University of Virginia Library

When Saturn shakes his frostie feathers;
When Russia Garments are rough leathers;
When Dutch Dames over Stoves do chatter;
When Men dry-shoo'd traverse the water:
When Popish partie invocats,
Both Saints and Angels, when their pats,
While they want Weights of Air and Earth,
May be repay'd with water's birth:
E're Trouts begin to move their finnes,
While Fanes give place to black dog skines;
Which at that time as some supposes,
Are fittest farr for Ladies noses.
Which tho their natural Sent be brusk,
They're helpt with Cars dirt, and with Musk:
Because that Scots-men endeavours,
To take their Marks from evil hours.
It was not long from that time, when
The chaste and tossed Western-men,
Were dissipat at Pictland fells,
By Devils, Drummonds, and Dalzells.
When Veals for Rarities are sold,
And when young Ladies catcheth cold;
This season sure works strange Effects,
Upon their naked breasts and necks.
But pardon me, it is ill breeding,
To touch the Modes of Ladies Cleeding,
Hence I'll not do the like again,
Tho they wear nothing but their skin.
Comets raign'd above the City,
Preachers prison'd without pitty;
Some knut up for wearing Gunes,
Wine was drunken out in Tunes.
Next with blasphemie and rude speeches,
New coin'd scurvies vex the Leidges.
Ladies Heckl'd, and Lords Horn'd,
Some for lending Money scorn'd:
Men fin'd for preventing murders,
Princes owning Bishops Orders:
Curats swearing by their Gowns,
Old French Taylours ruling Towns.
Tho it be so, ye need think nought of't,
They best deserv'd, who dearest bought it.
Self Defenders termed Rebels,
Proclamations, grievous Libels,
Majors turning Hang-mens mates,
Sentries watching Bishops gates.
Lawyers words, their Writs bewraying,
Councils Acts, their Oaths betraying;
Bonds imposed, prisons mended,
Men suspect who nev'r offended.
London Letters all revolving,
Placuit each Querie solving.
Councils Acts amounting to,
What ever Parliaments could do.
Lords and Souldiers Sundays work,
To robb the people of the Ark.
Commons chas'd from Pleughs and Harrows,
Gentry charged with Laborrows;
While none appeareth for to swear,
That they their goods or bodies fear.
Yet the Gentry must enact them,
Or else they'll horn them, & then take them.
Plundering and Desolations,
Men imprison'd for Relations;
Horse in hazard of Thieves holls,
Because they were not learn'd when Foals,
To answer, and to tell whose aught them,
It seems they wanted Art who taught them.
Gentlemen of Good Account.
Might not think it an affront,
To sit with Lousie Rogues together,
Yea stand and serve their Foot-mens Brother,
New made Earls, and some that
Are judged, nihil significat,
With a pack of Redshank-Squires;
Eating up the Western-shires,
Plundering without restraint
Even persons known for innocent;
Stewes and Masses nothing checked,
Nought but Presbytrie rebuked;
Women of their shame bereaft,
It's feard a Highland brood be left,
Who afterward may starve for want,
While thus they make the Victual scant;
Clergies Acts, and Cannon Law,
Put on cartes for horse to draw,
Cables towes, Ligure chists,
Manackles for thumbs and fists,
Powder, Lead, Spads, and Shovels,
To cover the dead with turffes and muiles.
And to cast up some sheughs and Ditches,
Steel capes, Armour and Buff Breetches;
Cords for wreaking peoples throats
Germans for contriving plots.
Durks to stop in Musquets end,
Pray, What may all this portend?
With all such other Provinent,
As was to Greece by Xerxes sent.
And if ye please all such provision,
As was for Godfrey's Expedition:
But here my fancie's at a stance,
Are we to have a Warr with France?

Yet I'm inclined to relate,
What things concerning Church and State;
Was gravely by the Squire narrate,
Before the Host when they were met.
What was the cause of such conventions?
What was their aim and their intentions?
VVhat was that grievous Proclamation,
That did affront the King and Nation?
We need not stay to tell the place,
Where they were charg'd to met his Grace:
Because their slight was from the North,
It was near to the River Forth.
I must commend their Trust and Faith,
For in an instant, as some saith:
They met together all misguided,
With Drift, and Rain, toss'd blash and blyned.
But to discrive them Right surpasses,
The Art of nine Parnassus Lasses;
Or Eucan, Virgil, or of Horaes
Of Ovid, Homer, or of Flores,
Yea sure such sights might have inclin'd,
A Man to nauseat at Mankind;
Some might have judg'd they were the creatures
Call'd Selfies, whose customes and features,
Paracelsus doeth discry,
In his Ocult Philosophy,
Or Faunes, or Brownies, if ye will,
Or Satyres, come from Atlas Hill
Or that the three tongu'd Tyke was sleeping,
Who hath the Stygian Door a keeping:
Their head, their neck, their leggs and thighs,
Are influenced by the Skies.
Without a clout to interrupt them,
They need not strip thō when they whip them;
Nor loose their Doublet, when they're hang'd,
If they be miss'd, it's sure they're wrong'd,
This keep their bodies from corruptions,
From fistuls, tumours and eruptions;
Unless they come to Towns perhaps,
They must not miss their bits of claps.
They are so gent, they will not want it,
The Men who knows them best will grant it.
Their Durks hang down between their leggs,
Where they made many slopes and geggs;
By rubbing on their naked side,
And wambling from side to side.
But those who were their chief Commanders,
As such who bore the pirnie Standarts;
Who led the Van, and drove the Rear:
Were right well mounted of their Gear:
With Brogues, Trues, and pirnie Plaides,
With good blew Bonnets on their Heads:
Which on the one side had a stipe,
Adorn'd with a Tobacco pipe.
With Durk, and Snap-work, and Snuff-mill,
A bagg which they with Onions fill,
And as their strick Observers say,
A Tape Horn fill'd with Usquebay.
A flasht out Coat beneath her plaides,
A Targe of timber, nails and hides;
With a long two handed Sword,
As good's the Countrey can affoord
Had they not need of bulk and bones,
Who fights with all these Arms at once,
It's marvelous how in such weather,
Ov'r hill and hop they came together,
How in such stormes they came so farr,
The reason is, they're smear'd with Tar.
Which doth defend them heel and neck,
Just as it doth their Sheep protect;
But least ye doubt that this is true,
They're just the colour of tar'd Wool:
Nought like Religion they retain,
Of moral Honestie they're clean.
In nothing they're accounted sharp,
Except in Bag-pipe, and in Harpe.
For a misobliging word,
She'll durk her neighbour ov'r the boord.
And then she'll flee like fire from flint.
She'll scarcely ward the second dint;
If any ask her of her thrift,
Foresooth her nain sell lives by thift.

When this thrice savage Crew was met,
And in their Ranks and Order set;
Then straight before them came the Squire,
Like to Æneas in attire.
And in his hand he had a Lance,
Which some said he had us'd in France,
Some said he learn'd his warlike Fates,
With Grand Signieor beside the Straights.
Some in Russia, some in Polland,
Some in Flanders, some in Holland;
Some in Denmark, some in Spain,
Some with Gustavus of Swedden.
When with Scots Lads he did daunt,
Each Prince that did about him Vaunt;
But others, who were better read,
Said he storm'd Cities in his bed:
He walk'd in State, tho somewhat wide,
Ye know what makes some Gallants stride:
He stood upright, tho shoulders slopt,
Tho brans and leggs krain'd and clopt,
Tho bumm and belly were best boulked,
They all admir'd who on him looked.
But here I seruple to rehearse,
Or put that blank into my Verse;
Which in his throat some old wound makes;
Occasioned by some mistakes:
When in his Lodging he did bide,
It's said he call'd one oft a side.
To ask of beatten Buttons prices,
Of Silver work or strange divises:
Tho she be somewhat old and teugh;
She's a Scots Woman hough enough;
If of his Counteance ye ask,
It would be a difficult task,
For a Phisogmanist to tell,
Which of three doeth most excel;
Bachus, Venus, Mars, to wit,
Foresooth it were a kittle put:
But some there are, who think it be;
A just Commixion of the three.
Others who know his old projections,
Says wars is least in his affections;
While with such Grace and State he stood,
All the bulk of Highland Brood,
Admit'd their chance and their mishap,
When that he did not lift his Cape,
While he was speaking to the Laird,
Had it not been for the Life-guard,
She would have durkt him, when she saw,
He keeped so the Laird in aw:
The whole Crew stair'd him in the face,
Some asked if it was his Grace;
And other some who knew nothing,
Did ask if he could be Sir King;
On every hand they did enquire,
Till they were told it was the Squire.
He was afflicted with a cough,
Which vexed him right sore, although
He crub'd it as much as he could,
And got good Syrups when he would;
Yet it brake out with such a force,
As mar'd the Ranks of Highland horse;
When he had cought and cleans'd his throat
And from his mouth the phlegme had put,
He paus'd a little, then he spake,
And then drew forth the Councils Act:
Which is not safe for to insert,
It's known whose pockets made him smart,
E're to his reading he began,
He cry'd keep quiet every man,
Because they did not understand,
He hosted and lift up his hand,
And made signs they might hold still,
Till he declar'd his Graces will;
For all the pains that he had taken,
Yet instantly he was mistaken,
For these ignoramus fellows,
Thought he desir'd to hear their hollows;
With one consent they rais'd a cry:
Which echoed: from Sky to Sky,
That so the Clouds did toss and rift,
Then presently fell snow and drift:
The Squire this dumped stood amused,
And glour'd as if he were confused,
While they redoubled their cryes,
While hail and snow did blind his eyes,
His wounded neck was nipt with froast,
He looked like some wight or ghoast:
Some thought that he might have expired,
Had it not been they partly tired:
And partly stoped when rebuked,
By her hain Laird, yea some were knocked.
The Squite pufft, gapt, and drew his breath,
Like a Game Cock, then cursing, sayeth,
I wish I never may do good,
If I do like this Highland Brood.
When all their tumults were appeased,
The Squire himself was somewhat eased:
He read the Order, Act, and Bond,
Tho much difficultie he found,
His Judgement being somewhat Jumbl'd,
His brains with shouts and yelloughs tumbled:
He rested till he was composed,
Till brains, tongue, breath, were well disposed;
In Oratrie to shew his Worth,
Like Catilina or Jugurth:
When he had rested to content,
He rose and gave a complement,
But short as Souldiers use to do,
And then brevi manu he falls too;
And sayes, it's like ye'll ask the cause
Which at this time together draws:
Such multitudes in Winter frosts,
An unfit time to levie hosts;
Might this not all have been foreborn,
Till ye had till'd and sawen your Corn:
Then would ye come in Troups, and Fleets,
Like Tartars or like Moscovites;
And done whatever he had pleased,
Attila's title would received:
Tho I might all these knots unloose,
With it's thought fit, and so to close,
Yet I will all your doubts disjoint,
And answer unto every point.

It's known what mischief in times past,
In Southern shires, and in the West:
What to Haugh-head and hill-side fleetings,
Rebellious and seditious meetings.
Which by the Council is declared,
By wholesome Laws, and well prepared,
To be Seditions sole foundation
And this is all their Occupation:
They rail the Clergie and the State,
And hurts their Fame at a strange rate,
They say it's Alamode the Year,
For Noblemen the Horns to wear.
And that the most part are too readie,
To wait upon their Neighbours Ladie,
They rail on Courtly Lady's carriage
As if they did not honour Marriage:
Since they are turn'd so highly rude,
It's known to whom they do allude,
As if that Word were not within,
The compass of their Bible's skin;
There should not be an evil speaker,
Of peoples Prince, but what the Meeker,
Are they of that, they never heedlit,
As if they never heard nor read it:
They say we'r murderers of the Saints,
Court Parasites, gross Sycophants;
That Prelats are related sure,
Unto the Babylonish Whore;
Yea they'r alledging that his Grace,
Must to his Ladies wit give place;
Then this will follow, I suppose,
She drags the whole ware by the Nose.

