 | Lays of Leisure Hours |  |
INDIFFERENCE.
Indifference—in some mood of pride
For thee full often have I sighed,
And deemed Life's happiest moments were
Ev'n those that owned no love-born care.
For thee full often have I sighed,
And deemed Life's happiest moments were
Ev'n those that owned no love-born care.
And now against suspense I railed,
By which the trembling heart assailed,
Through every pulse feels keener life,
Wrought to one agony of strife!
By which the trembling heart assailed,
Through every pulse feels keener life,
Wrought to one agony of strife!
473
And now 'gainst racking jealousy
(With scorching tear and choaking sigh)
That hoard up poisons evermore
As doth the bee its honeyed store!
(With scorching tear and choaking sigh)
That hoard up poisons evermore
As doth the bee its honeyed store!
And now 'gainst blushing shrinking shame
That dares not own the heav'n-born flame,
But dwells in silent fear apart
With the whole burthen at her heart!
That dares not own the heav'n-born flame,
But dwells in silent fear apart
With the whole burthen at her heart!
And still 'gainst these I railed—and prayed
That thou wouldst come unto mine aid,
Indifference—with thy healing balm,
Thy dreamless rest—thy breathless calm.
That thou wouldst come unto mine aid,
Indifference—with thy healing balm,
Thy dreamless rest—thy breathless calm.
But when I sought indeed to move
Free from the fettering power of Love—
How beautiful—how bright I found
The chain wherewith my Soul was bound.
Free from the fettering power of Love—
How beautiful—how bright I found
The chain wherewith my Soul was bound.
474
Even these worst pangs of fevered pain
That shot like fire through breast and brain,
And racked me with a restless fear,
I felt as Life itself were dear.
That shot like fire through breast and brain,
And racked me with a restless fear,
I felt as Life itself were dear.
Like jewels on a dazzling chain
That each doth Sunlight-hues retain,
Seemed those rich Sorrows then to be,
And could I still wish to be free?
That each doth Sunlight-hues retain,
Seemed those rich Sorrows then to be,
And could I still wish to be free?
With none could I resolve to part,
Oh! wavering weak and yielding heart,
Each pang was precious, and my pride
In the unequal struggle died!
Oh! wavering weak and yielding heart,
Each pang was precious, and my pride
In the unequal struggle died!
The vain and foolish dream is flown,
Oh! Feeling—I am all thine own,
Indifference! hateful, hated state,
Away!—I fling thee from my Fate!
Oh! Feeling—I am all thine own,
Indifference! hateful, hated state,
Away!—I fling thee from my Fate!
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