University of Virginia Library

Short Reflections upon Old Age, or Good Advice to the Grunting Miser.

Why how now, Old Grandsir, what is it you mean,
Will you live till you're change to an Infant again;
'Tis a shame at these Years you should hoard up your Bags,
And dissemble your Wealth in your greasy old Rags,
Whilst your Children and Kindred all greedily wait,
To be blest with the Joyful News of your Fate.
You have stretch'd out your Span to a wonderful length,
Till your Senses all fail you, as well as your strength;
All your Teeth have been long tumbled out of their Sockets,
And your Eyes for an Age have been worn in your Pockets.
You're as Deaf as an Adder, and nothing can hear,
But a hoop or a hollow forc'd into your Ear:
You're so numb'd, and so frozen with Age and Decay,
And your Corps such a Lump of Inanimate Clay,
That a Virgin's soft Hand would not comfort your Heart;
Tho 'twas warmly apply'd to your tenderest part;
Your Lungs have not Breath enough left for a Whistle,
And you mumble your Words as an Ass does a Thistle.
Your Brains are consum'd, and your Faculties fled,
And as now you sit moaping, your reverend Head,
Like a Michaelmas Tree, does its Ornament shed.
Since your State's so unhappy, what Ease can you find
Upon Earth for your impotent Body, or Mind;
And if you're uneasy, I pray tell us why,
When you live in such Pain you're unwilling to dye:
But your Money, you say, is the prevalent Bait
That invites you to live in so wretched a state.
If thy Wealt be the Curse that deludes thee to dwell
Upon Earth in such fear of thy Funeral Knell,
Fling thy Judgments aside, and thy Coin to the Devil,
Tis the Miser that makes it the Root of all Evil;
Or at least let it fly to thy Children and Friends,
E'er, in spight of thy Teeth, it among 'em descends,
And let those thou hast wrong'd have a Competent share,
That the rest, without Curses, may fall to thy Heir;
Yet be sure save enough that thou may'st not depend
On the kindness of Children, or love of thy Friend,
Such an Income that's neither too scanty, or large,
But enough to live well, and for Funeral Charge;
And when this you have done, you will certainly find,
You'll be freed from the stings of a troublesome Mind,
That you better may think of your Ultimate Home,
And prepare, against Death, for the Kingdom to come.