It's frequently among them told,
That Lawyers Rules, are Leidges Cold:
And for a Proof, they cite a Process,
Of Melvil with the Earl of Rothess:
And of his Grace, with th' Earl of Twidsdale,
And some of late, with Will of Clidsdale.
Tho now he's hectored by ilk,
Even from his Grace, to Castle milk:
And that's but Just, for he before,
Catch'd his own Friends in that same bore:
It's known he would have interdited,
But he was forc'd with shame to quite it:
Now he's rewarded for such pranks,
VVhen he would pass, it's told he Janks:
For information they prevail,
With those who made the last appeal;
They have contriv'd rebellious Books:
Whose paper well might serve the Cooks,
To sing their Poultrie I dare swear,
A thousand or three hundered Year:
As Napthali, of much reputed,
By Hang-man, that was refuted:
Think his hyre he had deserved,
If he his Answerer had served;
At the same rate he serv'd the first,
He sham'd us all, he never durst:
And Apologetick Relation,
And Gilbert Burnet's Refutation,
Which he durst never yet red argue,
He found it easier to argue
With Ladies, and I'll tell you too,
He hath some other thing to do;
For he hath left Pindarick Rhime,
In writing Memoirs, spends his time.
Damascus Altar, and Lex Rex,
And thousands more the people vex,
Got from Buchannan, now he's gone,
Let Papists curse him, for I'm none;
I never so could love their wayes,
As keeps Lent's Nights, farr less its Dayes.
To answer all their Books we tyred,
We intercommun'd them, and fired;
Yet I'm afraid for all our pains,
That their Seditious Seed remains,
With other Pamphlets stuff'd with Lies,
Like Mitchels Ghosts and Tragedies,
And Answers to Oyas Covenanters,
Where they like Witches and Inchanters,
Even things to come presume to tell,
And placeth chief Rulers in Hell;
Tormenting Belzebub with fear,
Least some of them usurp his chair:
And other some pervert his laws,
And Arbitrarly judge each cause:
Yet I am fixed in Opinion,
He's absolute in his Dominion;
Neither will he yield his place,
When both comes there that's term'd his Grace

Now to such meetings runs in flocks,
Men with Hats, Swords and Cloacks:
Yea, some with great Cocks on their Hats,
Pearl'd Sleeves, and Lac'd Gravats,
Behaving well in every Gesture,
Neat in Ridding Gear and Vesture.
If they imagine ought to do,
They'll have their Hulster Pistols to.
Ye are informed what a sture,
Innes got at Lilsly Mure;
And Sharps Lifeguard, how they in Fife,
Were in the hazard of their Life;
Where all the Guard did flee or smart,
By of their Number a third part:
Yea, surely they might been devouted,
Had it not been they were secured,
By such a Man as Master Bruce,
Who yet for fear did keep his house:
Tho Silver Plate, Sharps Guard did plunder,
With Horse and Cloaths, I think no wonder,
For a pack of Tinkler Fellows,
Will steal tho they should get the Gallows.
And at their Meetings as some say,
They'r still in Armes in Galloway:
And now with Hume, tho he be wicked,
They bell the Cat, and him have tricked:
There ye may see as hansome Men,
As I when drest by her ye kenn;
Tho Men should come in such a case,
I would not valu'd a Traes Ace.
But wives with clubs and cudgels, save us,
It would affright an Old Gustavus:
They give Communions and Baptizes,
And convocats with their surmises,
The Leidges without Law and Order;
They haunt the Inland and the Border:
Yea, they'l perform a private Marriage,
Who would connive at such a Carriage?
But thir last words did raise his passion,
He hoasted, as it was his fashion,
He coaghed neat to Expiration,
As he had got the last Citation
From grim Death, the king of Terrours;
He griev'd when he thought on their errours.
He made signs for his Ligure Coat,
And Balsome to anoint his Throat;
For some good Drink to wash his Mouth,
For he was like to choak for drowth:
He got of Beer a full bowl Glass,
Which got bad Passage at his Hasse;
His Throat was so to excess dry,
It spung'd it up e're it got by:
He got the other drink, and sayeth,
Have at ye yet if I had Breath.
When that his Heart and Wind-pipes settles,
He rose as he had sit on Nettles;
He hasted to tell out the rest o't,
To handl't hotly is the best o't.
He had his passion overcome,
And gave a great silentium,
Placing his hands on both his haunches,
Gave in his Speech in several branches.
And sayes, I would be well content,
Because there's some thats ignorant
To tell ye of supream Government,
From which flows honour and preferment:
On which our properties are founded,
Our Laws and Liberties are grounded,
As sole power for decyding Questions,
And putting stops to hot Concestions;
But since it is a sacred thing,
Not to speak rashly of a King.
I'l tell ye when and where ye'le get it,
Scholastickly and learn'dly treated;
In the Trone Kirk when Annan prayes
On Sabbaths, and on Holy dayes,
If I mistake not, he ne're misses
When the Kings Majesty he blesses;
What power how absolute and great,
The King has over Church and State.
Yet Presbyterians never stands,
To violate the Kings Commands,
Yea just as if they could defy him,
His due Allegiance they deny him;
His Grace who is so much concerned,
To see the Kingdom right governed;
To see each thing in order put,
Each Law and Statute execute,
To see that Schismaticks be checked,
Least the True Clergie be neglected;
His Grace I say will never sit
With such Affronts, he'l ne're permit;
That such irregular Practisers,
Should pass without some Catechisers,
It nicks him nearer than his Life,
Yea, nor his Conscence, or his Wife:
I you assure he cannot bide it,
He'l either end it, or decide it:
Since to such Arrogance they'r mounted;
He will not see the King affronted:
Yea, tho his Grace should endeavour,
The patience of the Lord Strathmore,
Who if he had been in such a tash, as
If he had been so dastly rash, as
He, who gave him the provocation,
Even for thy Heart, or thy Foundation,
Thou dare not offer to rescent it,
Blood and Wounds might made's repent it:
Tho in patience he exceed
Socrates, and all we read:
If the King's Credit be at stake,
Some Course effectual he must take.
It's like ye'll say, there's something lurking,
That there's some other thing a working:
Some Powder pint, or strange Contriving,
Within his Grace's Brains is hiving:
But I declare, I know nothing.
Of his Intention or Design;
Whatever some may vainly boast,
They know what mov'd to call this Hoast:
Yet doth his Grace it so conceal,
That he'll to no Man it reveal:
He keep'st so closs I cannot show it,
He will not let the Angels know it,
Yet I imagine, I may say it,
Tho I tell you, ye'll keep it quiet.
His Grace's Courtship is more pusl'd,
Than Regal Credit's mar'd or musl'd.
If he had granted Libertie,
As was propos'd to Presbytrie,
The Clergies conjunct might have foil'd him,
And as it was, almost turncoyl'd him:
E're of his Interest ought he tine,
He'll try the most severe designe;
He will not plainly tell what led him,
Says dev'l be in the breast it bred in;
His Grace knows Presbytrie as well,
As Besrie doth the Privy Seal:
He knows well how to loose their knots,
For he was once on all their Plots,
By Vowes and Bonds was tyed to them,
He knew the better to undoe them:
And if ye think this cannot true be,
The Truth thereof I can let you see;
It is no Fancie, nor no Fable,
He was concern'd at the Green-table;
Which I can prove, if that I need it,
In Burnet's new penn'd Race ye'll read it.
Now I have showen some Cause and Reason,
That we are here, it's suspect Treason;
For all the Prelats, as we hear,
Are in such a panick fear,
They know not how, nor where to creep to,
They must be guarded when they sleep too:
The wiser men I do repute them,
For their own Gunns are like to shoot them;
Its hard to bide the hard reproaches,
That some of them gets from their Coaches.

As for the harshness of the Season,
I can give a sufficient Reason,
For these who's duk't over Lug and Horn,
In snow or Dubbs as soon as born;
More boasterous Weather may endure,
Than might their Horse and Nolt devour:
This Season strongest Storms still yeelds,
They'l not have power to keep the Fields:
So we shall catch them by the Neck,
If they'l not bow, we'le cause them break:
As for your labour neyer regard it,
For ye to full shall be rewarded:
Ye'le get more booty by your Durking,
Than might surpass full two years working;
For there are routh of Geese and Hens,
As fat as ever flew on pens;
Turkies, Sheep, Nolt and Horse,
If ye be hindred take by force,
Cloaths of Linning, Wolling, Silk,
Butter, Cheese, Bread and Milk,
Beer and Ale, and good salt Beef,
And all that may engadge a Thief:
Armour, Money, and some Gold;
We shall them raze from house and hold:
There's something yet I have forgotten,
Which ye preferr to roast and sodden;
Wine and wastels I dare say,
And that is south of Usequebay,
Yea, there is Spanish Least enough,
As good as ever was mill'd in snuff:
I hope the's many here to day
Who with a mirtie heart will say,
Now we have got a fair occasion,
And fitt for to revenge our Lesione
We have sustain'd, goe to and rise it
Wee'll not gett such if yee refuse it
Tho there be some men that may blame her:
Yet they'll be far in wrong to shame bet.

I think the three great doubts be solved,
And yee contented and resolved
That yee may be the better hearted
I'll start each doubt that may be started:
Its like, that some may fall a shrinking
And pussl'd be while they'r a thinking!
That those who here Commanders are
Are not well Verst in fates of ware,
But thats a silly supposition,
For we'l not meet with opposition,
And if that were yet for commanding
Doubt yet nought while I am a standing,
A copper Guinzie for their Feed
For I am a able hand indeed
And if we had such expectations:
One of his Graces near relations,
Give his assistance for a word would,
Who great things practice with his Sword could,
In sixtie six he prov'd as stout as,
And bold as any of the Rout was,
He level'd equal, when he shot too,
So that his Horse luggs bullets got too,
Was he not in a grievous perril,
VVhen hot lead did his Horse luggs quarrel.

It's like ye'll think if ye steal too much,
And with your Durks the people touch:
If the Country be to excess wrong'd,
Ye'll be knut up like Doggs, and hang'd:
Tho there be many of the mind,
That Hanging is good of your kind;
The like of that should not demure you,
It's not be so, I shall assure you:
Your Order is so vast and large,
It will defend you like a Targe:
And for example, I'll you tell,
Of my Brother, Old Dalzel:
How he caus'd shoot an Innocent,
Because he would not speak, anent
Things that he neither heard nor knew,
Ye see he's never question'd now.

It's like that some of you may spear,
VVherefore his Grace is not come here:
To start such doubts, is too like Treason,
Yet I'll presume to give a Reason:
His Grace he cannot stire a foot,
He's so oppressed with the Gout:
Altho his Gout were somewhat eased,
Yet he might be Dilematized,
As to his Lady, what were best,
To leave her East, or bring her VVest;
To leave her East, would not be Right,
She'll wearie in the VVinter Night,
To bring her VVest, would mend but little,
For Highland Lairds are very kittle.

Altho his Grace do stay at home,
Ye'll say his Neighbour might have come:
He's not so closs ty'd to his VVife,
But he behoov'd to wait on Fife:
To press the Band, and them redact,
To Order, by the Council's Act;
In which Shire, he as some relate,
Behav'd himself at such a Rate,
That by his Care, and Diligence,
A Gentleman was at expence:
In Oratrie to rack invention,
And shamefully lost his intention,
For as it's said, he was put out,
Because he could not solve a Doubt,
His Countenance was somewhat broken,
Because he knew not how to slocken:
But here's enough of this already,
Because it doth concern a Lady:
VVho, tho she aged be, and grown is,
Hath made good use of what her own is:
Ye need not doubt him, for he's Loyal,
He's grown without remisness Royal,
Which clear appears, and now is past out,
Since Lesly Families are cast out,
Tho these who were the chief Agenters:
In sixty six, are now Repenters,
And are discourted for reward,
That's nought his Grace is our safe guard.

And now I'le give you my advise,
And look to it if ye be wise,
Since that I hear that Rebels do
Haunt about the Highlands too,
If once their Doctrine their get rooting
Then farewell Theift, the best of Booting,
And this ye see is very clear,
Dayly experience makes it appear;
For instance lately in the Borders
Where there was nought but Theift and Murders
Rapine, Cheating and Resetting
Slight of hand fortuns getting
Their designation as ye ken
Was all along the taking men;
Now Rebels prevails more with words
Then Drawgouns, does with Guns and Swords,
So that their bare preaching now,
Makes the thrush bush keen the Cow,
Better then Scots or English KINGS
Could do by Killing them with strings,
Yea those who were the greatest Rogues
Follows them ov'r hills and Boges,
Crying for Prayers and for Preaching,
For thy'l now hear none others teaching.
I Charge you all, ye go not near them
If once they you engage to hear them,
There preaching easily prevails;
I'le pawn my Throat your trading fils,

At this Discourse their tails all bobed
They gave a gaunt and then they sobed,
They threw there faces like Babowns
They muttered and raised Sounds,
It griev'd them to the very Heart
To think that men and thieft should part,
And those last words inrag'd them more
Than all the Squire had said before.
The Squire perceiv'd his Heart did dance
For he had fall'n on this perchance,
He did admire and praise the pith of't
And leugh and said, I hit the lith of't:
When he saw them so much concern'd
He lockt as if he had Govern'd,
A Thousand Millions at a hoast
The Whiggs he did at randome boast,
When he had them to full abused
And all indemnitie refused
He paus'd a litle, plac'd his hand
Upon his mouth and so did stand,
In imitation of great Jove
While he did convocat the Drove
Of Poets fancies, that he might
See that a Rogue got nought but right,
When he had roll'd his brains about
To see if he could ought find out,
That was mistaken or foregot,
He found he had not loos'd a knot,
VVhich very necessar to loose is;
He lifts his hand, and mouth uncloses,
Stood with such State and Reverence,
As he had been a Court to fence,
Her Nain-sell shooke her naked Breeches,
For she was tyred with his speeches;
She would farr rather had a tirtle,
Of an Aquavitæ Barrel,
But he some patience extorted,
By promissing that he should short it.

And sayes, ye will make inquiry,
For the Ground and Reason why,
The Primat, who was still so eagare,
To cleanse the Kirk with Sword and Dager,
Is not come here to give his Blessing,
Ye'll wonder that he is a missing.

