Recaptured Rhymes Being a Batch of Political and Other Fugitives Arrested and Brought to Book. By H. D. Traill |
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FROM AN IRISH LETTER-BAG. |
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 | Recaptured Rhymes |  |
43
FROM AN IRISH LETTER-BAG.
(1880.)
Dear Frank,
I have read with profound admiration
The eloquent speeches you lately have made,
And applaud in especial that noble oration
Directed at landlords who wish to be paid.
The eloquent speeches you lately have made,
And applaud in especial that noble oration
Directed at landlords who wish to be paid.
You denounce with the force of invincible reason
Those merciless men who their tenantry press,
And who thus in the present deplorable season
Attempt to make capital out of distress.
Those merciless men who their tenantry press,
And who thus in the present deplorable season
Attempt to make capital out of distress.
Of the part that I took at the recent election
To aid your return I have cause to be proud;
So believe me, dear Frank, with the truest affection,
Yours ever admiringly,
To aid your return I have cause to be proud;
So believe me, dear Frank, with the truest affection,
Yours ever admiringly,
Dicky O'Dowd.
44
Dear Dick,
For the friendly and cousinly spirit
Displayed in your letter its writer I thank;
Of landlords like you the approval to merit
Is more than enough for yours heartily,
For the friendly and cousinly spirit
Displayed in your letter its writer I thank;
Of landlords like you the approval to merit
Is more than enough for yours heartily,
Frank.
Dear Frank,
I have no hesitation in tasking
The kindness of one so large-hearted as you,
And I therefore address you with confidence, asking
Your leave for delaying a payment that's due.
The kindness of one so large-hearted as you,
And I therefore address you with confidence, asking
Your leave for delaying a payment that's due.
As from now till a year from the coming December
The rent of my farms I must wholly abate,
You will hardly expect me till then to remember
Your charge on the Ballymahoony estate.
The rent of my farms I must wholly abate,
You will hardly expect me till then to remember
Your charge on the Ballymahoony estate.
45
Hard pressed as I am, it would greatly relieve me,
This eighteen months' grace if I might be allowed;
So, assuming your friendly forbearance, believe me,
Your cousin affectionate,
This eighteen months' grace if I might be allowed;
So, assuming your friendly forbearance, believe me,
Your cousin affectionate,
Dicky O'Dowd.
Dear Dick,
I assure you it pains me intensely
Your modest request to be forced to refuse;
But though to assent would rejoice me immensely,
I'm really in no situation to choose.
Your modest request to be forced to refuse;
But though to assent would rejoice me immensely,
I'm really in no situation to choose.
To postpone to one's children relations more distant
Is surely a maxim you wouldn't condemn;
And my family, Dick! 'twould be scarcely consistent
With what I regard as my duty to them.
Is surely a maxim you wouldn't condemn;
And my family, Dick! 'twould be scarcely consistent
With what I regard as my duty to them.
Then forgive me, old boy, that the claims of my wife and
My brats before yours—even yours—I must rank;
So heartily wishing you health and long life and
A bumper next harvest, yours lovingly,
My brats before yours—even yours—I must rank;
46
A bumper next harvest, yours lovingly,
Frank.
Dear Frank,
I'm aware of my “once removed” cousins,
But I, recollect, am a “father of five,”
While my tenants, alas! can display them in dozens,
A-swarm in their cabins like bees in a hive.
But I, recollect, am a “father of five,”
While my tenants, alas! can display them in dozens,
A-swarm in their cabins like bees in a hive.
Tim Doolan, with eight, hasn't found it convenient
To pay me a farthing for two years and more;
And, in spite of my five, I'm obliged to be lenient,
So, you, too, might manage it, Frank, with your four.
To pay me a farthing for two years and more;
And, in spite of my five, I'm obliged to be lenient,
So, you, too, might manage it, Frank, with your four.
I think we should help one another to bear it—
This burden by which the whole country is bowed;
And I cannot but think you are ready to share it
With yours very faithfully,
This burden by which the whole country is bowed;
And I cannot but think you are ready to share it
With yours very faithfully,
Dicky O'Dowd.
47
Dear Dick,
You behaved with a wise moderation,
I own, when your claim on Tim Doolan you sank;
But I cannot perceive that a like obligation
Devolves upon yours very faithfully,
You behaved with a wise moderation,
I own, when your claim on Tim Doolan you sank;
But I cannot perceive that a like obligation
Devolves upon yours very faithfully,
Frank.
Dear Frank,
Can't you really? 'Tis I then who labour
Beneath moral-optic illusions alone.
But I know that the judge of the case of a neighbour
Is mighty astute to “distinguish” his own.
Beneath moral-optic illusions alone.
But I know that the judge of the case of a neighbour
Is mighty astute to “distinguish” his own.
Yet allow me to say, your humanity-preachings
Might well be a little less eager and loud
While you throw the expense of applying its teachings
On yours unassistedly,
Might well be a little less eager and loud
While you throw the expense of applying its teachings
On yours unassistedly,
Dicky O'Dowd.
48
Sir,
I beg to acknowledge your insolent letter,
But care not its sophistries cheap to expose;
I'm content to remark that I think it is better
That this correspondence between us should close.
But care not its sophistries cheap to expose;
I'm content to remark that I think it is better
That this correspondence between us should close.
If you cannot perceive the disparity glaring
Between the two cases you seek to confuse,
I must leave you alone with your blunder, despairing
Of bringing you round to more sensible views.
Between the two cases you seek to confuse,
I must leave you alone with your blunder, despairing
Of bringing you round to more sensible views.
But though I shan't waste my own labour in writing,
To try and point out the mistake you have made,
I may, by a letter my lawyer's inditing,
Convince you, perhaps, that I mean to be paid.
To try and point out the mistake you have made,
I may, by a letter my lawyer's inditing,
Convince you, perhaps, that I mean to be paid.
I want but my money, and do not intend it
Grabbed up by a covetous landlord to be,
So a cheque if you please, and the sooner you send it
The better you'll satisfy
Grabbed up by a covetous landlord to be,
So a cheque if you please, and the sooner you send it
The better you'll satisfy
F. H. O'D.
49
Sir,
Take and be—happy, the sum that I owe you,
The slice from your debtor, you Shylock avowed!
It is something at least and at last that I know you.
Your luckless Antonio,
Take and be—happy, the sum that I owe you,
The slice from your debtor, you Shylock avowed!
It is something at least and at last that I know you.
Your luckless Antonio,
Richard O'Dowd.
Post scriptum.—I erred, and I own it with candour,
In thinking, misled by analogy loose,
To apply to the humanitarian gander
Your sauce for the landed-proprietor goose.
In thinking, misled by analogy loose,
To apply to the humanitarian gander
Your sauce for the landed-proprietor goose.
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