Chalcographimania or, the Portrait-Collector and Printseller's Chronicle, with Infatuations of euery Description. A humorous poem in four books. With copious notes explanatory. By Satiricus Sculptor [i.e. S. W. H. Ireland] |
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THEATRICAL CACOETHES. |
 | Chalcographimania |  |
THEATRICAL CACOETHES.
Sed variis illudit partibus.
HORACE.
But mocks them all in different ways.
Of K---mble I must not refuse
To W---ldr---n place who doats on plays ,
That acted were in ancient days,
The sock and buskin heretofore:
As for his prowess on the stage,
He may possess some mental rage,
But hearing is a certain test
With sight—that proves his bad's the best;
For sov'reign nature hath denied,
That he should e'er expertly ride
His hobby:—strutting scenic god,
Wherefore he ranks a Thespian clod:
As Player thus the Author's brother,
Just skill'd in one, as well as t'other.
With love Shakesperian wond'rous fierce;
O'er prints theatric, when they meet;
And scribbles too—dear recreation,
For page of monthly publication:—
Nor be O! Muse, forgot the night
When in Third Richard's costume dight,
He did the arduous feat essay,
And ranted thus some hours away.
Wherefore let foes say what they can,
He ranks stage-bitten gentleman;
Like Coates theatric connoisseur,
Call'd Fashion's famous Amateur,
Who boasts from dames bound in his fillets,
A countless pile of tender billets ,
Poor disappointed female sex.
View Play-house Mirror, famous H---ll,
Who gorges on poetic lore
Of ancient date, and boasts a store
With prints conjoin'd; which aught impart
Descriptive of the Scenic art .
Our Chaleographian course pursue,
M---th---ws collector of each print ,
That shows of Garrick's phiz the dint,
And folios eke intent to grace,
With prints that blazon scenic race:
Belov'd of Suett, now no more ,
Barbatics pride that made him crazy,
Old Caxon, Scratch, Tie, Bob, and Jazy,
Esteeming each a wond'rous prize.
The Thespian now under review, has always evinced a desire to possess theatric curiosities, but the state of his purse has unfortunately damped his ardour. He was formerly a book-vender in Middle-row, and has presented himself to the public as a dramatic writer as well as player; but I am sorry it does not lie in my power to pass any encomium upon his poetry or performance. Notwithstanding this conclusive stricture, I really wish Mr. W---dr---n success in all his undertakings, as he is a quiet, inoffensive, and well-meaning man.
Ex quovis ligno non fit Mercurius.
Mr. L---chf---ld, the friend of Messrs. B---d---n and H---ll, is said to be as well read in Shakespearian lore, as any of his renowned commentators; while his pen is monthly employed to blazon the pages of the Theatric Mirror. This gentleman, who purchases every thing relating to the stage, is frequently seen in the shop of play-vending B---rk---r, of Russell-street, in order to be in the vortex of dramatic literature; but the effect of his mania was never rendered so conspicuous as when he essayed the arduous part of Richard the Third, in which scenic attempt however he completely failed. It was owing to this circumstance that when at the masquerade a short time after, a gentleman present chancing to recognise Mr. L---chf---ld's person, accosted him in the following words:
“If Richard's fit to live, let Richmond fall;”
which appropriate exclamation so offended the would-be Roscius, that he not only wanted to see the face of the person in question, but also talked loudly of exchanging cards, a challenge, and so forth.
This conceited personage, who has enacted sufficient to entitle him to the appellation of f---l, so long as he shall continue to play his part in this world, has absolutely the vanity to boast that he has upwards of one thousand letters from the ladies, which he preserves unopened.—Query. If they continue sealed up, how can this connoisseur ascertain for a certainty that they are the productions of a female hand?
Our collector, editor, and play-goer, has weighty reasons and sterling arguments to account for his theatric mania, witness, Veluti in Speculum. Some years back when the heyday of the blood was more predominant than at present, Mr. H---ll no doubt remembers a tale that was current in the lobbies of Covent Garden and Drury Lane theatres, respecting a gentleman who went from the playhouse with a Cyprian, and remained at her lodgings till the ensuing morning, when in the place of leaving an Abraham Newland upon the dressing-table, the female votary of pleasure after the gentleman's departure, found the present to be no other than one of Gowland's Lotion bills, which bore a striking resemblance to a bank-note. This was thought a good hoax, but the expressive title of bilk continued long after to accompany the name of the person in question.
The extraordinary and versatile powers of this comedian do not stand in need of any panegyric, as it is quite sufficient to witness the exertion of his talents, which must command admiration. Under the guidance of C---r---m the printseller, as I have been informed, M---th---ws is forming a collection of theatricals, being particularly anxious to possess every thing relating to the inimitable Garrick.
The late Mr. Suett, the comedian, whose eccentricity and comic powers still live in the memory of the public, had collected a vast number of Old Wigs, which unfortunately were destroyed by fire, and among the rest was one of those appendages of the head, said to have belonged to King Charles II. which Suett bought at the sale of the effects of old Rawle, the antiquarian. As the theatrical powers of M---th---ws are of the broad comic cast, which was Suett's characteristic vein, the former, no doubt, actuated by a similar cacoëthes, has taken to the Wig Mania, since it is an old and received opinion that wits will jump. As I am upon the subject of an article appertaining to dress, I can do no other than candidly avow, that I should feel proud to possess the relics forwarded by order of the invincible Lord Nelson to Lady Hamilton which were the several articles of apparel in which he was habited when the fatal ball deprived that gallant admiral of his life, and the country of one of its bravest defenders.
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