He cannot come to distant places,
He's troubled with so many Cases
Of Conscience, which he's still dissecting,
And Court Exorbitances checking;
As whither the Liturgie hath set formes,
For Sea-dangers, and great Stormes:
If Presbyterians, or VVitches,
Deserves in Law the Sharpest touches,
If Men for Reason should be pyn'd.
VVithout informing of their mind:
VVhither its best for Edinburgh Lasses,
To haunt Conventicles, or Masses.
Vowes and Covenants oblieges
His Majestie and all his Leidges,
Whether or no the late rescinding,
Did quite cut off such Oaths from binding?
If it were right such Bonds were torn,
If those did right who did conform
To Prelates, who the other day
Own'd publick Resolution, Way;
Whether since that some Remonstrators,
Are gain'd by Rulers, Wiles and Flatters:
If their Indulgence and such things,
Secures them under Prelates Wings:
Which Peace and Ease to them provides,
With Stipends, Tythes, with Manse and Glibes,
If such like plots will break their strength,
If we'le quite raze them at the length;
Whether its best for Men and Ladds,
To haunt Conventickles or Bawds:
Whether or not it was far best,
To put some Rebels to their Rest?
After they had got a Remit:
Whether or not it be most fit,
To conceal Deaths of murder'd Babies?
Whether or no the Clergie Rabbies,
May give Commissions to marrie
Tho private, one of which I carrie;
But Gentlemen I crave your pardon,
A Swerff of Love my Heart is hard on,
Still by her features I'm confounded,
When I think on her, my heart's wounded:
Then down he shrunk like one that faint,
When deadly wounds the Leeches taint,
When stocks that are half rotten lowes,
They burn best, so doth dry broom kowes
Her naine sell thought the speech was ended,
Their cryes arose, the shouts ascended,
Tho Epilogie and Perroration
Did want that made no hesitation,
With one consent they raised Applaudo,
Till every hill resounded Laudo.
When this was done their Ranks were broken,
Some ran for drink their drought to slocken,
Some for Sack to help their Esquire,
For he was plunged in Desire:
Pipes were playing, Drums were beating,
Some snizeing from their fellows getting?
Some were chasing hens and cocks,
Some were loosing horse from vocks,
Some with snapwarks, some with bowes,
Were charging Reers of Toops and Ewes,
Their stomacks so on edge were set,
That all was Fish came in the nett;
Trumpets sounded, Skeens were glanceing,
Some were Tonald Cowper danceing,
Some cryed, here to her Laird and Lady;
Some to her Mother and her Daddie,
And Sir King too, if the Laird please,
Then up with Plaids and scarrs her Thighs,
There swarms of vermine, and sheep raids,
Delights to lodge beneath the Plaids,
For they like not in frostie VVeather
To sit upon her open leather,
Her nane sell lapp and clapt her narse,
More like a Monkie, nor like Mars.
Some were stealing, some were riveing:
Some were Wives and Lasses grieving,
Some's teeth for cold did chack and chatter,
Some from plaids were wringing Water:
Yea, to be short, moe different postures.
Than's sewed on Hangings, Beds or Bolstures,
Moe various actings, modes and Stances,
Than's read in Poems or Romances;
If some had seen this grand confusion,
They would have thought it a delusion,
Some Tragedie of dismal Wights,
Or such like enchanted sights.
Heraclitus if he had seen,
He would have bluther'd out his Een:
Democrites he would gone dast.
Or elfe with laughing riven his chast;
Even such as might have understood them,
Did think their senses did delude them.
To leave them here I think its best,
They're charg'd to march into the West,
How they behaved when come there,
How neither friend nor foe did spare,
What plunder they away did bear,
Ye partly afterwards shall hear,
Because some will be curious,
To know how madly furious.
They prov'd against the publick fleets,
Which at Barn doors and midings meets,
How each Rank by them abused,
What beastly shamles tricks they used;
I hope to give a short narration,

Grounded on the Information,
The heavy beer and sad complaint
Which to the Committee was sent,
By that poor and tossed shire,
When the Committee sat at Air:
The man who was Commissionat,
Was Grave Sage, Pos'd and Moderat
He gave a perfect Information
And Instances for his Probation,
It is the best we can affoord.
We'l strive to give it Word by Word
We need not tell how he got throw,
The swarmings of the Red shank Grew,
Or what great hazard he was in too
E're be the Town of Air could win too
It is enough for our intent,
To tell that he was theither sent,
That he got there and him behaved
According as the countrey craved,
When he arives, his beard he trimes,
Put new silk Stockings on his limbes,
And put on shoes of Turkie Leather,
As good as e're tholl'd wind or Weather,
He could not walk on with his Boots,
Because they did coarck his Coots,
His hands and face he wash'd and dighted
His lac'd Gravat he caus'd be righted,
His Knots and Ruffles was right fine too,
He caused bring a Glass of Wine too,
To keep his countenance from matring,
For great mens looks are very darring;
He Comb't and Powdered his head too,
And in his hand he took a Reed too,
Went to the Glass and saw all fited
Then went he on and was admitted
He bow'd with humble reverence,
And saying, May't please your EXCELLENCE
With patience to lend your Ear
To our complaint and heavie bear,
We'le be repused in a miss
If we but speak of grievances,
Its true we are not Ignorant,
That ye by Order here are sent;
And that ye are Commissionar,
The Westren shires to subjugar,
We know his Grace does you allow,
In several things thats acted now
Tho he be not sole Head and Rector,
He's like to turn a Lord Protecter,
The last we had, just us so tricked,
When he caus'd some subscrive the ticker,
I say the Tender, luck and shame on't,
For I can never keep the name on't;
We thought his Grace would ne'er given orders
To commit rapin, Thiefts and Murders
At that rate they're now committed,
He never was so shallow witted,
For truly, they more cruel carrie,
Than ever Frenchmen under Marie,
Or Spaniards under Ferdinando did,
Or French, when Duke of Guise commanded,
Yea they more savage far than those were,
Who with Kollkittoch and Montrose were,
And sixtie times they're worse than they
Whom Turner led in Galloway,
They durk our Tennents, shames our Wives
And we're in hazard of our Lives,
They plunder horse, and them they loaden,
With Coverings, Blankets, sheets and Plaidin
With Hooding gray, and worsted Stuff,
They sell our Tongs for locks of snuff.
They take our Cultors and our soaks,
And from our doors they pull the locks
They leave us neither shoals nor spaids,
And takes away our Iron in laids,
They break our pleughs, ev'n when they're working
We dare not hinder them for durking;
My Lords, they so harasse and wrong us:
There's scarce a pair of shoes among us,
And for Blew bonnets they leave non,
That they can get their Claurs upon
If any dare refuse to give them,
They Durk them, Strips them, & so leavs them
They ripe for Arms, but all they find,
Is arms with them, leaves nought behind,
Is't not a strange mistake in that,
Our tankerds, and our Chamber Pot,
And stool pans, should be thought Granads
They take our Sadles and our Pades,
They stripe our Lecquies, ripes their Pouches,
They leave us neither Beds nor Couches,
Yea to be short they leave us nought,
That can from place to place be brought,
The Red Coats can tell them who spiers,
When they with them fell by the eares
VVhen that their bootie they laid hold of,
They had much more than I have told of,
VVhere some gott wounds with sword and ball
I'm sorrie for't they were so small,
As if they could not Doe eneugh,
They fall on poor men at the pleugh,
Because they doe not understand,
Their Language they'll cut off their band,
And for a proofe, I thinke I have it.
Took out the hand and to them gave it
Another Instance, I shall tell,
In which the Irish they excell,
VVhen they a poor man had Destroy'd
Of meat cloathes money made him voide,
They left him nought that they could take
Except two horse and a corne stack,
The stack they fir'd through very spyte
But with the horse they would not quite,
Till he some Money them did give,
One half whereof they did receive,
To buy the other nought he had,
Yet they so savage were and mad,
While the poor man with heavie Looks,
Was begging favour from these Ruikes,
The horse most die without remead,
They drove Lead Bullets through his head;
An other instance I shall give yet,
I shall be briefe and to you Leave it,
When they by violence and force,
Had plundered a poor mans horse,
And Loaded him with his own gier,
For they took more than they could bear,
The poor man follow'd to releave him,
Still begging that they bake would give him,
But finding he could not Prevaill,
That his requests did nought avail,
He slipt the branks from his horse head,
For which they shot this poor man dead,
Even Instantly without remorse.
Because they could not grip the horse,
His wife perceiv'd this Cruell deed.
She clapt her hands and ran with speed,
There she cry'd out as she thought good,
The Bishops guiltie of this blood,
The King himself can scarce be free,
The Council, most of all the three,
As well as these who did the fact,
A vengeance come on the whole pack
She pray'd, that God would charge allon them
His, her's, six childrens curse upon them
For giveing out such wicked Lawes,
Against his people and his Cause
To gratifie the Whore of Rome,
Long, Sad, and Heavie be their Doom.
For all the Mischiefs, Rapes and Murders
This Hells Crew does, are by their Orders.
Tho they did neither rive nor steal,
Their meat which is good Hens and Veal,
The best of Bread, good Ale and Wine
It sets them ilk, shame on their kind;
Would us destroy in a short space,
Its true, as I hold up my face,
For they most have four times a day,
And more at once, I'm clear to say,
Then might sustain a great Coach Mare,
For any half day in the Year;
For sixty men or but few more
They'l take up quarters for seven Score,
An shilling Starling we most grant,
For each person that they want,
And six pence also they receive,
For each Tail of them they have,
And thus each day must be renew'd,
That they take Meat. I wish they spew'd;
Our Glasgow Provost its told to us
With his new Acts will quite undo us
That hagish headed Cawlie sure,
Hath done to break us, to his power,
It were an Almes-deed to hang us
When we let such a Varlet wrong us,
Amongst the rest of their Trespasses
They'r oft imployed in chaseing Lasses,
It is too evident a token,
Of this when Maidens bakes are broken
Yea tho they touch them not at all,
They'r like to starve for very cald
For when they sit their plaids do hang by,
Ye'l see from Navels down each thing fy,
Such sights the Lasses cannot bide,
So they must starve in a backside,
And here ou instance I shall tell,
Of what to one of them befell:
This red shank from no good pretence,
Pursued the Lass been to the spence
And aiming at some naughtie deed,
Pull'd up his plaid and ran with speed,
She with a fleshcruik in her hand,
Advised him a back to stand,
But he presuming for to strugle,
Occasioned a huble buble
The story it is something od
She mith a Flesh eruik gript his cod,
So held and rag'd as made him squil
And ay cry out the Deu'l the Deu'l,
But getting of a way he flees,
VVhile blood was streading down his Thighs
For severall dayes he keept his Bed
And when got up he strid led
From either hands they get small thanks
VVho are the Authors of such pranks.
VVas't not a cunning plot and wittie,
To make Killmarnoek two hours bootie,
Must he not be a man of sense,
And well deserves a recompense
VVho fell upon that famous way,
To make the Red shanks ready pay,
At once to work that subtile ploy,
Them to make up and us destroy.
But here I'le stop, if these offend not,
And only say behold the end o't.
They answered him we'l cleanse your Land
If ye be clear to take the Band,
He paus'd a little, drew his breath,
And made a congie, then he saith:
My Lords if we had got fair play,
Ye had not came so soon this way,
For we'r informed that ye found
As great opposers to the Bond,
In Clidsdale where you were before
As ye do here, I do abhore,
That Nations rulers should prove partial
In this affair tho it be Mariiall,
For Clidsdales bonders, as ye ken
Are scarcely reckon'd amongst men,
The Tumid Earle, Papist Haggs,
An Athiest Jew, to save his Baggs,
And Fleeming too did prove a sot,
Least he had lost the Bishops Coat.
Bedlay with Towcorss and Wood-hall,
John Thomsons man, plague on them all,
There's also other two or three,
Which with Your Leave I must let be,
Or else resolve to get me hence,
Or spew before your Excellence:
For, since I took them in my mouth,
They have defil'd it so in Truth,
That I was ne're so sore agasting,
To keep my Stomack from ov'r casting:
We know their Overture propos'd,
But that's nought, since it was refus'd:
It was repute a good Defence,
Yet they lost both their Meat and Mense.
I am not clear for such Politicks,
Tho Statesmen, but for fear of Criticks.
I'le say no more, this is the sum o'it,
Let none do ill, that good may come o'it,
We who with our Indulgence still bydes,
When others runs to Muires and Hill sydes,
Are first assaulted by Oppressours,
Who are by far the least Transgressours:
Even as so that which ye call Law,
Your Lordships does the samen knaw.
And this be all the good we get o'it
We would not care tho we were quite o'it.
We are inform'd we're nought the better
Of Some who lately wrote a Letter,
Now let them drink as they have browen,
if it be true, the worst's their own.
We cannot guess unto this time,
What is our Fault, or what's our Crime.
Nor any Reason to annoy us,
Far less, wherefore ye thus destroy us?
The like is not upon Record,
Nor read, that ever King or Lord,
Destroy'd their own, both Flock and Fleece,
While harmless and living in peace,
Giving no provocation,
Not doing harm to any one;
Had there been one in all the Land,
That did oppose or yet gainstand,
Ye might have pleaded some pretence,
In defence of your Violence,
But since there's none, makes Ours alas,
Be an unprecedented case,
Which case is partly I conclude,
Even by your Lordships understood,
Tho, there's not told the thousand part,
Of our afflictions and our smart,
The whole no persons can express,
Of all our Ruine and Distress,
Altho that innocent we be,
We're plagued, & harasted as ye see,
For innocence proves no defence,
Against this Spait of violence,
What can the great Turk order worse,
Then murder, rob, and Conscience force?
But there's a Righteous Judge who sees
Such who govern, and who tyrannize,
Who in his due time prepar'd,
To give to each his own reward,
Before whose throne I hope ye'r, clear.
Both great and small must all appear,
Advise my Lords what than yee'll say,
For that which yee practise this day
Tho we now suffer to our Loss,
We hope the Lord will blesse our Cross,
If yee have no reliefe to send us,
Goe to, dispatch, eat up and end us
They answer'd if yee'll not conforme,
Yee must resolve to byde the storme,
His Grace hath sworn that every man,
That is beswixt Bersheba and Dan,
Must take the band or he'll doe better,
He'll heat the furnace seven times hotter,
At which, this good man was amaz'd,
Lookt sternly upon all and gaz'd,
Then made a small bow, turn'd his bake,
And not one other word he spoake,
VVhen he was gone they did admire,
To finde the man so void of fear,
So wise so grave and confident,
So readie, and so eloquent,
They Judg'd he was a man of Sence,
That well could Defend Innocence,
His countenance was very stay'd,
He was not easily dismay'd,
His personage did represent
As much as any could be sent:
In Politicks he was well seen,
Yet Machavile and Mazarine,
And all other Assickles he hates,
He counts their Policies Deceits,
Grand Oppressions, Tricks, Tyrannicks,
Countrey Plagueing, Plots, Satanicks,
He was well versed in Court Modes;
In French Pavies, and new Com'd Nods;
And finally, in all that can
Make up a Compleat Prettie Man.

