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The works of Mr. Thomas Brown

Serious and Comical, In Prose and Verse; In four volumes. The Fourth Edition, Corrected, and much Enlarged from his Originals never before publish'd. With a key to all his Writings

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Advice to the Kentish Long-Tails, by the Wise Men of Gotham. In answer to their late sawcy Petition to the Parliament, 1701
  
  
  
  
  
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Advice to the Kentish Long-Tails, by the Wise Men of Gotham. In answer to their late sawcy Petition to the Parliament, 1701

We, the Long-Heads of Gotham, o'er our merry Cups meeting,
To the Long-Tails of Kent, by these Presents send Greeting:
WHEREAS we're inform'd, that your Maid-stone Grand Jury,
A most Monstrous Petition has pen'd in a Fury,
We are strangely surpriz'd at the News, we'll assure ye.
Unless both our Reading and Memory fails,
Old Kent has been fam'd, not for Heads, but for Tails.
Not to make on your Intellects any Reflection,
The Senate needs none of the Kentish Direction
To prevent foreign Insults, and home Insurrection,
Without your intruding and sage interposing,
And thrusting where no Body calls you, your Nose in,
Our Commons will steer the great Boat of themselves,
And save it from dashing on Rocks or on Shelves;
They'll provide for our Tarrs, and settle the Nation.
Then let each private Man be content in his Station.
We therefore advise you to lead sober Lives,
To look after your Orchards, and comfort your Wives.
To Gibbets and Gallows your Owlers advance,
That, that's the sure way to mortify France;
For Monsieur our Nation will always be gulling,
While you take such care to supply him with Woollen.
And if your Allegiance to Cæsar's so great,
All smuggling and stealing of Customs defeat,
Or else all your Loyalty's nought but a Cheat.
Above all, let each Long-Tail his Talent employ,
On his Spouse's soft Anvil to get such a Boy
As will equal in Vigour the fam'd William Joy.

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Then in Peace you may eat both your boil'd and your Roast,
And the French will be damn'd e'er they Land on your Coast.
Signed by the Mayor, Aldermen, and the Common-Council, all the Inhabitants, both Men, Women and Children, that could make their Marks, at the Quarter-Sessions, holden at Gotham, in Comitatu Essex, the 12th of May, 1701.