 | Number Twenty |  |
107
A FABLE FOR JUDGES.
Darby had jogged with Joan along
For years, and never thought it wrong
(Nor does one husband in a million,
If we the honest truth must own)
That he should ride in front, and Joan
Should sit behind him, on a pillion.
For years, and never thought it wrong
(Nor does one husband in a million,
If we the honest truth must own)
That he should ride in front, and Joan
Should sit behind him, on a pillion.
The road was long, and sometimes rough,
And Dobbin's legs, though stout enough,
Might have been just a thought more supple;
But still their way, well pleased, they went;
They jogged along, I say, content,
A simple-minded country couple.
And Dobbin's legs, though stout enough,
Might have been just a thought more supple;
But still their way, well pleased, they went;
They jogged along, I say, content,
A simple-minded country couple.
Well, as it fell upon a day,
While journeying on their usual way,
Little suspecting what hung o'er them,
Behold! attired in full-dress “rig”
Of gown, and bands, and horse-hair wig,
Three learnèd lawyers stood before them.
While journeying on their usual way,
Little suspecting what hung o'er them,
Behold! attired in full-dress “rig”
Of gown, and bands, and horse-hair wig,
Three learnèd lawyers stood before them.
“Here! hi! you two!” their lordships said
(One of them went to Dobbin's head),
With air imperious, almost regal,
“In all our lives we never saw
Such bold defiance of the law,
This mode of riding's quite illegal.
(One of them went to Dobbin's head),
With air imperious, almost regal,
108
Such bold defiance of the law,
This mode of riding's quite illegal.
“'Twill be a gross contempt of court
If you, sir, dare maintain the sort
Of attitude in which we find you;
You can't, whoever owns the horse,
Allege the slightest right, of course,
To make the lady sit behind you.
If you, sir, dare maintain the sort
Of attitude in which we find you;
You can't, whoever owns the horse,
Allege the slightest right, of course,
To make the lady sit behind you.
“This is undoubted law, we know,
And hold that it was always so
From earliest times of Celt and Saxon;
But be that matter as it may,
At any rate 'tis law to-day,
For see ‘Ex parte Emily Jackson.’”
And hold that it was always so
From earliest times of Celt and Saxon;
But be that matter as it may,
At any rate 'tis law to-day,
For see ‘Ex parte Emily Jackson.’”
Poor Darby stared: his law was weak;
The man was naturally meek;
And when they cried, “Alight, dear madam!”
'Twas vain, he could not but perceive,
To cite the judgment in “Re Eve,”
Or try them with “Ex parte Adam.”
The man was naturally meek;
And when they cried, “Alight, dear madam!”
'Twas vain, he could not but perceive,
To cite the judgment in “Re Eve,”
Or try them with “Ex parte Adam.”
His wife was struck by the advice,
Dame Joan dismounted in a trice,
While sheepish Darby, fain to follow,
Stood gazing pensive on the ground,
And turned the judgment round and round,
Like something which he couldn't swallow.
Dame Joan dismounted in a trice,
While sheepish Darby, fain to follow,
Stood gazing pensive on the ground,
And turned the judgment round and round,
Like something which he couldn't swallow.
109
At last he stammered out the words,
“Is she to ride in front, my Lords?”
(How that would have amazed Justinian!)
But straight came back the answer pat,
“We guard ourselves from saying that,
On that we offer no opinion.
“Is she to ride in front, my Lords?”
(How that would have amazed Justinian!)
But straight came back the answer pat,
“We guard ourselves from saying that,
On that we offer no opinion.
“Our judgment's only gist and brunt
Is that you may not ride in front
On any plea; and if you do, sir,
Your wife acquires the right, we say,
To have another horse straightway,
And have the bill sent in to you, sir.”
Is that you may not ride in front
On any plea; and if you do, sir,
Your wife acquires the right, we say,
To have another horse straightway,
And have the bill sent in to you, sir.”
On this, their lordships left the place
With that sedate and solemn pace
Affected by the learnèd classes;
Joan looked at Darby, he at her,
But neither seemed inclined to stir,
And Dobbin browsed the roadside grasses.
With that sedate and solemn pace
Affected by the learnèd classes;
Joan looked at Darby, he at her,
But neither seemed inclined to stir,
And Dobbin browsed the roadside grasses.
Some minutes after, Darby spoke,
Prepared, unhappy man, to joke
On what might prove a life's estrangement.
“I mustn't ride in front, 'tis true,”
Said he; “but neither, dear, may you,
So what's to be the new arrangement?”
Prepared, unhappy man, to joke
On what might prove a life's estrangement.
“I mustn't ride in front, 'tis true,”
Said he; “but neither, dear, may you,
So what's to be the new arrangement?”
Now plans may in a flash arise
Which, usually to devise,
Would take the most inventive man years.
And thus inspired the husband cried,
“If side by side we needs must ride,
Let me suggest—a pair of panniers!”
Which, usually to devise,
Would take the most inventive man years.
110
“If side by side we needs must ride,
Let me suggest—a pair of panniers!”
Joan answered not; she would not talk;
She neither cared to ride nor walk;
She mused, she sulked, she wanted rousing.
Darby, good soul, resolved to wait;
He lit a pipe, and climbed a gate,
While Dobbin still continued browsing.
She neither cared to ride nor walk;
She mused, she sulked, she wanted rousing.
Darby, good soul, resolved to wait;
He lit a pipe, and climbed a gate,
While Dobbin still continued browsing.
But if I'm asked, my married friends,
To tell you how this story ends,
And what are now that pair's positions,
I frankly own I do not know;
I really cannot say—although
I entertain my own suspicions.
To tell you how this story ends,
And what are now that pair's positions,
I frankly own I do not know;
I really cannot say—although
I entertain my own suspicions.
Judges are influential men,
They awe the simple citizen,
And their pronouncements ought to bind him.
But yet—but yet—when once these twain
Remount, I think you'll find again
Darby in front, and Joan behind him.
They awe the simple citizen,
And their pronouncements ought to bind him.
But yet—but yet—when once these twain
Remount, I think you'll find again
Darby in front, and Joan behind him.
| Number Twenty | |