Now how the Red-Shanks ran away,
How these behaved that did stay,
How they the Halie Kirk Reform'd,
What Castles, and what Towns they storm'd,
Whose Hens was slain, whose Geese murder'd
What great Designes by them was further'd
And what great Credit to the King
His Grace procur'd by this designe:
How Conventickles all were quasht,
And Schismaticks destroy'd and dasht:
And how our nobles Journyed
How their addresses did succeed,
Att court how they did represent
The countries Losse, and sad complaint,
And what success therein they had,
And whether it was good or bad,
How they gott off and how things past,
Which of ye factions had the best,
Ye'l hear when my Parnassus whinchie,
Gets of Fount Cablin a pounchie,
And therewith stives her empty Tearses,
And hatcht up with lumps of Verses.

About the time when Coughs and Reheums
Deflections, colds, and noisome flegmes.
Disturb mens Winde Pipes, throats and lungs,
And tumant Glandules, hurts their tongues,
About the time when weakly sheep
Shoot out their feet, and fall asleep,
When Haly dayes men do incline
To sacrifice the same by Wine,
By rioting and sumptuous feasts,
Devouring butter, fowls and beasts
At such a rate, that its no crime,
To say about the Goose maste time,
Or when some English Lads and Lasses,
Are troubled with Capiasses
For not frequenting haly Kirk
But meeting when the nights grow mirk,
The old desease which still doth trouble,
And keep the Nations in a hubble;
Or when some Noblemen begins
To judge of Dogs and Foxes skins.
But sudden falls, and sudden rises,
Fills Coffee Houses with surprises.
A whelp may gape to snatch a bone,
And after worrie thereupon.
When Irish swearers pro & con,
Macknameras, and Pegmiton,
With Eustas Cummin and the rest,
Of the blind Stenchels of that Nest
Where shewing their alacrity
In serving of his Majestie.
But Willawinnle dull braind Foolls
They could not play at Byas Bowls,
With that dexterity and slight
That men thought hand fed Irish might,
No wonder I my consciences,
Did scarce at Irish Evidences,
For by St. Patrick of great Note,
They swear a man into the plot,
And by an other swear him out
That all is true, ye need not doubt:
They need no contrediction sear,
Who pereundem do not swear,
Some muse the Court, could not discover
Some two three Booths all England over,
Who had not prostitute their fame,
And cloath'd themselves with publick shame,
When Provost Dick to please the Duke;
As some sayes search the Statute Book,
And err'd as much in Application
As others did in Explanation.
Some men must try experiments
To prove they're Knaves and Ignorants,
When some gives Nine Pences, half Crowns
Greats, Sixpences, Shilling's Ducadouns,
To be absolv'd, fred and protected,
When by the Haly Kirk ejected.
Some say its wrong men should do so,
Others its right enough altho,
Its Simonie, to sell such things,
No plot it on the buyers brings.
We do not think, them true ejections,
And so may purchase our protections.
Some say tho we were ne re so wise
We must be sharers of the Vice
Adhereing closse to the Contract
Which we deliberatly make.
Each sober person sure concludes,
A buyer up of trifed goods,
If wittingly he make his paction;
Incurres the hazard of an action,
Of cheatrie and's a Rogue as he,
Who makes the Sale so Simonie,
Dirts barganers on both the hands
Who Simonie right understands,
Thinks it not only they that grease
A Bishop for a benefice
But they who purchase priviledges
Of Church for money, bond or pledges
Commits this foulsome in discretion
Whatever be some estimation:
Some are for bonds, Some are not willing,
Under the pain of fourty shilling
To give a bond to serve the Devil,
Its Sottish ignorance, grosse evill
To think Engadgers are made free,
For paying of a penaltie.
To pay a penaltie's a checking,
And punishment for bargain breaking.
A bond with penaltie appended,
Was nev'r alternative pretended.
And though it were, some cannot see,
How it with Reason can agree,
That Men engag'd to be Mass-hearers,
Idolaters, or Surplice Wearers:
Or else to pay a thousand pounds,
For this they see no solid grounds;
Since they who do revolve the pages,
Of Sufferers in former Ages.
And glours while they be like to faint,
Can find no pithie Precident.
Some do assert that foulsome facts,
Are not the matter of Contracts:
Though this dull and unstable birth,
Which at this time possess the Earth,
Seeks out raw shifts, and poor hen wiles,
And with such trash themselves beguiles.
Some think this case the matter clears,
To such as foul engagements fears.
Suppose a Man should make a paction,
To perpetrat a vitious Action,
Or pay a summ; but at the day,
He hath no money for to pay.
The action in it self is ill,
But yet by the Superior's will,
It's Leasome; Pray you what defence,
What sound or probable pretence,
Can this Man use, when he's put to it,
Either to pray, or else to do it?
According as he hath contracted,
Let any judge how he had acted.
And so they do hold up their face,
And sayes, since there can be Cace,
That he for Conscience sake must break it,
It was a soul abuse to make it:
Who brayes in mortars Cheats and Fools,
For their reward must wash their Tools,
It's thought he is a Man discreet,
Who in this World keeps his feet,
And seeing he no good can do it,
Can let it stand as he came to it.
Lest this be thought a long digression,
It was when Scotish Lords of Session
Layes by their Gowns, their Pates to please,
When some do burn Popes Effigies.
Whither it be by some mischance,
Or by some Noxious Influence:
Of things Etherial when they stray,
Or meet in a menaceing way.
In this I am not throughly seen:
Consult Robin in Aberdeen,
And Gadberry, who speaks of Warrs
And Peace, by gazing on the Starrs.
And when that ye have well sought thrô them
Ye'll be as wise as they never knew them.
Whither it be by some impression,
The Comet left upon that Nation,
Or from some spitful Exhalations,
From Surfet Excesse or Repalations,
Or if it be from Kingdoms greening,
Or Mall Contents, (ye know my meaning)
Or if it come from these can Cheat,
And among Cockle sow good Wheat,
Or if it be from the Court evil,
From Proserpina, Pope or Devil,
Who vexes Land at such a Rate
With the fowl fine of Venice State.
Or from some underhand Engadgers
To be the Roman Trade's Managers.
From Bankrupt Lords, or Publick VVhores:
Its hard to speak of higher Powers.
Whither it be from Earth or Hell,
Or from French Air, I cannot tell,
Or from St Omers, or Lovain,
From Madrid or Sevil in Spaine,
Or from Lisbon, or if it be
From some Convent in Germanie.
(I cannot think it be from Poland,
Moscovia, Denmark, Pruss, or Holland)
Or if it be some sad foretoken,
That Church and Kingdom shall be broken,
I'le not presume to manifest
But Scotland's troubled with a Test.
I do not presently incline
To scale its Nature or designe,
To speake of Authors or Inventors,
Opposers, Favourers, Consenters,
Or those, who tho they did not love it,
Had nev'r the courage to disprove it,
This might be counted pressure treasure;
A wrangld word yet, I may use her,
When I revising such fond actions,
Use old Scots absolute contractions:
To portrait Rogues in an Old stile,
In new it were not worth my while,
Since I'm perswaded not a few
Have neatly limm'd them in the new.
I hope it will be no offence,
Or if no evil consequence;
To make Relation of a Sort
Of Clergie Men and their Deport.
They being men of Publick Station,
Concerned yearly with the Nation
How some turns Stupid, others Storm'd,
How some Refused, and yet conform'd,
And how somes Conscience bounc'd and kickt
When too sore thrumbled, nipt and prickt,
How some had no restaint would take it
Because Superior powers did make it,
How some oppos'd it other doubted
And many sentiments about it,
Which I intend if I have time
And Genius for a daft Ratry me.
No Muses help I will implore
For I was nev'r at Lesbos shoar
Neither did haunt Arcadian Glens
Groves, mountains Watersides and Fens
My feet nev'r filed that brooky hill
Where Ancient Poets drank their fill
For their did haunt the Nymphs and Muses
Which old Wives fables so much tuses
There Pan kept sheep, and there it was
Where the red haird glyed wanton lass
Did skilt through woods ov't banks and braes,
With her blind get: Who Poets sayes
Could shoot as well as those that sees,
Yea better then he had eyes.
There the old Nun her Yaitn did windle,
Which she had spun with Rock and Spindle,
Here young Mercurius to teach thieves,
Did trift his Bastards Brothers Bieves,
But these who have the Thames and Humber
The Tees and Tvne need not them cumber
To go so farre to fetch a drink
For I am verie apt to think
There's als much Vertue Sonce and Pith
In Annan, or the Water of Nith;
Which quietly slips by Drumfries,
Als any Water in all Greece.
For there and several other places
About mill dams and green brae faces,
Both Elrich, Elfs and Brownies stayed,
And Green gown'd Farries daunc'd and played:
When old John Knox, and other some
Began to plott the Baggs of Rome
They suddenly took to their heels.
And did no more frequent these fields,
But if Romes Pipes perhaps they hear,
Sure for their Interest, they'll compear
Again, and play their old Hells Tricks.
But lest that I should seem Pollix,
To paraphrase I'll make an end,
And touch the matter I intend.

On August last day as ye knaw,
This Test obtain'd the force of Law;
And all subscriptions were to carry,
A date, before first January,
And tho they're several Men that say,
The black horn'd Devil bides his day.
Yet Zeal Catholick prest the Test,
Before it well got out of Nest;
So like a Thiefs neck it did run,
With shellie Lodging on its bun:
Which strange deport both near and farr,
Caus'd the poor Clergie, muse and jarr,
And begg the favour of the Act,
E're they were forc'd the Test to take.
VVhen the poor Men had done their best,
It was applyed go take the Test.
In this Quandarie it did please
The Bishop of the Diocese,
To call the Clergie all together,
To weigh the matter and consider:
He thought when all were met, they would
Make of a bad Game what they could.
When they were met, & doors were closed,
And in their seats were well composed:
That there might not be much delaying,
The Cavalier badesome be saying,
Since no need was for his reciting
The end and Reasons of their meeting.
And he would tell what was his mind,
When he their sentiments should find.
When they began to point and gaze
Up start brave Sophee with a fraze,
For he was big with some discanting
Where Qua and Quod were nothing wanting,
He moves his hands and then his feet,
And causes browes with fat checks meet,
And then to Heaven casts up his eyes,
Like a Mass Priest at Sacrifice,
He bends his capon breast and belly
He thought himself a Fellow jolly;
With many moe such Antick motions
Occasion'd by Chymerick notions,
And after rites of Courtisie
He thus began in Majestie:
My Lord, our meeting at this place
Is to decide a weighty case
In which our Faith and Manners too
Have much concernment and adoe
But since in a more solemne way
It doth concern our Loyalty
To Higher Powers lets not be rash
Lest our good Name may get a dash,
If we our Loyalty should stain
I know not what we shall retain.
I'le not use much exordium
But to the purpose I will come,
I have considered the Test
And scruples wherewith some are prest
Objections, Doubts, and every thing,
Which make some Brethren flisk and fling,
Which done, I'm forced to suppose,
There's many's sight as shorts their nose,
Or else we would not thus miscarry,
And be in such feiry ferry.
I know it is the common cry,
The Test doth Opposites imply.
Then surely seeing it cannot
Stand with it self in every jot:
If King and Council do not mend it,
No Soul can take it, or defend it.
But pray be pleas'd to lend your ear,
I hope to make the thing as clear,
To any Man that hath a Head,
As Ale and Potage, Milk and Bread:
And make it pass the straitest Neck,
Like Malago, or Cherry-Sack,
I'm Man enough for't, do not doubt it,
Attend and I shall fall about it,
Consider first, the Test doth bring,
In its last Part, no other thing,
Then that wherewith we're all content,
At least we have giv'n our consent,
Either in words Formaliter,
Or practise Virtualiter:
VVhich well considered, cannot but
Help well to loose this Gordian Knot.
In the first Clause doth ly our stress,
There's rugged work I must confess,
But let a good Logician Pause,
And well consider why that Clause
Is now enjoyn'd, and let him weigh
VVhat Qua, and what Formalitie
It cometh under, he may read,
Consistence as clear as a Bead,
And need not stumble or demurr,
VVith Soul and Conscience to concurr.
It is intended to secure
Us, from the Babilonish VVhore;
Old Heresies and Innovations,
That rageth in our Neighbour Nations;
And joyned to the other clause,
To keep us subject to the Laws,
To banish Niceties and Schisms,
Preciseness and Fanaticisms.
I hope there's no Man here to day,
Presumes to think farr less to say,
That ev'r it was design'd to reave,
The King of his Prerogative.
Or to turn Prelates to the Door.
Or to impare their Right and Power.
Now let it fully serve its ends
If ought abound or do offend.
And so your Conscience prick or gnaw,
Let it be brought to this new Law;
By which it's easie to conclude,
Haw each thing should be understood.
Posterior Laws annul each thing,
By which their purpose and design,
In former Laws is contradicted.
Then Conscience here need not be pricked,
For let this Law have Life or Breath,
Each thing in that Symbole of Faith:
VVhich may oppose losses it's feet,
Turns absolute, and is attrite.
In short I think there's none so fond,
But knows how Scripture is expon'd:
To wit, the darker by the plainer,
Here we must do in that same manner.
Pray Brethren but consider then,
That we the Symbole must explain,
Not by the first Authors intentions,
But by the Orders and Inventions,
VVhich since were statute and now stand
Established within our Land.
Let no Man say that I presume,
Power Legislative to assume,
For by their favour that so saith,
I by their Laws expone my Faith.
I hope now I have red the floor,
And put confusion to the door.
I think I need not be precise,
Each thing to particularise.
Yet least that any should expect,
That I should every point dissect:
Of all our fetters I will red you,
Distinguish but as I shall bid you,
A head

