in manner, and meek as a pigeon,—
So serious and saint-like in God's house of prayer;
Go next to the brothel, you'll find the Shape there,
In sensual dalliance with some wanton wench,
The fire of its lust both to kindle and quench:
Now go to its study, and view it again,
Drawing forth the full stores of its versatile brain,
And penning, as moved by its caprice or whim,
A loose sonnet—Sunday tract—prologue, or hymn.
Now see it to temperance so strongly inclined,
That with Cruickshanks and Kirk it behoves to be joined;
But, lo! on that very same night it gets drunk,
And is found fast asleep in the arms of a punk.
(You may know't by the mountain that graces its back:)
Observe it wrapt up in a cloak of Religion,
All humble in manner, and meek as a pigeon,—
84
Go next to the brothel, you'll find the Shape there,
In sensual dalliance with some wanton wench,
The fire of its lust both to kindle and quench:
Now go to its study, and view it again,
Drawing forth the full stores of its versatile brain,
And penning, as moved by its caprice or whim,
A loose sonnet—Sunday tract—prologue, or hymn.
Now see it to temperance so strongly inclined,
That with Cruickshanks and Kirk it behoves to be joined;
But, lo! on that very same night it gets drunk,
And is found fast asleep in the arms of a punk.
Long, long was the creature opposed to that plan
Which had for its object the freedom of man;
And often it vented its spleen and its rage
Against every one who would dare to engage
In Liberty's cause—for these notions had it,
That the mass of the people are bound to submit
To whatever the Lords of the soil may decree,
And that none but the great have a right to be free;
That Kings are appointed, by warrant divine,
To govern their States as their hearts may incline,
And that subjects have nothing to do but obey
The will of their lords,—be that will what it may;
That the bulk of mankind are a parcel of brutes,
Who have not the least claim to the earth's precious fruits,
But ought to be fed on husks, acorns, and roots,—
While nobles, and kings, and all those who command,
Have an exclusive right to the fat of the land;
That the poor are created for no other end
Than under huge burdens, like camels, to bend,
And that to make use of their reason or thought
They have just as much right as the ass or the goat.
Which had for its object the freedom of man;
And often it vented its spleen and its rage
Against every one who would dare to engage
In Liberty's cause—for these notions had it,
That the mass of the people are bound to submit
To whatever the Lords of the soil may decree,
And that none but the great have a right to be free;
That Kings are appointed, by warrant divine,
To govern their States as their hearts may incline,
And that subjects have nothing to do but obey
The will of their lords,—be that will what it may;
That the bulk of mankind are a parcel of brutes,
Who have not the least claim to the earth's precious fruits,
But ought to be fed on husks, acorns, and roots,—
While nobles, and kings, and all those who command,
Have an exclusive right to the fat of the land;
85
Than under huge burdens, like camels, to bend,
And that to make use of their reason or thought
They have just as much right as the ass or the goat.
This being its creed, how it fretted and fumed,
And squirted its venom at all who assumed
A different opinion, and boldly withstood
An impious faction, who, ruthless and rude,
Made every exertion to blight and destroy
The hope-buds of Freedom,—the blossoms of joy.
And squirted its venom at all who assumed
A different opinion, and boldly withstood
An impious faction, who, ruthless and rude,
Made every exertion to blight and destroy
The hope-buds of Freedom,—the blossoms of joy.
But down fell the faction, and round wheel'd the Shape,
And, with all the grimaces and grins of an ape,
Declared that its eyes were now opened to see
That man was a being God meant to be free;
Especially Britons, whose high moral worth
Was greater than that of all nations on earth;
That they were entitled above all the rest
To free institutions, the purest and best.
Moreover, the thing, in its new-kindled zeal,
And big with the project of Great Britain's weal,
Enlisted itself in the ranks of Reform,
Determined the haunts of Corruption to storm,
And drag from their nests the whole cormorant brood,
Which have fattened so long on the country's best blood.
And, with all the grimaces and grins of an ape,
Declared that its eyes were now opened to see
That man was a being God meant to be free;
Especially Britons, whose high moral worth
Was greater than that of all nations on earth;
That they were entitled above all the rest
To free institutions, the purest and best.
