SCENE I.
A spacious outer room in the prison.
Enter an Under-Gaoler and a Clown.
Clown.
I pray thee now, my good friend, here is
a piece of money for thee—very good money too;
thou mayst look o' both sides of it an' thou wilt: it
has been wrapped up in the foot of my old holiday
stockings since last Michaelmas twelvemonth, and
neither sun nor wind has blown upon it. Take it,
man, thou art heartily welcome to it if thou canst
put me into a good place near the scaffold; or a
place where I may see him upon the scaffold; for I
am five-and-thirty years old next Shrove Tuesday
when the time comes round, and I have never yet
seen in all my born days so much as a thief set i' the
stocks.
Gaoler.
Poor man! thou hast lived in most
deplorable ignorance indeed. But stand aside a
little, here is the famous executioner of Olmutz acoming,
who has been sent for expressly to do the
job; for our own is but a titulary hangman; he has
all the honours of the office, but little experience in
the duties of it.
Clown.
O dickens, I'll creep into a corner then,
and have a good look of him. A man that has cut
off men's heads, save us all! he must have a strange
bloody look about him for certain.
Enter two Executioners, speaking as they enter.
1st ex.
What! no execution in this town for these
ten years past? Lord pity you all for a set of poor
devils indeed! Why, I have known a smaller town
than this keep ye up a first executioner for the
capital business, with a second man under him for
your petty cart-tail and pillory work; ay, and keep
them handsomely employed too. No execution in
such a town as this for these ten years past! One
might as well live amongst the savages.
2d ex.
It is a pitiful thing to be sure, but don't
despise us altogether, Mr. Master: we shall improve
by-and-bye; and here is a fair beginning for
it too, if heaven prosper us.
1st ex.
Ay, thou wilt, perhaps, have the honour
of hanging a thief or two before thou art the age of
Methuselah; but I warrant ye, the beheading of this
young nobleman here by the famous executioner
of Olmutz will be remembered amongst you for generations
to come. It will be the grand date from
which every thing will be reckoned; ay, your very
grandchildren will boast that their fathers were
present at the sight.
2d ex.
I make no doubt on't, my master, but you
are a very capital man in your way: heaven forbid
that I should envy the greatness of any one; but I
would have you to know that there have been
others in the world as good as yourself ere now.
My own father cut off Baron Koslam's head upon
this very scaffold that we now hear them hammering
at.
1st ex.
Some wandering hocus-pocus baron, I
suppose, that sold nostrums for the toothache. I
always put such fellows into the hands of my underling
to operate upon; I never count the dealing
with them as your prime work, though for certain
we must call it your head work; ha! ha! ha!
(Holding out his axe in a vain-glorious manner.)
Seest thou this axe of mine? The best blood of the
country has been upon its edge. To have had one's
father or brother under its stroke, let me tell thee,
is equal to a patent of nobility.
2d ex.
Well, be it so. I envy no man, though
thou art set over my head upon this occasion. I
have whipped, branded, and pilloried in great
meekness and humility for these seven years past;
but the humble shall be exalted at last, and I shall
have better work to do by-and-bye. Let us have
no more contention about it.—Who's there? (Observing
gaoler and clown.)
Ay, gaoler, do thou go
and kick up the black prince, he is snoring in some
corner near us, and send him for some brandy.
[
Gaoler coming forward, with the clown creeping after him, half afraid.
Gaoler.
The black prince is nowhere to be found;
he has not been seen since the cells were locked.
2d ex.
Go fetch us some liquor thyself then.
1st ex.
But who is this sneaking behind thee, and
afraid to show his face?
Gaoler.
Only a poor countryman, a friend of
mine, who wanted to look at you as you passed.
1st ex.
Yes, yes, everybody has a curiosity to look
at extraordinary persons. (To clown.)
Come forward,
man, and don't be afraid. Didst thou ever
before see any thing better than a poor parish
priest, or a scrubby lord of the village? didst thou,
eh?
Clown
(abashed).
I don't know, please you: my
brother did once stand within a team's length of
the Prince of Carrara, when he passed through our
village on his way to Franconia.
1st ex.
So then thou art not the first of thy
family that has seen a great man. But don't be
afraid, my good fellow, I a'n't proud nor haughty
as many of them be: thou shalt even shake hands
with me an' thou wilt.
[
Holding out his hand to clown, who shrinks from him, and puts his hands behind his back.
Clown.
No, I thank you; I ben't much of a
hand-shaker: I have got a little sore on my thumb,
may it please you: I thank you all the same as
though I did.
1st ex.
Ay, thou art too mannerly to call it the
thing that we wot of. Well, thou art a good sort
of fellow; don't be abashed: thou seest I am very
condescending to thee. Come, then, thou shalt
drink a cup of liquor with me. Follow us into the
next ward, my good friend.
Clown
(shrinking from him again).
O na, save your presence! I'll go with the gaoler here.
1st ex.
(to 2d executioner).
Ay, he is but a poor bashful clown, and don't know how to behave himself
in good company. [Exeunt executioners.
Clown.
Shake hands with him, Mary preserve
us! it sets the very ends of my fingers a-dingling.
Drink out of the same mug with him, too! (sputtering
with his lips)
poh! poh! poh! the taste of
raw heads and carrion is on my lips at the thoughts
of it. (To gaoler.)
Come, let us go out of this
place; I be long enough here. (Stepping short as
he goes off.)
What noise and hammering is this we
hear?
Gaoler.
It is the workmen putting up the scaffold.
Clown
(starting).
What, are we so near to it?
mercy on us! let me get out of this place, for it
puts me into a terrible quandary.
Gaoler.
If this be the mettle thou art made of,
thou hadst better take thy money again, and I'll
give thy place for the sight to somebody that has
got a stouter heart than thou hast.
Clown.
Na, na, I won't do that neither; I have
a huge desire to see how a man looks when he is
going to have his head cut off, and I'll stay for the
sight, though I should swoon for it. Poor man! poor
man! what frightful things there be in this world,
when one's mind sets a-thinking upon it!—Is he a
tall man, now (to gaoler)
, or a short man? a palefaced
man, or—ay, pale enough, I warrant.
Mercy on us! I shall think of him many a night
after this, before I go to sleep. Poor man! poor
man! what terrible things there be in this world, if
a body does but think of them.
[
Exeunt clown and gaoler.