Art: 11 Lin: 24, Conf: Faith

that is Coordinate,
From that which is Subordinat,
A head in sensu Proprio,
From one in sens' Analago,
Distinguish me a head Perse
From per sequellam, flowing frae
The power Christian Magistrats;
Which with the same coagulats:
And Tyrants

Art: 14 Lin: 12.

who want titles just
From those who cheat and break their trust.
And do not foster foolish fictions,
By argumenting from

Art: 14 L. 10 & 12

restrictions,
Nor do not think that every thing
That's to be offered to a King
When to be crown'd

Obj: Against the Test from the 8 Act of Par. KING JAMES 6: there the King being oblidgd to take the Coronation Oath for the preservation of the Protestant Religion and Liberty of the Subjects.

altho rejected
Doth make his right to be suspected.
I hope there's none wants this Impression,
Who reads the new Act of Succession.
Apply these to the kittle places,
That makes you wink and throw your faces:
I you assure it will discuss him,
And make you currant ad amussum
He makes a small bowe, takes his seat,
And looks like Don in Regall slate.
Vain pride did circumvaile his eyes
Which now he throws towards the skyes,
And then then he squints them on his Mates
As they had been a pack of Rates.
These did conclude, thar saw his starings,
He thought himself no stinking herrings,
While some were grieving, some were groaning,
Some in their heart; their case bemoning
Some hanging heads down like a Bulrush,
Some looking Briskly that were full sprush,
Some turning up their gay Mustachoes,
And others robbing their dull pashes,
And others rounding to their Goss.
That you was an Aurelian closs,
Upstarts a Priest and his hug head claws,
Whose Conscience was but yet in dead Thraws
And did not cease to cave and paut,
While clyred back was prickt and gald,
Which frighted with this strange surprise
Wrought to its knees, and strove to rise.
But racked tendous, deizie head
Toom nerves, dry veins made it with speed,
Fall back, and then begin to grasp
Like a dead Mare at the last gasp.
And says, ye speak sir like a Man
Who meikle with your Logick can,
But theres a Clause, sir, at the end o't,
Even for my Beneson gare mend it.
No Gloss, nor sweet Equivocation;
Distinction Mentall Reservation:
No Logick qua, nor ens rationis,
Though Suarez, Scotus, de Raconis,
Though Thomas, Compton, Bone spei,
Were here to help, would bear a sway;
To make a Man though of a dull wit,
If he knew a B by a Bull foot;
To undertake that drearie task,
And then put on the bootless mask
Of some ill spun Equivocation,
Or Metaphysick Explication,
Let the explainer do his best,
The foresaid clause of this black Test,
Hocipso that he doth explaine,
Makes perjury his Conscience stain,
Since to that sense he's bound to swear,
That the plain words do use to bear;
Your Clergie is not with a bubble
Your Notions flee like dust and stubble,
Before the Winde, where e're it blows,
You'r fit to butcher a good cause.
To speak the thing I think my sell,
Let's lay our compt, with Death and hell
With Contumelie, slight and shame,
While we Inhabite this dull frame,
Let's take the Test there's no relief,
And bruike our pudding, bread and Beeff,
Lye by our fires, and warm our lends,
And sleep on coats of geese and hens.
Or els resolve on racked necks,
By some plutonick Carnifex,
And though you should dit up my mouth
I'le swear this is the naked truth:
Thus having said, he's like to faint,
Gaunts like a Monk, precise in Lent:
But this did raise the Sophees humor,
His face fum'd in blosie tumor.
His words came out by tuos together,
For one could not abide another;
They were so hastie to bate down,
That long lave Lugged Landward Lown.
That had the Sophee so abused,
Thus he broke out in words confused.
I knew some peevish Clawnish Carlie,
Would make some noise & hurly burlie.
You speak Sir, and you wot not what,
Yet must be meuting like a Cat,
Another Trade sir, sets you better,
Then to speak none sense in a matter
Of such concernment, Sir your skill
Were some what fitter for the mill,
To Reconcile the hoop and clapper,
With Lyer, Runner, and the Happer,
We came not here with Fools to clatter,
Or wave our fingers in the water,
Let one that knows the case speak sense,
And he shall get an audience.
The Priest said nought, but Bretheren truly,
This Gentlemen, can not be throughly.
But then a Priest both wise and sage,
Who griev'd to see the Sophees rage.
Who did abhore his hight and Huffings,
His Hectorings, his stares, and snuffings;
He could not bide his vain pretences,
Contriv'd to cheat Mens consciences,
Rose up, and in a sober manner,
Began to speak, whereof the tenor
As follows is, (where ye may see
His Candor and Fidelitie)
My Lord, and Gentlemen, I think
It is no time for us to wink,
Or in our eyes to put our Thums!
Or to be meanac'd with threats & glooms,
Well speak our minds Though we be weak,
For Soul and conscience is at stake:
But yet my Brethren e're I trace,
Brave Sophee's sentiments in the cace,
His arguings and his probations,
Distinctions and his explications,
I'am forc'd to beg your leave to tell,
If what we say he do refell,
As he hath now refel'd our Brother,
We need not speak I pray consider,
He spake nothing might give offence,
The thing he said was wit and sense.
And if my judgement do not fail.
Upon the head he hit the nail.
And with one blow drive it so right,
That it's not be revers'd this night.
But now I will come to the point,
And Sophee's Coupelings disjoint,
Which if I do not bring to passe
There's others here that can canvass
And show, that they are wanting weight,
To crook a conscience that is streight.
But now good Sophee I will trace you,
And think not that I do disgrace you;
If I enquire in Veritie
And lie not on Authoritie,
Sir, as to what you first assert
I will not touch for my own part,
For though I think it wants probation
And might abide sharp disputation,
It is not the perplexed Nexus
That thus doth intricate and vex us.
Whereas ye say; we must perpend
The Causes, Tendancie, and End.
I do confess, we so shal do,
And easilie shall grant you to,
Both workers and works tendencie
In this did at the first aggree
To banish Antichristian Fables,
Masse, Altars, holy Ground, and Tables
Romes Orders, Pennance and Precessions,
Its Dispensations, Ear Confessions,
Its Holy Waters, and its Bells,
Its Spittle, Salt, and South run Wells,
Its Purgatory, and its Prayers,
For Dead, its Monks, and its Masse Sayers,
Its Friars, Dependents, and Abetors,
Encouragers and all Romes creatures:
Its Saints, Relicts, Image Worship,
Which to poor Souls brought skaith and hership,
Its Hierarchy & all its Trashry
That stain'd Mens conscience with its fashry.
The works intention is the same
Since in the very words and frame,
Its renovat confirm'd and Prest,
As the first clause of this new Test:
And surely the Confirmers project
Can come no better in our prospect,
Then by perpending usuall signs,
To wit words sentences and lynes,
By which they do themselves expresse,
And very plainly do prosesse,
That all concern'd must signe and swear
In the same sense the words do hear.
Which if we do, we plainly losse
The help of your Aurellion glosse.
But Sir, it seems your explication,
Doth intervert its Ordination
This symbol was formed that we
From Roman Harlotry should flee
By it Church Members were instructed
In Truth and Unity conducted,
By it they saw how to evite
The Paths of Babylonish feet:
But Sir, your glosse sends us to rake
The dig'st that Popes and Devils make,
The same to search and fall a finding,
What part of this Symbol is binding.
A brave refuge I must confesse,
For a poor conscience in distresse
Your arguing will lose it sale
And turn as wersh as saltless kail,
To any who this Symbol reads
And finds that there are several heads
That doth oppose Catholicisms,
And softer that which ye call Schisme.
Good Sophee, I would have you minding,
That by your Clergie these are binding,
Because they're opposite to Popery,
To Antichristian Trash and Foppery:
Yet their Validity you raze
Since they promote the Whiggish cause.
That Christ is only Head and King
Of his own Church, thwarts the Designe,
Of Popery; and for Whiggs do make
Against the Explicating Act.
Since it both Monarchs, Kings and Popes,
And Princes from that Headship Lopes,
And since the Pope doth not presume,
An equall Headship to assume
But will be satisfied, that
He be esteem'd a Deligat;
A man of Reason must conclude
This clause doth not only exclude
A Head that is Coordinate,
But that which is subordinate.
So this Distingu's not well sounded,
The rest I think no better grounded.
Pray Sir, who ever yet did plead,
To be an Analogick Head?
Neither could such a Headship 'gree
With our present Supremacie.
And what a monstruous Headship's that
That floweth from the Magistrate?
Sir, if your Logicks here be good,
The Church shall have a Multitude
Of heads: and yet one Body still,
Let men say of it what they will:
The Pope hath farr the better Plea
About this business then we,
And justly flings that foul disgrace
Of Female Heads upon our Face.
But here I need not to insist,
Read at your leasure if you list,
Gilespie, Catherwood and Voet;
Who puts the matter out of doubt,
Since it a Good Work is Reputed,
To liberat the persecuted,
And to defend Poor Sakeless Wights,
Who may be Robbed of their Rights;
Als well by Kings their malversation,
As by a Cromwels Usurpation,
Your Logick Sir's, not worth a Spittle
'Twixt Rogues that have and want a Title.
Who knows the acting and condition
Of these who fram'd this old Confession?
How Knox with Leithingtown did reason,
And when he was accus'd of Treason?
How to the Queen he Answered,
And what report the counsel made:
May without labour clearly find,
That your distinction is but winde.
Which is considered will make good,
What from that sentence we conclude,
Which if restricted, I am loath
To touch the Coronation Oath,
If the Sessions Act be right;
I think that Oath can have no weight.
For all your confidence, good Master
You most prepare a fitter plaster
Then these distinctions, for I'm sure
They will not work a kindly cure;
I am no Lawer I confess
Yet by your leave I'le grosly guess,
Thought new Laws may the old correct,
And so deprive them of effect;
It betters not your cause a straw
For by your Argument, no Law
Can pair the Test, the smallest whit,
Since there's none subsequent to it:
About Religion, and I hope
You will not make a Law to loupe;
And sned itself, and hear my Brother;
One place cannot explain another.
Its made already fully clear
The present Test no glosse can bear;
Good Sir your Logicks were farr better,
For Forme substantial, and first matter,
Chimeras, Atomes and void places,
And for imaginary spaces
For Occult Qualities and Unions,
Instincts and Summulists Opinions,
(To tell your young Logicians,
What Father Aristotle means,
By actus in potentia entis,
Qua in potentia) ratio mentis
Proportionales alequate