Moreover, the thing, in its new-kindled zeal,
And big with the project of Great Britain's weal,
Enlisted itself in the ranks of Reform,
Determined the haunts of Corruption to storm,
And drag from their nests the whole cormorant brood,
Which have fattened so long on the country's best blood.
But Liberty's atmosphere being too pure
For the putrescent lungs of the Shape to endure;
Hence finding it could not respire without pain,
It ‘returned like the dog to its vomit’ again;
‘Or the sow that was washed;’ but we need not quote more,
It returned to the creed which it held by before.
For the putrescent lungs of the Shape to endure;
Hence finding it could not respire without pain,
It ‘returned like the dog to its vomit’ again;
86
It returned to the creed which it held by before.
Deserting its new friends, it soon found its old,
The keen clinging crabs which tenaciously hold
By Corruption's foul corpus, and therefrom derive
The nutritive filth which preserves them alive.
And having atoned for its late misbehaviour,
The thing was admitted again into favour,
Provided it used both its tongue and its pen
In aspersing the lovers of freedom again.
The keen clinging crabs which tenaciously hold
By Corruption's foul corpus, and therefrom derive
The nutritive filth which preserves them alive.
And having atoned for its late misbehaviour,
The thing was admitted again into favour,
Provided it used both its tongue and its pen
In aspersing the lovers of freedom again.
But the cause of the crew must be desperate indeed,
When they're forced to rely on the Shape in their need;
A proof that the day of their triumph is past,
And their villanous system approaching its last.
When they're forced to rely on the Shape in their need;
A proof that the day of their triumph is past,
And their villanous system approaching its last.
And now its invectives are fiercer than ever,
And truly the thing is amazingly clever
At calling foul names, and bestowing abuse,—
A habit which may be improved by long use;
And the Shape has been fixed in that habit so long
That it grows with its growth,—with its strength waxes strong;
In fact, 'tis a passion that governs the Shape,
And its passions oft land it in some luckless scrape:
'Tis not very long since the thing lost its cloak,
('Twas a nymph of the town slipt it off in a joke,)
Of its cloak of Religion 'twas also bereft,
And in all its own naked deformity left.
Though a low fawning hypocrite long it has been,
In its own proper colours and shape 'tis now seen,
And it never will manage to gull people more
By its canting and whining, as it did before.
And truly the thing is amazingly clever
At calling foul names, and bestowing abuse,—
A habit which may be improved by long use;
And the Shape has been fixed in that habit so long
That it grows with its growth,—with its strength waxes strong;
In fact, 'tis a passion that governs the Shape,
And its passions oft land it in some luckless scrape:
'Tis not very long since the thing lost its cloak,
('Twas a nymph of the town slipt it off in a joke,)
Of its cloak of Religion 'twas also bereft,
And in all its own naked deformity left.
87
In its own proper colours and shape 'tis now seen,
And it never will manage to gull people more
By its canting and whining, as it did before.
We therefore would warn it to keep in its den,
Nor trouble us more, with its tongue or its pen,
Else a sure castigation awaiteth it still,
If it dare to persist in its courses of ill.
This correction which we for the present bestow,
Is nothing to what it shall yet undergo,
If it do not repent, and its manners amend,
And make it its study no more to offend.
Nor trouble us more, with its tongue or its pen,
Else a sure castigation awaiteth it still,
If it dare to persist in its courses of ill.
This correction which we for the present bestow,
Is nothing to what it shall yet undergo,
If it do not repent, and its manners amend,
And make it its study no more to offend.
To conclude, we would warn it again to beware,
For the Lion of Britain is roused from his lair,
And should it much longer his anger provoke,
The result might be worse than the loss of its cloak;
For though he would scorn the vile creature to hurt,
He might—on't, and—on't, and roll't in the dirt.
For the Lion of Britain is roused from his lair,
And should it much longer his anger provoke,
The result might be worse than the loss of its cloak;
For though he would scorn the vile creature to hurt,
He might—on't, and—on't, and roll't in the dirt.
| Stray Leaves from the Portfolios of Alisander the Seer, Andrew Whaup, and Humphrey Henkeckle | |