The Farthingale Reviv'd or, More Work for the Cooper. A Panegyrick on the late, but most admirable Invention of the Hoop-Petticoat: Written at the Bath in the Year 1711 [by Forbes of Disblair] |
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 | The Farthingale Reviv'd |  |
[There's scarce a Bard, that writ in former time]
------Sileat Miraculo Memphis.
Mart.
There's scarce a Bard, that writ in former time,
Had e'er so great, so bright a Theme for Rhyme;
The Mantuan Swain, if living, wou'd confess
Ours more surprizing than his Tyrian Dress:
And Ovid's Mistress, in her loose Attire,
Wou'd cease to charm his Eyes, or raise Desire;
Were he at Bath, and had these Coats in view
He'd write his Metamorphosis anew:
Delia, fresh-hoop'd, wou'd o'er his Heart prevail,
To leave Corinna, and her tawdry Veil.
Had e'er so great, so bright a Theme for Rhyme;
The Mantuan Swain, if living, wou'd confess
Ours more surprizing than his Tyrian Dress:
And Ovid's Mistress, in her loose Attire,
Wou'd cease to charm his Eyes, or raise Desire;
Were he at Bath, and had these Coats in view
He'd write his Metamorphosis anew:
Delia, fresh-hoop'd, wou'd o'er his Heart prevail,
To leave Corinna, and her tawdry Veil.
Hear, great Apollo, and my Genius guide,
To sing this glorious Miracle of Pride:
Nor yet disdain the Subject for its Name,
Since meaner things have oft been sung to Fame.
Ev'n Boots and Spurs have grac'd Heroick Verse;
Butler his Knight's whole Suit did well rehearse,
King Harry's Codpiece stands upon record,
And every Age will Precedents afford.
To sing this glorious Miracle of Pride:
Nor yet disdain the Subject for its Name,
Since meaner things have oft been sung to Fame.
2
Butler his Knight's whole Suit did well rehearse,
King Harry's Codpiece stands upon record,
And every Age will Precedents afford.
Then on my Muse, and sing in Epick Strain,
The Petticoat—thou shalt not sing in vain;
The Petticoat will sure reward thy Pain.
With all thy Skill its secret Virtues tell;
A Petticoat shou'd still be handl'd well.
The Petticoat—thou shalt not sing in vain;
The Petticoat will sure reward thy Pain.
With all thy Skill its secret Virtues tell;
A Petticoat shou'd still be handl'd well.
Oh Garment, heavenly wide! thy spacious Round
Do's my astonish'd Thoughts almost confound!
My Fancy cannot grasp thee at a view;
None, at first Sight, e'er such a Picture drew.
The daring Artist that describes thee true
Must change his Sides, as modern Statesmen do;
Or, like the Painter, when some Church he draws,
Following his own, and not the Builder's Laws,
At once shew but one Prospect to the Sight;
For North and South together can't be right.
Do's my astonish'd Thoughts almost confound!
My Fancy cannot grasp thee at a view;
None, at first Sight, e'er such a Picture drew.
The daring Artist that describes thee true
Must change his Sides, as modern Statesmen do;
Or, like the Painter, when some Church he draws,
Following his own, and not the Builder's Laws,
At once shew but one Prospect to the Sight;
For North and South together can't be right.
Hence ye Profane,—nor think I shall reveal
The happy Wonders which these Vests conceal:
Hence your unhallow'd Eyes and Ears remove;
'Tis Cupid's Circle, 'tis the Orb of Love.
Let it suffice you see th' unwieldy Fair
Sail thro the Streets with Gales of swelling Air;
Nor think (like Fools) the Ladies, woud they try,
Arm'd with their Furbeloes, and these, cou'd fly:
That's all Romantick, for these Garments show,
Their Thoughts are with their Petticoats, below.
The happy Wonders which these Vests conceal:
Hence your unhallow'd Eyes and Ears remove;
'Tis Cupid's Circle, 'tis the Orb of Love.
Let it suffice you see th' unwieldy Fair
Sail thro the Streets with Gales of swelling Air;
Nor think (like Fools) the Ladies, woud they try,
Arm'd with their Furbeloes, and these, cou'd fly:
That's all Romantick, for these Garments show,
Their Thoughts are with their Petticoats, below.
Nor must we blame them, whilst they stretch their Art
T'adorn and guard the Fundamental Part;
For that, perhaps, may stand 'em more in stead
Than Loads of Ribbons fluttering on the Head:
And let Philosophers say what they will,
There's something surer than their Eyes do's kill.
We tell the Nymph, that we her Face adore:
But well she knows we aim at something more.
T'adorn and guard the Fundamental Part;
For that, perhaps, may stand 'em more in stead
Than Loads of Ribbons fluttering on the Head:
And let Philosophers say what they will,
There's something surer than their Eyes do's kill.