Partes, & Spheræ primo motæ:
With many moe such srothie quibbles,
Which Schoolmens, brains throw out like bubbles
For Universals and Relations,
Then for connecting Implications
A Chapelane's easier refuted
Then such a matter prosecuted.
The Sun had not sing'd Phaetons hair,
Had he not walk'd beyond his sphere,
Narcissus fond with Eccho's clatter
And other Hussies fleicht and flatter,
To see his face, ran to a pool
And there lay gazeing like a fool;
For at this time the Lads and Lasses,
Had not the use of locking Glasses
While turning dizie down he fell,
With heels ov'r head into the well.
Our country Dames must try the Leaching,
And old King James must fall a Preaching.
Baxter must be a Connecture,
Of pugnant Tenents, I Conjecture
In stead of Amitie and Union
He broacheth out a new Opinion,
VVho Soweth such Reconcilations
Reaps liberally Innovations
And are derided for their pains,
And repute Men of flotting brains,
Dame Talmash when she turn'd her Grace,
In Parliament, must have her place;
VVho knew the verity I Trow,
The half of this will serve her now;
There some old horse turntd out of stable;
When young Dames are at Council Table;
The Fate of somewere once Dandillies;
Might teach the younger Stags and Fillies,
Not for to Trample poor Cart-Horse
Yet they still the worse and worse:
Though when they're high they flisk and fike,
Yet Dogs get of their bones to pick
Men cannot walk within their Stations,
But Timps and Whores must govern Nations
Grotius must be a Divine,
The Bramble must Protect the Pine,
Salmasius must write in Law,
There's many Apes of Æsops Craw
For all this there might be some seen,
If Mortals would but strive with Men.
But Kings and Poets, I'll say nought bot,
It's not unknowen what Herod Got;
Some hungry Tykes falls by the Ears,
From others cheekblades collops Tears;
About the Licking of the Looms,
Before the beast to shambles comes,
They louse their tusk's on either cheek side,
By Tawing on each others thick hide,
So strength and vigour they both lose,
Before the Neats head get a tosse;
The one of them may lose his Thraple;
Before the Bull begin to grapple;
So a third birckie oft comes to,
And gets the whole with small ado,
Our Bishops must be Potentats,
And Logick men turns Advocats,
Though ignorance sometimes may marr them,
They whiles get places better for them,
Lawers, Advocats and Clerks,
Are not so subject to Remarks
VVith Courtly Ladies in their Coaches,
Nor do incurr such hard reproaches;
Nor yet are so in peoples mouth;
As these that should instruct the Youth;
But these who are long in abuse
And have drunk in some Childish use,
Are very fair to keep that stain,
Some Coward Coulie of this strain
Come moved by some Schoolish Toy
Ran Rampant on a Schollar Boy.
Did tear and grasp him with his claws,
For he had now laid by his Tawes
And gave him many a Souce and slope,
For some what did concerne the Pope
Canonized at Edinburgh Crosse.
In 80 as I do suppose.
Such Achillæan facts as thir
Will turn a Master to a Sir;
But lest much speaking do me skaith,
I'le sit me down; and draw my breath,
When this was said, another start up.
Who for a while had not got heart up
But Melancholy, grief, and sturt,
Had over whelm'd and done him hurt,
Men by his visage understood,
That he was in a dumpish mood:
Sometimes he on his breast did clap,
Sometimes drew down his Satine cap:
Put back his hair out by his eares,
He was not farr from shedding tears
In the Oppacity of grief
He cryes what plots, O what Mischief!
And still a Kirkman at the nuike o'r!
Though old Golboun should bear the buick o't,
Then he began to muse and pause,
Like Pullet dropt from a Glades clawes;
But having grief somewhat compessed,
Thus to the rest himself adressed;
Our Fathers, sirs, Civill and Ghastlie;
Doth traite us in a manner beastly,
If they respected us, our station
Our Flocks or their Edification
The Test to us they would not tender,
And us more Odious still render
Its known the bulk of all the Nation,
Are troubled at our ingression,
Now we'll get nought but Rogue and knave.
If in this matter we behave
As some have done; yea they'l esteem
Us of all mankind the soul Fine
I hope there's none so void of senses?
To think we're fram'd to flatter Princes?
To softer pranks and hellish plots,
And be admirers of fond ots
To serve mens-lust the Pope and Devill,
Sure bretheren, this proceeds of evill.
Tho it were 'mongst indifferent things,
Since such offence it with it brings;
We might refuse't with good defence,
Since we're obleidge'd in conscience,
Evill's appearance to evite,
Lest we cause weak ones loose their feet;
What ever frolicks men may foment,
Scandall's a matter of great moment:
Read Duram and Calvin well,
If from their reasons ye resile:
I'le count you Sots, or that you Knaverie
Will lead us back to Roman slavrie.
VVhen he these Honest Men had cited,
Some of the Clergie frown'd and fretted,
Some smil'd, and some fell in a laughter,
Some look'd like Butchers making slaughter,
Or like a VVife that doth begin
To pull wooll from a stinking skin;
Some fell a grunting like a Pig,
And some cry'd out, a Whig, a Whig!
But this commoved the Priests choller;
It did convert in ire his Dolour.
His Visage chang'd, he Fumes and Rages,
Like to a Suitzer wanting VVages;
Then in the Vinegar of VVrath
He briskly to his Brethren saith,
Now Gentlemen, I know your meaning,
I know for what you are a Greening;
It's Antichrist his Pipes and Fidles,
And other Tools, wherewith he Widdles,
Poor Caitiffs into dark delusions,
Gross Ignorance and deep Confusions.
He'll be repute a Man that cites
A Rabble of the Jesuites,
And Airie Schoolmen, but if we
Cite men Famous for Pietie,
Their Learning, and for doing Good
Who in their time firmely withstood
Both Error, Heresie and Schisme;
It will be term'd Phanaticisme:
I would with scripture clear the matter;
But to forebear I think it better:
It doth not set a sound Divine,
To cast his Pearles before swine;
I have too solid Ground to fear,
You would it also mock and jear:
Tho at such pranks my heart doth blead,
I'll no more spurt a Mare that's dead.
He set him down and said no more,
Turn'd melancholious as before.
When he had said another rose,
A gay Divine as I suppose,
Who loved neither Monk nor Frier,
He bow'd first to the Cavalier;
And then he did himself Curvat,
To all the Brethren as they sat;
Then with a voice both whole & clear,
He thus broke Silence as you's hear:
My Lord, and Brethren, I intend,
In a few words to comprehend,
What I'm to speak, give ear I pray,
That I to an Amen, may say,
Brethren, it seems this Test alledges,
That neither Covenant obliges,
That they do not us ty or bind,
To Duties that's therein contain'd.
But I confess, I'm forc'd to grant,
And am confirm'd, the Covenant
Call'd National, in it nought hath,
But what's in this Symbol of Faith,
Or Statutes made for its behove,
Which I'll endeavour for to prove:
No sober Man as I expect,
Can against any point object:
If it be not Mutual Supplie,
In case that One or All should be
Oppressed for Religions sake:
And none can this Objection make,
Since it's repute in this Confession,
A good Work to Repress Oppression:
And to defend the Innocent.
And such are they who feel restraint,
Are Harassed and suffer Lesion,
Because of their intire Adhesion;
To Pure Worship, Doctrine sound,
And Discipline that hath a Ground
On Scripture, all which we must grant,
To them who fram'd the Covenant:
Because they held the same with those,
Who this Confession did compose:
If any tatle the Old Tale,
Which with the simple may prevail;
To wit, we ought not to defend
Our Faith with Swords, I condescend;
And yet when I perpend the Matter,
Our Cause is not a whit the better.
For if you shall assault a Man,
Because he neither will nor can
Quit his Religion, you compel
That person, to defend himself;
This without doubt the Law of Nature,
Doth grant to every Humane Creature.
This none in Reason can restrict,
Because of persons that afflict.
Or their Prerogative; for why
It's very easie to reply,
If we consider well the thing,
And trace this Defence to its Spring,
It's seated in the Creature's Right,
Without considering the Wight
That doth the Violence; and hence
We Lawfully may use Defence,
Gainst those that are in high Distractions,
Altho their Violence and Actions,
If they be taken properly,
Cannot be called Injury;
From this precisely flawes the other,
To wit, to help our sakeless Brother:
In whose Defence we ought to carry,
As in our own, and not to varry.
This Right cannot be Alienat,
And all roll'd on the Magistrat.
Since all the Learn'd without Debate,
Sayes it's a Principle innate:
And doth accompany Man's Nature,
Hoc ipso, that he's such a Creature:
Which Point if pithily discuss'd,
Will dash Hob's policy to dust;
The Magistrat is a fitt Mean
And Instrument for to maintain
This Right, by him the People may
Exerce the same, in a safe way.
But these things to the Whiggs I'll leave,
There's somewhat more it's like may give
Ground for Objection, I will see,
If it hath Pith or Energie.
It's like some thinks the foresaid tye,
Doth Prelats casting our imply:
We'll let it be so there's no skaith,
So doth this Symbol of Faith.
Yea Gentlemen it would be sound
A kittle put from the said Bond
To disprove Prelats, if it were
Not that it doth Reinferre,
In terms this same Case and Condition,
The Church had under this Confession,
Before King James began to task us,
When he saw Altars at Damascus:
Lest any think there is no place
In this Symbol, can clear the Case;
Let such be pleas'd to make inspection,
Or eighteenth Article or Section,
Their Discipline as instituted,
By Holy Scripture, is Reputed,
One of the Churches Marks and Signs;
Then read but foreward two three lines,
Where the then Members do profess,
That the True Marks they do possess:
Now Gentlemen, consider that
Discipline duely Ministrat,
Must be by all, and only those,
On whom the Scripture doth impose
The same, and I trow Gentlemen,
No Prelat, no Person, or Dean,
Bruik'd Function when this Symbol was
Compiled, and brought to pass.
If there be any more Objections,
Show them, I shall give my Reflections
On them; But if ye plainly see
The foresaid Bond's Matter to be
In this Confession comprehended,
I think this Point is fully ended.
You see then Brethren, where we land,
If we this Test shall take in Hand.
I hope here's none who will cut Capers,
Like Torrys when South-Eastern Vapors,
Foments their Heads, who fall a roaring,
Sacred and Humane Things devoring;
Trampling every thing that brings
Not Birth from interrupted Kings!
There's none I hope will strive to mix
The Earth with Heavens, & World unfix;
Saying such Bonds wanting Supply,
Of Soveraign Authority,
Are rendred Irrite, by rescinding,
Which otherwise were sound and binding,
Or want of the Superiours Will,
Makes such Bonds, ipso jure, null:
Though that to which we do us bind,
Be Duty not to be Declin'd.

