 | London lyrics |  |
43
AN OLD MUFF
He cannot be complete in aught
Who is not humorously prone,—
A man without a merry thought
Can hardly have a funny bone.
Who is not humorously prone,—
A man without a merry thought
Can hardly have a funny bone.
Time has a magic wand!
What is this meets my hand,
Moth-eaten, mouldy, and
Cover'd with fluff?
Faded, and stiff, and scant;
Can it be? no, it can't—
Yes, I declare, it's Aunt
Prudence's Muff!
What is this meets my hand,
Moth-eaten, mouldy, and
Cover'd with fluff?
Faded, and stiff, and scant;
Can it be? no, it can't—
Yes, I declare, it's Aunt
Prudence's Muff!
Years ago, twenty-three,
Old Uncle Doubledee
Gave it to Aunty P.
Laughing and teasing—
“Pru., of the breezy curls,
Question those solemn churls,—
What holds a pretty girl's
Hand without squeezing?”
Old Uncle Doubledee
Gave it to Aunty P.
Laughing and teasing—
“Pru., of the breezy curls,
Question those solemn churls,—
What holds a pretty girl's
Hand without squeezing?”
44
Uncle was then a lad
Gay, but, I grieve to add,
Sinful, if smoking bad
Baccy's a vice:
Glossy was then this mink
Muff, lined with pretty pink
Satin, which maidens think
“Awfully nice!”
Gay, but, I grieve to add,
Sinful, if smoking bad
Baccy's a vice:
Glossy was then this mink
Muff, lined with pretty pink
Satin, which maidens think
“Awfully nice!”
I seem to see again
Aunt in her hood and train,
Glide, with a sweet disdain,
Gravely to Meeting:
Psalm-book and kerchief new,
Peep'd from the Muff of Pru.;
Young men, and pious too,
Giving her greeting.
Aunt in her hood and train,
Glide, with a sweet disdain,
Gravely to Meeting:
Psalm-book and kerchief new,
Peep'd from the Muff of Pru.;
Young men, and pious too,
Giving her greeting.
Sweetly her Sabbath sped
Then; from this Muff, it's said,
Tracts she distributed:—
Converts (till Monday!)
Lured by the grace they lack'd,
Follow'd her. One, in fact,
Ask'd for—and got his tract
Twice of a Sunday!
Then; from this Muff, it's said,
Tracts she distributed:—
Converts (till Monday!)
Lured by the grace they lack'd,
Follow'd her. One, in fact,
Ask'd for—and got his tract
Twice of a Sunday!
45
Love has a potent spell;
Soon this bold Ne'er-do-well,
Aunt's too susceptible
Heart undermining,
Slipt, so the scandal runs,
Notes in the pretty nun's
Muff, triple-corner'd ones,
Pink as its lining.
Soon this bold Ne'er-do-well,
Aunt's too susceptible
Heart undermining,
Slipt, so the scandal runs,
Notes in the pretty nun's
Muff, triple-corner'd ones,
Pink as its lining.
Worse follow'd—soon the jade
Fled (to oblige her blade!)
Whilst her friends thought that they'd
Lock'd her up tightly:
After such shocking games
Aunt is of wedded dames
Gayest, and now her name's
Mrs. Golightly.
Fled (to oblige her blade!)
Whilst her friends thought that they'd
Lock'd her up tightly:
After such shocking games
Aunt is of wedded dames
Gayest, and now her name's
Mrs. Golightly.
In female conduct flaw
Sadder I never saw,
Faith still I've in the law
Of compensation.
Once Uncle went astray,
Smoked, joked, and swore away,
Sworn by he's now, by a
Large congregation.
Sadder I never saw,
Faith still I've in the law
Of compensation.
Once Uncle went astray,
Smoked, joked, and swore away,
Sworn by he's now, by a
Large congregation.
46
Changed is the Child of Sin,
Now he's (he once was thin)
Grave, with a double chin,—
Blest be his fat form!
Changed is the garb he wore,
Preacher was never more
Prized than is Uncle for
Pulpit or platform.
Now he's (he once was thin)
Grave, with a double chin,—
Blest be his fat form!
Changed is the garb he wore,
Preacher was never more
Prized than is Uncle for
Pulpit or platform.
If all's as best befits
Mortals of slender wits,
Then beg this Muff and its
Fair owner pardon:
All's for the best, indeed
Such is my simple creed;
Still I must go and weed
Hard in my garden.
Mortals of slender wits,
Then beg this Muff and its
Fair owner pardon:
All's for the best, indeed
Such is my simple creed;
Still I must go and weed
Hard in my garden.
1863.
| London lyrics | |