3
But well she knows we aim at something more.
In vain the Ladies spend their Morning Hours
Erecting on their Heads stupendous Towers;
A Battery from thence might scare the Foe,
But certain Victory is gain'd below.
Let Damon then the adverse Champion be,
Topknots for him, and Petticoats for me.
Erecting on their Heads stupendous Towers;
A Battery from thence might scare the Foe,
But certain Victory is gain'd below.
Let Damon then the adverse Champion be,
Topknots for him, and Petticoats for me.
Nor must he urge, it spoils the Ladies Shape,
Tho (as the Multitude at Monsters gape)
The World appears all lost in wild amaze,
As on these new, these strange Machines they gaze:
For if the Cyprian Queen from Paphos came
Attir'd, as we are told by antique Fame,
Thus wou'd they wonder at the heav'nly Dame.
Tho (as the Multitude at Monsters gape)
The World appears all lost in wild amaze,
As on these new, these strange Machines they gaze:
For if the Cyprian Queen from Paphos came
Attir'd, as we are told by antique Fame,
Thus wou'd they wonder at the heav'nly Dame.
I own, the Female World is much estrang'd
From what it was, and Top and Bottom chang'd:
The Head was once their darling constant Care,
But Women's Heads can't heavy Burdens bear,
As much I mean, as they can do elsewhere.
So, wisely they transfer'd the Mode of Dress,
And furnish'd t'other End with the Excess.
What tho, like Spires, or Pyramids, they show,
Sharp at the top, and of vast Bulk below?
It is a sign they stand the more secure;
A May-pole will not like a Church endure:
And Ships at Sea, when stormy Winds prevail,
Are safer in their Ballast, than their Sail.
From what it was, and Top and Bottom chang'd:
The Head was once their darling constant Care,
But Women's Heads can't heavy Burdens bear,
As much I mean, as they can do elsewhere.
So, wisely they transfer'd the Mode of Dress,
And furnish'd t'other End with the Excess.
What tho, like Spires, or Pyramids, they show,
Sharp at the top, and of vast Bulk below?
It is a sign they stand the more secure;
A May-pole will not like a Church endure:
And Ships at Sea, when stormy Winds prevail,
Are safer in their Ballast, than their Sail.
Hail, happy Coat! for modern Dam'sels fit,
Product of Ladies, and of Taylors Wit:
Child of Invention, rather than of Pride,
What Wonders dost thou show, what Wonders hide?
Within the Shelter of thy useful Shade
The pregnant Flora passes for a Maid;
Thin Galatea's shrivel'd Limbs appear
As plump and juicy as they did last year;
Whilst tall Miranda her lank Shape improves,
And, grac'd by thee, in some proportion moves:
Ev'n those who are diminutively short
May please themselves, and make their Neighbours Sport,
When, to their Arm-pits harness'd up in thee,
Nothing but Head and Petticoat we see.
But Oh, what Figure fat Sempronia makes!
At her gigantick Form the Pavement quakes!
By thy addition she's so much enlarg'd;
Where'er she comes, the Sextons now are charg'd,
That all Church-Doors and Pews be wider made;
A vast Advantage to the Joiner's Trade!
Product of Ladies, and of Taylors Wit:
Child of Invention, rather than of Pride,
What Wonders dost thou show, what Wonders hide?
Within the Shelter of thy useful Shade
The pregnant Flora passes for a Maid;
Thin Galatea's shrivel'd Limbs appear
As plump and juicy as they did last year;
4
And, grac'd by thee, in some proportion moves:
Ev'n those who are diminutively short
May please themselves, and make their Neighbours Sport,
When, to their Arm-pits harness'd up in thee,
Nothing but Head and Petticoat we see.
But Oh, what Figure fat Sempronia makes!
At her gigantick Form the Pavement quakes!
By thy addition she's so much enlarg'd;
Where'er she comes, the Sextons now are charg'd,
That all Church-Doors and Pews be wider made;
A vast Advantage to the Joiner's Trade!
Ye airy Nymphs that do these Garments wear,
Forgive my want of Skill, not want of Care:
Forgive me, if I have not well display'd
A Coat, for such important Uses made.
If ought I have forgot, it was to prove
How fit they are, how apropo's for Love:
How in their Circles cooling Zephyrs play,
And what on balmy Wings they bear away.
But there my Muse must halt,—she dares no more
Than hope the Pardon which she ask'd before.
Forgive my want of Skill, not want of Care:
Forgive me, if I have not well display'd
A Coat, for such important Uses made.
If ought I have forgot, it was to prove
How fit they are, how apropo's for Love:
How in their Circles cooling Zephyrs play,
And what on balmy Wings they bear away.
But there my Muse must halt,—she dares no more
Than hope the Pardon which she ask'd before.
FINIS.
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