Or things indifferent, in no sort
Can do our Neighbour Harm or Hurt;
If any Kirkman be so gross,
He'll find that he incurrs a Loss,
The highest infamy and shame
By reading Heathens treats the Theam,
Civilians, and Cannonists;
Yea the most Gross of Romanists:
Pluto with Acheron's Train'd Bands,
Had scarce rane such a Work in Hands
Had not Spinosa, Hob's, and Parkers
Extimulate these hellish Barkers,
To give them help to trim such Warrs,
And make them Current at Court-Fairs.
Neither's this Scoup-bole with a flee,
Or sixteenth part of a Kildee.
When speaking of this Covenant,
Which was confirm'd by Parliament.
From what is said it is apparent,
That Discipline must be inherent
Into the Church, since it's a Mark,
How Men may ken an Honest Kirk:
Which granted, can Government be
Affixt to Regal Dignitie?
I cannot see it, and think,
When I look it, I not wink.
Brethren, there is some other Ground
Of scruples, which I will profound,
Some Gentlemen, that's apt to startle,
Some seem two Sentences to Tartle;
Contained in this Ancient Creed,
To wit, a Preter Scriptural Deed
Is evil and that Romes Baptising,
By their Mass, Priest, Crossing and Greasing.
And Ordination is stark nought
Since the Whoor to her hight was brought,
For me I do not think it fit,
On our Reformer's Face to spit;
Without a very pressing Reason,
And this is a most dangerous season,
To drive out holes in our hedge dykes,
When Babel's Foxes, and such Tykes,
Are endeavouring them to scale,
Yea rather to ding down the Wall.
Perpend but pray, what deeds we call,
Omnine preter scriptural?
It's not such Acting that a Man
By solid Argumenting, can
Prove that the Scripture doth permit,
Though there be no Command for it,
Precise, Precedent, or Example;
Of such Acts there are numbers ample:
As to make Pots of Earth and Bones,
And Tombs of Lead, or Marble Stones,
To drink Brandie, or Usquebae.
And Thatch with Heather, Broom, or Straw,
To smoak Tobacco, and make Suins,
And drink of Barlie, Pease or Beans;
And show with Guns in stead of Bowes,
And delve steep Braes with spades and howes.
To wear Drogits and thousands such,
That were not necessar to touch;
But Acts that neither from command,
Nor Precedent, can sit a stand,
Neither by sound Argumentation
From Scripture can have clear probation
To be permitted; These I shall
Call Acts that's Preter Scriptural,
And such are baptizing of Bells,
Hallowing Altars, Kirk and Gells,
Torturing of the Penetent,
Refusing to eat Flesh in Lent:
Imposing Nook'd-Caps and Cow'd-Heads,
The wearing Relicts, Cross, or Beads,
(To worship any of the three,
Is horrible Idolatrie)
Convents of Nuns, Monks, and Friars,
And Surplices, which Curats wears;
For to impose gray Gowns, or Mantles,
Or any such base Tritle Trantles.
If what I say be understood,
The first Assertion will be good,
To these that are the Truth confessing,
In heart of I loss skill in guessing;
As for the second I'm content,
Before the black Council of Trent:
And e're Reformers did presume,
To warn poor Souls to flee from Rome,
That Whoorish Mother of Confusion,
And Noxious Nurse of Hells delusion.
E're Antichrist came to his height,
Romes Ordination might have weight;
But after Princedomes, States, and Nations,
Had com'd good length in Reformations,
After the Beast had sturr'd his Taile,
And set against them Tooth and Naile,
And rous'd the Emperour and Kings,
And all under the Dragons wings,
To wedge a Warr against the Saints,
And to tread down the tender plants;
By which in formal Solemn manner,
He spread out Antichrist his Banner.
I must confess, I'm not so free,
To plead for the Validitie
Of Roman Orders: It smells sower,
That Antichrist in his full power,
And formall Warr against the Just,
Should yet retain this Power and Trust.
Yea weighty Reasons me inclines,
To think some Eminent Divines,
Makes their Assertions here to Thwart,
And one anothers Cheeks to scart;
In their asserting closs that he
Who keeps each Point of Papacie,
And so remains till Life be gone,
Shall never have Salvation.
And yet will not say to the full,
Their Baptisms and Missions null;
I hope we shall not loose Instruction,
If I shall by a clear Induction
About this Argue, and shall seat
The Basis of the whole Debate.
Upon the general Consents
Of well Reformed Protestants;
To wit, that in the Papacie
As such compleat, there cannot be
Salvation and my Assenting,
Will make Charitie Relenting.
But my Induction I'll Exhibit,
Impugne it after cui libet.
Where no soul safty can be found,
No Faith can grow upon that Ground;
Where Faith cannot be, I am sure,
None hears the Truth that's Clean and Pure;
And where an Hearing cannot be,
There is no Real Ministrie;
Where this cannot be, there's no Mission,
So no such Power in their Possession,
Now having ended, I will come,
A Primo, to the Ultimum.
In Rome as such, there's no Salvation,
And so no Power of Ordination;
But pray you, take my Tale together.
And rive not one Limb from another.
Either subvert my Broad Foundation,
Or suffer my Argumentation
To stand, left striving it to trouble,
Ye Mire into a Hubble Bubble.
But Brethren, what if one should say,
Tho Romes Missions in Genere,
Have strength and be acknowledg'd rate,
Yet they might be invalidate,
Within a Churches Jurisdiction,
The Church having made a Resection,
In general, of any Power
Conferred by that Pestsome Whore:
On any Man within their Border,
Sure all that loveth Peace and Order,
Will grant the Church hath power to Tax
Church Officers, for foulsome Facts;
For their unfitness want of Care,
Or going to a Romag Fair,
To buy a Mession and Recal,
Their Ordination, if it shall
Be found Convenient, pray you, why
Should Men unto the Church deny?
In bulk for to make null Men's Missions?
On weighty Causes, and Conditions?
But here Objections and Replyes,
And Intricacies might arise:
I'll close, and will not search into
Church Power, and what a Church can do;
When well inform'd in their Directions,
And Acts against future Defections,
What they may clear evacuate,
And what they might Exterminate
From them, and their Posteritie,
Then having made a Courtesie,
With all due Rites, in such a Case,
He set him down, and held his Peace.
Then rose a Priest both brisk and bold,
He was both sturdy, tight and Tall,
He roul'd his Visage round about
As he had risen necks to clout:
He was so blosie some did think
That he had got his Morning drink.
He threw a gruntle, hands did sold,
Sometimes on his Kanes head took hold.
His clowdly brows, and frizled hair,
Did tell he was thuart cross grain'd ware
He looked just like such as we,
Say is for the cheek of a Plea,
Or like a fellow, to be brief,
Into whose hands there's a mischief;
He was not for the French Nig nayes,
But briskly to his Brethren sayes,
Good Gentlemen we may not doubt,
Wherefore the Duke of York's left out,
And is exempted from the Test,
Wherewith he doth turmoyl the rest;
In publick Trust, in Church and State,
Menacing some at a great rate,
This is a very shrewd beginning,
I think I know what was the meaning,
He thinks not fit to flench and flatter,
But to prove gallant in the matter.
And when he his designs commences,
Rears up Romes Kennels, yairds & fences.
We shall not have the tale to cant,
Take up your King and Covenant.
A Man of Sprit might Burn for Shame,
That Scotland thus should lose its Fame.
But Gentlemen, when I do Read
This our Reformers Ancient Creed,
I do perceive in severall parts,
It very Pithily Asserts.
Professed Catholicks to be
Guilty of Grosse Idolatrie,
And Blasphemies, why are not all
Such grosse Delinquents great and small
Call'd to Account, and when convicted
Made bear the pains should be Inflicted
On such Transgressors, I confess
Men that are Men could do no less.
But we are troubled with a Pack
Who truth and justice do Ransack.
Devour their Bretheren that are tender,
Kill some, makes others lurk and wander
In Dens and Desarts with pale Faces,
Fu Sympathising with their Cases:
And so make us that are Conformed,
Stink in the nose of all Reformed;
And here are severall sitting, that
Have their part largely in the Pot.
A pack of Rogues I'm a swidder
To dash some heads against each other
Tho some's Exempted from the Test,
They're not Exempted from the Rest,
Of penal statutes (who ere saw
A Subject plac'd above the Law)
Which rightly weigh'd and put in use,
Might yet cause some to shoot the buise.
Should we receive the Noxious Humors,
That raised Gangrens, Pox, and Tumors:
And at the length by strong Purgation,
Evacuat by the English Nation.
A hout upon us a Disgrace,
Let's fling their Dirt back on their Face:
I had said—had not my senses
Been clogg'd with Pestsome Effluences,
Of thir Chymerick Naughty Talkers,
They smell like work-houses of Wakers,
Of Test and of the Test Defenders,
It's wonder Brethren no Man renders;
But I presume, I keen the Case,
This has been made a Holly Place.
By the hot Water of Saint Giles,
Or some Old Saints bruik'd thir Fields.
It was no wonder some enquir'd,
(A flenting Fellow who desir'd
To rouse the Test) whither it was
Unto the Heav'ns the high plain pass?
He answered, it's the high street,
They swore that he was indiscreet,
For to exclude His Majestie,
Together with His Familie;
Although the Cavalier sat dume,
It's very like, by other some,
Fuisset dictum ei querenti,
Non fit injuria volenti.
But stomake wambles, I must close,
And with my Fist must stop my Nose.

Another rose, made his Congees,
And said, my Brethren, if you please,
Hear out my Tale, it's be but short,
And half in earnest, half in sport.
Some States are plagu'd with Snakes and Frogs,
And other Kingdoms with Mad Dogs.
Which cause a Hydrophobia,
And others with Tarantulia,
Some with Lyons, some with Bears,
And Wolves, which Flock and Cattle tears,
Some with Monkies and Babouns,
Thought Rareties within our Towns.
Some with the Cruel Crocodile,
Who catch Men in their linked Taile.
Some with Grashoppers and with Flees,
And some with Wormes that hurt Fruit Trees:
Some with Locusts, some with Adders,
Some with filthie Toads and Spidders.
Some are abus'd with stinking Brocks,
The Weasel, Fumart, and the Fox.
Some are hurt with flocks of Crowes,
Devouring Corn and their Lint Bowes.
Some with Earns, some with Eagles,
Which the Young Sheep and Goats sore mangles.
Some with Panthers, some with Tygers,
Some with Monsters of strange Figures.
Some with Water Rats and Mice,
And others with the Cocratrice,
Which as some sayes, smites with its looks,
But Scotlands plague's a plague of Dukes:
But they're such Dukes as soon do tyre,
To plash together in one Myre,
And so the One the Other out pakes,
Which makes Men think they're all but Drake
Yet this makes many Men admire,
For pateing time and all the year.
Is one to them they never lein,
Harvest and Hay time they're as keen,
In their Debating as it were,
After the last of Januare.
I know nought like them but the Frogs,
Who do haunt Marishes and Bogs.
It's said by some the Younger Rides
Above the Older's slimie sides
Till they loss breath, or else their Number
Would do the Countrey meikle cumber.
I'll say no more, but prayes for Peace,
I'll quite my skill if some do Grace.
But now upstart the Cavalier,
He could no longer speach forebear;
Their knaggie Talking did up barme him,
Their sharp Reflections did much warm him,
His Blood having a high Ferment,
By hot Spirituous Nutriment:
Of which he made no small Voration,
Nor seldom to inebriation!
For Venus failes and will decay,
Sine Baccho & Cerere.
He bended up his Buzzards Nose,
Which was farr Redder than a Rose.
He did unfold no little Pride,
He set his Left Hand on his side:
Like Foot Souldiers when they stand
At Ordered Arms, waiting Command;
And then he brought his Right Leg foremost,
As he had been to make a sore Thrust,
Hinting and squinting with his Eyes,
Like those who uses falsifies:
Which sort of Motions he did make,
A furry all the time he spake,
With many a lofty boult and bend,
He sayes my Friends and Gentlemen,
At several Meetings I have been,
And heard you murmur and complain
Of Narrow Stipends, Manse and Gleibs,
And Patrons taking Bods and Bribes,
And making you by secret Pactions,
Partake of sacrilegious Actions,
Before they suffer you to enter;
Where's the Fanatick and Dissenter;
Where's now your fear of new Whigg Plots,
Which other times came up your Throats:
If all the Talkings were collected,
Which from your Thraples ye ejected,
For former Meetings, I have Ground,
To say not so much should be found,
Of Tender Consciences and Truth,
As this time hath flown from your Mouth.
Good fellows pray what may we judge,
Of so surprising a Deludge
Of Conscience. I take it to be
The Birth of some Conspiracie:
What do you mean, some Innovation,
Or some new Clergies Convocation:
Do you intend to bell the Pus,
With King, Duke, Parliament, and Us;
I will not stay to Clash and Quibble
About your Nignayes, I'll not nibble:
I'll with a bare word you Red argue,
Tho till your wind Pipes burst you argue.
Though ye should cry and shout about me,
Till all the Guts within should out flee.
Pray your Alledgance but consider,
And gather all your Wits together,
Consider who's the Churches Head,
And at your Leasure, pray you read
Your Oath, and Explicating Act,
And all you say's not worth a plack:
If you the Matter rightly weigh,
You'll find it is the King's to see.
What is Convenient and Right
In Church Affairs; The oversight,
And sole Power of Determination
Is his, and all's by Derivation
That we can claime; know what you're doing
Lest there may be untimeous rueing.
Be sober for we will you danton,
You're at the present hote and wanton:
Ah empty Pantrie, and room Pots,
Will make you look like half drown'd Roats.
Look on good Fellows and advise it,
Wart's sweet to them who never tryes it.
He said no more but set him down,
Then some began to hark and rown:
Somes heart began to faint and fail,
To think that Cabbage, Beef, and Ale,
Mutton, and Capon should be wanting,
Such thoughts made some to sall a gaunting,
Some to what hand to turn was deeming,
And some did look, like those that's dreaming.
Some was concluding we must do it,
There's no help, we will be put to it.
Some their hair from their beards plucked,
And some did claw where nothing yooked.
Some said a secreet Pater Noster,
And some were in a Laughing Poster,
Some began to Jock and Gibe,
Others were cursing the whole Tribe
Of these, who made such hellish act,
To put Men's Conscience on racks,
Others prepared to appear,
And Rancounter the Cavalier.
Now by the way I must begg leive,
A brief Character for to give,
Of this brave Fellow spake so home,
And to the Point so closs did come:
Which in few Words I think I can,
He was a Courtlie Clergie Man:
Which taken in it's Latitude,
Doth all that I can say include.
It's true I dare not be precise,
To say, he all the Properties
Has of a Courtier; that't a Taill
Too long for John of Lauderdail:
Which if he had, it's like he might,
Play to the Tikes some Foxes slight,
By taking it betwixt his feet,
And with hot water making't wet,
And when the Tikes were near to hold'im,
Might with a whisk almost blindfold'um:
Altho the Cavalier doth want
Some Properties, yet I must grant,
Considering this present time,
He hath some that are Tight and Prime:
For Champion Conscience none will bate him,
For Flattery there's few will mate him
Of Power Superiour, and forsooth,
He hath a Tongue that's gay and smooth:
He hath some art to tincture Vice,
And to sell Hemlock seed for Spice.
To set Court Sadles on skeigh Nages,
And help to back unruly Stages.
To strowe Beans on his Neighbours stairs,
And trouble other Men's Affairs.
And to set Prospects to some Eyes,
Who cannot well discern a prise.
Tho he can swear from side to side,
And lye, I think he cannot hide.
He has been several times affronted
By slie Backspearers, and accounted
An emptie Rogue, They are not fitt
For Stealth, that want a good Up put.
But now a Priest rose to withstand him,
Who well knew where his own shoe band him,
And said, your Lordship I commend,
You take your Tale by the Right End.
I must confess, the Matter's here,
Here is the thing that nicks us near.
I know there may be something said,
That when this Alleadgeance was made,
We thought the King would not assert
To him more Power than was his part.
And that he all our Grants would bring
Square to the Nature of the thing.
Our Loyalty was so profuse,
Nothing he ask'd we did refuse.
Crediting Truth and every thing
To the Benigneness of a King,
Looking he would not spoil us streight,
Of that to which we had a Right.
By Apostolick Institution,
Who would have thought on such Confusion,
Of Air and Water, Heav'ns and Earth,
Bringing the World to it's first Birth.
The Ancient Chaos wanting figure,
Who could expect so strange a Rigour.
Yea several Acts of Parliament,
Might have occasion'd our Consent,
Framed in favours as you'll see,
Of Churches Right and Libertie:
But truely when I do perpend
The Matter to the nether end,
I must confess, this fair-like sconce,
Gives little Shelter, Help, or Sonce:
Tho I were hasting to the Mooles,
I'll say some knaves were, some were fools,
And some were both thus, let it stand,
That Scots-men's wise behind the hand.
But when you argue to the outmost,
In Truth your Arguments are but dust,
Though Terms to which we have consented
Makes us sit dumb, and I repent it:
Your Argumentings all do hang
On Hobbs, and Others of that gang;
So you rub alse much of the Blutter
Of the Augeian stall and gutter,
On your own Cheeks as you do sting,
On these who will not you Note sing.
And more Sir, they're accounted Babies,
By solid Men, and Learned Rabbies,
Whose Sentiments are all supported
By Reasons, may be well retorted.
For grant Power absolute to Princes,
Pray from what ground shall your Defences
Flow neatly out, and solid be,
Against the Pope's Supremacie.
Let us go to the King, for sight
Of what's conform to Truth and Right.
What Actings fair are, what are foul,
The King's to us the higher Rule
Than Sacred Write. Whither ye lean you,
The Pope with your own Armes will stain you.
If you say there are Contradictions
In several Popes, their Noddle Fictions,
Against ushe cuts that same Caper,
Founded on word of mouth and paper.
They're falshoods now that once were Truth,
By Father CHARLES's dying mouth:
But I think some will grant each such thing,
When once it comes to go or touching;
But Clergie Men may knock at Hell's gate,
And yet return, this is fell fate.
For me I do not love such chops,
Or in a Pulpit to kiss knops.
Be pleased, Sir on it to think,
Ye shall not all of us hood-wink:
I'll say no more lest I should make
Things rather worse, and lose my talk.
Upstart another with a smile,
And said, my Lord, shall all your while
Be spent in idle clitter clatter,
And waving fingers in the water.
This work at present will not work,
As long's these Lowns gets leave to lurk.
In their fat Manses nought prevails,
They stair on you, and tell old Tales.
To say't my Lord, I will not spare
The fault is in the Countrey Air,
That so constringeth our wind pipes,
Our Weasands, Stomacks, and small Tripes,
That we can scarce get ought ov'r put,
That's any greater nor a Nut.
Yea there are some Men that do feel,
Great stress in swallowing a Pill.
Yea some will spue and bock and spit
At moats like to a Midge's foot.
We scunner at most part of meat,
Which we're not used for to eat.
Hence few of us can eat Swine's flesh,
Let it be reesled salt or fresh.
Thir Gentlemen have Weasands narrow,
That makes them tartle flinch and tarrow:
A Medicine I will prescrive,
And paun my Thraple it shall thrive.
Send them a while to other Nations,
Whence their Veins may have Dilatations:
When they return, they'll you request
To have the favour of the Test,
They are not few Experiments,
To prove the Point, but one presents
It self at present, which I'll relate,
And put the matter beyond debate.
A Man of narrow Conscience,
A while agoe went ov'r to France,
It's well known what was the Occasion,
He could not take the Declaration.
When he return'd he got it ov'r
Without a Host, a Bock, or Glour.
And when this Test came first a thort,
Any that saw this strange Deport,
Perceiv'd his Maw to Hink and Jarr,
He went Abroad, but not so farr.
As soon as London Air he got,
It slipt like Oysters ov'r his Throat;
He said no more but down did get,
And Keckled at his own Conceit.
With this rose up a good old Cannie,
A pluffie cheek'd red Bearded Mannie.
Who all this time had taken ease,
And fostred Lavrocks, Doves, and Bees,
To keep him Companie at home,
For seldom he abroad did come.
He stroakes his Beard, and rubs his Chin,
And clawes his Luggs, then did begin;
It is a good old sonsie saying,
That little Wit makes meikle straying;
If we had made our Judgements lurk,
Till once we'd seen how things would work,
We should have met with little more
Of foul Reproaches than before;
But we forsooth must fyke and fling,
And make our Pulpits sound and ring
With bulkie words, against the Test,
And now we see the day I guest.
It was great haste, but where your Speed,
Your buying Wit, that's dear indeed.
We might have mist a beastly blunner,
Had we not spewed out our skunner,
Against this Test, in every where,
As Antichristian hellish ware.
If now our fame be prostitute,
We worse than Devils will be repute.
I count their wits not worth a Hare's dung,
That have not learn'd to keep a fair tongue.
I must confess, the Contradict
Gave my old frozen heart a nict,
That did its motion so extend,
That its pyramide neither end
First bang'd my breast, and then my back,
I'm sure it bade not such a rack,
These twice ten Years, if it was not,
When I thought Whiggs should cut our Throat
Altho they did not use such deeds,
You know the guilty still misdreads.
But e're ye cast me out from yonder,
Fat Manse and Gleib, I'll further ponder
The Test. When Men can get no Right,
They're forc'd to use some bitts of slight:
Let's chew it over like a figg,
And in their pocket break an egg:
Like to Turn-coats who in short,
Can swallow all that comes a thort.
But this he uttered, not for fear,
But laugh'd it in his Gossips Ear,
Who being one of that same gang,
Sayes better goss than steall and hang.
If we with Manse and Gleib be twin'd,
I swear I know no Trade behind.
A stipend is not on each bank,
It's good to keep in hand an hank.
Up rose a Priest to tell his Tale,
Whom some thought dizzie with strong Ale.
Some thought he had his braines opprest,
By striving to connect the Test.
Some thought that he was at a loss,
By too much striving it to cross.
Some thought he look'd like those that spent
Betwixt a Conscience and Church Rent.
Some did alledge it was the Moon,
That did his Vitals so mistune.
Some who perceiv'd his pulse to quive,
Alledg'd that he was in a Fever.
The Torrie Clergie Men profest,
It was the Nature of the Beast.
Whatever it was, it doth appear,
His Intellectuals were not clear.
He mov'd his shoulders, head did sling,
From Van to Rear, from wing to wing.
Some were alledging, that had good skill,
He could not speak if he had stood still.
Like some School Boy, their Lessons saying,
Who rocks like Fidlers a playing.
Like Gilbert Burnet when he Preaches,
Or like some Lawyers making Speeches;
He making Hands, and Gown, and sleives wavel,
Half singing vents this Reavel Ravel.
I have been hearing many things,
Of Kings, of Clerkie, and Designs;
My memory is very skant,
Some Words I have, some words I want.)
Of Popes Supremacie and Whiggs,
Of cutting Capers and Intrigues,
(Sirs, my Reflecting is but bad,
I'm sure I'll paire, it's like I'll add)
Of Covenants, and Ancient Creeds,
Monks, and of Preter Scriptural Deeds,
Of Test, and those that do it foster,
And of a secret Pater Noster.
The Test was form'd, in my Opinion,
To make Division, and yet Union;
To make a clear Distinction,
Of these have Truth, and these have none:
It's like the strange Connex did come,
Not without Ignorance in some;
Though sight and policie did faill,
Yet force is like to drive the Nail.
Prejudicat and greedy Judges,
Make Men seek desperat Refuges.
(Sometime the Hare hath Ground to flee,
Lest her Luggs, Horns should counted be.)
Or Jawes must be of full Extent,
For the jet black Council of Trent.
Who speaks of Helps and Explications,
Rears up but slymie Machinations.
If Memorie do not miscarry,
Before the first of January;
We must subscrive, and March comes in
Before the Parliament begin;
Hence I inferr, though I'm no Plotter,
No Help nor Gloss can weigh a snotter.
I trow we would be in a strait,
To know what Heads should be delate.
Tho we should now the thing consider,
And close the Point without a swidder:
Some slee Objector might arise,
And make us take a new Advise.
Some's for the Top, some's for the Taile.
And others would reform the Haile,
Some are for bitts of't here and there,
And some cryes ov'r with't hove and haire.
Some's for it as it doth consist,
And so's for any end they list:
But keep in this, and put out that,
And so we swear we wot not what:
But will you slowe me frae the Rump,
Desert the taking of the Lump,
Untill the Parliament explain it,
And then it's like I will be sain of't.
Tho our great Court when it doth gather,
Should cut away the foul taire Leather,
That doth impede Interpretation,
Men and confirm this Explication,
(For as it stands it hath no Mence,
It being contraire common Sense.)
Yet let the present swearing Trustees,
Know they give Conscience Cowper Justice.
And by subscribing it in gross
Renounces every solid gloss:
And this I offer to mantain
'Gainst all the Clerks in Aberdeen.
Who with such trash would be content,
Makes King and Counsel Parliament;
And if my Judgement be not scant,
Some Lybel will be relevant,
And all the Process firm and fast,
To give the Counsel Jedburgh east.
Its no discrettive Explication,
That's fram'd to warrand a whole Nation.
Who ever gets this Test down swallow'd,
May let the Leviathan follow't.
Tyrants the Alcoran may improve,
Far better for their own behove.
Than Popery look on Cham or Turk,
Yet France makes Popery strangely work.
But I would have you understand,
Each Tyrant is not Lewis le Grand.
I do not doubt a person dreads,
When the mantainer of old feads,
Have vote and do sit on their size,
All whom the Lawyers do advise,
Gets not off Scart free, but are fain
To take some other shift or train.
Some Highland Ralphs, and Muirland Jannets,
Sayes there are showers falls out in Planets,
Some showers with dew the mountains fills,
And causes Roses grow on Hills.
And Strawberries on Banks of Sands,
Some may make Argillaceous Lands.
Bring furth good store of hearty grain,
And make the Countrey laugh again.
Such things have been, and may be yet,
Fools and proud men had need of wit.
And Curats had need to preach well,
For there are very few that feel
Instruction and Edification,
By our Lives and Conversation.
Let's swear impossibilies,
And then our Truths will be thought Lies.
The cursed Jeroboams Priests
Performed their Worship before beasts:
But we somes Priest must with our mouth
Evert the very ground of Truth.
Pack Holy Write and Sacred Criticks
Cum Theologico Politicks.
And Cook had need of cleanly fingers,
And Dukes of lustie strong purse hingers,
And dull brain'd head peices that swears
They'l not import prohibit wares.
Had need of other Trades to slick to,
Their's are possest pro de relicto.
Though some be old and dull of learning,
They may attain the trade of swearing;
So much in fashion at this season,
Insham plots and putative Treason.
And Whiggs had need to learn to think,
They sleep not all that seem to wink.
It's folly with Kail Wives to flyte,
Some Dogs bark best after they bite.
Some snatch the Heels and Taile about,
And so get all their Harns dung out
A well train'd Royster fast will close,
His Jawes upon a mad Bull's Nose.
Some Cowlies murders more with words,
Than Trowpers do with Guns and Swords.
The sore brunt Client makes Complaint,
Of those Pick-pockets with consent,
Calling 'um more exhausting Thieves,
Than High-way men that stealls and reaves.
Lawyers, Advocats, and Clerks,
May give their Thoughts, and their Remarks,
On Laws, who ever to this hour
Gave them a Legislative Power.
Enough of this, therefore I'll had,
Lest all the Polland Dogs go mad,
Before their wonted time of Year,
When such poor Cowish Stust they hear.
Juries should know how Matters stands,
Lest they with Pilate wash their hands.
Pomantick fellows should not be
Advanc'd to too much Dignitie.
Some places Celia in a shrine,
And she for that makes them be seen
With browes adorn'd with long dilemmas,
Which some repute no pleasant gemmas.
It's like some think another thing,
If they be gifted by a King.
By horned Logicks I conclude
And very Pithily make good
That those who for the Test give votes
Are very Ignorants and Sots.
Either they this confession knew
Or not. And if the first be true
They're men of round spun noddle fictions
Who understood not contradictions:
But if the second must hold foot
I will affirm they're skant of wit
Who in a Supream Court like that
Will sumph and vote they wot not what
These Hornes pricks pithily the sides
Of Ghostly Fathers our Church guides
But like these Saints are in a motion
Unto the mother of Devotion,
Without demurring I will say it
They are for order peace and quiet;
Who soberly would be content
With a set Form in Parliament,
The matter's clear, no more debate
A vote for's all, a speech in State.
There are some persons I suppone,
Would swime with all but sink with none.
Who darres to trust such snakeing slaves,
Are greater fools then they are knaves.
Some may be courted for a while
Whom yet the Gallowes may beguile,
Corrupters have ground to suspect
Corrupted persons and their neck
Is very fair to bide a stresse
When they have done their business.
They'll bury us when we are dead,
Without a stipend at our head.
My talking wants top, main and tail,
And my Conceptives seem to fail.
These have scarce Time and little Reason,
Would see they do not pratle Treason.
He set him down, the Sophee rose
With face so firie, that his Nose
Might have endangered Corn stacks.
And fired Powder, Lint or Flax.
And cryes, Good Fellows ye may ken, that
Quos Jupiter perdit dementat.
He set him down. And so I end,
Whom I have wrong'd let others mend.
If any ask for the Conclusion,
Let them conclude it was Confusion.